Chapter 24: A Story of Endless Despair——

“W–What do you mean…?”

Kotomine Kirei is dead.
The words Rin had spoken were something Saber couldn’t immediately swallow.

“What do I mean? You should know more about the last Holy Grail War than I do, shouldn’t you?”

“No… well, I only know bits and pieces—”

“Saber.”

Flustered by Rin’s remark, Saber was interrupted by Archer’s voice.

“…Why are you so interested in this man, ‘Kotomine Kirei’?”

“That’s…”

Saber faltered, unable to answer easily. Archer let out a sigh.

“Karen… was it? You should know the general outline of the Fourth Holy Grail War that happened ten years ago, correct? Would you tell Saber about it? Well, if it breaks the rules, I’m not going to force you…”

“No, something like that doesn’t violate the rules. If asked, it’s my duty to answer. But since it’s already late at night, let’s leave it for tomorrow. I’ve just issued a ceasefire order anyway, so could you come by again around noon?”

“Ah, yes.”

Saber bowed formally.

---

On the way back toward the Emiya residence, Rin glared at the back of the Saber walking ahead.

There had been odd points before, but this time was decisive.

“…Archer.”

Rin called to the man walking beside her.

“What is it?”

“Just who is Saber?”

“…Isn’t it exactly as Caster speculated? At the very least, that explanation holds water.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Rin shook her head.

“The question isn’t about that. The problem is—who exactly is ‘Hino Sato’?”

“What do you mean…?”

Thinking back to her words and actions so far, Rin spoke.

“I’ve thought it was strange for a while now. How could someone who knew nothing about magecraft until then instantly grasp the situation from my brief explanation and make such precise decisions?”

When they first met, Saber hadn’t even understood herself.
Yet, after hearing the explanation Rin had given Shirou—one meant for someone already familiar with magecraft—she immediately took action to save him.

When Berserker attacked, before Rin could even finish thinking, Saber had made the spot-on decision to have her Master use a Command Spell.

Saber had told her the reason she was willing to risk her life, but Rin had never been able to ask how she could make such calls.

“Saber’s decisions have always been ones only someone with knowledge of magecraft could make. Even before she obtained King Arthur’s memories through the Command Spell… And in that conversation at the church earlier, there was something clearly strange.”

“You mean about Kotomine Kirei?”

“No. That’s suspicious too, but there was something even stranger.”

“What?”

Rin’s expression grew stern.

“She said Karen’s full name. When Karen had only given her first name… Karen was appointed as Kirei’s successor as Overseer just a few years ago. The Church had hurriedly prepared her for the role, never expecting the Holy Grail War to resume in just ten years. There’s no way Saber could have known her full name.”

“…I see. So you’re saying Saber is hiding something?”

“Yes, exactly. Just like you are…”

When Rin turned her suspicion toward him, Archer only shrugged.

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb. I’ve known your identity for a while now. I was waiting for you to talk, but now that I know even Saber has secrets, I can’t just sit on it. With Makiri acting suspiciously, Executors turning against us, and Caster’s Servant infiltrating from within… We can’t afford any more trouble.”

Rin spoke firmly.

“Talk. You must know everything, right? After all, you and Saber—”

“I don’t know.”

Rin froze at the quiet reply.

“…Archer?”

She thought about shouting, but the expression on his face stopped her.

He looked genuinely sorrowful.

“I… wasn’t told anything. Not a thing. We were together so long, but… in the end, right up until the very last moment…”

In a way, it was the answer Rin had wanted—words that confirmed the identity she’d deduced for him.

But she couldn’t bring herself to ask anything more. There was nothing she could say to someone wearing the expression of a child who had lost his parents.

“…Well, Saber will tell us eventually. At the very least, I’m sure she’s not going to turn on us. That much, I can be certain of…”

For now, that would have to do. There was no point in doubting one of the few allies they could trust.

There were plenty of others who deserved her suspicion more. Especially Caster—she would have to keep a very close eye on her.

Archer seemed to be softening toward her, but the woman was a witch from the Age of Gods. Not someone you could ever truly trust.

“Don’t wear yourself out, Rin.”

Ilya’s voice cut in as Rin furrowed her brow.

