Chapter 29: Holding Hands with an Angel

Morning. I was torn.

In the end, we walked all the way home yesterday holding hands.
And now, once again, Kiri was about to come pick me up.
A voice inside me asked, "Isn’t it fine to just hold hands already?"

But still—Kiri and I are just best friends. Nothing more.
It feels nice in the moment, sure. But later, I end up thrashing around on my bed in embarrassment.

Yeah, no. This isn’t okay.
We’re best friends, so I can’t let myself get carried away by a fleeting impulse.

—A-Alright! This time I’m serious! I won’t hold hands anymore!!
Unshakable resolve!! No room for doubt!!

I buried those feelings deep inside my chest and steeled myself.

And the very moment I made that decision, the doorbell rang. Kiri was here.
My heart skipped a beat.
...T-Terrible timing. That scared me.

That’s all it was—just a surprise. Nothing else. Yeah.

Trying to calm my pounding heart, I grabbed my bag, walked to the door, and opened it.
Kiri was there.

Tall as always, with those perfectly shaped features. Cool and handsome.

Crap. Just seeing Kiri’s face was enough to make my determination waver.

Focus. Don’t forget what you decided.

“M-Morning. You’re early again.”

“Morning. …It’s the same as always, though.”

“Is it? Well, whatever. I’m off.”

I called back toward the house, announcing I was leaving, closed the door, and turned around.
That’s when I saw it—Kiri’s hand, held out toward me.

“Haru.”

He smiled warmly as he said my name.

It felt like my heart was seized in a tight grip.
The feelings I’d forced down deep inside surged up once more.
My mind filled with the urge to take his hand, and that so-called unshakable resolve flickered like a dying candle.

Is this really okay? I asked myself in one last act of resistance.
What do I really want?

I… my true feelings… I want to hold Kiri’s hand.

He’s my best friend. That hasn’t changed.
But just for now, I want to hold his hand. To connect with him, even just a little.

That, too, is undeniably how I really feel.

—We’re best friends, but I still want to hold his hand.

It’s a totally self-serving, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too kind of thinking.
Like trying to save both sides in the trolley problem.

But hey, what’s wrong with that?
This is our issue—mine and Kiri’s. No one else’s.

I looked up, faced Kiri straight on, nodded, and took his hand.

Kiri smiled too, and squeezed back.

“You sure?”

Maybe just to be certain, Kiri asked.
The me from a little while ago might have snapped out of it at those words and hesitated.

But I’m not that me anymore.
I’ve decided—I’m allowed to be selfish.

“Yeah. What about you, Kiri? You better not say you hate it, ‘cause I’m holding your hand anyway.”

“Not a chance. I’d never hate it.”

“Hope so.”

“Trust me, will you…”

Kiri and I are best friends, no doubt about that.
But aside from that—we’re holding hands.
That’s that, and this is this.

Once I crossed that line, all the worry felt stupid in hindsight.

And from then until the weekend, Kiri and I held hands on the way to and from school every day.

Still, we’re just best friends. We hang out like always.
Nothing more than that.

We don’t do anything else.
That stuff would fall into “boy-girl” territory. Romantic couple stuff.

Now then, it’s Saturday.
Today’s the day the four of us—including Koharu-chan—are going shopping.

Right now, Kiri and I are on the train, chatting while watching the scenery pass by.

“Hey, are we going back to that store from last time?”

“We’ll probably hit some other shops too, but I think we are.”

“That one sells swimsuits, right?”

“Ooh, nice. I’ll pick one out for you, Haru.”

“I’ll pass. If I leave it to you, you’ll only choose skimpy ones.”

Swimsuits, huh… I tried to imagine myself in swim trunks, but somehow the image in my head was a shirtless girl.
I guess, even in my own mind, I completely see myself as a girl now.

If I were dressing someone else, I’d go for a bikini or one of those strappy ones, but wearing it myself… yeah, no.

“I can’t wait to see you in a bikini, Haru.”

“Nope. Never said I was wearing one.”

“Oh come on, you have to show me your bikini look.”

A bikini, huh…

Nope. I just can’t picture it.
Underwear, maybe. That I can kind of imagine. But still… wait.

What’s even the difference between a bikini and underwear?
The thought of walking around outside in what’s basically underwear… is mortifying.

“Yeah, no way. A bikini would be way too embarrassing.”

"I see. Well, I won't force you… but that's a shame."

Kiriya said that with an openly disappointed look.

Too bad for him. Playing the sympathy card isn't going to work on me.

Don’t think I’m gonna fall for it every time.

"That face won't work. I’m not falling for it."

"Aww, too bad. I thought Haru would go along with it."

Seriously, his expectations are too soft.

We’ve known each other long enough that I can read him like a book.

—Still, does he really wanna see it that badly?

Not happening. No way I'm wearing it.

"Ah, there they are!"

When we got to the meeting spot, Koharu-chan and Nozomu-kun were already waiting.

"You guys are kinda early, huh?"

"Of course we are! It’s the day we pick out Haru-chan’s summer outfit! I’m totally fired up!"

Koharu-chan was acting so bubbly, it was hard to believe she’s usually so calm at school—like she was a completely different person.

Well, that side of her is cute too, though.

"Huh? You’re not buying anything, Koharu?"

"If I see something I like, maybe. But today’s all about Haru-chan."

"Aww, that’s a bummer."

The one saying that with disappointment was Nozomu-kun.

He must’ve been looking forward to seeing his girlfriend in something new for summer. Now I kinda feel bad.

