Chapter 21: Brain-Breaking Electromagnetic Mental Health

“So, that’s the plan.”

“…Yeah.”

After that, we wrapped up our whispering session in the library and came up with a strategy to snap Rio-chan back to her senses.

I still wasn’t sure if doing this was really okay, but just a bit ago, Misao-chan said...

‘—In every sense of the word. If I accept it, there's no going back. That’s why I can’t accept it.’

She told me something really important.

So with the urgency growing in my chest, I headed for the rooftop.

—While holding hands with Misao-chan.

---

Rooftop. Dusk.

I had a twinge of anxiety that she might have already left, but Rio-chan was still there, waiting.

Still, whether that gave me relief... was another question entirely.

My back prickled with tension.

Honestly, part of me was hoping she had gone home already.

Because what we were about to do to her… was kind of cruel.

“Tsubasa-chan! …and Futaba…-san. …What are you doing?”

“Holding hands.”

For a brief moment, Rio-chan smiled.

But that smile quickly faded into the shadows of the evening.

She saw us holding hands.

…And Misao-chan, like she was showing off on purpose.

“…Tsubasa-chan, come here.”

“Too bad, we’re holding hands. Tsubasa can’t move.”

The atmosphere thickened with a weird kind of tension.

The kind that ties your stomach into knots.

…Just like Misao-chan predicted.

Rio-chan’s expression disappeared.

And Misao-chan squeezed my hand tighter than she ever had before.

“Jealous?”

“Don’t interfere, Futaba-san.”

Something dark seeped out of Rio-chan.

I could feel it—not a happy emotion at all.

Her gaze slipped past Misao-chan and locked onto me… sharp and scary.

“Why don’t you grab a fan and cheer us on? Go, Tsubasa! Look over here!”

“…Are you mocking me?”

“—Do you think I’m not?”

I took a step back, wanting to hide.

The two who were always so kind to me… felt terrifying in this moment.

But I couldn’t back down.

Because I couldn’t stand the thought of Rio-chan staying like this.

I stared straight at her.

Hoping she’d understand how I felt.

Like—let’s stop being weird, okay, Rio-chan?

“Y-You… are you trying to make me mad?”

“You’re already mad.”

“—You’re the one making me feel this way!!”

As Rio-chan tried to step toward me, Misao-chan raised our clasped hands again.

“Kishine, don’t move. …Tsubasa’s my friend, but right now? She’s a hostage. If you try anything—I'll kiss her.”

“Wha—!?”

…Uh, that part wasn’t in the plan?

“D-Don’t mess around!”

“What’s messed up is the way you’re dressed. You look ridiculous.”

“T-This is out of love for Tsubasa-chan! She’s my oshi!”

“Then how about this: just wave your fan and watch while Tsubasa and I get along. A girl flirting with Tsubasa-chan—so cute, so shippable!”

Rio-chan’s face was redder than the sunset.

Her body was trembling, quivering, and a faint glimmer of moisture shimmered at the corners of her eyes.

She had snapped both of the paper fans she’d been holding.

"Do you really want to get stabbed that badly, Futaba Misao!?"

“──Are you just looking for an excuse to stab me?”

“I’ve got plenty already!”

“Then let me give you an even better reason to want to stab me──Tsubasa.”

Huh? Now of all times?

Seriously? I looked at Misao-chan, but her expression didn’t so much as twitch. Instead, she stared right back at me, silently urging me to go on.

She had told me beforehand, “When the time is right, say this to Rio-chan.” I kind of understood what it meant.

But still—here? Now?

If I said it, I had a feeling Rio-chan would completely lose it.

“Tsubasa.”

Even so, Misao-chan said my name again, softly but firmly, pushing me forward.

…I was the one who asked Misao-chan for help in the first place.

I can’t just hide behind her forever. I don’t want to.

But—I was still a little scared, so this time, I took Misao-chan’s hand.

And when she squeezed it back with the same strength, I finally made up my mind.

“──Misao, friend. Rio, don’t fight.”

“…Huh?”

What Misao-chan had told me to do was to say her name—Misao—in front of Rio-chan.

Simple, but not really.

Because Rio-chan had always said I was her number one.

So then… who’s my number one?

