Chapter 3: Who... are you?

I woke up to the sound of sparrows chirping. I felt like I'd had a terrible dream.

"...No, that wasn’t a dream."

Golden strands brushed against my eyes. I never dyed my hair, and I doubt anyone could produce such a vivid gold with dye.

I sat up and looked around. I was lying on a futon set in the middle of a traditional Japanese-style room. When I pulled back the covers, I saw a sticky red stain. My blood.

The memories of last night came flooding back, making my skin crawl. Hesitantly, I looked at my left arm. It was slim and flawless, as if nothing had ever happened. There wasn’t even a scar on my abdomen.

"...I'm alive."

A sigh escaped me. I'm glad I'm alive. I also kind of wish I hadn't made it.

"...Volunteering's a bad idea after all."

It was the summer of my first year in university. I signed up for a volunteer program that came to campus. My reason was shallow—I figured it’d make a good story for my résumé. Plus, I’d always wanted to go abroad, so I talked some friends into joining me.

The program was a tree-planting initiative in a certain country. But what we ran into there was horrifying. By chance, we crossed paths with another volunteer group doing different work, and they let us observe.

What I saw was nothing short of a hellscape.

It wasn’t a warzone or anything. It was just a desperately poor country—and to put it bluntly, an unsanitary one. I'd had all the required vaccinations before traveling, and I followed all the health protocols, so I made it through in one piece. But the local children, born with weak immune systems and suffering from malnutrition...

"...I never learn, huh."

Ever since that experience, I've felt weak when it comes to kids. I still remember that child's fading breath, their body slowly growing limp, even though the volunteer caring for them did everything they could.

I should’ve listened to the people with us. I realized too late why they looked so grim. I should’ve never asked to observe, just out of curiosity.

"...Not being able to do a damn thing—that's the part that hurts the most."

Someone without the knowledge, experience, or resolve can't do anything at all.

"...If I’m still here, that means Shirou-kun’s alive too, right?"

Relief washed over me. And at the same time, fear.

I’m in the same position now as I was back then. The only difference is that this time, I’m not a bystander—I’m directly involved.

"Anyway... I should go see how he’s doing."

I got up and stepped into the hallway. Along the way, I heard voices. Following the sound, I saw Rin. She seemed to be talking to Archer in spirit form. When I showed myself, she gave a small wave.

"Good morning, Saber."

"Morning, Rin. Thanks... for everything."

She and Archer must’ve carried me here.

"Don’t mention it. How are you feeling?"

"Not bad. Did you do the healing?"

"Nope. I didn’t do anything. You two just healed up on your own. Honestly, it was creepy how fast it happened. I was sure you were dead."

"...I might know why we healed so fast."

"Oh? So your memory came back?"

"Not quite. I can explain, but only if you’re willing to form an alliance with me."

"...An alliance, huh. So you’re taking back what you said about putting Shirou under my protection?"

I nodded. Maybe it was because I’d gotten some sleep, but my head felt clear. I could finally think straight and figure out what the best course of action was.

"Well, I was basically trying to dump all the responsibility on you last night. No wonder you rejected it."

"Pass. Looks like you've finally realized just how irresponsible you were being."

Her words were harsh—but completely justified. Last night, I was just trying to shove everything onto her and run away. No one would accept something so selfish.

"I’ll protect Shirou-kun myself. I’m not confident I’ll succeed, but..."

"This should be give-and-take. If you’re lending me your strength, then I’ll also do what I can to ensure his safety."

"Thank you. So... we’re forming an alliance, then?"

"Technically, we’ll wait for Emiya-kun to wake up and ask for his input. But I don’t have any objections. You did save me yesterday, after all. And I’ve confirmed that you’re a solid asset in combat."

"An asset, huh... Honestly, that’s kind of complicated."

"What do you mean?"

Just as I was about to explain to Rin, the sliding door opened. I turned to see Shirou-kun walk in, his face pale.

"Good morning, Shirou-kun. You okay?"

"Wha... huh?"

Shirou-kun looked completely lost. He didn’t seem to understand what was going on.

"For now, how about you sit down?"

Prompted by Rin, Shirou-kun slowly sat on one of the cushions.

"Uh..."

He seemed to be searching for the right words.

"For now, why don’t you have some water to clear your head?"

