Chapter 15: A Signal That Seems to Reach but Doesn’t

"Tsuuubasa, are you watching~? Your precious, precious princess, Kishine-chan—no, Rio—is about to be turned into a little plaything~!"

"Come on, Rio, give the camera a double peace sign!"

Mmmgh, mmmmmgh…

"Wh-Why do I have to listen to you, Futaba-san—"

"Uh, because we’ve kissed, right?"

"That was..."

Mmmgh, mmmmmmgh…

"Even after you and Tsubasa broke up, you kept kissing me, didn’t you? A little embarrassed to tell your friend Tsubasa about it?"

"S-Stop being such a perv!"

"Aren’t you the perv, Rio? I told you to stop, but you just kept kissing me like crazy..."

"Just stop already! —Tsubasa-chan has nothing to do with this! She doesn’t deserve to be dragged into your mess!"

"Ohh, right, right."

"“Sorryyy~!”"

—Tsubasa-chan has nothing to do with this.

——Tsubasa-chan is not involved.

———Tsubasa-chan... is someone who has nothing to do with me anymore, right?

"..."

…Was that… a dream?

I had such a ridiculous dream that I woke up—even though it’s only four in the morning.

A ridiculous dream... Kishine-san all cuddly and lovey with Futaba-san. And then she says I’m someone who has nothing to do with her anymore—that kind of dream.

It was such an awful nightmare. I was honestly just relieved it was all a dream.

...Well, most of it.

—Under the dim light of dusk, Kishine-san got kissed by Futaba-san (just on the cheek, but still).

That part wasn’t a dream.

“Sorry, Tsubasa. But you’re at fault too, okay? I did ask you properly, but you just dodged the question.”

Futaba-san’s words echo in my ears.

I remember how they went off on a date, bickering and flirting the whole way—leaving me behind.

…What should I have done? What was the right choice?

How should I have acted toward Kishine-san?

“Just stop already! —Tsubasa-chan has nothing to do with this! She doesn’t deserve to be dragged into it!”

If I keep going like this... will I really become someone who has nothing to do with Kishine-san?

…No. I don’t want that. Anything but that.

She was my first real friend. She’s kind, mysterious, wonderful—and I wanted to be with her. —She’s someone I want to stay close to, always.

I realized yesterday that Futaba-san is actually really kind and surprisingly caring. Even though she takes medication and usually seems expressionless, deep down she’s this super fun Dazai-obsessed nerd.

But even so, when it comes to Kishine-san, I can’t—won’t—lose to her. I don’t want to give her up… not at all.

Then... what should I do?

“Dazai wrote it too, you know—‘Letters of happiness never arrive when you’re waiting for them!’”

That quote from Dazai, which Futaba-san told me, floated up in my foggy, half-awake brain. Along with so many of her other words.

Before she kissed Kishine-san, she tried so many times to teach me, to guide me. But I didn’t have the courage. I couldn’t take that step…

And now I’m stuck like this, stewing in frustration. Thinking about Kishine-san nonstop, getting all worked up and restless.

So then… what now?

What do I want?

I roll around on my sleepless bed, thinking. Even when I close my eyes, Kishine-san’s face just keeps appearing again and again.

…I can’t take it anymore.

"Kishi…ne..."

I couldn’t stay still—I sat up without even realizing.

The time was exactly 5:00 a.m.

Way too early to head out for school.

Each second feels strangely long.

With every tick of the second hand, I react more intensely than I should.

Morning. An empty classroom.

A world sealed off from everything, where only I exist.

…For the first time in a while, I feel a little mysterious.

Usually, I’m watching the unchanging world of evenings and nights, where time slows and everything stays still. But now, in the early morning, I’m watching time gradually speed up. Come to think of it, this might be the first time I’ve truly experienced that.

The morning light, the crisp and clear air, the shouts of the sports clubs already doing practice.

Little by little, the day is waking up.

Wrapped in this dazzling light—it’s a platinum-colored morning.

I still love the twilight hours that remain unchanged. But right now, this morning light that urges me to grow feels reliable. Strong.

It’s this morning sun that gave me the courage to take a step forward.

In this time when no one’s around, I quietly thought about so many things.

What do I want?

What kind of relationship do I want with Kishine-san?

I thought and worried, restless and fidgety.
…and then, I realized something.

──“Tsubasa-chan.”

When Kishine-san calls my name.

Just that—just that alone makes me incredibly happy.

Just hearing her say my name warms my chest. That simple truth was the answer I needed.

The quiet morning, where I could take my time and think—that is what helped me find that answer.

…At least, that’s how it felt.

When she said I was her number one, it made me so happy.

So now—now I can finally admit it without being embarrassed.

I don’t really understand things like love or romance.

But I do know, without a doubt, that Kishine-san is more important to me than anyone else. She’s the most precious friend I have.

“──”

For the first time, a tiny voice escaped me as I whispered her name.

Not Kishine-san—her real name.

No one even heard it, and yet my whole body felt tingly and embarrassed.

It made me feel like I could burst into a run for no reason.

But right now, I want to face her properly. I want to push past this awkwardness.

I won’t run. I won’t hide.

I’ve made up my mind: I will call her by her name.

I looked out the window at the schoolyard.

Watching the few students trickle in, one by one.

…Please hurry and come. I want to say “Good morning” to you.

I’ll be waiting—okay?

