Chapter 3: Beloved/Lena

Beloved/Lena

"Well, there is a really big fish in the sea called a whale."

"Really? How big is it? As big as sensei?"

"More and more! It's so big it could swallow you whole."

"Whaaat?! It's that big?! Really?!"

Yes! It's been a while! I'm always smiling! I'm Nina, a kind, cheerful, ignorant, and cloudy little girl! I'm eight years old! How have you all been? I've been addicted to medicine for ages and I'm a total wreck!

It has been two years since Lena came to this facility, and recently she has begun to smile, and little by little she is regaining the cheerfulness and childlike qualities appropriate to her age.

At first, we hardly spoke at all. It wasn't really a conversation, with me doing the talking one-sidedly and Lena occasionally chiming in with an interjection. Every night she would cry, or suddenly scream and panic, and I had to struggle to reassure her, but after a year things had calmed down a bit.

But what really got difficult was what happened afterwards... Lena became completely dependent on me. It was awful, she wouldn't leave my side for even a moment while we were in the room, and she didn't even bother to leave me when I went to the bathroom, let alone when I slept. Thanks to that, I lost my dignity.

"Nina, don't leave me."

"Nina, hug me."

"Nina, wake up, I want to go to the bathroom."

"Nina, let's eat."

"Nina...."

"Nina...."

It was really difficult...

I realized that things couldn't continue like this, so I came up with a plan: "Teach me about the outside world!"

I told Lena that I knew nothing about my life before I lost my memory and came to the facility, and that I knew nothing about the outside world. I showed my weakness in order to destroy the image I had of me as her only ally and someone she could depend on, and to give Lena the advantage of knowledge.

I made her realize that I was not someone worthy of being depended on, but rather a weak being who needed to be protected. At the same time, by giving her the experience of being needed and relied on by someone she had previously relied on, I helped her develop self-esteem and, to some extent, succeeded in helping her recover from her dependency.

"Anything else? Are there any other big fish?"　

"There are a lot of them, I don't know that many either, but... I saw them when I went to the aquarium."

In fact, she was lucky because I only knew about this world from inside the facility. Even from someone as young as Rena, I could gather information that this world wasn't that different from the previous one.

Huh? What about the clouding?

Of course, we can't do anything that would have a negative impact on Lena in her current state, and I heard the story of how she was kidnapped and brought here, and about her family. It was a story that I hesitated to even put into words, and it made me realize once again how abnormal and cruel this facility is.

So right now my first priority is supporting Lena and helping her get back on her feet. Besides, for the past two years I've been so busy taking care of Lena that I haven't had time to pursue my hobbies.

"I'd like to show it to Nina someday. I'd like to go see it with her."

"...Yup! That's right."

This is a happy time right now.　

─────

Lena hasn't been feeling well for the past few days. The drugs used in the experiment don't seem to agree with her body and she's had some terrible side effects. She's had side effects that made her sick before, but never this bad.

"...Uh, I'm sorry... Nina."

"Okay, don't worry about it."

I cleaned up Lena's vomit, but I didn't have anything to wipe it with, so I used my clothes. It was the first time she'd vomited outside of the toilet, and since she'd barely been able to eat, all that came out was stomach acid.

The side effects were not only nausea, but also headaches and chills that never seemed to subside, and breathing problems sometimes occurred. She was also quite mentally unstable, and it felt like I was back in the state she was in two years ago.

"Haa... haa... fuh, nee, nae..."

Gently stroking her back to calm her down, I holds Lena close as I usually does and puts her to sleep.

If the experimental medication doesn't change, Lena's condition will continue. But there's not much I can do, so I think about how to ease Lena's pain, even if just a little.

I understand the pain of side effects very well, so I thought that I would be able to understand Lena's pain as well and be able to be there for her.　

─────　

"Stop it!!"　

"Why is Nina so energetic?"　

"I'm the only one suffering..."

"I've had enough. I've had enough of all this pain."　

"Why... why?"

"...Why is Nina laughing when I'm in pain?"

Lena was rejecting me, raising her voice and glaring at me.

It was only after hearing Lena's words that I realized that what I had been doing was simply self-indulgence and lacked understanding.

I was kinder than usual and talked to her to try and distract her a little, because that's how I would have wanted to be treated.

But it was different for Lena. Of course, Lena wasn't me. Without realizing that, I ended up hurting her.

If I don't make amends, there'll be another way.

─────

The usual laboratory. Since yesterday, I had been thinking about how to change Lena's medication, and I could only think of one method.

The only option is to ask Mad directly, but I know he wouldn't listen if I asked normally, so this was the only option I could think of.

I placed the entire palm of my hand on the restraint chair, and for the first time used my supernatural powers of my own volition.

At the same time, I felt a strong impact on my neck and lost consciousness.　

─────

"...!?... Huh?"

When I woke up in pain, Mad was standing in front of me. The location was still the same… the lab, and the other sensei were there too, but it seemed like I had been restrained again.