“No matter how much you watch her, Caster isn’t an opponent you can deal with easily. For now, you’ll have to ‘trust’ her. Keep every nerve on edge for the moment she tries to cut your throat. Do that alone, and it’ll break you.”

“…Ilya.”

“Relax. I’m watching her too. Let’s work together, Rin.”

“…Ha.”

The thought of having no choice but to take the hand of someone she couldn’t trust made Rin feel faint.

Illyasviel von Einzbern—Master of the Einzbern and Shirou Emiya’s foster sister.

Rin could never take her words at face value. Even if what she said about wanting Shirou to win was true, that was no guarantee she wouldn’t turn on her.

They might both be on Shirou’s side, but they didn’t think of each other as allies.

“…Fine. Let’s work together, Ilya.”

Taking her hand, Rin thought to herself—perhaps it was her own chances of survival, not Shirou’s, that were the slimmest.

---

Upon returning to the Emiya residence, everyone took a breather with tea brewed by Saber.

The round trip to Shinto had been quite exhausting.

As they each rested in the living room, Rin eventually rose to her feet.

“Well then, about what comes next—”

Under Rin’s lead, they discussed their future course of action. That said, most of the conversation consisted of Illya and Caster exchanging remarks, while Shirou and Saber simply sat next to each other, sipping tea.

When the discussion wound down, they decided to devote the next day entirely to preparations. Under Caster’s direction, they would rebuild and strengthen the mansion’s bounded field.

In the meantime, a few people would go out to procure supplies—namely Shirou and Saber, who would be of no help with setting up the bounded field.

As for what would happen after that, they agreed to focus on monitoring Makiri’s movements.

The three most tactically minded members all agreed that Bazett would likely remain passive for a while. Their prediction was that once one faction was crushed, she would attack the weakened victor.

“Well then, let’s call it a day for now.”

With the meeting over, everyone headed off to their assigned rooms. Shirou walked alongside Saber toward their quarters.

Alone together, they couldn’t help but recall that kiss—and so, they both fell silent.

“…You’d better make sure you get a proper night’s sleep tonight, alright?”

Standing before the door to his room, Saber pushed down her embarrassment and made sure to drive the point home.

“No sneaking out to train your magecraft or swordsmanship.”

“…I know. I’m not going to do anything that would trouble you, Saber.”

Shirou replied with a wry smile, feeling she had become even more overprotective than before.

“…Then that’s fine. Just—don’t overdo it, alright?”

“Got it.”

“Well then, good night.”

“Yeah… good night.”

After Shirou stepped inside his room, Saber returned to her own. She knelt formally before her vanity and opened the double doors, gazing into the mirror—and let out a small, sharp gasp.

“…This… is me.”

Aside from her hair and eye color, the face in the mirror had suddenly become far closer to her appearance in life.

The overall form was still unmistakably feminine, but the shape of her ears and other fine details vividly reminded her of her past self.

This was what Caster had meant. The things she had been keeping suppressed… would no longer stay down.

A wave of nausea hit her hard. She stumbled out of the room, rushed down the hallway, and bolted into the toilet beside the bathroom.

Tears and retching wouldn’t stop. Maybe she shouldn’t have looked. Maybe she should have kept running from reality, just as she had until now.

But if she broke down at a critical moment, she wouldn’t be able to protect Shirou. That was unacceptable. She didn’t care if she was ruined—but Shirou’s safety was not something she could allow to be jeopardized.

If she had to break, better now—while others could still protect him. Rin, Illya… they could be trusted with that.

“…ugh—”

In truth, a Servant’s body, no matter how much it tried to vomit, could only produce stomach acid; everything else was converted to mana.

That was why she had never even needed to use the toilet until now. The only time she was forced to acknowledge being female was while bathing.

Even then, it hadn’t bothered her. She had always thought of this body as belonging to Artoria, someone else entirely.

But now… it was becoming closer to her own—Hino Sato’s.

If she was forced to recognize the fact that her own features had been carried over into this transformed, female form… what would become of her?

“…I’m scared.”

Her body trembled. In that dream world, she had been able to accept being female—had even found joy in it.

But that was only because Caster’s illusions had dulled her emotions.

Seeing the truth through a lens of deceit meant feeling nothing—it was inevitable.

“…Alright. Time to toughen up.”

