Chapter 141: Loss
We had sex.
Yeah, we did it.
…Though I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a success.
Looking back, our first time was a mess.
What really caught me off guard was that thing of Souta’s.
Not just the usual size—even when he was fully ready, it was on another level. The first time I saw that weapon of his, I felt the blood drain from my face.
Bigger doesn’t always mean better, you know… Seriously.
Even so, backing out was no longer an option.
Sitting on his lap, held from behind, I let Souta do as he pleased.
The way he fumbled to touch me showed he had no idea how much strength to use. When I complained it hurt, he’d touch me more gingerly the next time—so much so that it only tickled. Everything was awkward. It was obvious neither of us had any real experience.
Flustered that things weren’t going the way he’d imagined, Souta rushed through the prep and moved on to the real thing—only to mess up.
He couldn’t get it in. We struggled with it for a while, and then… Souta’s thing just went soft.
I had read that could happen.
So I comforted him, told him it was nothing to be ashamed of. Said he didn’t have to put on a front with me.
Still, Souta looked completely deflated. The room filled with a heavy awkwardness.
Trying to break that mood, I racked my brain—and remembered the message Dad had left me.
“If you’re ever in trouble, try opening the top drawer of the bedside chest.”
Trying to act cheerful, I followed his advice. Inside was a bottle of lotion in a soft container.
The atmosphere between us froze even further.
Dad’s concern had gone so far past overbearing it had circled the globe. Still, frustrating as it was, there was no denying it might actually help… So I decided not to overthink it and used it.
This time, I wouldn’t leave everything to Souta—I’d prepare myself, too.
Slow and steady wins the race. I took my time. Thoroughly, and kind of… seductively.
The slick feeling of the lotion wasn’t bad.
…Honestly, I might even be into it.
Then, after several tries—
It finally happened.
There was a smooth sliding sensation—and a beat later, a dull pain hit me.
It hurt.
It hurt, it hurt.
My mind went completely blank.
But physical pain I could handle.
I’ve been through worse.
Compared to the pain of having flesh torn by fangs, this was nothing.
Even being impaled by a spear was far worse.
All we were doing was putting something where it’s supposed to go. Nothing impossible about it.
—And yet, I couldn’t stop crying.
Had I become weak?
My body was fine, but something unknown was welling up inside me. I couldn’t hold it back.
Even when I told a panicked Souta that I was okay, I sounded completely unconvincing.
…In the end, Souta stopped everything and reset. He held me tightly, stroked my hair, and stayed with me until I calmed down.
Surrounded by the scent of Souta, I gradually relaxed.
Before I knew it, the tears had stopped, and the storm inside me had quieted.
…I’m fine now.
I told him that, and asked him to continue.
But Souta was gentle.
The moment I so much as flinched, he’d pause and check on me.
As a friend, he truly cared and looked out for me.
I appreciated that. I really did. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel I was keeping him from enjoying himself.
If this kept up, I worried it might never end.
So I told him not to worry about me and to do as he pleased—but Souta firmly refused.
Still, I knew he wanted to.
I knew all about the porn magazines Souta owned… and exactly which pages naturally opened the most.
It wasn’t like he had some twisted kink, either. Everyone has the urge to destroy what’s precious to them—it’s just that most people keep it in check with reason.
So I decided to take off that leash of reason… with my words.
I told him he could treat my body like a tool. That because I could use magic, I’d be able to heal myself, so he didn’t have to hold back, no matter how rough he got.
And I made it clear that I wasn’t saying it just for Souta’s sake—I wanted him to finish quickly for my sake too.
Like that, I kept handing Souta sweet little pardons.
Even so… Souta still hesitated. But his body didn’t lie. When I pointed that out, I felt him tremble in response.
Finally, Souta accepted what I was offering.
I gave him a smile and told him:
『You can do whatever you want, Souta. Just think about what feels good for you… Even if I cry, I don’t want you to stop.』
Souta met my eyes straight on and gave a small nod of agreement.
He was already imagining what would come next—his eyes had changed, and his breathing had grown heavier.
…That scared me a little.
So I clenched the ring on my left hand tight.
After that, Souta truly held nothing back.
But… I think this was for the best.
If it hurt, I just had to endure it.
After a chaotic, tangled mess of false starts and missteps, I finally managed to accomplish what I’d set out to do.
Once everything was over, I lay back on the bed, resting a hand on my stomach while casting a healing spell—and made one request of Souta.
That from now on, he should always finish inside me.
I didn’t want to waste even the smallest chance of saving Alicia.
I understood full well what it meant to ask that of a teenage boy at the peak of his urges. After all, not long ago, I’d been in that same position myself.
So I told Souta that if he ever wanted to, I’d always be ready to accept him.
Souta gave me a solemn look and nodded.
…But I didn’t expect him to immediately ask, “Can we go again?”
Not that I had any reason to say no.
The more times we did it, the better Alicia’s chances would be.
After that, we did it two more times.
And once more, in the bath we took together afterward.
Before I knew it, the sun had completely set.
When I finally checked my phone, I saw a ridiculous number of unread messages.
…How was I going to explain this to everyone?
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