I stood up and headed for the kitchen. Found a cup near the sink, opened the fridge, and poured in some bottled mineral water. I didn’t feel like drinking anything straight from the tap.

When I brought it back, Shirou-kun finally seemed to grasp what was going on and had begun bombarding Rin with questions.

"Here, drink this and try to calm down."

"Ah, thanks."

He took a gulp. Impressive how fast he downed it.

"Now that Emiya-kun’s caught his breath, let’s get to the main issue," Rin said.

"About last night—after both of you got your stomachs torn open by Berserker, Illyasviel and Berserker withdrew. I stayed behind to see you off, but then your bodies just started healing on their own. In ten minutes, your appearances were completely restored. Honestly, it was eerie how fast it happened."

Shirou-kun’s face twisted in shock. Well, you couldn’t blame him if he didn’t know the context.

"Seems like Saber has an idea about what happened, but I had nothing to do with the recovery. I did put on some bandages and stuff, but that’s about it."

"You didn’t heal us, Tohsaka?"

"Right. At that point, you two were practically corpses. Reviving the dead is way beyond me. So whatever brought you back, it wasn’t me—it was your own power."

Saying that, Rin turned to me.

"I’d like to hear the full story from her, but first, I’ve got a question for you, Emiya-kun."

"A-a question?"

"Would you be willing to team up with us?"

"With Tohsaka? That would be great and all, but yesterday—"

"As for last night, she and I have already talked it out. The problem wasn’t really about you to begin with. But now that we’ve settled that, I’m formally proposing an alliance. I’ll need some concessions from your side, but if you’re okay with those, we can call it a deal."

"Concessions…?"

"First, if we reach the point where we’re about to claim the Holy Grail, you’ll hand ownership over to me."

"...I don’t really mind, but Saber—"

"I’m fine with it. Shirou-kun’s safety comes first."

I replied immediately. Shirou-kun clammed up. Did I say something that bothered him?

"Alright, next condition. If I’m ever in danger, Saber is to aid me without question."

"Of course. I don’t think you’ll need it, but still—if a child’s in danger, I can’t just look away. If you’re at risk, I’ll do everything I can."

"...Huh. So you’re the bleeding-heart type?"

"Let’s say… I’ve got trauma involving kids. Watching one die in front of me is too much to bear. It’s personal, sorry—but because of that, I also can’t target Berserker’s Master."

Reactions varied.

Shirou-kun’s eyes widened like it was the most obvious thing in the world: "Of course you can’t!" Rin, however, narrowed hers in concern.

"Hold on. So you’re saying if Illyasviel uses herself as a shield, your combat effectiveness will drop? Am I understanding that correctly?"

"Yeah, you can take it that way."

"...Are you sure you even want to form an alliance? From our side, a weakness like that is—"

"But if I only said that after we made the deal, it’d be fraud."

"...True. If you’d sprung that later, I probably would’ve called the whole thing off."

I felt a bit relieved at her words. I got a general idea of who she was when I played the game, but negotiating with a real person is different. Lying just didn’t feel right.

It’s childish, and I know it doesn’t work that way in the real world—but integrity still matters.

"Well, we can come up with a workaround later. One more thing—complete information sharing."

"What do you mean by that?" Shirou-kun asked, tilting his head.

"Exactly what it sounds like. No holding back, no keeping things to yourself. Every piece of intel gained during the Holy Grail War must be shared."

Shirou-kun and I both nodded in agreement.

"Then we’ve got a deal. Alliance formed. Now then, Saber—can I ask about this hunch of yours?"

Now that it had come to this, I had no intention of hiding anything. Last night, I’d held my tongue, worried that saying the wrong thing could cause a rift. But pretending I have memory loss won’t hold up forever. After surviving a battle like that, I figured it was safe to be honest.

"First, I need you to understand something—I'm not a Heroic Spirit."

"...What?"

Both of their expressions froze. Well, that was to be expected. But I had to keep talking before they snapped out of it—if we stopped now, things would only get more complicated.

"Don't get the wrong idea. This body is that of a Heroic Spirit."

"Wa—wait a second, what do you mean by that?!"

Rin shot back immediately.

