Chapter 7: Including me

Since then, after defeating the monsters, we hurried back to the city while receiving words of gratitude from the people.

It was because we couldn't completely rule out the possibility that the monster invasion was part of a demon race strategy.

It didn't even take us three hours to defeat the monsters and return.

However, surprisingly, the city was peaceful, and no notable incidents had occurred.

It seems the demon race wasn't involved in the monster invasion after all.

Besides, we managed to defeat the monsters far too easily.

That despicable demon race wouldn't have come up with such a sloppy plan.

I don't intend to let my guard down, but it seems I was overthinking things.

"Phew..."

Eventually, the sun began to set, and we decided it was time to rest, so Trust and I returned to the inn.

Right now, I'm taking a bath.

Yes, believe it or not, there are baths in this world.

And they're even common among regular people.

Well, considering this world originally came from an eroge, it makes sense that they'd include such fanservice scenes.

I've heard stories about people throwing feces and urine out of windows in certain eras on Earth, so it's much better than having all the characters smell bad from poor hygiene.

Besides, I don't dislike baths.

...Though I suppose it'd be hard to find a Japanese person who actually dislikes baths.

So anyway, I'm currently taking a bath—Western style... or is it Greek?

I've never seen the real thing, so I can't tell.

Whatever the case, I'm in the bath.

What's more, it's a large communal bath.

Which means I can peek at naked women to my heart's content.

If I were still male, I'd probably be excited.

Actually, I do feel a bit happy being able to look at a woman's body.

Another perk of becoming a woman, I guess.

So, while fully displaying my male-born mindset, I wash away the dirt from my entire body.

I had already wiped off most of the monster's blood with water and cloth, but I couldn't completely remove everything.

I could smell the blood when rinsing my body with hot water—it doesn't come off easily.

Still, I felt less fear toward the monsters than I expected.

Maybe even my emotions have been enhanced somehow.

As I think such things, I continue washing my body.

"..."

How should I put it... I really am a girl now...

I don't intend to dwell on becoming a woman now, and I've already accepted myself as such.

But seeing my own body again makes it feel real.

As I rinse with hot water and touch my skin, I realize how flushed and smooth it is.

The skin is so soft and smooth, much more than I could have imagined when I was male—it's the kind of texture you'd want to keep touching forever.

And not to mention, the small palms that touch me feel wonderfully squishy.

It's so soft and fluffy, squishy to the point where I question whether I'm even human anymore.

I know this because I looked in the mirror, but my face is quite that of a beautiful girl.

The cute type, though.

I'm short, but I have large breasts.

My beautiful pink hair, extending down to my back, is completely tangle-free.

Even Trust, who's been surrounded by beautiful girls until now, might not find me particularly special, but an average guy would probably fall in love at first sight.

...Suddenly, my gaze drifts downward.

Further down than my large, mature breasts.

It's hard to see because my breasts are so big I have to bend my head down.

My eyes fall on my female genitalia.

Unfortunately, in my previous life I passed away without ever experiencing sex.

So I've never actually seen a real woman's genitalia.

Well, I've seen them in unedited AVs that older, perverted upperclassmen had, but never in real life.

It's strange that I'm finally seeing a woman's genitalia with my own eyes like this, but I guess it's a benefit of it being my own body.

After all, it's my own body—no one can complain.

With a pounding heart, I direct my gaze toward my genitalia.

I... my female genitalia in this world, Feira, was clean and beautifully colored without a single stain.

It was tightly closed, hard to believe it was second-hand after being so thoroughly penetrated yesterday.

From the perspective of someone who used to be male, I feel something welling up deep inside me.

Not a single hair grows there, and even the slit at the tip feels mysteriously sacred.

Well, I've already uncovered that mystery, I suppose.

Still, to be in this condition after being violated so much... it's a mystery of the human body.

I'm getting too into this mystery thing.

"..."

Well, after all the events of today and calming down, I feel... a certain itchiness between my legs.

And with that naturally comes a memory.

I think even I realize it's pathetic, but the most shocking event of today was being repeatedly violated until early morning.

Fighting alongside Trust, defeating monsters, receiving gratitude from people—compared to those noble feelings, it's embarrassing how the sexual experiences are burned into my memory. I feel disappointed in my own lewdness.

However.

I try to justify it to myself—after all, I was a virgin.

I've heard that losing one's virginity is a memory that lasts a lifetime.

