Chapter 38: Watershed

It’s a strange feeling.
Right now, I carry two overlapping sets of memories. One is Artoria’s. The other, Sato’s. Both are undeniably mine, and that very fact makes it all the more uncanny.

I know how to swing a sword just as well as I know how to use a computer. There’s a version of me that trained with the blade, and another who enjoyed cricket. Both are me.

Intellectually, I can accept that I am Hino Sato. Artoria’s memories are merely what the Command Spell has drawn out. Yet, if I had to describe my current state of mind, it is far closer to Artoria’s. Did I overwrite myself with her personality just to fight? Or is it something else…?

At the very least, what’s happening now is clearly different from when I fought Berserker.

“…But right now, I need only focus on the enemy before me!”

I drew Excalibur, and the “real one” smiled faintly, pressing a hand to her chin as though intrigued.

“…Interesting.”

Artoria spoke.

“That aura… those eyes… You’re clearly a different person than you were just moments ago. Looks like that brat’s Command Spell changed you. So then—who are you now?”

I understood what she was asking. The question was… how best to answer it?

If victory were my only goal, then this opponent, who was wasting time with idle chatter, would already be cut down. But this battle is one of endurance. If I defeat her carelessly, her soul will return to Sakura. If that happens, Rin will be forced to fight not only Sakura but also the re-summoned Servants. I don’t know how long re-summoning would take, but the chances are high that Rin would be killed before I could intervene.

At present, Rin’s combat prowess already surpasses that of most Servants. Yet having to deal with Sakura while also handling newly summoned foes would be too much, even for her. That’s why we must neither win nor lose, but instead hold our enemies at bay until Rin brings everything to an end.

Still, once battle is joined, it will inevitably reach a conclusion. Hold back too much, and I’ll be the one lying in a pool of blood. In that case… perhaps it isn’t so bad to indulge in this little exchange. The longer I can keep her talking, the higher our odds of success.

If we each fulfill our roles properly, Rin will finish this for us.

“…Honestly, I don’t know myself.”

“Oh?”

Artoria’s interest sharpened, her eyes sweeping over me as though scrutinizing every inch of my being.

“Right now, two sets of memories are tangled within me. Am I Sato, or Artoria? Even I can’t say for certain. Tell me—how do I look, from your perspective?”

“…I don’t know.”

Her immediate reply caught me a little off guard. Given her manner of speech, and given how much my own personality now resembled hers, I had expected her to say I was closer to Artoria. To hear “I don’t know” was unexpected.

“…What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“Exactly that. But if I were forced to answer, then… ‘neither.’”

“…Neither? Explain.”

“Perhaps you’re closer to the you I met at Mount Enzozan. But you’re clearly different from the one I crossed blades with when I fought Archer.”

Artoria continued.

“Back then, I sensed a man in you. In life, I too—Artoria—strove always to be a man. In that sense, you as you were before, and I as I was, shared that pursuit regardless of form or gender. But now… now you are unmistakably a ‘woman.’ Yes… you are, in essence, Artoria who remained a woman and still became king. That is what you are now.”

“…I don’t follow.”

It’s true that the living Artoria abandoned her womanhood in order to reign as king. But that didn’t erase the fact of her sex, nor did she ever forget it. The moment she took up the Holy Sword, her body ceased to grow. Yet every time she looked at her modestly developed breasts, or at the groin devoid of any phallus, she was reminded—unwillingly, but undeniably—that she was a woman.

When I said as much, Artoria laughed, almost exasperated.

“That’s not what I mean. In life, at least, Artoria constantly hid her femininity—one might even say she shunned it. But you… you aren’t hiding it.”

“…I still don’t understand your point. What exactly are you trying to say?”

“Suppose, for argument’s sake, that you truly are aware of yourself as Artoria. Then I have one question to ask.”

As she spoke, Artoria’s expression dimmed, shaded by something I couldn’t quite place.

“You have feelings for that boy, don’t you?”

“…Yes.”

I couldn’t begin to guess her purpose in asking, but at least that much I could state with certainty. That feeling alone is carved into my heart, unshakable.

“To long for a man… That’s something you never would have imagined in life. Which means that, now, you’ve completely accepted being a woman.”

“…That’s…”

It was difficult to answer. As Sato, and as Artoria, the words refused to come.

But neither could I deny it. I had always known, after all. From the moment I fell in love with Shirou, from the moment I longed to be loved by him, I had accepted—no, I had wished—to be a woman.

