Volume 1 / Chapter 2: Striving for a Living

September 29, 1999, Wednesday. 

4:00 AM.

Last night, after her father stumbled home dead drunk, her mother laid out a makeshift bed on the floor and just let him sleep there.

Even though Mo Xueyao felt uneasy, she eventually managed to fall asleep too.

She rarely woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but she found herself roused by the pressure on her bladder.

The house, contrary to what she expected, wasn’t as quiet as it should have been. She could faintly hear the sound of footsteps, deliberately muffled.

Pushing her hair out of her eyes, Xueyao almost thought a thief had broken in.

She tiptoed to the door and cracked it open just a sliver, peering out into the living room.

The lights in the living room were on, and her father, dressed in his clothes, was sighing heavily several times.

“…Dad, why are you up so early today?” Mo Xueyao felt relieved, yawning as she stepped out of the bedroom. Still not quite used to it, she stood awkwardly in front of the squat toilet in their home, froze for a moment, then shut the door and squatted down.

It was only when she remembered that she was now a girl, that she couldn’t use the toilet in the same way she used to…

“Going out to haul cargo,” her father’s voice came through the door, rough and husky. She could hear him gulping down water.

“Eh…?”

“No job means no food on the table,” he said, clearing his throat. He chuckled quietly. “Actually, loading and unloading goods on a tricycle can earn quite a bit.”

“But it’s gotta be exhausting, right?”

“Heh, it’s not that bad.” He laughed it off, clearly trying to downplay it. “I’m heading out now.”

“...Okay. Be careful, Dad.”

Mo Xueyao’s voice was a little muffled.

After finishing in the bathroom and crawling back into bed, she glanced at the clock on the table read just past 4:10 AM.

Her father must have left so early because he was trying to get more work. She didn’t fully understand, but she could feel the hardships he was going through.

“Putting food on the table”—such a simple phrase, yet it felt like a mountain on his shoulders...

Living is hard—for so many people.

Somewhere between thought and sleep, Xueyao drifted off again. By the time she woke up, her mother had already left for work too—earlier than usual, from the looks of it.

After all, they owed fifty thousand yuan. And on top of that, Xueyao’s expenses would only grow going forward. If they didn’t work hard to earn money, they wouldn’t get by.

Both her father and mother were out there struggling to make a living for the family, and Mo Xueyao felt helpless. She instinctively wanted to do something for the family but realized that apart from studying hard, she didn’t know what else she could do.

After today and tomorrow, it would be the National Day holiday.

Mo Xueyao hesitated in bed for two hours. When she saw the clock showing nine o'clock, she finally gave up.

“Forget it... I’ll just stay home and rest these two days...” she muttered, half to herself. She felt a gut-deep resistance to going back to school and facing everything new.

Worry, fear... all of it made her want to find a reason—any reason—to avoid it.

A little more time to run away felt better than no time at all. Even if she knew, deep down, she’d have to face it all eventually.

But the people who can immediately face all difficulties and challenges are few and far between.

Mo Xueyao brushed through her messy hair from the night’s sleep and lazily walked into the kitchen.

The porridge that had been cooked in the morning was now bloated and over-soaked. There wasn’t much liquid left. It didn’t look like porridge or rice—just a mushy, half-dissolved lump.

There was only one packet of pickled vegetables left in the house. Xueyao couldn’t bear to use it all. When she added it to the bowl, she poured in extra brine from the packet to make up for using less of the actual pickles.

“This place is such a mess…” Xueyao muttered, staring at the clutter all around the small apartment and the dusty corners on the floor. “Ugh… fine, let’s just clean the place properly today.”

Normally, cleaning was something she only did when her mom told her to. Volunteering to do it herself like this? That was rare.

Which just showed how dirty the place had gotten—bad enough that even she couldn’t stand it anymore.

Their home wasn’t large maybe 50 square meters total but the amount of stuff packed inside was no joke.

If it were just cleaning, it would’ve been a quick job. But organizing all that clutter? That took real patience.

Jars, cans, bags of random odds and ends… mismatched slippers strewn everywhere...

She sorted it all, putting things in their proper places. Sure, the apartment was still packed, but at least it looked less chaotic now.

She even wiped down the corners of the floor where her mom’s mop never reached. Dust had piled up thick there—clearly her dad hadn’t done any serious cleaning while they were gone.

With the apartment scrubbed and neat, the whole space felt brighter, more livable.

Stretching with a real sense of accomplishment, Xueyao noticed it was already noon.

Normally, her mother would be back by now to cook lunch.

But by 1 o’clock, there was still no sign of her.

Maybe she assumed Xueyao had gone to school today.

Thinking this, Xueyao decided to make lunch for herself.

But when she opened the fridge, her heart sank.

There were only a few tomatoes, some scallions, and a bowl of preserved mustard greens that had been there since before her dad lost his job. A whole month gone by, and the bowl still wasn’t empty.

A thick layer of pork fat had solidified over the pickles, but there wasn’t a single chunk of meat left.

Xueyao had hoped to make egg fried rice.

But there weren’t even any eggs.

How had her dad managed these past few weeks? Hadn’t he bought any groceries at all?

She searched the kitchen helplessly and finally found a tube of dried noodles.

“Hmm… I think you’re supposed to boil these first, then take them out…”

She gave it a shot, fumbling through the process with all the grace of a beginner.

The first time, the noodles were too raw; the second time, they were overcooked.

But eventually, she managed to whip up a bowl of scallion oil noodles.

She used the pork fat from the preserved vegetables for the oil. There was no meat, but the leftover aroma gave the dish a hint of savory richness—it was better than nothing.

Xueyao didn’t have a big appetite, but even after the bowl of noodles, she still felt a little hungry.

She leaned against the balcony window, gazing down at the open bun shop below.

Only a few buns left now.

“I really want a bun…”

Her piggy bank had money in it.

Not a lot—mostly small coins, some one-jiao pieces, and even a few outdated five-fen coins.

Enough for a few buns, if she wanted.

But she couldn’t bear to spend it.

She’d worked so hard to save that money. She was hoping to use it on her birthday—maybe buy herself a little gift to celebrate.

Because she knew: once she started dipping into that piggy bank, she’d never stop.

First time, second time… and then it’d be empty before she knew it.

So even though she was practically drooling, she didn’t touch it.

"I'll hold on... I've already spent quite a bit of the family's money lately..." Mo Xueyao muttered to herself.

Just then, a soft, rhythmic knock came from the door.

Neither of her parents would knock—they had keys.

Xueyao blinked in surprise and ran to the entrance.

“Who is it?” she called through the door.