Chapter 5: Their Sacrifice Will Not Be in Vain!

The knight commander Paulik, notorious for his hatred of commoners.

He picked a fight with Takeru just for being a commoner and even imprisoned innocent people—a textbook villain, through and through.

But to get straight to the point, this man...

Was actually one of the more decent nobles out there (by Saripa Kingdom standards)!!

“I deeply regret failing to grasp the will of His Majesty.”

“Mmm—mmm-mm!”

This time, I decided to personally report the incident to my father, the king.

After all, a knight commander arbitrarily ignoring a royal command was a serious issue.

I also believe Paulik was clearly in the wrong there, and it’s something he must reflect on.

But it's not as though the other nobles treat commoners any better.

Many of them harass village girls or force labor with no rest, treating commoners little better than slaves.

Some even impose unauthorized taxes or indulge in bribery.

Father has ordered Paulik and the knights to investigate these corrupt nobles, but it’s clearly beyond their current capacity.

The Kingdom of Saripa is already small and weak—and on top of that, its politics are a mess.

That’s likely why my father made the decision to start employing commoners.

“That man isn’t fit to lead the knights!”

“He should be dismissed immediately!”

Among such nobles, Paulik was a rare breed: upright and deeply loyal.

Yes, he had an arrogant habit of looking down on commoners, but his performance in palace security was flawless, and he staunchly refused any bribes or illicit dealings.

His strength was real too—he’s never lost to anyone besides Takeru.

Paulik was one of the few nobles whom Father truly trusted.

“Whatever punishment I may receive, I bear no grudge.”

“Mmm—!! Mmmm—mm!!”

So, upon hearing my report, Father wore an extremely troubled expression.

It was true—Paulik’s offense was grave.

But dismissing him from the knights would only bring worse consequences.

If someone more corrupt took his place, they’d likely bury the investigations entirely.

“To defy a royal command—this is unforgivable misconduct!”

“Paulik should at least be suspended.”

“Ahh, well…”

Yes, he was still leagues better than most.

Even considering his strong sense of noble entitlement, Paulik was rare in that he actually did his job properly.

In fact, he didn’t even mean any harm.

He simply misinterpreted the command “Allow the tournament winner to take the knight exam” as “Sniff out any commoner trying to weasel into the knights and shut them down.” His loyalty to the king was unquestionable.

That’s why Father found himself at a loss when faced with the report of Paulik’s misconduct.

“Well, Paulik is getting on in years. Perhaps executing him would serve as an example of the law’s weight.”

“We could also confiscate his estate and fatten up the royal treasury.”

Upon hearing of Paulik’s scandal, the nobles—many with skeletons in their own closets—leapt at the chance to condemn him.

After all, the position of knight commander is lucrative: turn a blind eye to sins and rake in bribes.

Now that such a juicy post might be vacant, they had every reason to go on the attack.

“...My daughter, Rishali. Are Paulik’s words just now true?”

“Yes, they are.”

Standing up for Takeru was, in fact, necessary for the Saripa Kingdom.

Letting someone that monstrously powerful hold a grudge and walk away would be a national disaster.

But the fact that I failed to recognize Paulik’s importance and let things escalate—that was my own shortcoming.

There must have been a way to let Paulik save face while still welcoming Takeru.

“Rishali, my daughter. You were the one who discerned and exposed this matter.”

“Yes.”

“So let me ask you—how should this be resolved?”

There was absolutely no way I could allow Paulik to be removed. It would harm the kingdom.

But if we judged this purely by law, defying a royal order would indeed mean dismissal.

“This is a test of your fitness as royalty.”

“Yes.”

Knowing all this, Father still asked me directly.

And with his eyes, he added, “You understand what you need to do, right?”

“Let me hear your opinion, Rishali.”

“…Very well, Father.”

Immediately, my social-perception instincts kicked into high gear.

