Chapter 158: In the City at Night
“…What am I supposed to do?”
After we had sex following his confession, Souta offered to walk me home like usual, but I turned him down, saying I had something to do. Since then, I’d just been wandering the streets with no destination in mind.
“I can’t believe the person Souta likes is me.”
It was a shock.
I had always believed, without a doubt, that no matter what happened, Souta would stay my best friend.
It’s not like I feel betrayed.
Falling in love with me must’ve made things really hard for him. And—
“This is really my fault for never explaining the situation to him from the start.”
Maybe that made Souta misunderstand everything. Would it be rude to feel sorry for him?
Still, just how insensitive have I been to him?
I lost count of how many times I tried to get him to tell me who he liked. When he stubbornly refused, I even called him stingy and secretive.
Thinking back on that, I feel sick with self-loathing.
“…There’s a park here?”
While walking, I came across a park tucked in an alley behind the brightly lit commercial district.
It was about the size of two tennis courts and completely deserted—silent and still.
Feeling the weariness in my legs, I decided to rest on a bench for a while.
“…Phew.”
During the day, even a little movement makes you sweat buckets, but at night, there’s still a bit of a chill. It’s actually nice—helps cool down my overheated thoughts.
I placed a hand over my stomach.
When I remembered what I’d done with Souta, my body gave a faint twitch in response. My cheeks flushed before I realized it.
“He came a lot again today…”
It’s a complicated feeling, thinking that I’m filled with Souta’s stuff—but not a bad one. After all, it’s the only connection I have left to Alicia.
Still, I used to feel more resistance to this whole thing. Is this just getting used to it? Giving up? Or… something else?
“Hey, are you okay? Are you feeling sick or something?”
Suddenly someone spoke to me, and I looked up.
Two guys, both with a sleazy vibe, stood in front of me.
I’d noticed their presence before they spoke, but I’d ignored them, thinking they had nothing to do with me.
“I’m fine. Please just leave me alone.”
There’s a chance they were genuinely concerned, so I answered politely. But they just kept grinning and didn’t back off.
“Did you run away from home or something? If so, why don’t you hang with us? If you’ve got nowhere to go, we can let you crash at our place. Let’s party!”
“No, thank you.”
So they were hitting on me. Figures—looks matched the attitude.
…Actually, scratch that.
They were even scummier than I thought.
I sensed another presence lurking silently behind the bushes near the back of the bench. If the flirting didn’t work, they were planning to resort to force.
“A girl alone in a dark park like this? Dangerous, y’know. You might get attacked by some bad guys—like this!”
One of them raised his hand lightly, and I felt the presence behind me move.
“—!”
A hand reached in from my right to cover my mouth, but I twisted away and dodged to the other side, using the bench to spin myself out of reach.
“You little—!?”
My reaction must’ve caught them completely off guard. As they froze in shock, I activated a magic spell to enhance my physical abilities and shifted into a ready stance.
“If you reflect on this and promise never to do it again… I might just forgive you.”
Snapped out of their surprise by my words, the men grinned again, clearly convinced they still had the upper hand.
“Forgive us? What the hell’s she on about? She doesn’t get the situation at all.”
“This is our turf. No one else comes around here at this time. You’re not getting rescued.”
“If you do what we say, we won’t hurt you. Just come quietly.”
“Absolutely not.”
The old me might’ve seen this as a chance to get pregnant. But now? There was no way I was letting these kinds of guys touch me.
As I thought that, something struck me.
“…Huh? I’m not against doing it with Souta?”
“What the hell are you mumbling about? Whatever. Grab her and drag her to the back room!”
That must’ve been the signal—because all three lunged at me at once. But their movements were uncoordinated at best.
As long as I let my body move on instinct, I should be fine. These guys might be good at violence, but they’re no fighters.
More importantly—
“Wait—seriously? Since when? Since that day with Yuna…?”
