Chapter 118: Illusory Dream Night
I had a dream.
It was my seat in the classroom, the usual view.
I could see Yuna, my childhood friend, and the rest of my classmates.
And in the seat next to mine sat a version of myself—Ikuto—appearing as a boy.
This version of me, Ikuto, was smiling and talking to me—Alicia.
I couldn’t make out what was being said.
In fact, I couldn’t hear anything at all, nor could I move my gaze.
That’s why I knew—it had to be a dream.
Perhaps due to the synchronization, I had experienced these kinds of dreams before, seeing through Alicia’s perspective.
Was it after school?
We were chatting together, looking so happy.
Whenever I—Alicia—laughed, Ikuto would smile back, and time flowed gently.
It was a completely ordinary, everyday scene…
—And that made it all the more heartbreaking.
—February 25th, Saturday
“...!!!”
I shot up with a voiceless scream.
A flood of emotions surged through me, threatening to burn out my mind.
“...haa… ngh…”
Clutching my chest with both arms as if trying to scratch out the ache, I curled up and slumped over on the bed.
I stayed like that, waiting for the emotional storm to settle.
“...ugh… damn it…”
I instinctively knew—the dream I just had was the world Alicia longed for.
It was the kind of life we took for granted, our normal everyday happiness.
—But for Alicia, it was a distant, unreachable dream.
“Uu… ngh…”
Tears poured down uncontrollably, my sobs wouldn’t stop.
Right before going to bed, I recalled the words Alicia had said before cutting off synchronization.
『The next synchronization will be the day after tomorrow.』
The cruel reality hit me again.
Alicia’s soul was deteriorating day by day, to the point where even daily synchronization was becoming impossible.
It had been about a week since I was forbidden from using dark magic.
Since then, I had been placed under constant surveillance.
It was Alicia herself who had asked for it—to stop me from doing anything reckless—and I had agreed to it.
While synchronized, Alicia was with me as always, so there was no change. But when we weren’t synchronized, Yuna was assigned to keep an eye on me.
Of course, she watched me at school, but even after returning home, she would come straight to my room to stay with me. I wasn’t allowed to bathe alone, and even in the restroom, if I lingered too long, she would come check on me.
At night, she’d bring a spare futon and sleep in my room. Even on synchronized days, the connection was cut at night, so I spent every night with Yuna.
Yuna had become this strict because the fear of losing me again triggered her trauma—and that was entirely my fault.
Even so, I had no intention of giving up on Alicia.
When not synchronized, I spent my days at the library, searching for any information about souls.
Yuna, who accompanied me, never scolded me or snitched to Alicia.
On the contrary, she would share the results of her own research, making me realize she had already scoured every corner of this subject, which only deepened my despair.
No matter how much I searched, anything about souls was no more than fantasy and fairytales.
Chasing after a clue that might not even exist felt like wading blindly through a bottomless swamp.
The hole in my heart left by the ban on dark magic was now filled with nothing but frustration and hopelessness.
Still, the fact remained—if I sacrificed everything and used soul manipulation, I could save Alicia. That thought was my only solace, the sole ray of light in my life.
—Even if that light was nothing more than a moth’s lure, burning me alive.
“...Alice?”
A voice called out suddenly.
It seemed I had woken Yuna up.
“I thought I heard you crying… Are you okay?”
I forced my voice out and managed to respond to Yuna.
“...Yeah… I’m fine. Sorry for waking you…”
My head was still in chaos from the dream I just had.
My heart was pounding violently, refusing to settle down.
Cold sweat drenched my body, sapping away my warmth and leaving me trembling slightly.
As I stayed curled up, I felt Yuna approach the bed.
Her hand gently touched my back, softly stroking it.
“...Did you have a bad dream?”
From the comforting motion of her hand, I could feel Yuna’s concern, and it put me a little at ease.
“Not a scary one… just… a sad dream.”
“...I see.”
She leaned over me, wrapping her arms around my back.
Her warmth and softness felt so comforting.
“Was it… about Alicia?”
That question felt a little tactless, coming from Yuna. I couldn’t quite grasp what she was getting at and hesitated to answer.
『I heard it from Alicia… She said the time she can stay awake is getting shorter.』
Yuna’s embrace tightened.
“...Are you thinking about sacrificing yourself to save Alicia?”
“That’s…”
Everyone already knew I could do it—because Alicia herself had told them.
I couldn’t give Yuna an immediate answer.
“I understand how painful it is… the thought of Alicia disappearing… it’s painful for me too… But please, don’t sacrifice yourself for her.”
“...Yuna…”
『I feel bad for Alicia… but I can’t bear the thought of you disappearing again, onii-chan!』
She clung to me from behind, her words laced with desperation.
Ah… I’d hurt Yuna again.
During the year I was gone, she’d been left with a deep scar on her heart.
And now, with my reckless actions, I had reopened that barely healed wound.
『I know I can’t be Alicia… but I’ll do anything I can. Whatever you want to do, I’ll help… So please… onii-chan… don’t abandon us… don’t abandon your family…』
Each word from Yuna, desperately trying to persuade me, pierced painfully into my heart.
I…
“I won’t sacrifice myself to save Alicia. I won’t just disappear from your life again. It’s okay, Yuna.”
“...Really?”
“Really. I swear it.”
I’m sorry, Alicia…
I… I just can’t leave Yuna like this.
I gave up on the option of handing over my body to Alicia by sacrificing myself.
The only relief was knowing Alicia herself would probably be reassured by this choice.
“Thank you… onii-chan…”
I heard some rustling.
It sounded like Yuna was climbing into the bed.
I sat up slightly, watching her in a daze as she spread her arms wide, inviting me into her embrace.
I allowed myself to be pulled into Yuna’s arms.
Wrapped in her soft warmth, I could feel my tightly wound heart gradually start to relax.
“I’ll be right here with you…”
Yuna’s hand gently stroked my hair.
Her other hand ran along my back, coaxing me like a child being comforted.
The hand in my hair moved to my cheek, and it tickled a little.
Her fingers traced my face a few times, as if confirming its shape, and eventually slid down to my neck.
The hand stroking my back seemed to be shifting downward too—
At that point… something felt off.
Her fingers trailed from my neck to my collarbone, making my body shudder and a startled voice escape me.
“W-Wait… Yuna…!?”
Realizing what Yuna was about to do, I hastily tried to stop her.
“It's hard to sleep when you're full of anxiety and fear, right…? It’s okay, I’ll make sure you can’t think about anything at all.”
“S-Stop! Sorry, Yuna. I’m really… not in the mood right now—”
No matter what was done to me in this state, there was no way I could feel up to it…
I tried to pull away and make my rejection clear, but Yuna had her arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me in place.
『Please, onii-chan… don’t disappear… I… just thinking about you being gone again makes me so scared, so, so scared… I’m terrified, onii-chan…』
With Yuna clinging to me like that, crying, I couldn’t bring myself to push her away anymore—so I let the tension leave my body and resigned myself to her.
My heart was so numb right now that no matter what she did, I wouldn’t react.
I felt bad for Yuna, but… once she realized that, she’d probably give up.
That’s what I told myself, deciding to just let Yuna do as she wished.
…But what I didn’t know…
Yuna knew exactly where the switch was—the one that could turn on a “me” I wasn’t even aware of.
And once that switch was flipped, it wouldn’t matter what my mind wanted—my body would react on its own.
…No, maybe that’s not quite right either.
Deep down, I think I wanted to run away.
While it was happening, I didn’t have to think about anything, and after exhausting myself and passing out like a lump of clay, I didn’t have to dream either.
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