Chapter 53: This Thing Would Totally Sell in Britain

                                

Chapter 53: This Thing Would Totally Sell in Britain

My name is Waver Velvet, a lecturer in Modern Magecraft Theory at the Clock Tower. When I came to Japan for work with my mentor, Lord El-Melloi II—Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald, some bastard tricked me.

At the time, I was so focused on guarding against that guy directly, I let my guard down and got ambushed from behind by a hulking brute. He pinned me down, forced some weird potion down my throat, and when I woke up—

I’d shrunk!?

Bang!

A black magic bullet flew straight for Shinji Matou’s head as he was passionately pitching an idea—but he just casually swatted it aside with a book.

“What’s wrong? Don’t like this kind of plot twist?” Shinji teased with a grin, looking at the tiny figure fuming in front of him. “Personally, I think Detective Waver would make for a great hit series.”

“Screw you and your stupid idea!!”

Waver, now in the form of a much younger boy, kicked out in fury—but Shinji calmly held him back by pressing a hand against his forehead, completely unfazed.

There was no denying it. This shrunken version of Waver was laughably small, physically no match for Shinji in any way.

“Man, Waver, you’ve really changed, huh? Don’t tell me you ballooned up after hitting twenty thanks to magecraft?” Shinji chuckled, eyeing him curiously.

The thing is, the youth potion Shinji had him drink was carefully calibrated—it was supposed to revert Waver’s body back to exactly nineteen. But the result was a Waver who looked even younger than Shinji himself—completely different from the tall, sharp-eyed man from before. You’d never believe this kid was an early-developing Westerner.

“You... you bastard...”

Waver’s whole face turned beet red as he realized he couldn’t land a single hit on Shinji.

“Relax, relax. No need to get so worked up,” Shinji said breezily, flashing a grin. “This is a test, after all.”

“A test…?”

Shinji nodded. “You’ll be playing the entire movie in this form, so we need to see how long a single dose of the youth potion lasts. Better to test that now than during production.”

“So I’m just your guinea pig, huh... Then why don’t you test it on yourself first?!”

“Well, you have more screentime. If something like resistance builds up later, we need to know ahead of time.”

Waver could feel a muscle in his cheek twitching. “No matter what I say, you’ve always got a reason ready, don’t you?”

“Obviously.”

Shinji admitted it without even blinking.

‘This guy and Kariya-ojisan conned me at Cannes. Since they were the ones who dug the pit for me to fall into, I’ll make sure they get buried in it next time.’

“...Professor…”

Waver looked pitifully toward his mentor, hoping for some support. But all he saw was Kayneth chatting away with his fiancée, totally relaxed.

Noticing Waver’s gaze, Kayneth lazily turned and said, “Just go along with Shinji’s plan, Waver. It’s all for the good of the Modern Magecraft department’s reputation.”

“...”

This man is beyond saving. May as well bury him now.

Waver let out a long, pained sigh as he rubbed his forehead.

His teacher, once the very image of a wise and noble magi, turned into a total airhead the moment romance got involved. Ever since his fiancée got her hooks in him, Kayneth had completely stopped thinking for himself.

Watching Kayneth, now hopelessly love-struck, Waver’s resolve to remain single for life only grew stronger.

But being force-fed a weird potion wasn’t the only tragic part of his day.

“Waver, filming starts in a few days. Make sure you’re mentally prepared and get into character.”

Hearing Shinji’s instructions, Waver sighed in resignation.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll do my job.”

Even if he had a million complaints, he still had his pride. No way would he slack off, not when work was involved.

‘Can’t blame anyone but myself. I picked the wrong mentor—a hopeless romantic—and on top of that, I met Shinji Matou, the most ridiculous man alive.’

Shinji clapped his hands, grinning like the devil himself. “Excellent. Now then, for the time being, go spend some quality bonding time with Iskandar.”

“—Sure, I’ll hang out with—wait, WHAT!?”

Waver’s eyes went wide in alarm. Something wasn’t right.

“To build team chemistry,” Shinji explained matter-of-factly, “you two are going to be eating, sleeping, and living together for a while.”

“Shinji!! You went and decided that on your own again—!”

Waver hadn’t even finished yelling when a huge hand swooped down and lifted him clean off the ground like a mother hen snatching up a chick.

“HAHAHA! My boy!”

The mighty conqueror’s thunderous laughter boomed through the room. “Come! Let us get to know each other better!”

“WAIT! PUT ME DOWN!!”

Waver flailed and shouted as he dangled from Iskandar’s massive grip. The cultured, dignified gentleman in him wanted nothing more than to reject this rough, sweaty barbarian energy.

“We’ll be off to deepen our bond, then!”

With Waver tucked under one arm like a sack of potatoes, Iskandar marched out of the room, loud and proud.

“…You think Waver’s gonna be alright?”

Kayneth asked softly, his tone finally betraying a flicker of teacherly conscience.

