Chapter 56: Kariya: Tokiomi, This Thing's Better Than a Wand!

                                   

Chapter 56: Kariya: Tokiomi, This Thing's Better Than a Wand!

Rooftops have always held a mysterious power in literary works.

Even though, in reality, most rooftops are locked and inaccessible to the average person, the protagonists of stories somehow always find their way up there.

In fiction, the rooftop often serves as an isolated island above a bustling city—serene and still, while chaos reigns below.

For creators, it’s a space with stark contrasts—a perfect stage for secret meetings, quiet confessions… or intense showdowns.

On the soundstage, the rooftop set was already complete, and the crew was busy making the final adjustments before shooting began.

Of course, Shinji would never risk filming on a real high-rise rooftop—the wind would ruin every shot.

Fresh out of the makeup trailer, Kariya stepped onto the set.

Even without the canon "body full of worms" setting, his pale, hollow-eyed appearance stayed pretty faithful to his Fate/Zero version.

It’s just as terrifying. Which is perfect for scaring small children.

“I swear, Shinji, I think you have a warped understanding of what ‘kindly uncle’ means,” Kariya muttered to his nephew.

“Or do you just not understand Japanese, you high school dropout?”

“Oh, come on, that’s irony, my dear uncle,” Shinji said in a sing-song voice. “Maybe your Japanese is just P.E.-teacher level.”

Kariya shuddered and rubbed his arms.

“Say one more thing in that godawful ‘translated anime dialogue’ tone, and I’m throwing Ojisan’s entire porn stash into your bed.”

But Shinji had already walked off to talk to the cinematographer, ignoring him completely.

Kariya was left grumbling to himself.

“Tch.”

Clicking his tongue, Kariya gave a sly grin.

“Heh~ just you wait, Shinji. When we’re rolling, you’ll get what’s coming to you.”

Soon enough, everything was in place. Shinji gave the go-ahead, and the cameras began to roll.

“TOHSAKA TOKIOMI!!!”

Kariya’s roar split the air—raw and filled with hate, like a demon escaped from the deepest pit of hell.

“His acting’s incredible… Is this what a real professional can do?” Arturia stood beside Shinji, whispering in awe.

Shinji gave a snort. “Acting? Please. That’s just him venting years of real-life resentment.”

“Is that… so?” Arturia blinked, a bit confused.

“Kariya hated Tokiomi for years. He’s been waiting for a scene like this forever,” Shinji said, squinting at the monitor with unreadable eyes.

On-screen, Kariya’s performance had reached its peak.

His fury and hatred stirred the flow of magical energy—and from the shadows, a swarm of insects emerged, circling around him like a dark storm.

“TOHSAKA TOKIOMI! I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! I’LL KILL YOU!!!”

As Kariya screamed, his razor-winged bugs aligned themselves into a perfect attack formation, surging toward Tokiomi like a disciplined legion.

Across from him, Tokiomi remained composed, raising his wand—a stately rod adorned with a gleaming ruby—preparing to unleash a fire spell to incinerate the oncoming insects—

But then—

“Heh heh…”

Kariya flashed a triumphant grin.

The insects became a smokescreen, and in that moment of obscured vision, he reached into his coat and pulled out—not a talisman, not a command seal—but a pair of handguns.

With a mad laugh, he pulled the triggers.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Gunshots echoed through the studio.

Still laughing like a lunatic, Kariya shouted:

“HAHAHA! TOKIOMI! THIS THING’S WAY MORE USEFUL THAN YOUR STUPID WAND!!”

—Unfortunately, not a single bullet hit its mark.

Just then, Tokiomi sidestepped in a motion so fluid it defied belief—completely evading every one of Kariya’s shots.

Before Kariya could even register what happened, Tokiomi was already in front of him and drove a punch straight into his gut.

“Gwah—!”

Kariya was sent flying through the air, landing flat on a nearby crash mat with a dull thud.

“N-No way… Tokiomi… how…?”

Lying there in a daze, Kariya stared blankly at his longtime rival, unable to believe that his ambush had failed so miserably.

“Hmph.”

“Tokiomi” let out a dismissive snort—and in the blink of an eye, his form shimmered and shifted back into the familiar face of Assassin, a.k.a. Yan Qing.

“I knew you’d try to pull something dirty, Uncle,” Shinji said smugly as he walked over, tapping Kariya’s forehead with his director’s baton.

“Good thing I had Yan Qing stand in for the real deal. I predicted your prediction.”

“Shinji… I’m your uncle, man…” Kariya groaned, clutching his stomach. “Did you have to hit that hard?”

“You brought this on yourself, Kariya-kun.”

That was when the real Tokiomi Tohsaka stepped out, his expression a delicate blend of aristocratic disdain and mild offense.

His eyes flitted briefly to the two handguns tossed on the ground—and then to Kariya, sprawled like a half-dead insect.

Had Shinji not been so cautious, things could have gone embarrassingly wrong.

And for a man like Tokiomi, whose elegance was practically encoded in his genes, embarrassment was worse than death itself.

After all, a true gentleman’s creed: Heads may roll, blood may spill, but the hairstyle must never falter.

That, in essence, is Tokiomi.

“You’re the one who pulled a gun first!” Shinji scolded, utterly exasperated.

“How many times do I have to tell you?! Stop improvising on set! What if you’d actually hurt Tokiomi-san?!”

“Mmm, indeed,” Tokiomi nodded along solemnly.

‘How surprising. It seems Shinji-kun does have a mature side after all…’

“If someone gets injured, we’re paying medical bills. Not to mention the delays in filming!”