Since that day, I’d started to feel good when I was with Souta. Even if I was doing it out of obligation, it’s obviously better for it to feel good than not. Maybe that’s why I stopped resisting…?
I ducked under the man charging at me with arms wide open, slapped away the hand reaching for me, and twisted around to grab just his pinky, wrenching it upward.
"Ow—shit!!"
A dull crack and the man's scream echoed through the quiet park.
I kicked the crouching man, knocking him flat onto the ground.
"You little—!"
As I retracted my kicking leg, I stepped back and leaned away from his punch, twisting my body and placing a hand on the ground to spring myself away.
“…This doesn’t feel right.”
Thinking back, even before Souta’s sex changed, I don’t think I ever actually hated it.
My body didn’t get used to it easily, but there was a certain satisfaction in being able to make Souta feel good.
I didn’t hate how desperately he clung to me. Just imagining these guys trying the same thing made my skin crawl in disgust.
“Damn it, quit darting around—!”
I landed a roundhouse kick. My pleated uniform skirt fluttered lightly in the air. Even with my body enhanced by magic, my kicks still lacked weight.
Then I’ll just have to aim for spots where even a light hit can be fatal.
I feinted to close the distance, and when I got close enough, I delivered a swift kick right to the groin.
I felt an awful squish at the bottom of my foot.
“Ghhhk…”
He foamed at the mouth and crumpled to the ground, slow and limp.
That must’ve really hurt.
“…Maybe this was the case from the beginning?”
Of course, it’s not like I never had any resistance to having sex. But maybe that was more about my own issues, not about being with Souta specifically. I didn’t really have that much hesitation about him touching me…?
“N-No way!”
Sure, Souta was my best friend, someone I felt safer with than anyone else. But I was supposed to hate being touched by a man. I mean, I’m—
Right, left, right, left—my fists jabbed in clean rhythm. Then a low kick slammed into his shin, breaking his stance.
As he stumbled forward, I brought down the heel of my loafer onto the back of his head. I felt it land solidly, then stepped back.
With a heavy thud, he collapsed to the ground.
Now, I was the only one still standing in the park.
“…Phew.”
…I guess I have to admit it.
Apparently, I really didn’t mind being embraced by Souta all that much.
Back when I was a guy, I was only attracted to women. So if I’m feeling this way now, that must mean I’m seeing Souta as a man, as a woman myself.
I hate being sexualized by random guys, but with Souta, it didn’t bother me. I guess he was just so desperate it felt kind of endearing. I couldn’t help but think, “Well, I guess I’ll allow it.”
Still, that doesn’t mean I can see him as a romantic partner.
The only one I love is Alicia.
“…But then again.”
I thought of Hisui. Her feelings were always straightforward and sincere. And here I was, stuck in emotional limbo over Alicia—and now, apparently, even with Souta. It made me feel guilty toward her.
“…You guys still want more?”
One of the three was still down and unmoving, but the other two were trying to get back on their feet.
Honestly, moving around like that had helped clear my head a little. Not that I’d ever thank them, but I might as well call it a small silver lining.
If only feelings like love and hate could be resolved this easily too…
For a second, I imagined Souta and Alicia dueling it out in Wi-So to win me over—but yeah, no. That’s ridiculous.
“What’s with this bitch… acting all high and mighty…”
Looks like they still weren’t ready to give up.
One of them reached into his jacket… maybe for a folding knife or something. Whatever. Doesn’t really matter.
As I stared him down with a cold gaze—
“Officer! Over here!”
—a woman’s voice rang out from the park entrance.
“Shit!?”
“Crap, let’s get out of here!”
The two remaining men bolted like cockroaches under a light. Hey, at least grab your buddy on the way out, come on.
“…Well, guess I better run too.”
Getting questioned by the police would be bad. I could even get taken in.
Besides, my dad just scolded me the other day about risk management. If he found out about this, he’d have my head.
“Alice!”