"It's simple. This body does belong to a Heroic Spirit. But the crucial part—the person inside—is someone else. This might veer into theology a bit, but in Christian doctrine, a human being is said to consist of three parts: the soul, the spirit, and the body."

"...Yes, I'm familiar. It aligns with the alchemical principle of the 'Three Essences.' That’s basic knowledge for any mage."

As expected of the head of a prestigious mage family. Shirou-kun, on the other hand, looked visibly confused. Well, it’s not unusual—if you don’t have a personal interest or religious background, it’s hard to follow this kind of talk. In my case, I just happened to pick up the knowledge because my sister went to a Christian school.

"What matters here is the Servant system. I think, among the three components, the body is provided by the class container that acts as the vessel."

"That's exactly right."

I had the confirmation of the head of one of the families who built the entire system.

"Actually, the whole concept of summoning a spiritual entity is fundamentally based on that model. It’s not just a base—it is the foundation."

Shirou-kun looked stunned.

"...I think I’m starting to get it now," Rin said.

"In other words, your current state is that your body and soul belong to the Heroic Spirit, but your mind is someone else’s?"

"That’s what it seems like."

"Um… I’m still not really following. So what does that mean, exactly?"

Shirou-kun clutched his head. Alright, how should I explain this...

"The soul is basically a collection of all the information someone accumulates over their life. The mind—or spirit—is the mechanism that processes that information. The Servant’s body is recreated based on the soul’s data, which is probably why things are the way they are now."

Rin stepped in with a textbook-perfect explanation.

"In last night’s fight, I was probably able to tap into the Heroic Spirit’s true power thanks to the Command Spell drawing out the soul’s stored knowledge."

Rin nodded, satisfied with my reasoning.

"There are still things that don’t sit right with me, but the logic tracks."

"Things that don’t sit right?"

"It should be obvious. The fact that your mind was swapped out with someone else's. I’ve never heard of something like that happening."

"Yeah, well... it is what happened."

"Then could you tell me your profile? Not just your mind’s, but also that of your soul and body?"

"Sure, I can do that. First, as for the soul and the body—they both belong to King Arthur."

"...Excuse me?"

The room froze.

Naturally.

"Artoria Pendragon. That’s the name of the original owner of this body. Her Noble Phantasms are the Wind King Barrier, 'Invisible Air,' and the Sword of Promised Victory, 'Excalibur.' And inside Shirou-kun’s body is Avalon, the Far-Off Utopia."

"My... my body has a Noble Phantasm?"

Shirou-kun’s eyes went wide, and I nodded in response.

"The wounds you had last night were healed by Avalon’s power. Also, the reason King Arthur could be summoned was because Avalon served as the vessel."

"Wait. The vessel? Even if you are King Arthur, and last night’s healing was thanks to Avalon, why is Avalon inside Emiya-kun?"

"Since we promised to share all information, I’ll confess everything: it was Kiritsugu Emiya who implanted Avalon inside Shirou-kun. In other words, Shirou-kun’s foster father. He used Avalon as a vessel for summoning a Heroic Spirit during the previous Holy Grail War."

"...Grandpa was involved in the Holy Grail War?"

Shirou-kun looked confused, while Rin’s eyes narrowed sharply.

"Your foster father was a mage the Einzbern family invited from outside for the Holy Grail War. The Einzberns unearthed Avalon and gave it to him. And he won."

That’s probably all I can say about Kiritsugu Emiya. There is a prequel novel called Fate/Zero, but it contains a number of contradictions with the main Fate/stay night story, so it’s better not to treat it as an absolute past fact.

I don’t want to bring up unnecessary contradictions later.

"But just before his victory, he fought a troublesome opponent. That opponent secured the Holy Grail first. As a result, Kiritsugu’s wish was granted—and it caused a massive disaster... or so I’ve heard."

I think the goal was to eliminate unwanted things... or maybe it’s more accurate to say the Grail reflected his inner desires, and that’s what caused the incident.

"A massive disaster... you mean—"

"The great fire that broke out here. That’s the disaster I mentioned. Kiritsugu Emiya found you at the fire scene and implanted Avalon to save you. Avalon has strong healing abilities."

I fell silent. After a moment, Rin suddenly spoke, the question I expected and was bracing for.

"So then, if you claim to have that knowledge but aren’t really a Heroic Spirit, who exactly are you?"