A version of Artoria who accepted being female. Perhaps that’s the root of this strange personality. Likely, it’s the fusion of Sato’s heart—wanting to be the kind of woman Shirou could love—with the Artoria the Command Spell restored.

“There’s only one thing I wish to ask. If it were you now… how would you rule a kingdom?”

Her question stole my breath. At last, I understood the source of the unease I’d felt from her.

“Before I answer, allow me to ask something in return.”

“What is it?”

“Which one are you now?”

At that, Artoria’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles.

“…Who knows?”

That soft murmur was all but an answer in itself.

“Answer my question first. If it were you now, how would you govern?”

“…I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“…Not change?”

Artoria raised a brow.

“To rule Britain as it was then, there was no better course than the one I chose.”

“…And yet, it fell.”

All I could do was nod at Artoria’s words.
No matter how many optimal strategies one may employ, they mean nothing if the results do not follow.

“…Do you truly mean nothing would change?”

Artoria’s question sounded almost desperate, as if clinging to hope.

“…No—that was a lie.”

After a moment’s thought, I admitted it.

“At the very least, I could never rule the same way now. If anything, I’d likely end up a tyrant who led the country astray.”

“…And what do you mean by that?”

“I mean… I’ve fallen in love with Shirou. That feeling will never leave me, even if he isn’t by my side. His face would appear in every decision I tried to make. That would stop me from taking actions I knew to be best, and sometimes I might even choose something I knew to be a mistake.”

“…I see. So that’s how you see it.”

Artoria murmured, with a faint trace of disappointment.

“…And you? You don’t think so?”

“No. I don’t.”

Her answer came instantly, but her expression carried a heavy shadow.

“Until this happened, I believed that ruin was inevitable. I had done everything I could. To avoid that conclusion, I thought there was no path left except to rely on the ‘Holy Grail,’ a power beyond human means.”

“…And you think that was a mistake?”

“…‘King Arthur does not understand people’s feelings.’”

Her words sent a shiver down my spine.

“You remember, don’t you? The words a knight spoke when he abandoned the Round Table. That was the answer, wasn’t it?”

“…What are you saying?”

“You know well enough. That downfall happened because I neglected people’s hearts. Lancelot, Mordred, my elder sister-in-law… All of it was tragedy born of my ignorance of love.”

I couldn’t deny her words. Yet I couldn’t fully agree either.

“It’s true. Your disregard for people’s hearts led to tragedy. But if you had paid too much heed to emotions, the range of choices would have narrowed. Some tragedies might have been averted, but new ones would have taken their place. And Britain still would have fallen.”

“…I don’t believe that.”

Artoria said firmly.

“The only reason my rule held together was because Sir Dinadan constantly kept the Round Table united. Without him, my rule…”

“…That’s—”

“The moment he was gone, everything collapsed. But whose fault was that? Was it Dinadan’s, for dying? Or was it Agravain’s or Mordred’s, for killing him? No… the fault was mine, for ruling in a way that could not stand without him.”

Her expression twisted with sorrow and anger.

“How can I even claim that was ‘the best’ way? From my foster father and from Merlin, I learned how to be a knight, how to be a king. But before I ever finished learning how to be a person, I had already become king. As that knight said, I was utterly ignorant of people’s hearts. How could someone like that claim their rule was ‘optimal’…?”

“…That’s…”

I had no reply. It was true: King Arthur’s rule had been the best in terms of being a knight, the best in terms of being a king. But not the best in terms of being human.

While she thought of the people, she did not truly understand them. And that neglect led to ruin. There was no denying her words.

“…I had hoped that you, who know love, might be able to give me an answer. But it seems I was mistaken.”

With a sigh, Artoria raised Excalibur.

“…So we fight?”

“I am, after all, Shinji and Sakura’s Servant now.”

“…You know they mean to bring calamity to this world. Even knowing that, you’ll defend them?”

At my question, Artoria gave a quiet, almost playful smile.

“In a way, I may be in the same state as you. Twice now I’ve been tainted, and my true self is completely shattered. What I am now is only a personality temporarily restored by the Command Spell. Unlike before, my memories are intact—but the personality itself comes from after I was once corrupted by the Grail. Likely because Sakura, not knowing my true self, mistook that tainted version for the original, and used her Command Spell to summon it.”

Artoria continued.