Okay, so far everything is going according to plan, the only thing left is to see how much he'll listen to... The moment I opened my mouth to think that, I was hit in the face.　

"Ouch!"

It doesn't end with just one time.

"Gah! Ugh, ahhh!! Zzz!"

Over and over again, as if to teach the pain not just to my face, but to my entire body.

"Uh, ahh?! Ugh!!"

It continued, despite the risk of me fainting, and finally it ended when there was no part of my body that didn't feel pain.

"Fuu, haa... hiu..."

"027, why did you use your powers without permission?"

… Couldn't you have asked that before you hit me? I'm already completely injured? …Well, it's fine, I'm the one in the wrong, and this is where we get to the main topic.

"Uh, please change the medicine you're using on Lena...Lena looks like she's in a lot of pain."

The inside of my mouth was torn to pieces and even talking hurt, plus the taste of blood made me feel sick.

"...Did you use your supernatural power to say something like that?"

"I thought you would come if I did that, so if I didn't do this, you wouldn't listen to me properly, right?"

"There's no change to the drug experiment for No. 038. Do not use your supernatural powers without permission again. There will be no next time. Return No. 027 to your room. I will inform you of the punishment later."　

"I'll use itI"

I spoke loud enough for Mad to hear as he left the lab as if to say the conversation was over.

"I'll use my powers as many times as it takes until you change Lena's medicine."

"I told you there wouldn't be a next time. Using supernatural powers without permission is grounds for euthanasia, which means you will be killed."

"...But I'll still use it."

"027, you don't understand anything. Death is a pain that cannot be compared to the previous punishment..."

Mad says as he grabs my pinky finger and slowly bends it. Realizing what he's trying to do, I grit my teeth to endure the pain.

Then the little finger bent toward the back of the hand, making a sound like a dead branch breaking.　

"Zzz!! Aaaaahhh!!!"

It was my first time having a bone broken, and there was a burning sensation along with a sharp pain.

"Dying would be far more painful than this pain, because it would last forever. If you still don't understand, then keep doing this until you do."

...I know better than anyone how painful death is, and I truly don't want to go through that again, but it's nothing compared to Lena's suffering.

She should have been happy, with a family and being loved. That was taken away right before her eyes, and she was locked in a place like this, and every single day she was tortured by experiments that she didn't even know the reason for. I can't imagine that this is any less painful than death.

I hurt Lena like that, and that's not something that can be forgiven.

"That's fine. Whether it's my fingers, arms, or legs, you can break them all... so please don't make Lena suffer any more than this, I beg of you."

I said, looking straight into Mad's eyes.

"...027, you're abnormal. You don't hate me, do you? And not just me, but all the staff here, too."

"Normally you would feel hatred, you would feel anger, but you show no signs of that, even though you are scared. Why is that?"

...What are you talking about? Listening in this situation? That's easy, there's no good reason.　

"No."

"I hate seeing people being hated or angered and feeling sad or in pain."

I want the sky to be cloudy for me, for my sake, and I hate seeing people sad or in pain for any other reason.

Also, I made a mistake so let me correct it.

"Besides, I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of pain and suffering, but I'm not scared of you. I don't dislike you."

He's worried about me, he's thinking about me, even if he doesn't show a gloomy look on his face...

"I like all the sensei here."

"... Return No. 027 to your room. No. 027, I will inform you of your punishment later. Reflect on your actions in your room. There will be no next time."

As I watched sensei leave the room with that comment, I must have reached my limit, as I lost consciousness.

─────

I woke up in bed in my room. I don't know how long it was, but it seemed like I had been sleeping for a whole day. My battered body had already been treated and was covered in bandages and gauze. Even I thought it looked quite painful. It would probably take some time for me to fully recover.

However, right now there are other issues that need to be resolved rather than just my physical condition.

"…………"

Lena sat next to me and didn't move an inch, just stayed close to me without saying a word.

When I woke up, it seemed like she tried to say something, but she couldn't get the words out, so she was silent from then on. I understand how she feels. I've had similar experiences, where I let out my feelings to the nurse, raised my voice, and then I didn't know what to do.

It's very painful to hurt someone you love, but what's really scary is being hated by that person. So you lose your voice, you're scared of what they'll say in response, and you don't want to hear it. It takes courage to take that step, especially if you feel like you've done something unforgivable.

It's the same for me. I treated Lena like the cheerful Nina without considering her feelings. I did things that deserved to be disliked, but I was afraid to even say the words "I'm sorry" so I took the easy way out and only ended up getting hurt myself. I cheated.

So I decided to take a step forward, to say the words I'd been afraid to say and go into a place I'd never been able to go before.　

"Hey, Lena, I have a favor to ask you."　

"...Uh, Nina, I..."　

"Would you like to be friends with me?"

