Chapter 28: The Angel’s Jealousy

In the end, we made it to the classroom without ever letting go of each other’s hand.

"Morning, Haru-chan. And Kiriya, I guess. …Oh?"

As soon as we stepped into the classroom, Nozomu—the guy with the fluffy, curly light brown hair—greeted us, immediately noticing something.

Yeah, I knew it. He saw we were holding hands.

But please, don’t say anything more.

"A guess, huh."

"Yup, a guess. I’ve seen your face enough for a lifetime. Haru-chan’s face, though? Still haven’t had my fill."

"I’m telling Koharu."

"Ah! No, wait! I’m kidding! Totally joking! It’s just friendly skinship, that’s all!"

"Hmm, what should I do about this…"

"Hey!? You serious right now!? Kiriya-san!?"

Their usual morning banter. Kiri and Nozomu.

It’s just their way of messing around—nothing but a harmless, friendly scene.

But… to be honest, I felt jealous.

Seeing Kiri getting along with someone who wasn’t me—even just that—stirred something faint and restless inside me.

It wasn’t like this before. I used to be able to watch Kiri and Nozomu fool around and just smile.

Aokuu Nozomu. He became friends with Kiri after he entered high school.

According to Kiri, Nozomu just sort of clung to him for some reason and went along with whatever he was doing. But can people really become close just from that? I figure they probably just click.

He’s sociable, easygoing, and always good at lightening the mood.

With him around, people are more accepting of Kiri’s somewhat sharp and intimidating vibe.

And their relationship—Kiri and Nozomu’s—is well-known. A classic duo, best friends, always together. That kind of thing.

Then there’s Koharu. Nozomu’s girlfriend and one of my few female friends.

She’s gentle, kind, and has this soft presence—like a reliable big sister to everyone.

But when she’s with friends, she acts her age, just a normal girl. That contrast is honestly part of her charm.

My circle basically revolves around these two, plus Kiri.

My old friends from when I was still a guy all disappeared the moment I became a girl.

Kiri and Nozomu were still chatting.

Kiri looked like he was enjoying himself too.

Normally, I’d either just watch or join the conversation. But today, I didn’t feel like doing either.

Because I realized something—there was a different kind of feeling inside me.

Normally, I’d feel jealous of Nozomu.

Because the kind of relaxed, upbeat, fun vibe he creates with Kiri just doesn’t exist between him and me.

Kiri and I do talk, but because we’ve known each other so long, it’s usually enough just to be near each other in silence.

If Nozomu is the lively best friend, I guess I’m the quiet one.

That’s just how our friendship is. Different in nature.

And I’d always been a bit jealous of that part I couldn’t be.

But this time, it wasn’t just that.

I was feeling something murky toward Kiri too—something I didn’t quite understand.

What is this feeling? Jealousy? No, not quite. But close.

I couldn’t really tell. All I knew was that I wanted to do something to ease this cloudy feeling, and before I knew it, my body acted on its own.

"Hm? —Nozomu, let’s talk later."

Interrupted mid-conversation, Kiri turned back to me like he’d suddenly remembered I was there.

I guess it worked.

All I’d done… was squeeze his hand tightly, the one we were still holding.

So childish. But it wasn’t something I’d thought through—my body just moved on its own.

And in the end, it stopped the conversation and brought his attention back to me.

I know. That’s not something best friends do.

It’s more like something a child does to a parent… or lovers do with each other.

But it worked. And for now, that’s enough.

We each put our bags down at our seats and took a breath.

There’s still a little time before homeroom. Now, what do we do about our still-linked hands…?

Kiri and I both looked at them.

Then we looked at each other—and shared a wry smile. Guess it’s time.

"Well… guess this is it."

I said it, forcing myself to let go.

But this time, Kiri squeezed back with force.

"Again on the way home."

There he goes again.

We’re just best friends—we’re not supposed to hold hands.

…That’s what I think. And yet, honestly, I’m torn.

Part of me wants to. Part of me doesn’t.

So I gave him this answer:

"…I’ll… think about it."

Punting the decision down the road, as usual.

And with that, I returned to my seat.

There was nothing out of the ordinary during the break, and the day moved on into after school.

"Shall we head home?"

"Yeah."

Kiri came over to my desk and prompted me.

I started packing up, and just as I finished, Kiri's hand was held out in front of me.

But unlike this morning, I had regained my composure and calm.

So, my answer was: NO!

I’m not holding hands.

"I told you before—I’m not doing that."

Saying that, I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"...Right. You did say that."

Kiri pulled his hand back, looking dejected. I felt a small pang of guilt as I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

No, no, this is how things should be. Yeah.

Telling myself that, I tried to justify my choice—but I couldn’t shake the prickling ache in my chest.

As we left the classroom together, Nozomu-kun called out to us.

"Hey, you two. Koharu says she wants to walk home together. What do you think?"