That’s what Misao-chan’s plan was meant to make Rio-chan think about.

She explained it like this: If I said someone else's given name, it would make that person seem special to me too.

If, even after that, Rio-chan still said she could support me, then she should give up—because that kind of feeling was no different from being a fan.

But if she got mad—if she couldn’t stand the idea of me having a “special” person who wasn’t her—then that meant…

"Then it’s not just being a fan. Dazai wrote: Love is the highest form of service. You mustn’t think of your own satisfaction at all."

"Then what about Kishine’s feelings? That selfish need to have all of Tsubasa to herself—what is that, really?"

That feeling of someone being special.

That unshakable pull toward that one person, stronger than with anyone else.

That feeling called “love.”

“Why… Tsubasa-chan…”

A single tear, then another, slid down Rio-chan’s cheek. The sunset was beautiful, but her tears made it feel like it had suddenly started to rain.

She was crying—real tears—because she truly cared about me.

Her face was so pure, like even she didn’t understand why she was crying.

…Before I realized it, I had let go of Misao-chan’s hand.

“Jeal-ous.”

“…Huh?”

Misao-chan… thank you, for everything up to now.

But… I’m sorry.

Rio-chan is hurting right now.

…Because I hurt her.

“──Did I make you… burn?”

I’m sorry for going off the plan.

But—it’s enough now.

I think… Rio-chan understands.

“I like you, Rio. You’re my special one. …So enough with the weird stuff.”

Don’t push me away with all that “just a fan” talk.

It’s scary, this feeling of love. But I’m scared too.

“I love you.”

So—let’s look for excuses together, okay?

Ones that let us stay close. Ones that let us be ourselves—without being lonely.

And little by little, let’s confirm our feelings. Let’s figure it out, together.

What exactly this thing between us really is.

“Because… we’re going to be together, always.”

Don’t rush. If you’re feeling unsure, I’ll stay right by your side.

But don’t run off on your own.

And if you do run, make sure you take me with you.

“I’m sorry… for being mean…”

Let’s worry about it together, Rio-chan.

And… I’m really, really sorry.

I won’t do it again, so please—forgive me.

I looked right into her eyes, her irises trembling in front of me.

So close I could reach out and touch her—just like on our last date.

──And then, Rio-chan stepped forward.

She wrapped me in a tight, strong hug.

It was like she was saying, “I’ll forgive you—but I’m never letting go.”

So I hugged her back with everything I had.

Like we were both sealing up this fountain inside our hearts, keeping it from overflowing.

Because we still need just a little more time.

…Both our hearts were pounding like crazy.

This fountain in our hearts… it’s kinda bittersweet, isn’t it?

“Kishine, got anything to say?”

“...That was seriously messed up.”

Still holding me with one arm, Rio-chan slowly untied the Tsubasa Is My Life headband—then tossed it aside.

The headband caught the breeze and floated gently away... Hopefully no one ever picks it up.

“Have you come to your senses?”

“That was the worst. Seriously. You… and me, too...”

“And me?”

“I don’t know.”

Turning her head away, Rio-chan actually sulked for once. I could totally feel how pouty she was—even just from how tightly she was still hugging me.

But… this was the Rio-chan I knew.

The kind of person who always made me feel safe. Always cute.

That said, this was also getting a little too intense, and I really needed her to ease up on the squeeze.

“Rio, let go.”

Not that I really wanted her to, okay?

But still—if she kept hugging me that tight, something might actually snap. So just... ease up a little.

“...Yeah. I’ll let go.”

Despite her words, she hugged me even tighter. My stomach got squeezed (physically) pretty hard.

Wait… am I not forgiven after all?

Am I about to be finished off right now?

...Yeah, okay, I probably deserve it. I was being kinda awful.

“But first, Futaba, you need to leave.”

“You’re calling me without honorifics now?”

“Because your personality’s the worst.”

“About as bad as Kishine’s.”

“...Shut up.”

“Best of luck to you both.”

“...None of your business.”

And just like that, Misao-chan, who had been totally on my side until now, quietly made her exit from the rooftop. Probably because I went off-script.

Fellow accomplice… please don’t forget me...

“I was scared all the time. That Tsubasa-chan would drift off to some faraway world—someplace I could never reach her.”