“—Wait, Yuna?”
It was Yuuna standing at the park entrance.
“…Why are you here?”
“I tracked your location with my phone—wait, no, that’s my line! What are you doing out here!?”
“Sorry, I was just… thinking about some stuff. Um, what about the police?”
“That was a lie. There’s no one like that. More importantly—what happened here?”
“That’s, well… it’s nothing.”
“That’s a lie.”
“…Yeah.”
For a moment, I considered keeping it quiet out of guilt toward Souta, but there was no way I could hide something like this from Yuna.
“Well, you can fill me in later. For now, let’s just get out of here.”
“…Okay.”
On the way home, I told Yuuna what had happened.
“Yikes… So Souta finally confessed, huh…”
That was her reaction when I finished. She didn’t seem all that surprised that Souta had feelings for me.
“Did you give him an answer?”
“No… He said I could wait until I’d calmed down.”
“So, he didn’t ask for an answer right away… well, I guess that makes sense.”
“What should I do…?”
“Why not just put it on hold? Just like with Hisui-oneechan.”
“Y-Yeah…”
Souta was a precious friend.
But I’d never once thought of him as anything more than that, and right now, my mind was completely filled with Alicia. Not to mention, I had a girlfriend—Hisui.
If I were to give an answer now, it would have to be a rejection. And honestly, that scared me. What if we couldn’t stay friends after that?
So the fact that I could delay giving an answer… well, it was convenient for me, I’ll admit that—for the most part.
“…Is that bad?”
“It’s just—being stuck in the middle like that must feel unsettling.”
“Maybe, but… I already know I love Alicia. Both of them know that. So maybe it’s not something I should be stressing about, right?”
“But now that you know how Souta feels, it makes things harder. When I’m with Souta, I can’t help but think about Hisui. Even during sex, it feels like I’m cheating, and I just can’t stay focused. I’ll probably end up thinking about Souta when I’m with Hisui, too…”
“…Yeah. That’s not a great place to be emotionally.”
“Also… when we were doing it earlier, Souta seemed like he was holding back his feelings. I think he was trying to spare me—afraid that showing too much emotion would only make things harder for me.”
“...Ah.”
We both fell silent.
For a while, we just walked through the quiet streets of the night, each lost in our own thoughts.
Eventually, Yuuna murmured,
“What if, when you’re with one of them, you just… let yourself love the person you’re with?”
“...I can’t do that.”
Loving both of them like that—it would just feel too dishonest.
“Besides, you’re supposed to be in a relationship with Hisui-oneechan, right? But lately, it feels like you’ve been keeping your distance.”
“...Really?”
“I think it’s because you feel guilty that you can’t return her feelings completely. The same with Souta—only now it’s worse because it’s two people you feel guilty toward.”
“...That might be true.”
“Honestly, both Hisui-oneechan and Souta are being way too selfish. They’re throwing their feelings at you, even though you’re already overwhelmed with Alicia. I get it—they’re in love with you, but still.”
Yuna exaggerated her annoyance like she was trying to cheer me up, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
But then she suddenly turned serious and looked at me earnestly.
“But if things keep going like this, Alice, you’re going to break. And that’s not okay. Neither of them would ever want that. You’re the most important person in the world to both of them.”
Break? That feels a bit dramatic.
I’m fine… or at least I think I am.
“They’re both relying too much on you. So maybe… maybe you should rely on them for once. Let them in. It’s the act of keeping everything at arm’s length that’s tearing you apart.”
“Yuna…”
“You’re making such a terrible face right now, Alice. Honestly, it hurts to see you like this.”
“S-sorry…”
“See? You’re even trying to take care of me. It’s okay to let someone worry about you, you know? I mean, that’s all I can really do anyway.”
“…Thanks, Yuna.”
It really would be so much easier if I could just stop thinking and let myself lean on someone else.
But… is that something I’m even allowed to do?
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