—He’s probably asking me to propose a punishment that satisfies everyone while avoiding Paulik’s dismissal.

“My opinion may not align with past precedents, but—”

“That’s fine. Speak.”

“First, he should personally go and apologize to the commoners he wrongfully imprisoned.”

“Hmm.”

Father can’t be seen as disregarding the law.

That said, if the king were to hand down judgment, he would have to abide by the law.

“I, as royalty, shall accompany him to bow in apology. We will offer compensation and work to restore the nation’s honor.”

“Indeed. That is an important matter.”

Then let me propose a punishment, framed as a ‘royal trial,’ that everyone might accept.

The real intent is to protect Paulik by adopting this so-called trial.

“Sir Paulik himself should also offer apologies and compensation to the people. That would show true sincerity.”

“It certainly would… but is that all?”

“No. A crime demands a punishment, after all.”

What first came to mind was a tour of apologies to the victims.

I’d heard that the imprisoned commoners had already been released, so we would have to go out and personally apologize to them.

For someone as proud as Paulik, that would already be a difficult punishment to endure…

But judging by how Father was reacting, it clearly wasn’t enough—he was waiting for something more.

“And what might that punishment be?”

“Well, if possible, I believe it should also serve the national interest.”

“A punishment that serves the national interest, you say?”

That said, I’ll admit it again—I’m just an ordinary person. I’m not especially clever.

Coming up with a punishment that satisfies everyone is no easy task.

What I eventually suggested... leaned quite a bit into my personal hobbies.

“Though it may seem unworthy, I, Rishali, have a certain research I’d like to pursue for the sake of the Saripa Kingdom.”

“…Come again?”

Yeah.

There was an experiment I’d long wanted to try, but hadn’t been able to ask the maids to help with.

And for Paulik, this would be a very cruel punishment indeed.

“At present, our kingdom’s primary industry—livestock—is constantly struggling against the pest known as the rear-burrow bug.”

“H-Hrm.”

“However, as a nation, we have invested nothing in addressing this infestation.”

Saripa Kingdom does have state-run research facilities, but their focus is almost entirely on military development.

Domestic technologies like livestock and agriculture tend to get pushed to the back burner.

The reason? Our neighbors frequently raid the borders.

We’ve established an ‘alliance’ with the Deken Empire to the east.

While we’re treated more like a vassal, relations with Deken are friendly.

…Which is exactly why we’re viewed with hostility by the great western nation, Yaiban, who despises Deken.

Yaiban’s land isn’t as vast as Deken’s, but it’s still about seven or eight times the size of Saripa.

If Yaiban were to attack and push us to the brink, Deken is supposed to come to our aid…

But without investing in national defense, we could be crushed in an instant.

“Protecting the livestock industry and stabilizing our nation’s food supply is a key step toward securing Saripa’s future.”

“Indeed, that does make sense.”

Food production is, arguably, the very foundation of a nation.

I’ve heard that livestock infected by the rear-burrow bug become emaciated and yield hardly any usable meat.

Considering livestock is our primary industry, I think it’s worth investing national funds to research this issue.

Therefore—

“To understand the rear-burrow bug’s ecology, I would like to observe how it parasitizes its host—via the anus.”

“!?”

“And I would ask for Sir Paulik’s cooperation in this matter.”

…The room shivered with a chill.

The moment I said that, the entire atmosphere of the meeting shifted in an instant.

---

“You!! What was that all about!!”

“That hurts!”

After the meeting—

My father, the King of Saripa, was grinding his knuckles into my skull.

“What kind of punishment did you think you were proposing, huh!?”

“Gwehhh—!”

“I went along with it because we couldn’t afford to dismiss Paulik, but still!!”

The King of Saripa is a slightly aged, silver-streaked handsome man.

I owe a lot of my beautiful maiden face to his genes.

“There had to be some other punishment! A hundred lashes! Public flogging! Something!”

“But I couldn’t think of anything violent like that!”

