Chapter 15: The Dragon Slayer Girl’s Dilemma

—August 22nd, Clear Skies

Once again, the members inside the Garden had thrown themselves headlong into something about “research on internal breast enhancement techniques via hormone balance adjustment” or whatever nonsense, so I gave them a light ‘punishment.’ Honestly, even though I’ve been graciously arranging development projects for them, what on earth is she doing… not to mention there are other idiots going along with it. I even heard she hasn’t finished the required research reports yet. …If this continues, I may need to consider assigning someone outside of the former Garden faction to keep watch over them. For today, I’ll leave it at the punishment.

After that, I had a tea party with the faction members and gave instructions regarding our future activities. Recently, the confusion and friction we experienced in the early days of formation have considerably settled, and there’s no discord among the members. The power balance placing me as the leader has also stabilized.

Perhaps because I’ve loosened my grip slightly, communication has become noticeably smoother, and overall, the mental state of the faction members seems to have improved.

…To be honest, I have to admit that I myself find some level of satisfaction simply from having tea parties with these girls.

However, this is nothing more than a sense of satisfaction from standing at the top of this small world called the “faction.” I must remind myself: it would be the height of foolishness to be content with this and not aim even higher.

My goal is only one thing—to reach the very top.

For that, there’s no need for camaraderie with others.

…As I made my way to the research lab, I found myself recalling a page from Reicia-chan’s diary that I’d read this morning.

At first, it was full of Reicia-chan’s tyrannical and overly sensitive tendencies, meticulously tracking the movements of every faction member, down to their development-related activities.

But towards the second half, it felt like I caught a glimpse of another path Reicia-chan might have taken.

The signs of ‘growth’ that were definitely within Reicia-chan.

That sense of comfort—faint, but still there—perhaps showing she was starting to reach out, just a little, towards those around her.

At the time of the diary entry, it was so tiny it couldn’t even be called ‘reaching out,’ but even so, if she had continued on that path, maybe things would’ve turned out differently.

…In the end, before those feelings could fully bloom, Reicia-chan cornered herself—though I don’t know the details—and lost to Mikoto, abandoning her own life. But even then, it wasn’t like she completely rejected everyone to the bitter end.

There were times she was starting to feel like she had a place among the faction.

If only she could have accepted not just her own power, but also that sense of belonging…

…But, if Reicia-chan was beginning to find a place within “GMDW,” then conversely, it means the current former “GMDW” members must have been capable of accepting her, too.

Sure, their caution towards Reicia-chan was more than I expected, but now that I know they’re wary, I just need to approach them differently. Basically, it’s fine as long as they understand I have no hidden agenda anymore.

…So how should I do it? I don’t have any concrete ideas, but… I figure if I take things step by step, it’ll come through. Helping people, greeting them—small gestures like that. If I rush in like yesterday, it’ll just backfire, so I’ll take it slow.

I’m not just shutting my brain off.

Talking to them yesterday, I understood one thing: they don’t fundamentally want to reject Reicia-chan outright.

That means I can make it work. Even if there are clashes along the way… I just have to swallow my pride and take it. Probably.

…That said, I can’t focus solely on the faction members.

I had been summoned to the lab for ability development.

After disappearing for three days, then spending fifteen more on punishment cleaning duty, I hadn’t been allowed to leave except for my once-a-month Heaven Canceller check-up, so they wanted to at least check on me.

“…Regrettable, but your results are still lacking.”

After finishing the standard experiments, I heard Semi-san’s voice over the intercom.

“However, that doesn’t mean you aren’t improving. The new calculation formula we tested this time isn’t as refined as the ones you’ve been using, so it’s no surprise your performance dipped. If anything, this actually demonstrates your growth.”

“I understand. I’m not going to sulk over grades anymore.”

Her words were so clearly considerate I couldn’t help but reply while blushing. …Though coming from Reicia-chan, who actually used to sulk over this stuff, it probably didn’t sound convincing.

“…Thank you.”

Still, it shows they genuinely care about me.

They’re doing this so I won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. That’s proof they think about me.

And this was the result of my two weeks of effort to connect with them. That thought gives me confidence and courage. That positive experience reinforces me, so I won’t break from one setback.

“Now then, return to the briefing room. We’ll analyze this experiment and refine the calculation methods.”

Following the instructions, I turned my back on the experimental field I’d been facing until now.

It looked like a battlefield.

With the growth of my Black-and-White Jagged Edge, Semi-san decided our previous experiments were obsolete, so we revamped the entire setup.

Specifically, instead of just dodging stationary “targets,” now the HsO series units were actively attacking me.

That said, using real weapons that could injure me was too risky, so the attacks were limited to paintballs.

…Those paintballs were faster than pro baseball pitches and fired at gatling speed, so yeah, it’s obvious the development team still holds quite the grudge. …I’d love to apologize someday, but I doubt I’ll ever have the time.