It was a mental battle, but if ever there was a time to summon “guts,” this was it.

She stepped out of the toilet and into the changing room. Slowly, she undressed, standing naked. For some reason, the mirror here was fogged, obscuring her reflection.

“…Tch.”

So much for working up her resolve—only to be undercut like this. Fine. She’d just use the mirror inside the bath itself. Even if it was fogged, the shower could clear it.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside.

“…Wait.”

The sight before her struck her dumb.

If she’d thought it through, she could have realized—a fogged mirror meant someone had just been using the bath.

“…Uh, Saber… I did leave the light on, you know…”

Considering how many women were in this house, locking the door should have been an absolute must.

But her mind was too white-hot to focus on that.

The real problem was—Shirou was in the middle of washing himself, and his entire body was plainly in her field of vision.

And, just as bad—her entire body was now in his.

“…H-Hey, Saber? Um, you see… well… I walked all the way back here from the Kotomine Church, so I thought maybe I’d take a quick shower…”

Shirou’s voice barely registered in her mind.

It felt like her skin was wrapped in flames, and she dropped her gaze. No—nothing was actually burning. It was just that flushed, overheated sensation… like after drinking too much alcohol.

She focused on her breathing, swaying slightly as she stepped toward him.

She knew it was wrong. And yet, the fear was so overwhelming that the urge to escape it—to reach for him—kept rising. Just like in that dream, she wanted him to hold her gently, to shield her from everything.

Bare skin. Wet hair. That bewildered expression—so unbearably adorable it made her chest ache.

The flames licking at her skin sank deeper, burning into her heart.

“S-Saber…?”

His confused voice brought tears to her eyes.

No—that wasn’t it. Those weren’t the words she wanted to hear.

“…Ah…”

As she wiped away her tears, the mirror caught her eye.

A woman closing in on a confused boy. She realized instantly that the woman was herself—and the shock nearly drove her mad.

The world warped and fractured. No… that woman in the mirror was someone else. It couldn’t be her.

Tearing herself away from Shirou, Saber clung to the bathtub. A sensation like being dragged down into a deep, dark pit overwhelmed her, and her body shook.

“Saber!!”

She had tried to cling to Shirou… as a woman.

The thought made her stomach churn. It was as if she had just trampled her own identity as a man—and the revulsion sent a shiver down her spine.

This wasn’t her. She had to be losing her mind because of Caster’s manipulation.

Yes—because otherwise…

“Saber!!”

A firm hand shook her. Warm. Gentle.

She looked up—and the moment she saw his face, the surge of emotion that welled up inside terrified her.

She had never felt this before. Not even when confessing to girls she’d liked in the past.

“…Let go.”

She meant it—or at least thought she did—but the words sounded hollow.

Because her heart was screaming, Don’t let go. Over and over, trying to force the plea past her lips.

She was filled—overwhelmed—with feelings for him.

Somewhere deep down, she understood it. If she gave in, if she let herself make Shirou the object of her affection, she could escape this terror. She could even learn to take pleasure in being a woman.

But that would mean rejecting who she was. And worse, it would mean using Shirou as nothing more than a comfort—something she could never allow herself to do.

Shirou would accept it. He would. He was kind—too kind. He would take in every weakness she showed him, and try with all his might to answer them.

That was exactly why she couldn’t lean on him.

“…Let go.”

She almost wished she could just break completely. If she shattered, she could escape—from this fear, from these feelings for him.

This was nothing but a counterfeit love. For Shirou, it would be nothing but a burden.

And all of it… was Caster’s fault.

That woman had planted the idea—had made her imagine a world where “leaning on him” was an option.

Looking down, she saw her reflection in the surface of the bathwater. A vile woman’s face stared back at her. It didn’t even resemble the noble visage of the King of Knights she had once been modeled after.

“…I want to die.”

She didn’t want to go on living like this. Not with this ugly face, this ugly heart, and this ugly self by his side.

A creature steeped in falsehoods had no right to protect anyone.

She wanted to die. To end it all, right here.

“D-Don’t you dare!!”

He pulled her into a rough embrace. His face was twisted in anger, and she trembled.

“…Ah…”

“To say… to say you want to die… How could you—”

She had seen him angry before, many times. But this—this was different.