“Yours was way more brutal!”

While Father carries himself with stern authority in the meeting chamber under “King Mode”…

Once he’s back at the royal palace, his personality loosens up a lot.

“I’ve never seen Paulik turn that pale in the face before!”

“Well, studying the biology of pests and conducting research is truly in the national interes—”

“Maybe so, but don’t experiment on Paulik for that!”

Once again, Father mashed his knuckles painfully into my head.

Please stop. It hurts. A lot.

“But still, it was a punishment everyone could agree with. Having to bare his behind in front of the princess definitely puts his dignity on the line.”

“That wasn’t my intention…”

“If he ends up infested, he’ll have abdominal pain for sure. At the very least, he’ll get a torn anus. No one would call that light punishment.”

Father was visibly trembling, his face contorted in horror.

…Honestly, even if he were parasitized, it could be cured with deworming meds in no time. There’s even ointment for fissures.

Among the commoners who suffer from rear-burrow bugs regularly, the treatment is already well-established. It’s a common affliction.

But maybe to the nobles—who’ve never had anything to do with parasites—my punishment must’ve looked like a nightmare.

“And for the record, even if you’re royalty, you shouldn’t be proposing that! I know you’re into bugs, but still!!”

“Owww!!”

“People are going to start thinking you’ve got some twisted fetish, you know!”

Father, clearly recalling his anger, drove his knuckles into my head again.

…Seriously, ow.

“I’ve already issued a gag order, but if this turns into gossip, we’re in trouble.”

“…Gossip?”

“If you end up with a nickname like ‘The Princess Who Destroys Anuses’, you’ll never find a husband.”

“Ah—yeah. Now that you mention it... Ow ow ow!! That hurts!!”

All I wanted was to pursue my research. But yeah… I guess people could easily take it the wrong way and think I’m some kind of perv.

I regret everything.

“Um, excuse me.”

“Oh? So you’re the rumored Takeru?”

Seeing me writhe under my father’s knuckle assault, Takeru approached with concern.

Nice timing—please, convince him to stop.

“Hm. To defeat Paulik at your age... Quite unexpected.”

“I-I’m honored, Your Majesty.”

“I have high hopes for you. Please protect Rishali well.”

“Yes, even at the cost of my life.”

Hearing that, Father smiled warmly at Takeru.

A commoner serving as a royal knight—this was exactly what Father had been hoping for.

“And Takeru, I will grant you a position equal to that of a noble. You won’t need to bow and scrape to those around you.”

“Eh!? But I’m just a—”

“If you have the ability, then even a commoner deserves a rightful position. Should such a rumor spread, skilled individuals will begin to gather in Saripa.”

“…”

“So Takeru, conduct yourself with pride as a royal knight.”

There’s an old saying from my previous life—“Begin with yourself.”
But Father had reached that principle all on his own.

If you treat talented people well, word gets out, and more capable people will come to serve.

Do that consistently, and the nation will naturally draw great minds to its side.

That’s why Father insisted on recruiting and rewarding skilled commoners into the knight order.

“Saripa seeks excellence. And you, Takeru, are the first step.”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Our kingdom will only grow stronger. See that you continue to rise.”

This is my royal father—the man who will guide Saripa into the future.

He understands the value of human resources and invests in the nation’s educational growth.

He’s charming too, and even the Emperor of Deken entrusts him with self-governance, thanks to his diplomatic skill.

…Honestly, with how idiotic most of Saripa’s nobility is, I’m starting to think Father’s the main reason we haven’t gone under.

“I understand. I swear my life to serving Lady Rishali.”

“Good. But—just one thing.”

“Huh?”

That said, even this wise and benevolent king has his flaws.

“Forgive me, but I must find someone appropriate for my daughter. A match that serves a real purpose.”

“R-Right…”

“Flirting is fine, if it’s just for fun. But sticking it in is a big NO—”

“Ohohoho, how indecent of you!!”