And then, as more of our classmates began to show up, slowly and steadily, one by one…
I saw her. The person I’d been waiting for all this time.

I ran over to her and, just like she always does for me, I greeted the start of our day.

“Good mor──Ri…o.”

With all the courage I could muster, in a trembling voice, I said good morning…
and called Kishine-san’s—no, Rio-chan’s—name.

Filling my voice with everything I felt:
“Let’s keep getting along,”
“Let’s grow even closer,”
“I want to be your number one.”

Rio-chan gasped softly, then scrunched up her face—

“Tsubasa-chan… you said… my name…”

And then she gave me the biggest, happiest smile I’ve ever seen.

She was happy.

…My heart squeezed tight.

I’m happy too. Really, really happy!

Ehehe… Rio-chan, let’s keep being close from now on too!

---

Tsubasa-chan is the cutest in the world.

She probably deserves a thesis written about her someday.

If no one writes it, I’ll go to university just to make it my graduation thesis.

That’s how ridiculously cute Tsubasa-chan is, despite her blank expression.

“Rio.”

“What’s up, Tsubasa-chan?”

“…Just called you.”

Even though she had been staring right at me, when our eyes finally met, she quickly looked away with a pout. We’ve really gotten closer, and I can feel emotion spilling from my chest.

…She really tickles my heart.

“Tsubasa, you came to see me… why?”

“Futaba. Blank-faced.”

“The meds are working.”

“…I see.”

“I came to be your friend. I’m the quiet kind.”

“…If it’s Futaba, that’s fine.”

“I’m glad. Thanks, Kishine──”

“Nn.”

“…What is it, Tsubasa?”

“Futaba, don’t get close to Rio.”

“…Why?”

“Because you're pervy.”

“…Kishine is?”

“Futaba is.”

“? Listen, Tsubasa. The lesbian is Kishine. I’m not. Also, call me by my name too.”

“…Futaba is Futaba. Rio is Rio.”

“?? Then I’ll call Kishine Rio too.”

“…Futaba’s a perv. No.”

“???”

She’s showing jealousy in front of Futaba-san, just for me. Just like Futaba-san said—she’s jealous of her.

Seeing Futaba-san a little troubled, I can’t help but feel a surge of joy. It makes me realize that she values me more than Futaba-san—that I’m special to her.

So just for now, I could smile at Futaba-san.

From the bottom of my heart, as brightly as I could.

“Rio.”

“What is it, Tsubasa-chan?”

“…Let’s be together after school.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“──I’m… hap-py.”

“Wait, Tsubasa-chan, just now…”

“…It’s nothing.”

She’s been using more words than before, trying to express herself in all kinds of ways.

And even though she always toddles off right after sharing her feelings, that too is unbearably cute.

“Rio.”

“Tsubasa-chan.”

“…Nn.”

“Did you just want to try calling me?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

“I wanted you… to listen.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Mm… The red of the sunset is the red of life. A day ends with night because it’s burned out.”

“So then… does that mean everyone dies at night?”

“Yes. …But in the morning, we’re born again. Believing that makes it not scary… to sleep.”

“I wonder if we really are reborn every day…”

“…Even if we’re reborn, we carry our memories. When there’s no break in between, that’s what we call growth.”

“Then we are growing.”

“Yes—Rio.”

“Yees?”

“I just wanted to try calling you.”

Tsubasa-chan is completely in her element, as always.

Today too, she carries that mysterious air about her.

—And yet, she feels much closer than ever before.

Tsubasa-chan is special, and yet I feel like she’s truly right next to me.

Closer than she’s ever been.

And thanks to that, I can’t help but feel like I’ve become special too.

My heart’s fluttering, and I don’t know what to do with the feeling.

Looking at Tsubasa-chan makes me believe again—like when I was a kid and could blindly trust—that there really is something inside me too.

At the same time, I’ve come to understand that even someone who once felt eternal like Tsubasa-chan is changing.

…And when I think she’s changing for me, something wells up from my chest—really, truly wells up.

Just calling my name for no reason… the old Tsubasa-chan would never have done that.

…That’s clearly a sign she wants attention.

“Tsubasa-chan.”

“…What?”

“I just wanted to try calling you too.”

“I see… we match.”

“Yeah!”

Everything is fun—everything I see sparkles.

I’m happy—my heart is fluttering so much I can hardly contain it.

It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way.

When I’m with Tsubasa-chan, everything, absolutely everything, feels wonderful.

Those kinds of days went on, starting from this one.

I began to truly wish—from the bottom of my heart—that these days with Tsubasa-chan would continue forever and ever.

—Before I knew it, I’d started to believe that maybe tomorrow would be a good day.

But…

“Tsubasa-chan, the sunset’s beautiful again today.”

“Nn.”

“You really do like sunsets, huh?”

“…Sort of.”

“I see.”

Like always, the two of us watched the sunset, had strange little conversations, and spent our days happily together.

“…I’m watching the sky, because I’m waiting.”

“Huh? Waiting for what?”

“—The angel’s staircase.”

Since I started spending time with Tsubasa-chan, I’ve been saved. She saved me.

I believe that she also feels happy being with me.

But even now… Tsubasa-chan is still waiting for the angel’s staircase.

She still hasn’t given up on becoming an angel.

Hey, Tsubasa-chan.

I don’t want to die anymore.

Thanks to you, I’m not afraid of tomorrow anymore.

So please, let’s keep making beautiful memories together.

…Don’t say you want to die.