Chapter 176: Reunion, and Then
Monday, November 20th
They told me I had to be observed for two hours after giving birth, so after they wiped me down and helped me change, I spent a while lying on the delivery bed.
Once the doctor gave the okay and I thought I could finally return to my room, they told me I had to use the bathroom first.
For the first trip to the bathroom after childbirth, a midwife is always required to accompany you. They watch to make sure you don’t collapse, check the amount of bleeding, and confirm that you’re able to urinate.
Apparently, right after giving birth, your sense of needing to pee becomes numb. You might not even realize your bladder is full, or you may not be able to urinate at all. A full bladder interferes with uterine contractions, so if you can’t go, they’ll insert a catheter to drain it, they explained.
I removed the pad, now soaked with blood like a cushion, and sat down on the toilet seat.
I didn’t feel the urge to pee, but I braced myself and pushed anyway.
At first, nothing came out and I started to panic a little, but after trying a few more times, it finally came.
I didn’t feel any pain from the area that had been cut, and that was a relief.
Afterward, it took some courage to wipe down there.
You’re not allowed to use toilet paper, since it might introduce bacteria. Instead, the midwife handed me some damp cotton pads.
I touched the area hesitantly—there wasn’t much pain, just a sensation of swelling. As I gently dabbed, my hand brushed against the lower right area of the slit, where the stitches were pulling tight. I let out a silent scream in my head: “Hiii…”
Once I put on a new pad and adjusted my clothes, I called the midwife, and she checked how much I was bleeding.
It seemed like a lot to me, but she said this was normal. Once again, I was hit with how brutal the act of childbirth really was.
By the time I got back to my hospital room, the date had already changed.
My family was there waiting for me, and they praised me for making it through the ordeal.
We only talked a little, since I must’ve looked exhausted.
Then I was left alone.
“…It’s finally over…”
It had been a long day.
My whole body was exhausted—I just wanted to sleep.
But I’d been so tense for so long, my nerves wouldn’t settle, and I couldn’t fall asleep.
The hospital room felt eerily quiet.
The random little kicks I used to feel yesterday were now completely gone.
There was no longer a baby inside me.
That simple fact felt strange somehow—
“…I really gave birth, didn’t I…”
I whispered the words aloud, needing to hear them myself.
It didn’t feel real.
Maybe because I hadn’t even seen the baby’s face yet.
The muscle soreness all over my body and the pain of my uterus contracting were the only things making this feel real.
But the absence of the life that had been inside me all this time felt deeply unnatural.
In the end, I only managed to sleep as dawn began to break.
In the morning, a nurse woke me for a checkup.
Still groggy from exhaustion and lack of sleep, I had my temperature, pulse, and blood pressure taken.
Then came the internal exam by the doctor.
He told me the pain in my perineum, where they’d performed the incision, should subside in two to three days.
The stitches used would be naturally absorbed by my body, so once the checkup was over, I planned to use some healing magic to speed up the recovery. Now that the anesthesia had worn off, it hurt so much I couldn’t even sit without a donut cushion, but I’d been too scared of the stitches to use magic until now.
The doctor said my uterus was contracting well. The afterpains would continue for a while, but compared to labor contractions, they were totally bearable.
Apparently, both babies had no abnormalities and were healthy. I’d be able to see them soon.
Thinking about them, I ate breakfast.
It was my first meal in over a full day, and it felt like it revived me. I also used some healing magic on the perineal wound at the same time.
And then—it was finally time to meet my babies for the first time.
At the NICU entrance, there was an intercom. When I gave my name, the door opened.
I tied my hair back with a band, washed and disinfected my hands at the sink inside, then put on a mask and entered.
A nurse guided me inside, and we arrived at two incubators lined up side by side.
The slight elation I felt instantly faded the moment I saw them.
The two babies inside the incubators were so, so small.
They were wearing only diapers. Tubes were attached to their mouths and skin, along with various monitoring devices.
The sight was painful to look at.
“They’re going to be fine, Mom. They’re just a little small, but both of them are doing well.”
Seeing me at a loss for words, the nurse gently spoke to me.
I was too shaken to even respond.
“Even with bodies that tiny… you managed to grow them this far in your belly and bring them into the world. That’s amazing, Mom.”
“…Thank you… very much.”
Consoled by the nurse, I finally found the strength to face reality.
"You still can’t hold her, but please go ahead and touch her."
I stood in front of the incubator labeled Kisaragi Alicia.
The incubator was shaped like a clear box enclosing the baby. It reminded me of an oversized food container from the deli section.
Until she could regulate her own body temperature, she would be spending her time inside this incubator, where the temperature and humidity were carefully maintained.
There were openings on the side of the transparent box, allowing access for hands to reach in.
She was asleep. Her hair, silver like mine.
There were all sorts of tubes attached to her, but her face looked peaceful, and that alone brought me relief.
"Please place your hands around her like you're gently wrapping her up. It helps the baby feel safe."
When I spread my hands, it felt like I could envelope her entire body.
Her arms and legs were no bigger than my fingers.
Carefully, so as not to wake her, I touched Alicia.
"She's so warm..."
Her skin was soft, squishy, and very warm.
Perhaps surprised by the touch, Alicia slightly scrunched her face.
She wriggled gently in my hands. She's alive.
"This one's the older sister. Alicia-chan must take after her mom, huh?"
Hearing that name spoken by someone outside the family—
Tears welled up.
"...Alicia..."
Joy. Guilt.
Pride. Frustration.
Affection. Remorse.
All those emotions tangled and surged inside me, and the tears wouldn’t stop.
My hands remained on that tiny life, even as my tears silently fell.
"—"
The nurse kindly wiped them away with a handkerchief.
Eventually, I pulled my hands back, reluctant to part.
"I’m sorry… I’m okay now."
"You're very welcome."
Then, I moved to the incubator next to hers.
"This is the younger sister. She’s a bit bigger than her sister, so I think she’ll be discharged earlier."
"Alisa."
Unlike Alicia, Alisa was awake, squirming gently.
Her half-open, unfocused eyes gazed vaguely into the air.
"Alisa has black hair, huh."
She’ll definitely grow into a beauty like Hisui—I’m sure of it.
She was a little bigger than Alicia, but still so very small.
It felt surreal to think that this tiny girl had once been inside my belly.
"My baby..."
Just like I had done with Alicia, I placed both hands around Alisa as if to cradle her.
“Ah—”
Alisa let out a small sound.
When my fingers brushed against her skin, she let out a playful squeal, twisting her body like it tickled.
…Was that her way of showing she liked it?
When I touched her soft black hair, her lips pouted into a perfect little mountain—like Mount Fuji. Maybe she didn’t like that part.
“…So cute.”
As I reached for her hand, her tiny palm grasped the tip of my finger with a gentle squeeze.
It tickled.
Ah… she’s really been born.
Looking at my daughters, it finally sank in—I had become a mother.
Up until now, I’d been running forward recklessly, just trying to reclaim what mattered most to me.
And now, I’d finally made it here.
This isn’t the finish line—but it is a beginning.
The me who had been frozen since that day is walking forward again—
Together with Alicia and Alisa, my two daughters.
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