Chapter 174: October 1st, Sunday – 25 weeks and 5 days
It’s October starting today. That said, my world hasn’t changed—I'm still lying in bed all day, getting up only for meals and the bathroom.
The only noticeable change is the size of my belly. Alisa is now 780 grams (1 lb 11.5 oz), Alicia 630 grams (1 lb 6.2 oz).
As my belly grows, it's become more prone to tightening. The concentration of the IV used to suppress contractions has been increased to the highest of its four levels.
If this still doesn't stop the contractions, they’ll have to switch to a stronger IV. That one supposedly comes with harsher side effects, and I’m already anxious about it.
Lately, I’ve been praying during the daily non-stress tests to check my uterine tension.
Souta came to visit yesterday and today. When we talk about games and anime, the time just flies by.
I’m happy whenever anyone comes to visit, but the one person I can joke around with without holding back is still Souta.
I made sure to warn him again not to make a move on Yuna, who’s living with him now. I can’t do anything to stop him at the moment, so his reward will have to be on credit.
“You’re doing it all with me in mind, so it’s okay”? …I see. Then that’s good.
…Wait. Is that good?
October 7th, Saturday – 26 weeks and 4 days
Alisa is 886 grams (1 lb 15.3 oz). Alicia is 752 grams (1 lb 10.5 oz).
Yuna and Suzuka came to visit today.
I’ve been in touch with Suzuka over messaging apps, but this was her first time coming here. The moment she saw how weak I looked from being in the hospital, she started crying and held my hand tightly.
"Why does it always have to be just Alice?" she said, mourning my situation. But honestly, most of it is my own doing. And I’m aware I’ve dragged others into it, too. Which makes me feel all the more guilty when someone sympathizes with me.
She promised to visit again, but she’s a student preparing for exams, so I hope she doesn’t push herself. I appreciate it, though.
By the way, Suzuka brought a box of the new Wiso card set as a gift.
I can’t play right now, but just looking at the cards and smelling them calms me down. Even just building a deck, putting them in sleeves, and shuffling them helps take my mind off things.
A nurse caught me doing that and laughed, saying I looked like a boy.
Well, I mean… mentally I am a boy. Kind of. Probably.
October 15th, Sunday – 27 weeks and 5 days
Alisa is 1002 grams (2 lb 3.4 oz). Alicia is 880 grams (1 lb 15.0 oz).
Alisa has passed the 1kg mark. Both of them are still on the small side compared to the average, but they're growing steadily. I hope they stay in my belly even one day longer and grow bigger.
Yuna pointed something out, and I realized I can talk to the babies through telepathy.
Of course, I don’t get coherent words from them. But I can vaguely sense emotions—things like happiness or feeling safe. Feelings that haven’t become words yet.
I had hoped that if Alicia’s memories had carried over, maybe I’d get an actual reply. So I was a bit disappointed. But when I sensed the kids’ joyful emotions, that feeling quickly faded.
"Are you two doing okay in there? It’s Mommy~"
I wonder if they recognize my voice.
There was a reaction from inside my belly—like they were happy.
"I’m Mommy too~"
Yuna said, and the reaction was more like confusion. Like, “Wait, who?” I don’t think they were mentally calling her “auntie”… probably.
Maybe the telepathy excited them, but the babies started squirming around inside me—no, more like thrashing.
…I get that you’re happy, but could you calm down a bit? When you kick, it hits my organs.
To soothe them, I decided to sing a lullaby. A song from Alicia’s world I’d heard during our journey.
“ーー♪”
The lyrics just came to me naturally. I don’t remember what they mean anymore, though... Maybe, if I get the chance, I’ll ask Aymok.
October 20th, Friday – 28 weeks and 2 days
Alisa is 1180 grams (2 lb 9.6 oz). Alicia is 958 grams (2 lb 1.8 oz).
At last, they’ve started me on the stronger medication to stop contractions.
The doctor told me after my non-stress test during the regular checkup.
They had to stick the needle into my arm again—already bruised blue from repeated insertions—for a new IV drip.
Watching the drops fall, it felt like poison was being injected into my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and endured it.
After the IV was administered, it didn’t take long for my body to start heating up, and I lost all strength.
I understood, in theory, that the medication was relaxing my entire musculature to prevent uterine contractions. But actually experiencing my body refusing to move the way I wanted—it was more frightening than I expected.
My head swam, my whole body swelled, and my tonsils were inflamed. I didn’t feel like doing anything.
Even so, I was going to the bathroom more often, which made things harder. I kept getting incredibly thirsty and drinking lots of water.
Apparently, since the medication is toxic to the body, instinct drives it to flush it out.
I felt nauseous and had no appetite either.
Still—this drug was necessary for me right now.
No matter how awful my body felt, no matter how exhausting just staying alive was, the contractions were being suppressed.
All for the sake of the children’s safety. So they can stay in my belly even a little longer.
November 1st, Wednesday – 30 weeks and 0 days
Alisa: 1380 grams (3 lb 0.7 oz), Alicia: 1058 grams (2 lb 5.3 oz).
Alicia has finally passed the 1kg mark.
As the babies grew larger, my belly expanded rapidly too. They’re expected to grow more than twice their current size, but honestly, I’m starting to worry my belly will tear open before that happens.
The stronger IV drip for contractions had now been raised to Level 2 out of 3.
The higher the concentration, the stronger the side effects.
My stamina dropped alarmingly fast. My eyes couldn’t focus, and it constantly felt like my brain was covered in fog. Hospital life was steadily destroying my body.
This was nothing like the vague image of “maternity life” I used to have in my head.
I had pictured myself enjoying the baby’s growth, going out for walks, having lunches or short trips, and spending each day peacefully.
But reality was entirely different. Being pregnant meant straining every part of your body to create a new life.
To form new blood and tissue, nutrients get diverted, leading to anemia and vitamin deficiencies.
Eat too recklessly and you risk gestational diabetes or excessive weight gain. And there’s a long list of foods you’re not even allowed to eat.
Your hormones get thrown out of balance, damaging your skin and hair.
As the womb grows, it pushes your stomach, intestines, and other organs off to the edges of your body, cramming them into awkward positions that impair their function.
And fetal movement isn’t some gentle stirring—it’s often full-on thrashing around. I frequently get woken up in the middle of the night.
Thinking pregnancy was “something everyone goes through” had been a naive assumption. I learned that the hard way.
When I talked about it with Mom and thanked her for giving birth to me, she just looked... complicated.
November 6th, Monday – 30 weeks and 5 days
Alisa: 1460 grams (3 lb 3.5 oz), Alicia: 1120 grams (2 lb 7.5 oz).
Today, I had a consultation with a midwife.
After an explanation about the postnatal hospital ward, she asked me about my birth plan.
A birth plan refers to preparing ahead of time for delivery and postnatal care, since it’s hard to make decisions once the moment arrives.
Since I’ll be having a C-section, there aren’t too many choices to make. For me, all I really want is for the babies to be born safely. That’s all that matters.
Whether or not I want to know how the surgery’s progressing, what to do with the umbilical cords, whether I want to see the placenta—none of those things interested me. As for photos right after birth, I’m fine not being in them if it’s too much.
Then came the question of what to do about breastfeeding right after they’re born.
It made me recall some of the stuff I did with Hisui… but no, this is different. This is real, actual breastfeeding.
I’m going to breastfeed… right?
…Can I even do that?
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