I always thought that I shouldn't make friends. I'm of no use to anyone, I'm only a nuisance, and on top of that, I don't know when I'm going to die, so I thought that I shouldn't become someone important to someone. It's the same now, I can't save Lena from this, and I don't know when I'm going to die.

But I won't be afraid anymore. Even if I can't save Lena, I can be with her. Even if I die someday, until that day comes, I want to be someone important to her.　

"…………"

It was the first time that Lena and I made eye contact. I felt a little embarrassed, because I must look very anxious right now.

Lena didn't reply. Was it no good after all? Was wanting to be important to someone else something that someone like me, who hadn't changed at all even after being reborn and changing appearance, should not be seeking?　

"Nina."

I was scared of Lena's voice so I closed my eyes and tried to shut myself away inside like I used to.

"Nina, we've been friends for a long, long time now."

Lena hugged me and stroked my head like I always do and said that.

"Nina was with me, she always helped me, I'm still alive because of Nina."

Lena's words were so convenient for me that I wondered if it was a dream, but the pain in my body denied that.　

"Nina and Lena are friends now."　

"...Really? Can I be your friend?"

My voice comes out shaking terribly, but it's not because I'm anxious, or scared, it's because I'm happy.　

"Hey Nina, I have a favor to ask of you too, will you listen?"　

"……Yeah"　

"Nina, become my best friend and family."　

………………………….

"I can't do anything, you know?"

"That's not true, Nina helped me a lot."　

"I can't get Lena out of here."　

"I can't let Nina out either."

"...Can I really become part of your family?"

"Because you are Nina, I want to be a family, so I promise you."

"Promise……?"

"Stay with me forever and never leave me alone again. I love you, Nina."

Tears overflowed. It had been years since I last cried. I thought the tears had dried up long ago and I would never have to shed them again, but now they were overflowing so freely that there was no way to stop them, and I didn't even want to stop them.

"I-I love you too! I love you so much, Lena!!"

Tears of pain, suffering, or sadness I could endure as much as I wanted and stop them immediately, but tears of joy made my chest warm and I was so happy I couldn't stop them.

"I love you too Nina!"

"I want to be with you forever too!!"

Before we knew it, we were both crying, our cheeks wet with each other's tears.

"I love you, I love you Lena."

But it's not enough, loving someone isn't enough. This is the first time I've ever felt that someone is this important, and I want to express my feelings, but I can't find the words.

"I love you, Nina."

...I love you, I see, this is love, these feelings are the emotion of love.

I felt as if something that had been missing for so long had finally been filled in, something that I wanted more than anything, something that I had unconsciously hoped for.　

"I love you too, Lena."

I'm the happiest person in the world right now.　

─────

I'm in heaven now.　

"Yes Nina, ahhh."

"Aah!"

Lena was nursing me because I was injured and couldn't move properly! I must have had to endure so many such nursing experiences in my previous life that it would be too much of a pain to even count them all, but this nursing with love was incomparable.　

"Yes, ahhh."　

"Ahhh!"

Ahh, my heart melts.

After finishing our meal, it was time for a nap. Lena was sleeping soundly next to me, holding my hand modestly, perhaps out of concern for my injury. So cute.

After that, we both cried ourselves to exhaustion and fell asleep, and when I woke up I heard from Lena that Mad had told me to stay in my room and recuperate for two weeks, and that Lena should take care of me. He also said that the medicine Lena was being given would be changed from the next time onwards.

What's up Mad, you're a tsundere, you have some cute points! I don't think violent tsunderes are popular these days! Anyway, since you've done me this much, I'll call you great sensei in my mind from now on.

"...Mmm, Nina...I love you.　

…………Thank you, great sensei.

[Two weeks later]　

"027, it's time."　

"Yes!"

Oh my! It's a great sensei!

What's the experiment today? It could be a new drug or an experiment using supernatural powers, anything is fine!　

"Number 027"　

"What? Sensei?"

Yes, yes! Whatever it is! If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know!

"I've strengthened the power output of your collar. You won't wake up for a few days."

"Yes! I understand!"

…………………Hmph.

Yes, damn it! The heck is the great teacher, you idiot! C-c-c-phew!

If we make a big move he gets carried away, you violent, shitty glasses guy! You sly, gloomy, good looking guy! Don't get too cocky just because he's a little good looking!!

I'll never call you "great sensei" ever again, even in my mind! "Mad" really suits you, you mad scientist!!

[Subject 027/Nina]
She learned for the first time what it means to love and be loved. She don't need a replacement anymore, so her desire to cloud things has almost disappeared. She is the happiest She have ever been in her both life.

[Sannomiya Reina/Lena]
She have regained a little of what she lost. For Lena, she is an irreplaceable person, a best friend, a younger sister, an older sister, and she has the same thought process as her mother. She steadily becoming happier.

By the way, if a subject uses their powers without permission, they are basically killed or re-educated (meaningful). This time, Mad beat them up first, so it was avoided.