I didn’t have any particular plans, and if it’s an invitation from Koharu-chan, there’s no reason to refuse.

"I'm fine with it. What about you, Kiri?"

"Sure, whatever."

...Huh? Is Kiri sulking a bit?

Something’s off with his attitude.

"Alright, then it's settled. She said she's got something to take care of first, so wait outside the front gate."

So we moved over to the school gate and waited there as a group of three.

While we waited, Nozomu-kun naturally took the lead in the conversation, with Kiri as his partner.

...Man, this isn’t good.

It wasn’t this bad last week. Something definitely changed in me after what happened yesterday.

Even though it's just Kiri and Nozomu-kun chatting and having fun. Even though I’m joining in here and there.

Something like baseless jealousy or possessiveness keeps bubbling up, and I feel this weird urge to vent my loneliness or frustration.

God, I’m such a pain.

And this isn't how a best friend should act.

If Kiri were off hanging out with someone else, that’d be one thing. But he's right here, with me, just chatting with a friend.

Getting jealous over that—it's just wrong.

So why am I so on edge?

Even though he's right here, right next to me, why am I feeling like this?

Could it be... that turning him down when he tried to hold my hand earlier left me feeling guilty?

If that’s the case, and if holding hands could make all this restlessness disappear—

Then screw it.

I reached out and took his hand.

"Huh!?"

Kiri was clearly surprised—not that I could blame him, since I’d just rejected him.

I squeezed tight, craving a strong connection.

At the same time, I turned my face away in embarrassment.

Kiri accepted it. He gently wrapped his hand around mine, soft and warm.

I couldn’t see his face, but I just knew—he was smiling at me.

And then, all the haze and agitation inside me melted away like it had never been there.

As if I was being wrapped in Kiri’s warmth—not just my hand, but my whole body felt cozy and calm.

...That’s so unfair.

With this kind of feeling, how could I not want to hold his hand?

"...Okay, but why are you two suddenly acting all lovey-dovey?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"You're damn right I wouldn't!! Koharu—!! Hurry up and get over here!! If I stay here alone any longer, I’m gonna melt!!"

"Geez, you’re so loud, Nozomu. Haru-chan! Kiriya-kun! —Ah, I see. Yeah, things are definitely different from last week."

"Ooh! Koharu, you're here! Alright, we can’t let them show us up now!"

Nozomu-kun tried to hug Koharu-chan the moment she appeared, walking in with her usual flair.

Koharu-chan, as always, blocked him with one hand, and the four of us started walking together.

"Haru-chan, let’s go shopping for summer clothes soon! It’s already hot, and you could probably wear them right after we buy them!"

"True... though..."

Honestly, I wasn’t really in the mood to wear girls’ clothes right now.

Even this past Saturday and Sunday, those outfits weren’t exactly my choice.

And if I went shopping with Koharu-chan and the others, I just knew they’d try to get me into cute or frilly stuff again. I'd really rather avoid that.

"I mean... I don’t really want to wear cute stuff, I guess..."

I said it bluntly, and Koharu-chan responded with wide-eyed surprise.

"Ehh!? What’s up with that? You don’t like cute stuff anymore? But it looks so good on you!!"

"I-It’s just... kinda embarrassing, I guess..."

"Ahh, yeah, I get that—summer outfits do show more skin. But I bet Kiriya-kun would love it! I mean, I feel that way too—if someone I care about’s happy, then it feels worth it, right? So let’s just try it~!"

Koharu-chan glanced briefly at Nozomu-kun as she said that.

Wait, Kiri would be happy?

Seriously? That can’t be... or could it?

I glanced at Kiri—and saw him nodding hard, again and again. He even tightened his grip on my hand.

Seeing that, I felt a mix of "Come on, seriously?" and "If it would make him happy..." stirring in me at the same time.

But deep down, I already knew the outcome.

When it came to clothes, my so-called best friend's logic had never once triumphed.

That’s why I’d ended up in those ridiculous cute outfits last weekend too.

But this time, beyond the “if it would make him happy,” there was something more.

I wanted Kiri to look at me.

I wanted to be the only one he looked at.

Even though I’d usually tell myself that kind of feeling didn’t belong in friendship, I understood now—it’s what I truly wanted.

Just moments ago, I thought: I want to have Kiri all to myself, no matter what form that takes.

"Alright then, Saturday it is."

And that settled it.

We’d work out the time and details through group chat.

I mean, honestly, couldn’t we just do everything over messages? But both Koharu-chan and Nozomu-kun really enjoyed chatting face-to-face, so it’d be rude to say that out loud.

Besides, Kiri’s the kind of guy who reads a message and totally forgets to reply.

Still... wanting to be the only one he looks at, wanting to show off for him, wanting to make him happy... Those feelings might sound harmless in words—but deep down, emotionally, they were definitely not the feelings of a “best friend.”

Ugh... I’m getting further and further from the best friend I thought I was supposed to be.