Chapter 19: Lovers? Best Friends?

I took a shower, washing the grime from my body.

We’d arrived at Murakumo-kun’s house a little before four, but before I knew it, the sky outside had already started to darken—and it looked like night would fall any moment now.

Even so… that was incredible.

I’ve never experienced anything like that in my entire life.

Just by putting emotion into words, the way I felt changed so drastically—I never imagined it would be like this.

And more than anything, I felt happy. So happy, so overwhelmed with joy… What’s the word for it again? Right! Euphoria!! That’s it!!

I was so full of euphoric happiness—like I wasn’t just physically connected to the one I love, but mentally too. That kind of union, both body and soul—it felt unbelievably good.

The biggest trigger was those simple words: I love you.

Not just thinking it. Not just showing it through actions. I finally said it out loud.

And once I’d spoken those words, my feelings kept gaining momentum, faster and faster.

I couldn’t hold them back anymore. The love I felt just kept bubbling up and spilling from my lips over and over again. And not just that—my body, my heart, every part of me began to crave Murakumo-kun. I wanted all of him.

And the most wonderful part—Murakumo-kun said “I love you” back.

At that moment, I was on top of the world. I felt euphoric, called out his name, poured my heart out to him… and reached for him again and again, wanting nothing more than to connect with both his heart and body.

Our bodies were covered in sweat and all kinds of other fluids—normally, that would’ve felt gross, but I didn’t care anymore.

We laid side by side on Murakumo-kun’s bed, holding each other, and shared one final kiss to mark the end of it all.

――That blissful moment, once it was over, felt like it had passed in the blink of an eye… and yet, when I looked at the clock, more than two hours had gone by.

And now here I was, getting to take a shower first.

Physically, I’d mostly calmed down… but inside, my heart was still floating. I felt so light and happy, still riding that high.

Ahh, Murakumo-kun. Murakumo-kun.

Even if we didn’t go all the way, I still wanted to touch his skin more, to keep cuddling him forever.

Now that I’ve let my feelings out and told him everything, I don’t have to hold back anymore—not from anyone, not even myself.

If Murakumo-kun says I’m “his,” then I’ll say it too: he’s mine.

The only guy I can open up to like this, both body and soul, is Murakumo-kun. Even now, I still can’t stand the thought of any other man.

Only Murakumo-kun is special to me.

As I stepped out of the bathroom and dried myself off, I suddenly noticed something.

…Even the bath towel faintly smelled like Murakumo-kun…

――Wait, what am I doing?!

Forget the towel—I can go sniff the real thing!

I can do that now, can’t I?

With that thought, I finished drying off, got dressed, and headed back to the room.

Inside, Murakumo-kun was still lying on the bed, stark naked, spread out like a starfish.

He’d opened the window for ventilation. I called out to him, “I’m done with the shower.”

“Yeah.”

A half-hearted reply. He didn’t move an inch.

He seemed distracted… like his mind was somewhere else. What’s wrong?

“…Haru.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Do you love me?”

Huh? What’s with that? I said it so many times just earlier—more times than I could count.

…But then I thought about it for a second, and it hit me.

He probably thinks I only said it in the heat of the moment.

That’s why he suddenly feels insecure. Yeah, that must be it.

Then I’ll just have to put his heart at ease.

“Umm, well…”

As soon as I tried to say it again, I suddenly felt shy. Yeah, I guess momentum really is important.

“I-I really… really love you, Murakumo-kun!”

I looked him straight in the eyes to make sure there was no misunderstanding, and said it clearly and directly.

When he heard that, Murakumo-kun’s expression instantly brightened.

“I love you too, Haru.”

“Yeah, I know.”

As I answered, Murakumo-kun stood up from the bed and turned toward me.

Ah, he’s definitely about to hug me.

“W-Wait! Go take a shower first, okay? Please?”

“…Oh. Yeah, you’re right.”

He grabbed a change of clothes and headed off to the bathroom.

“Haru, you’ll be heading home soon, right? Just wait a sec, okay?”

“Okay.”

Fresh from the shower, Murakumo-kun stripped the dirty sheets from the bed and tossed them into the washer-dryer.

After that, he’d walk me home—and that would be it for today.

I really wanted to stay with him longer, but it couldn’t be helped. My mom was probably waiting at home, making dinner.

And I’m sure my dad was worried too.

“Murakumo-kun, um… thanks for today. Really. I feel so full… emotionally and physically. It felt really, really good.”

I gathered up my courage and said it.