Whether or not that's true, I think it's understandable that a girl with little experience, who just had her hymen broken and was violated so thoroughly, would have it burned into her memory.

...Somehow, I ended up disliking myself for this justification.

I felt extremely angry.

A deep, boiling hatred, if I can put it that way.

I shouldn't accept this.

Yes... I hate being cheated on.

No matter how good it feels, no matter the reason, it's never a justification to hurt someone.

Even if it was an unforgettable, mind-blowing experience, there are certain important parts of being human that must be protected.

So, I'll just vomit it out here.

Honestly, my first time having sex felt incredibly good.

Just recalling it makes me feel aroused.

Just thinking about the places Trust touched me back then gives me chills.

I can't forget the sensation and smell of his hot, thick semen sticking to my uterus, vagina, and skin.

The strange sense of accomplishment as I was forced to climax repeatedly, my mind and body becoming shaky and unstable...

"..."

"......aaaaaahhhhhhh!!"

I couldn't help but want to grab my head.

What am I doing...?

What even was the purpose of coming to this world?

It certainly wasn't to have sexual experiences.

Sure, it's one way for a woman to heal a man when he's hurting...

"sigh... I'll just masturbate."

It's not like I'm doing this because I hate reality and want to relieve stress.

I'm simply aware that I'm not pure and innocent, nor have I achieved perfect inner peace.

Now that I've realized my sexual desire is strong, I need to think about how to deal with it.

And so, my conclusion is masturbation.

Then again, I did think about just letting Trust violate me again...

But somehow, I don't want that.

It's just... even though Trust and I have only known each other for a short time, there's something about human relationships, about pride... basically, I want to maintain a good image.

...I know someone who was taken advantage of through such weakness and eventually got cheated on.

Yeah, if that ever happens, no matter how embarrassing, I'll tell Trust.

After all, he's already seen my face when I climax.

There's probably not much more embarrassing than that.

Masturbation, on the other hand, doesn't bother anyone and satisfies my sexual desire.

Plus, it helps preserve what little pride I have left.

"..."

So, after finishing washing my body, I soak in the bathtub and move toward the shadowy area.

Even though this is an inn, I feel like I'm bothering others by doing this in public, but I'll just endure it.

Probably, Trust will be waiting for me after I get out of the bath, so if I interact with him in my current aroused state and he tempts me, I might just follow him obediently.

Well, even though it's due to the drug's effects, I've fallen for him enough to give in if he asks.

After confirming no one is around, I hide my body in the water and indulge in erotic fantasies.

This world doesn't have any material specifically for masturbation.

Ah, well, maybe it does exist and I just don't know about it.

But what I mean is, there's nothing familiar to me like erotic books, AVs, or explicit images.

So how exactly do women in this world masturbate?

Do they prepare material like men do?

Or do they, like in erotic games or books, think of someone they like until they can't control their emotions anymore and end up doing it?

I can understand the physical changes, but the mental aspect is unclear.

Anyway, focus. Think about something erotic.

Yes... I'm an erotic girl.

Masturbating in a place where someone might be watching, feeling ashamed.

The excitement of possibly getting caught... the thrill of being a dirty girl.

Drunk in a way, I direct my hands toward my large breasts.

These are the same places that were played with so much yesterday, but I've never touched them with this intention before.

Actually, until yesterday I didn't even have the mental space to think about such things.

So... yeah... even though it's my own body, I feel my heart racing.

"...Huh?"

So I touched my breasts... but to be honest, it doesn't feel that good.

Gently touching the nipples and areola the same way Trust did, or even inserting fingers into my vagina, I only felt discomfort.

No, saying "not that good" is being too polite.

It doesn't feel good at all. In fact, it hurts.

Eh? Why?

Sure, Trust is probably more skilled, but could there really be this much of a difference?

As I wonder about this, I remember the cause.

--The contents of this bottle are an extremely powerful love potion that only works on you.

Once you take this potion, you will be dominated by intense affection toward Trust.

It will nullify all charm effects from anyone other than Trust, and block all pleasure from anyone other than Trust.

That's the memory of when the effects of the love potion were explained to me.

That last part.

It blocks all pleasure from anyone other than Trust.

Does that include myself?

"Ugh..."

What a terrible thing.

So, I've become a woman who can't even properly masturbate...

In a way, it's kind of exciting to be such a pure girl, but I feel deeply disappointed.