“Every extra day we run this shoot costing me money!”

‘I take it back. He hasn’t changed at all.’

Tokiomi sighed. Once this movie wrapped, he was definitely taking a long vacation.

None of the Matous were even remotely normal.

Meanwhile, Shinji picked up the guns Kariya had dropped. “Jisan, seriously, where did you even get these things?”

Kariya rolled his eyes. “Asked Kiritsugu for ‘em. They’re loaded with rubber bullets—won’t even break skin. I just wanted to give Tokiomi a little… surprise.”

Shinji twitched.

He stared at his uncle for a long moment, fighting the urge to press the muzzle to the man’s forehead.

“Define surprise, will you?” he growled.

“And you said my Japanese was bad? You’re the one who clearly learned from a gym teacher!”

With a huff, Shinji tucked the pistols into his waistband.

“Anyway, these are confiscated. Jisan, just stick to the damn script. No more funny business.”

Kariya pouted. “Fine, fine. Who needs guns anyway? I’ve got plenty of tricks up my sleeve.”

“…What was that?”

“I said I’ll behave and act like a professional.”

“……”

Shinji’s eyelids twitched.

That grin on Kariya’s face—identical to a certain slapstick comedy legend—gave him a very, very bad feeling.

——

Second take.

“Fate/Zero, Scene 271, Cut 6— Action!”

The clapperboard came down.

Kariya’s expression instantly twisted into madness once more.

“TOHSAKA TOKIOMI!! DIEEEE!!”

He thrust his hand forward—and once again, the air filled with the buzz of razor-winged insects.

The swarm charged toward Tokiomi in perfect formation.

“…Gotta admit, His acting is pretty damn solid.”

Shinji nodded in appreciation.

Say what you will about his methods—the man was a pro.

So far, nothing to complain about—Until Tokiomi raised his wand to cast a fire spell—and the flying bugs suddenly started dropping small spherical objects one after another.

Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat!

The moment those tiny spheres touched the flame—

BOOM!

They exploded, releasing clouds of white powder that scattered through the air like snow, enveloping Tokiomi in a chemical haze.

“Cough! Cough! What is this…? My magecraft… why can’t I cast anything?!”

Tokiomi stumbled backward, coughing uncontrollably as he flailed his sleeves in a vain attempt to drive away the white mist.

“HAHAHAHA!”

Kariya’s wild laughter echoed across the set once again.

“Tokiomi! Behold the brilliance of human innovation! That—was an automatic fire-extinguishing ball!”

“For all your snobbery and magecraft elitism, you’ve fallen before the genius of modern technology! Kneel, oh fool, before the wisdom of mere mortals! WAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Go kneel before your ancestors first, you maniac!!”

Shinji exploded.

With zero hesitation, he sprang forward and smashed a picture-perfect flying elbow into the back of Kariya’s head.

“OW!! Shinji! Are you trying to kill me?!”

“I ought to! You ridiculous excuse for an uncle! You’re gonna be the death of me!”

The entire crew wisely chose to pretend none of that was happening.

Chaos between the Matou family members? Completely normal. Nothing to see here.

Only Rin still seemed concerned about her father.

She walked over with a towel, handing it to Tokiomi with a hint of worry in her voice.

“Father, here—wipe it off quickly.”

But Tokiomi didn’t respond.

Still kneeling in the corner, he was drawing circles in the dirt with his wand like a defeated warlock.

“I lost… As the head of the Tohsaka family… I actually lost… to a fire-extinguishing ball… A fire-extinguishing ball…”

“……”

Rin’s smile twitched violently.

She felt the strength to hold her expression slipping away.

“Seriously, what is wrong with the magi of Fuyuki City? Is it a cursed leyline or something? Wait— what are you doing?”

She turned to find Waver glaring suspiciously at Kiritsugu, who was quietly scribbling something in his notebook.

Kiritsugu didn’t answer.

He just bit his pen and murmured to himself:

“So… this is how you neutralize a flame-element magus… interesting…”

‘These people are all INSANE!!’

Waver screamed inwardly, sealing that conclusion into his very soul.

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Fortunately, despite his trollish nature, Kariya did understand the concept of “three strikes and you’re out.”

Before Shinji’s patience could completely snap, the older man wisely eased off the antics.

Though Kariya would still jokingly bring up the “fireball incident” now and then to jab at Tokiomi, he stopped disrupting the actual filming.

For his chaotic uncle, Shinji could only sigh and mutter:

“Men are boys until death.”

—Especially the kind with chronic Chuunibyou.

The rest of the filming went smoothly.

After two more days, the scenes featuring Tokiomi vs. Kariya were finally wrapped up, and the production moved on to Kiritsugu vs. Kotomine.

Having been “tamed” by Shinji’s directorial hammer when it came to dialogue-heavy scenes, Kiritsugu now handled action sequences with surprising ease.

He’d even found a new trick to express that classic dead-eyed contempt of his:

He just clamped a cigarette between his lips and squinted—it gave him this cool, aloof edge without breaking character.

According to Shirou, though, the real reason was much simpler:

Irisviel had recently started limiting his daily cigarette count, so Kiritsugu was using the shoot as an excuse to sneak in a few extras.

Outside of filming, Shinji was juggling another major responsibility: supervising the construction of the Einzbern Family Film Studio.

Of course, the Fate/Zero sets were the current top priority.

But he wasn’t planning just for this project—the ultimate goal was a versatile, permanent filming complex that could be reused for countless productions.

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