Normally, people probably wouldn’t say something like that out loud. But this sense of fulfillment—I really wanted him to know.

Murakumo-kun looked a little surprised at first, but then he responded.

“Ah, thanks… I’m glad you’re satisfied too. Oh, and—”

He looked like he was about to tell me something. What is it?

“—Would you stop calling me by my last name, and use my first name instead?”

Ah, I see.

Considering how close we’ve gotten, it does make sense we’d call each other by our given names.

—But.

“Sorry. The name ‘Kiriya’… that’s my best friend’s name, so for me, calling you ‘Murakumo-kun’ feels more like your name…”

As soon as I said that much, Murakumo-kun grabbed both of my shoulders.

“Haru, you still haven’t realized!? …Ah, sorry for being so sudden. I should’ve said this sooner… But I really believed you’d figure it out. I’ve been waiting all this time. Still—I'll say it properly now.”

Huh? What? What’s with the sudden intensity?

Did I say something weird?

“I’m… Kurakumo Kiriya. I’m your friend—Kurakumo Kiriya. The one who moved away right before third year of middle school. I’ve been hiding it this whole time, I’m sorry.”

――Huh?

――Wait, what?

Umm…?

“You really don’t recognize me? Yeah, I got a lot taller. My voice changed too. I lost weight and built up some muscle. I look totally different from back in second year… but I’m still Kurakumo Kiriya.”

“…Why are you talking about Kiri—Kiriya like that, Murakumo-kun? How do you know about him… Ah! Did you hear something from my mom?”

Murakumo-kun suddenly claimed he was Kiri.

There’s no way that could be true.

My best friend Kiri and the current Murakumo-kun aren’t even remotely alike.

Besides, their surnames are completely different.

“But… your last names don’t match.”

“That’s because, right after we moved, my parents got divorced. I was taken in by my mother, and my surname changed from Kurakumo to Murakumo. And here—”

As he spoke, Murakumo-kun opened a drawer and pulled out an old smartphone to show me.

“It doesn’t work anymore, but I kept the data. Look—this one’s from about two and a half years ago. It’s me and you in second year. See? This should be enough to convince you.”

On the screen of that phone, which had no signal, was a photo—clearly from our second year of middle school. Kiri and I were smiling, making peace signs together.

…No way.

Murakumo-kun is… actually my best friend Kiri?

The one standing in front of me isn’t Murakumo-kun—it’s Kiri.

I don’t want to believe it.

Did I just get tricked? Did I get taken advantage of by the person I thought was just a friend?

If it were Murakumo-kun, I wouldn’t care what he did to me.

Even that time… even if I was pushed down—it didn’t bother me. Because it was Murakumo-kun.

But… but.

If that was actually Kiri… then it’s a completely different story.

I wanted it to be Murakumo-kun. It had to be Murakumo-kun.

I love him—not Kiri. I’ve never looked at Kiri that way.

I raised my eyes to look at Murakumo-kun.

No. I couldn’t see him as Murakumo-kun anymore.

What stood there… was my best friend, Kiri.

――Murakumo-kun… was gone.

“…Haru?”

Kiri’s voice made me flinch.

My thoughts were a tangled mess.

The voice, the appearance—it was all supposed to be Murakumo-kun. But now, it sounded like a stranger. Looked like someone else.

I can’t take it. I want to go home!!

I jumped up and rushed to the entrance.

I flung open the door, trying to leave, but Kiri grabbed my arm.

“Haru!! Please, wait!!”

I struggled with everything I had, trying to shake him off.

But I already knew—I couldn’t match him in strength.

Even so, I kept trying my hardest to break free.

And then… Kiri let go.

“…"

Surprised that he’d released me, I looked back at him for just a second—and saw that he had a heartbroken expression on his face.

But I turned away, ran out of his house, and kept running with everything I had… all the way home.

Once I got home, I didn’t touch the dinner my mom had made, didn’t even show my face.

I just locked myself in my room.

I couldn’t think straight. My mind was in chaos. I was spiraling in panic.

My lover, Murakumo-kun, had disappeared—and in his place, only my best friend Kiri remained.

I couldn’t see them as the same person. I just couldn’t.

Ah… I want to see Murakumo-kun.

The Murakumo-kun in my head wasn’t the same as the Kiri from earlier.

He was cool, quiet, a little forceful—but gentle with me, thoughtful, accepting. That was Murakumo-kun. The one I loved. The only one I’ve ever loved in this whole world.

“Murakumo-kun…”

I soaked my pillow in tears… and somewhere along the way, I fell asleep.