“Alright? Of course he’ll be fine,” Shinji said, thumping his chest with confidence. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if, by the end of filming, Waver ends up bawling like a baby when they have to say goodbye.”

“In that case, please make sure to get it on camera.”

Kayneth smiled wryly. “Ever since graduation, that kid’s gotten less and less cute.”

‘Probably because of all the irresponsible people around him.’

Shinji kept that thought to himself—no need to throw shade when he was one of them.

“Come on, Kayneth. Miss Archelot. Let’s go.”

Shinji gestured for them to follow as he led the way out of the office.

“I’ll introduce you to the rest of the main cast, and show you around our production team.”

With Kayneth and his fiancée officially joining the project, that meant the entire Fate/Zero cast was now assembled. The Fate/Zero film production was finally shifting into full gear.

Shinji gave them the grand tour of the set, eventually leading them to the rehearsal room—where they found Arturia and Diarmuid in the middle of preparations.

Kayneth had briefly seen these two Heroic Spirits back at the train station, but that had just been a passing glance. Now, the magi in him stirred—the instinctive curiosity to analyze and understand.

These Heroic Spirits were, after all, the closest humanity had come to touching the Third Magic.

Even if that wasn’t his specialty, no mage could resist the allure of such mysteries.

Shinji, naturally, was happy to indulge him.

While Kayneth began carefully observing the Servants and exchanging notes on filming details, Shinji waited nearby with Miss Leigh Euphia Archelot and used the time to clarify a few production choices.

“About the character Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri in the script… Miss Archelot, you’re sure you want to keep her original name and appearance?”

He asked the question carefully.

In the original draft of Fate/Zero, Kayneth’s fiancée had undergone a name and design change. But anyone with even a shred of gossip knowledge from the Clock Tower could instantly recognize who the character was based on.

Shinji had altered her appearance for the same reason he’d once tweaked Kirei Kotomine’s design in the early Fate/Stay Night script—because real people existed, and Shinji didn’t want the legal or magical headaches.

He wasn’t afraid of that old fossil Rufleus, but there was no need to stir up trouble for himself either.

Still, Miss Leigh Archelot had her own request—she insisted that the role she was playing retain both its original name and character design.

“I want to play Sola, exactly as she is.”

She gave a firm nod, expression calm but resolute.

“May I ask why?” Shinji tilted his head. “Of course, if it’s something private between you and Kayneth, you don’t have to explain.”

Leigh shook her head slightly and answered directly, “I just want to get back at that ridiculous woman. To think she’d abandon someone like Kayneth—a good man—for her so-called romantic ideals.”

“Pfffft~”

Shinji let out a low whistle. That was... quite the spicy piece of gossip.

So, even though this world’s Sola hadn’t participated in the Holy Grail War, she had apparently still found her own Diarmuid to chase.

“She’s just a delusional princess living in a dream,” Leigh scoffed, her voice dripping with disdain. “If she’s enjoying the luxurious life provided by the Eulyphis family, then she should at least give something back. If she craves freedom that badly, why not throw away her name and go beg for scraps in the slums?”

Shinji rubbed his nose, refraining from commenting. Instead, he asked calmly:

“You don’t mind that, in the movie, Kayneth gives up everything for Sola?”

“Doesn’t that just prove how good a man he is?” Leigh replied smoothly, twirling the end of her braid. “That woman’s in the past now. I’m the one standing beside him today.”

Shinji shrugged. As long as Kayneth and Leigh had no objections, he had no reason to oppose it either.

“Alright then. But your hair’s way different from Sola’s,” he pointed out, glancing at her flowing pink locks. “You’ll need to wear a wig for filming.”

“Of course, that’s no problem.” Leigh nodded, then asked with a hint of concern, “But will it hold up in close-up shots? Wouldn’t dyeing my hair be better?”

As an actress, Leigh naturally had a much better grasp of filming techniques than Kayneth ever could.

Even in this age of advancing technology, wigs hadn’t evolved much since the days of Shakespeare. They were passable in casual settings, but in high-definition cinema? The “fake” part of the wig always found a way to show.

“Don’t dye it. It’s too damaging to your hair,” Shinji explained. “Don’t worry—we’ll be using a new type of wig developed by our tech team. It fits perfectly and looks almost indistinguishable from real hair.”

This so-called “new wig” was actually a byproduct of the Body-Shaping Slime—a project originally meant to improve body proportions (as Rin mockingly called it) and later reworked by Touko.

Non-toxic, completely safe, and astonishingly lifelike in appearance—the only downside was its airtight fit, which made it tough on the real hair underneath. But compared to the damage from hair dye? It was the lesser evil by far.

Of course, for Shinji, the wig’s potential went far beyond filmmaking.

Sure, it wasn’t great for real hair—but for people who didn’t have any?

Bald men. Receding hairlines. That oh-so-familiar crescent-shaped bald spot.

Shinji could already see it: an untapped gold mine, especially among British men.

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