The wreckage scattered across the field belonged to… right, the HsO-07, called “Wing Balancer,” or something like that.

It was developed to counter my enhanced Jagged Edge by using compressed air for flight. Dodging in three-dimensional space was annoying enough, and with constant angle shifts and barrages, I couldn’t avoid going defensive.

Whenever I tried blocking escape routes with my “Cracks,” they’d exploit my weakness—once a “Crack” extends, it doesn’t disappear until I cancel the entire ability—and come at me again… If my life wasn’t on the line, it was practically a real battle. I’m sure they were getting serious, too.

…Still, it probably helped me improve my technique in using my abilities.

Chapter 2: I Don’t Care About Failures - Crazy_Princess.
Episode 12: The Dragon Slayer Girl’s Dilemma - Encouraged.

“…Something wrong? You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

“…It showed on my face?”

Reflexively, I touched my cheek.

“No, I was just fishing for a reaction.”

………………

Semi-san, who’d been discussing calculation method improvements with me just moments ago, glanced at her portable terminal while talking—not because she was ignoring me, but because she was monitoring my brain activity during the experiment.

“Look at this. Your brain’s output rate is slightly lower than usual. You’re unconsciously preoccupied with something, aren’t you? Did something happen?”

“…Yeah, kind of… over at the faction.”

Hearing that, Semi-san seemed to pick up on the situation and gave a slightly bitter smile.

“I know it’s inevitable… but still, when asked if it doesn’t bother me, I can’t honestly say it doesn’t.”

No matter how much I tell myself ‘it can’t be helped,’ it doesn’t make the shock any less painful. Sad things are sad, harsh things are harsh. I can admit that. That doesn’t mean I plan to stop, though.

“…I figured as much. To be honest, even we had doubts about your true intentions at first. Those girls had even more frequent contact with you. Their negative feelings probably run deeper than ours.”

“Yeah… probably.”

“But… Reicia-san, you understand this too, don’t you? That’s… just how it is.”

Semi-san declared firmly.

"It's important to show you're sorry, but that doesn't mean your apology will be accepted. In fact, more often than not, people will reject it at first."

...That was true when I first started trying to "make amends" with the research team too. At the beginning, the air was thick with rejection.

Semi-san in particular had been extremely wary of my every move, as if half-expecting me to suddenly snap. I’d even been clicked at in annoyance by one of the team members in a hallway.

But that’s just proof of what kind of things Reicia-chan had done before. Things that made those reactions completely justified.

Still, over the course of two weeks, I kept trying to bridge the gap with the research team. And while things aren’t completely resolved, at the very least, Semi-san has opened her heart to me a little.

"...However."

At that point, Semi-san's expression turned serious.

"For example, if we narrow the issue down to just between us and Reicia-san..."

She spoke to me like she was guiding me.

"……Reicia-san. It's true that, just as you did with us, it’s essential for you to take the first step if you want to repair the relationship. And yes, conveying your regret—however you choose to—is certainly important... But tell me this: are you really the only one who should be reflecting on their actions?"

"………………………………Huh?"

"Yes, you acted high-handedly and unreasonably toward us. But... before it came to that, was there truly nothing we could’ve done? Is it right for us to just sit back and accept your feelings?"

………No.

No, no, no, no, no, no!!

That’s not right! I mean, I don’t think Reicia-chan was entirely in the wrong either. Even now, I honestly think someone should have reached out to her before she tried to take her own life.

But that’s something an outsider—someone uninvolved—might think from a third-party perspective. It’s not something I, as Reicia, have any right to say!

Sure, at first I wondered why Semi-san and the others didn’t do anything to stop things from getting that bad. But now I understand: people have their positions and limitations. There are things you can and can’t do. And trying to pretend there was a perfect solution and then saying, “You’re partly to blame too,” that’s just being unreasonably self-righteous!

Reicia-chan lashed out at the development team when her performance didn’t improve, added unnecessary features for her own gratification that ended up burdening everyone… In short, she pushed her arrogance on all kinds of people, all depending on her mood.

…And I do think there’s room to sympathize with what led her to that point. I think she deserved at least a chance to turn things around. That’s what I believe my role—being in her body now—is meant to support.

But this is a different story. Just because someone’s pain is understandable doesn’t mean the blame should be shared. That logic’s a massive leap!

"That’s obviously ridiculous! The fact that I inflicted pain and unfair treatment on all of you is an undeniable truth—"

"What I’m saying is—"

Semi-san gripped my shoulders.

"I want us to be able to express our feelings to you as well."

"…………………………………………………………………………Huh?"

My thoughts—

The unexpected words made my mind genuinely blank out for a few seconds.

"...You’re not the only one at fault. We—the development team—were fully aware of how unstable you were. We're the ones who built your brain, remember? From your reality framework to your computational systems, we understood your personality. That includes your flaws too."