"Oh, but I’m picking out a swimsuit with Haru-chan, so you’ve got that to look forward to!"

"For real!? Now that’s exciting! Right, Kiriya!!"

"Yeah."

Nozomu-kun instantly lit up.

Watching those two have fun like that made me think… man, I want a girlfriend too.

Well, I mean, whatever. I’ve got Kiriya.

…!?

What the hell was that thought just now!?

—No no no!! Not like that!!

I meant I’ve got a close friend, that’s all! Not a boyfriend or anything like that!!

…Who am I even explaining this to!?

Anyway, that’s totally not what I meant!!

Panicking, I let go of the hand I’d been holding and shook my head hard to clear it.

"What’s up?"

"N-No, it’s nothing…"

Crap. Get it together.

Kiriya is my best friend. Just a friend. Not a boyfriend. Definitely not like that.

…Okay. I’m good now.

I fixed my hair, took his hand again, and the four of us headed into the store.

"First, summer clothes! Swimsuits come after, okay!"

Koharu-chan warned the boys, who looked like they were ready to bolt straight for the swimsuit section.

"We got it, right, Kiriya?"

"Yeah, Nozomu. Obviously."

They literally looked like they were about to head straight for swimsuits just now.

Seriously. Those two are way too in sync sometimes.

"Alright then, let’s start picking out clothes."

Koharu-chan turned to me with a bright, beaming smile.

…Why do I feel a little scared?

While I was browsing clothes, a store clerk approached me—and I recognized her face.

"Welcome. Is there anything you're looking for today?"

"Ah, thank you for last time."

She was the staff member who helped me last time—taking my measurements, helping me choose outfits and everything. I owed her for a lot.

So of course, a basic greeting was the least I could do.

"Nice to see you again. What are you looking for today?"

"Today I’m thinking of getting some summer clothes, and also a swimsuit."

"A swimsuit!? …In that case, it might be best to remeasure you."

Remeasure me? It’s only been about a month. I don’t really think that’s necessary.

"Oh, it’s okay. You just measured me a month ago."

"What are you saying? During adolescence, a month can make a big difference! And if it’s a swimsuit we’re talking about, that makes it even more important. Wearing an ill-fitting swimsuit could lead to major issues. I strongly recommend remeasuring."

She spoke quickly and passionately.

When I glanced over at Koharu-chan, she gave me a thumbs-up. So I guess the clerk wasn’t saying anything weird.

Hmm… I’m not exactly thrilled about it, but if she’s going that far, I guess I’ll go along with it.

"Alright. Can I ask you to do it then?"

"Of course! Leave it to me!!"

"Then I’ll go look around and pick some clothes~"

With that, Koharu-chan wandered off to browse the racks.

When I turned back, the clerk was already pulling out her measuring tape—completely prepared.

"Now then, please step into the fitting room."

Urged on, I went into the fitting room and started undressing.

Bottoms too… well, it is a swimsuit we’re talking about, so I guess I should take those off too. Wait—last time, I ended up completely naked, didn’t I?

With that in mind, I stripped all the way down, then peeked out through the curtain and called to the clerk waiting outside.

"Um… I’m undressed now…"

"Alright! Let’s get started with your measurements!"

The moment she said that, the store clerk stepped into the fitting room, measuring tape in hand.

"Wait, wait!! Your skin is so beautiful~. …Ahem. I mean, it’s not just your youth—the quality of your skin is truly exceptional. Haa…"

She let out a sigh.

But it wasn’t a negative sigh. It was dreamy, almost enchanted—like she was genuinely awestruck.

"R-Really? I don’t really notice things like that myself."

"I’ve seen all kinds of skin in this line of work, but I’ve never come across skin like yours. The firmness, the sheen—it’s amazing. Honestly, it’s a shame to hide it under clothes. At the very least, I think your boyfriend should get a look."

As she spoke, she began touching my body here and there, taking measurements as she went.

Boyfriend, huh…? Is she talking about Kiri?

—Wait, no!! That’s not what this is!!

I shook my head side to side, trying to banish the image of Kiri’s face that had popped into my mind.

"Ah, please don’t move."

"S-Sorry."

I got gently scolded by the clerk.

Yeah, I need to behave for now.

That said… I do feel like she’s touching me more than necessary. I know she’s measuring me, and I wouldn’t normally care since she’s a woman, but this is starting to feel off.

She keeps sighing that dreamy sigh too… Something about her is definitely strange.

"Just as I thought! Your bust size has gone up. You’re now at 91.5 cm—G70!"

Now that she mentioned it, my bra had been feeling tighter lately.

"Your hips haven’t changed, so it’s only your chest that’s grown. Simply amazing…"

While the clerk gazed at me with starry eyes, I couldn’t help feeling a bit conflicted.

I wasn’t exactly happy about it. My body’s already unbalanced, and now my chest pushes up against my blazer and makes it even more noticeable.

Apparently, I’m just barely in G-cup territory now, which means I’ll have to replace all my bras… That’s gonna hurt the wallet.

Still, Mom gave me some extra allowance since I said I was going shopping today, so I should be okay for now.

After finishing up in the fitting room, I went out and told Koharu-chan my new measurements, which then got passed on to Kiri and Nozomu as well.

I did say it was fine… but now that I think about it, was that really okay?

Most girls probably wouldn’t share that kind of info so casually. But when it comes to choosing clothes, I guess it's useful to know.

Well… it’s those two. I trust them enough that I don’t really mind.

Alright, time to pick out some clothes!