Memory of That Day EP.52
"Uhe-"
Right in front of Schale,
the pink-haired girl smiled and looked up at the building.
"So. Sora-chan is here, huh~?"
[Sora's condition seems a bit off, so I'm sorry, but could you come to Schale?]
She said, gripping her phone tightly with the MomoTalk message open.
"Well then, I'll go in~"
With that, Hoshino took a step into the Schale building with a relaxed voice.
Hiding her emotions deep in her heart.
"...I don't remember what happened next..."
"Huh?"
I definitely went to support with Sensei.
...But my memory cuts off there, as if someone deliberately erased it.
No matter how hard I try to recall, I can't remember.
"...Do you know, Yume?"
"M-me?"
"If you were watching from inside my body, you should remember what happened next."
"...."
"...I see."
When I gave her a suspicious look, Yume said with a face full of embarrassment and apology.
"That... I only saw up to when Sora-san collapsed..."
"....Right..."
I thought she would know because she knew I collapsed...
"Haa... Then why did you bring me here?"
"...."
"...You don't know this either?"
"....Yes."
"...."
"Haa...."
I lay down on the floor with a deep sigh.
'...My head hurts.'
It's a mental space, so it might sound strange, but I feel like my head is heating up.
I know it's not Yume's fault.
But my emotions weren't following my thoughts at all.
'Is this also the halo's influence?'
When my halo was gone, I was relatively calm. Even in front of that who made a donut hole in my chest...
'...Well, that's a meaningless assumption.'
I'm sorry to say, but I'm angry at Yume.
But maybe it's because my memory was cut off there,
"That when Sora is hurting, the people around her are hurting too."
I'm angry and upset but at the same time.
No, this is
"Tsk, I know that..."
I'm just annoyed at Sensei's words.
*
People around me are hurting? I know.
-----
"...You made a promise to me... Sora-chan..."
-----
I've made her cry so much that I think I'm trash.
But,
'There's no way I can stop.'
To go home?
Yes, home. My home.
My world is where my mom, dad, and friends are.
I have to go back there.
This place is like a deserted island where I don't know anyone.
'But now it's not just that...'
At first, it was just to go home.
But the choice of suicide to go back,
and the relationships I've made with the people here created another reason for me.
Guilt...
No, it's just simple [blame-shifting].
When I first made Hoshino cry,
my heart was filled with guilt.
She had a sad past,
and to someone younger than me in my past life,
I ripped open her wounds without giving them a chance to heal.
Honestly, even saying it's to go home is no excuse.
This is my problem, and it has nothing to do with Hoshino.
...But,
it seems I was
-----
"I, I..."
-----
unable to accept my own sins and shift the blame onto others,
a hideous and ugly blame-shifter.
-----
"If you hadn't reincarnated me here..."
-----
"None of this would have happened..."
I shifted the blame.
It's not my fault. Even if it is, my sins aren't that big.
It's all the fault of the one who brought me here.
So,
-----
"I... Why did I give Hoshino an indelible scar?"
-----
It can't be helped.
It's a necessary sacrifice.
Even though I know it's not true,
I've been forcing it on myself... no, on all the relationships I've made, including Hoshino.
'Looking back, I'm really trash.'
Looking back on myself, I realized once again that I'm trash.
'...Why am I even alive...?'
Now I'm depressed for the opposite reason.
I was disgusted by my own reflection.
"Haha... Maybe it would have been better if I gave up that day..."
"...Huh?"
"...Never mind."
Yeah, it's a useless thought that's no use thinking about now.
It's a memory that only leaves regret.
So, I should stop...
"...Actually..."
...My selfish desire to confide in someone made me spill the words, regardless of my will.
"Actually, you know? There was a time when I tried to give up on suicide?"
"...Huh?"
Thinking back to that time...
"I turned Abydos into a sea of tears."
I only feel sorry for everyone.
*
It was less than a week after I entered Abydos.
"...You can't resist your curiosity, can you? Being curious about something like this..."
I was troubled by Shiroko's interest in my self-harm scars.
"Should I say she has great potential...?"
"No... But I don't want to show her these things..."
Personally, I wanted Shiroko to live without seeing this kind of thing.
"...Should I just cut out the scars?"
To the point where she wouldn't even know I self-harmed.
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