But then, hearing what Tsubasa-chan had said—she finally realized it had all been a misunderstanding.

She’d heard “let go” as “talk to me.”

I’m glad. So she wasn’t about to stab me after all.

If that’s the case, I can survive this tight hug. Emotionally, I mean!

“You’re so see-through, Tsubasa-chan… like you might just melt into the atmosphere before I even notice you’re gone…”

But that little bit of relief didn’t last long.

She started talking about how I’d worried her by staying so quiet. And just like that… my guilt came flooding back.

...I’m sorry.

“That time we went to the shrine… I got carried away. You stayed with me, played with me like it was fun even though it was just me, and you made a wish with me—prayed for my happiness…”

“Yeah.”

But when she started talking about that date, Rio-chan’s tone changed. It softened—like she was sharing something truly important.

Every word she said was steeped in joy.

“When I thought that Tsubasa-chan might actually stay… that you wouldn’t go anywhere… I got so happy. So happy, and so full of joy… And that’s why it hurt.”

“Hurt?”

“If you were always going to be by my side—then maybe… that means we’re something more than just friends.”

The words “more than friends” made my heart skip a beat.

It felt like she’d seen right through me—like she knew exactly what I’d been trying not to think about.

“That’s why I kept worrying, kept thinking about it over and over. I kept telling myself that kind of relationship wasn’t okay… and eventually, I landed on something. The concept of an ‘oshi.’”

“Oshi…”

Oh. So that’s how she came to that conclusion.

I’d been kind of scared—like she’d suddenly gone off the deep end—but now that I understood the reason behind it, I felt relieved.

…Because maybe, just maybe, she was feeling the same way I was.

“With you, I was sure I could love you unconditionally. I had total confidence that no one could ever love you more than I do.”

“I love you most too, Rio.”

“Heh… I’m happy. Thank you, Tsubasa-chan. …But I was naive. When I saw you getting close to Futaba, my head just… turned into a mess.”

She was smiling now, like she’d gotten everything off her chest—but her words still made my heart sting. …I’m really sorry for being so mean.

“…I’m sorry.”

“...I’ll forgive you. Just this once. Because you said we’d always be together.”

“What if I hadn’t said it?”

“…Then I might’ve made sure you’d never be able to leave me.”

I nodded. That made sense.

My chest felt all fluttery—like something soft was brushing against it.

The way Rio-chan cared about me… It tickled in the best way.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. …Let’s figure out this fluttery feeling together.”

“...Yeah. Let’s figure it out—what this feeling in my chest really is. And let’s worry about it together, okay, Tsubasa-chan?”

“Mhm. Together.”

We held each other tightly, letting our feelings speak for us.

We didn’t need words—so we used our arms instead.

—

—

…My heart is full.

My chest is overflowing—with Rio-chan.

---

It had been two weeks since the day I promised to always be with Tsubasa-chan.

Even now, just thinking about that day makes me restless—my heart starts fluttering and I just can’t sit still.

Because Tsubasa-chan is still as wonderful and adorable as ever.

Because every single day, I realize all over again just how much I love her.

…Which is probably why I barely got any studying done for exams. I nearly failed and just barely avoided getting stuck in remedial classes.

It’s all Tsubasa-chan’s fault, really.

In the middle of these endlessly happy days, there was one just before summer break when we went up to the rooftop again—the place that had become so precious to us.

“Rio, I think we might be able to see it.”

I thought it’d be like usual—Tsubasa-chan sharing one of her charming, mysterious little philosophies. Something difficult, but exciting.

But today… felt different.

Tsubasa-chan was smiling, faintly—just the slightest, softest smile.

And the moment I saw it, I froze in surprise. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

Tsubasa-chan… was smiling. I got to see her smile.

It made me feel so proud, I wanted to shout it to the world.

“See what, I wonder? What can we see, Tsubasa-chan?”

Summer vacation was just around the corner, and I couldn’t hold back the giddiness bubbling inside me. So I asked her—lighthearted, excited.

Because I wanted to know what had made her smile like that.

What beautiful idea she’d glimpsed this time.

“…I think we might be able to see a ladder to heaven.”

The moment she said that, it felt like the whole world stopped moving.

…At least, that’s how it felt.

—Tsubasa-chan… why?