I mean, my libido is above average, so not being able to relieve it myself is really tough.

So why do I have to be in this state of self-imposed abstinence?

What am I supposed to do now...?

...Maybe I really have no choice but to have sex with Trust.

Even after discovering this fact, due to my memories of being male, I still feel a little something.

But the sex felt even better than that, and if my body is desired, I'll probably end up giving in somehow.

After all, I'm already in love with Trust enough to give myself to him.

What should I say... that love potion is pretty half-assed.

I think it would have been easier if it had made me completely and utterly in love, saying things like "suki suki daisuki" with hearts in my eyes.

But then again, if it did that, maybe the god's goal of healing my soul wouldn't be achieved.

It's probably designed to make me fall for Trust without completely destroying my individuality.

Also, objectively speaking, I've only had sex once.

Even though it was... intense enough to go beyond "somewhat," in the grand scheme of things, I've only had sex once.

For someone like me to be on the verge of getting addicted to pleasure...

"sigh..."

Since everything's gotten complicated, I'll just honestly enjoy my bath.

After all, a bath is a proper way to relieve stress too.

...

............

....................

...Not that it matters, but Trust probably could tie a cherry stem with his mouth, couldn't he?

"n..."

Yeah, I'm getting dizzy from the heat.

Probably because I've been thinking about sex too much.

I get out of the bathtub, dry myself off, get decently dressed, and go outside.

"Ah..."

Outside... in the resting area, Trust was sitting and waiting.

I don't think I was in the bath for that long today, but how long has he been waiting?

When Trust notices me, he happily comes over.

Looking at his figure... I suddenly feel a stirring.

Like... my blood is boiling all over my body, making me restless.

Is it that? The heat from my body after getting excited during the battle with the monsters hasn't cooled down yet?

Yeah, probably. I'll just think that's what it is.

Anyway, since I couldn't masturbate, I'm feeling sexually frustrated.

If possible... yes.

Ah, no, never mind.

I shouldn't go beyond that line, even in my own thoughts.

......

After being violated so intensely yesterday, yet wanting to have sex again the very next night - I wonder what Trust would think if I said that?

Hmm... I don't think Trust would mind that much.

But as for me... no, as Filira, I can't compromise my dignity, elegance, or sense of propriety.

"W-were you waiting for me?"
"I just got out myself."

Though judging by how cooled off he seems, maybe I was the only one who thought it was a quick bath. I took my time washing and was thinking lewd thoughts the whole time.

Or rather, I was bathing with Japanese sensibilities - by this world's standards, it might have actually been quite a long bath.

But Trust... as a man, he's hiding his feelings. As someone who was formerly male and is now female, I want to understand Trust's feelings. I think accepting this modestly would make me a good woman. In times like these, you say:

"Thank you."

When I said this gently, Trust looked embarrassed. Yeah, I wasn't wrong.

"So uh... would you come to my room now?"

His room? Now? Is this what they call an invitation? Given how things are going, can I get my hopes up? At the very least, that must be his intention. If I had an animal tail right now, it'd be wagging. That's how I feel.

How should I put this... while I hesitate to initiate as an inexperienced woman, there's nothing wrong with accepting a man's invitation, right? I recall yesterday's events. I know I keep thinking about this.

To be honest, I resisted being violated at first. I was originally male, and even though the love potion made me love Trust, my male identity hasn't disappeared. So being violated by Trust, a man, was humiliating.

But, but...

After being gently melted away, we engaged in animalistic passion. Even when I thought I couldn't take anymore pleasure, that any more would make me lose my mind, I was dominated beyond that point. He made me come countless times - truly countless.

And now I can't masturbate. Well, I'm sure I was worse at it than having sex with the experienced and compatible Trust... How did I end up like this? In my plans, I was supposed to be much cooler...

I keep agonizing over the same things and even I find it annoying, but it's not something I can easily settle. But I came to save Trust. I want us to have a happy ending. If that's the case, then comforting someone in pain is something I can do, right? It might sound like I'm making excuses, but these feelings are genuine.

Trust is still hurting. He's facing painful things head-on and working hard. I hate seeing hard work go unrewarded.

Originally this might have just been a game world. But now it's undeniably reality. And in reality, effort doesn't always yield results. Even so, I want people who've worked hard to be rewarded. So, including all my wishes and desires, I want to say:

"P-please take care of me!"

...I might have gotten a little too enthusiastic.