“Why… why would you say something like that? If you’re hurting, then tell me why! Just—talk to me!”

Tears fell from his eyes.

“Am I… really that unreliable?”

Shaking his body and twisting his face, Shirou desperately shook his head.

“N-No, that’s not true!!”

“Then why haven’t you told me anything!? I could tell something was troubling you! I saw you always looking down, agonizing over it! But I kept waiting, thinking you’d tell me someday! So why would you say you want to die!? Why didn’t you say a word until you reached that state!?”

“I-I was troubled by… something different from this…”

“Then tell me what you’re struggling with now! Tell me everything else too!!”

“B-But—”

Saber… or rather, Sato, twisted her face and shouted as if screaming.

“I—I became a woman. I desperately tried to look away from it until now… But because of Caster, I was forced to face the truth… And then, I became unbearably scared…”

“Saber…”

“I want to escape that fear… and I find myself clinging to Shirou-kun. That’s what this is…”

“…If I can help you—”

“No, you can’t!!”

Saber yelled as if shouting.

“These feelings are implanted by Caster. They’re… fake.”

“But if it frees you from suffering—”

“I didn’t want to say anything because I knew Shirou-kun would accept me like that!!”

As Saber shouted out everything she’d been holding inside, Shirou’s eyes widened.

“You’re too kind… Even if this is fake, once you accept it, you’ll feel obliged to live that way. Your life will be greatly distorted… And I don’t want that.”

“What are you saying…”

“――I want Shirou-kun to be happy. No matter what path you walk, I want you to live a life you can die without regrets. But if you accept someone like me, then you’ll—”

“…Saber.”

Shirou lost his words, and Saber bowed her head.

“I’m sorry… I’ve been acting foolish and causing you trouble… I take back what I just said. I’m not going to die here… I’ll come to terms with this on my own.”

With that, Saber stood up and, wobbling slightly, left the bathroom.

Left behind, Shirou stared blankly at the ceiling for a while.

“…If you stay like that, you’ll catch a cold, you know? Young master.”

That voice cleared his thoughts.

Startled, Shirou braced himself as Caster smiled.

“You don’t look cool threatening me in that state.”

“…Ugh.”

Remembering he was completely naked, Shirou’s face flushed bright red.

Caster watched him with amusement.

Hastily sinking down into the bathtub, Shirou glared at her.

“W-What do you want!?”

“…I just thought we should talk a little.”

“Talk…?”

Caster said,

“About Saber… What do you think of her?”

“What do I think… I think she’s important…”

“How important? As a friend? A partner? Or family?”

“I-If you ask me that all of a sudden…”

Flustered, Shirou hesitated, and Caster continued.

“…What I did to Saber was nothing but a harsh treatment—repeatedly showing her the dream of being loved as a woman. It’s a drastic remedy… so aftercare is necessary.”

“A-Aftercare?”

“Saber’s mind is very unstable. So to stabilize her, one more step is needed.”

“One more step… what do you mean?”

“Originally, I planned to have Archer do it since he’s the closest option…”

Ignoring Shirou’s words, Caster continued.

“To calm her heart, she needs to be truly loved by a man.”

“Wait a minute!! I get the logic to some extent, but why Archer of all people!?”

“Oh, didn’t you notice? Archer has feelings for Saber.”

“…W-What!?”

Shirou’s eyes went wide in shock at that revelation.

“W-What do you mean!? But he only met Saber—”

“Ah, you still haven’t realized, have you…”

Caster sighed in exasperation.

“If you figured out Archer’s true identity, you’d naturally understand… well.”

Caster’s face brightened with a sudden insight.

“If it works well, it might even strengthen our forces.”

“Cas-Caster…?”

For some reason, Shirou felt things were about to get very bad.

A mischievous gleam lit up in Caster’s eyes.

“I’ll show you the history of the Heroic Spirit Archer has walked. Once you see it, you’ll understand why I resorted to such a harsh treatment. And seeing how his path differed from yours… you won’t repeat the same mistakes he made.”

With that, Caster pressed her index finger gently against Shirou’s forehead.

“Good night, Emiya Shirou. Enjoy thoroughly the endless tale of despair that the Heroic Spirit Emiya Shirou endured―――”