"………………………………"

"And yet, we never once tried to help you improve. ‘Our job is development.’ ‘As long as we put up with her tantrums, she’ll keep the funding coming.’ We found it too much trouble to confront you. We let ourselves fall into the role of ‘helpless victims under a tyrant’s rule,’ because it was easier. We gave up on you. We abandoned you."

………………………………That’s—

"When I heard you’d attempted suicide... the first thing that crossed my mind was, ‘What the hell have you done?’ I didn’t feel a shred of guilt for pushing you that far. Because in my mind, we were the victims, and you were the aggressor. No matter how much pain you went through, we weren’t in the wrong. That’s what I believed. I truly thought something that heartless."

Semi-san spoke as if coughing up blood.

"……But seeing the way you were, it made us realize—we were the ones who made you that way. I came to understand that I was the one who was the most at fault, the most cowardly, the most disgraceful. And yet, you alone are to blame? We're in the clear? …That can't be right. The ones most at fault are us adults. …I'm sorry we've left all the apologizing to you."

………I didn't know what to say.

Rebuke her? No way. Even if that’s what happened, it doesn’t change the fact that Reicia-chan behaved like a tyrant. Even if Semi-san and the others avoided confrontation just so they could play the victim, it still all started with Reicia-chan's behavior. Given her personality, it was obvious things would escalate if they confronted her, so can you really blame them for choosing the path of least resistance?

Defend her? …That doesn’t feel right either. If I said something like that, it would probably only make Semi-san feel worse. Besides… even after hearing everything she said, I still don't think it was only Reicia-chan's fault.

………What should I say? What's the right thing to say?

…No, more than that—what do I want to say?

"You've already come more than halfway to meet us. So now… let us come toward you. We may not be as pure-hearted as you are, so it might take us some time… but still—please."

With that, Semi-san bowed her head.

………She laid bare all the things she had done wrong. She told me how she felt, even knowing the risk that I might reject her. Just like I had done before.

That, more than anything, was proof that Semi-san had truly opened her heart to me.

………It meant she had forgiven Reicia-chan. That the strained relationships Reicia had twisted up were finally starting to unravel.

"……Please, raise your head."

I said that and asked Semi-san to lift her head.

Then I told her what I wanted to say most of all.

"………Thank you. I really do feel… like I’ve been saved."

"I’m glad. Truly."

"…I never imagined… that anyone thought about me that way…"

"It’s not surprising. If you felt bad enough to attempt suicide, it’s only natural that you’d internalize a mindset of self-blame. In fact, we should’ve said this to you much sooner."

As she said that, Semi-san gave a soft laugh and murmured another "I’m sorry."

……No, that’s not quite it. …But still, the final page in Reicia-chan’s diary did say: “This version of me must be a lie.” Which, in a way, shows just how deeply rooted her self-denial really was…

"……But I want you to know this: these feelings exist. When you carry the belief that you alone are at fault and approach others with that as your premise… in doing so, you might unintentionally be robbing them of the chance to express their feelings. …No matter what those feelings might be."

"……"

………………………………Until now, I thought I could untangle this mess of human relationships by changing myself in Reicia-chan's place.

I thought that if I apologized for what she'd done in the past, showed that I had changed, and resolved the misunderstandings, then people would come to "reassess" Reicia-chan, and everything would fall into place.

But what if that wasn’t enough?

What if just reaching out wasn’t sufficient?

What if the problem… wasn’t that simple?

What if what Semi-san said also applies to the members of GMDW?

To them, Reicia-chan was an overwhelming "stronger force," and they’ve internalized the structure of being the "weaker" party. I don’t think I can deny that.

Of course, I don’t think they meant any harm. It’s not like they consciously chose to see things that way because it was easier. But… honestly, I do think their level of caution is excessive.

Sure, I knew rejection was likely at the start. I expected them to push back many times, and I planned to keep reaching out until they could recognize that I was slowly changing.

But they interpreted everything—from reconciling with Mikoto, to dealing with the dorm supervisor, to cleaning duty punishment programs, even to the cake I brought—as nothing more than "stepping stones for control."

It’s easy to say, “That’s how much Reicia-chan had wronged them.” That’s the conclusion I had reached too. But is that really all there is to it? Thinking it’s all my fault and that changing myself alone will fix things—isn’t that just another form of oversimplification?

And they don’t know that Reicia-chan attempted suicide. Unlike Semi-san and the others, they haven’t seen Reicia-chan’s weakness.

…Which means that even if I keep showing them this "changed self" in all sorts of ways, there’s still a risk they’ll continue to see it as, “She just switched tactics to regain control.”

If I really want to reconcile, then I need to help them unravel their issues too. Maybe it’s time I reframe how I understand this whole situation.

……So then, what should I actually do?