“Gwah!!”

He really lacked delicacy when it came to a daughter of marriageable age.

“I mean, Rishali, I heard you burst into the training grounds coughing up blood. Isn’t that... y’know, exactly that kind of thing?”

“You’re dead wrong, you hopeless father. Anyone would’ve stepped in after seeing that.”

“Listen, Takeru-kun. Don’t let her looks fool you. Rishali may be cute on the outside, but inside she’s—”

“Silence, you clueless old man.”

Being raised as a king, Father never seemed to learn the word “delicacy.”

For example, when I was a toddler and wanted to mess with him, I once asked, “Where do babies come from?”
Without hesitation, King Papa launched into an explicit step-by-step explanation involving certain parts going into certain places.

What followed was a vivid memory: Mother slapping him so hard he spun.

“Come along, Takeru. We’ve wasted enough time entertaining this foolish father.”

“Is... is that really okay?”

“It’s perfectly fine. That ridiculous man deserves no better.”

Our dear First Princess, my elder sister, had even started boycotting social events saying, “I refuse to be in the same room as that man.”

Like father, like daughter—thus stands our royal household.

“We have a meeting to attend. More important than dealing with him.”

“Meeting...?”

“Yes.”

Leaving behind Father as he sighed, ‘Lately my daughter’s been so cold to me…’, I exited the room.

We couldn’t afford to keep that person waiting.

“A meeting with Sir Paulik. To discuss the experiment.”

“...”

The ecology of the rear-burrow bug remains largely unknown.

But I will uncover it—and save countless anuses in the process.

Not with flowers and butterflies, but with bugs and grass. That’s how I was raised. Time to show the world what I can do.

—

“Ooooh! This is a major discovery!”

Later—

Through repeated observation, I uncovered that rear-burrow bugs identify their target anus via temperature and odor.

Simply getting close to the rear end doesn’t provoke a reaction, but the moment someone poops or farts, they charge right in.

They appear to aim for the precise moment the anus opens—perhaps to increase their parasitization success rate.

Now, if I could leverage that behavior…

“Father! I’ve devised a trap to catch rear-burrow bugs!”

“Haaah? Then go ahead and develop it.”

Using that principle, I teamed up with a court magician to craft a magical device that emits compost odor via warm air.

It sprays the smell of feces across a wide area at about body temperature.

The rear-burrow bugs, as if hypnotized, charged straight toward it.

All we had to do was place bug nets on the ground, and we’d catch them all in one go.

Thus was born the “Fully Automatic Rear-Burrow Bug Catcher.”

“…Isn’t this incredibly efficient for pest control?”

“Right!? Even I’m impressed by my own brilliance.”

“Never thought Rishali’s research would turn out to be genuinely useful…”

I continued refining the design, optimizing its structure.

Eventually, I even made it affordable and suitable for mass production.

“But does this magic tool really deserve to be mass-produced?”

“There are so many people suffering from these bugs. I’m sure they’ll be delighted.”

“…I see.”

We invested tax money to mass-produce the device and sell it at low cost.

Fewer pests means increased productivity, which leads to greater tax revenue.

So it was in the Saripa Kingdom’s interest to spread this invention quickly.

“By the way, Lady Rishali, what shall we call this magical device?”

“Hmm… Let’s see.”

Thank you, Paulik.
Thanks to your noble anus, our kingdom’s livestock industry has taken a great leap forward.

With this device, we should be able to drastically reduce the damage caused by rear-burrow bugs.

The expected gains were projected to exceed development costs many times over.

As a state-sponsored research initiative, it was a resounding success.

“…Let’s name it ‘Paulik.’”

“As you wish.”

To honor the hero who sacrificed for this discovery, I named the device after him: Paulik.

I believed his contributions deserved to be remembered for all time.

—

Then a few days later, I received an official letter of protest from the Knight Commander.