“As one who was once a king, the sorrow of Britain’s fall still weighs on me. That’s why I asked you—whether, suppressing your impulses, you who know love could have saved it. I had hoped for that possibility. But the answer was disappointing.”

She gave a cold laugh.

“There’s nothing more to discuss. No need to suppress my impulses any longer. This is the end. My mirror image—let us fight to the death!”

Then, suddenly, Artoria’s eyes flew wide.

“…Impossible…”

She stared upward into empty air and whispered:

“…Command… Seal…”

A blinding light engulfed her form, erasing it completely. I immediately understood what had happened, and broke into a run. That light meant a forced summoning by Command Spell. Rin was in danger.

Artoria was still alive, so the spell’s effect lingered—but it wouldn’t hold for long. In this state, reverting to Sato would be disastrous. Especially if Artoria had already rejoined Sakura…

“…Saber.”

Racing through the cave, I came upon the figures of Shinji and Shirou lying on the ground.
The Archer I had expected to see was nowhere in sight.

I rushed to Shirou’s side as he waved at me. That’s when I realized—Shinji was still breathing, if only faintly.

“Looks like it’s over on your end too. Archer’s been defeated. Shinji pulled a reckless stunt—he let Archer devour his soul. Somehow, though, he’s barely alive. He’s in no shape to fight anymore, so… I’d like to see him treated later, if possible…”

“…Sorry, Shirou, but this will have to wait. Artoria has gone to Sakura’s side. What bothers me is that she spoke Zouken’s name as she left. I’m heading to support Rin. What about you?”

“…I’m coming. To treat Shinji, we’ll need either Tohsaka or Caster’s help anyway. Which means… sorry, but he’ll have to wait here.”

“…Understood. Then let’s go.”

Once more, I set my halted legs into motion.
We had to reach Rin as fast as possible. She was the trump card in this battle. Even setting that aside—I couldn’t allow her to die.

I ran with single-minded focus, until finally, I arrived. The place where it had all begun—and where it would all end.

“…What is this…?”

The first thing that filled my vision was a cascade of seven-colored light. Rin was still holding her ground, still fighting.

In her hand gleamed the Jewel Sword, Zelretch. A trial once given to the Tohsaka family’s ancestor by his teacher, the Magician of the Second Magic, it could draw mana from parallel worlds.

So this was the proposal Illya had made to Rin. With Shirou’s consciousness diving into Illya, he had accessed the memories of her forebear, Justeaze, and from there analyzed and projected the Jewel Sword of Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. The reason for their late departure had been the time it took to reproduce this weapon.

Rin’s strike, brimming with her immense magical power, blasted away the dark giant looming before her. The towering humanoid figure contained the equivalent of a hundred years of a normal magus’s prana. A being rivaling even a Servant’s Noble Phantasm—yet Rin shattered them one after another. That brilliant light… it was like Excalibur itself.

And yet—she couldn’t push through. The knight on the hill barred her path, standing to guard Sakura.
Artoria.

“Rin!”

I called out, and Rin clicked her tongue before retreating to regroup. Once we linked up, she spoke quickly.

“Sakura’s consciousness has been taken over by Zouken. I was going to crush her in one blow, but that old bastard… he had a hell of a trump card waiting for us…”

Her words drew my eyes upward. Behind a shroud of dark light stood Sakura, her lips twisted into a vile smile as she raised her right arm.
What I saw there was beyond belief.

“Th—that’s…!”

On her arm, countless red marks were visible. The realization hit me in an instant, and I shuddered.

“…Those are Command Spells from Masters who fell in previous Holy Grail Wars. Normally, they’re supposed to be collected and safeguarded by the Overseer… He must have stolen them from Kirei’s father, after the man’s death ten years ago.”

Or perhaps Kirei himself had taken them from Father Risei, only for Zouken to strip them from his corpse later. The details didn’t matter. What mattered was that they were now in the hands of our enemy—Makiri Zouken.

He raised the Command Spells and roared.

“By the power of Command Spells, I order you! Remaining Servants—gather before me!”

At that cry, Servants began appearing one after another. And then—

“I command you again! Before any interference comes, use your full strength and kill these children!”

In an instant, murderous intent filled the cavern. Behind the Servants, shadow giants continued to pour forth from the pillars, one after another.

The odds were overwhelming.
All of our planning had been to avoid this very situation. Yet here we were, with even escape impossible.

This was checkmate. If it came to it, the only thing I could do was serve as bait—to buy time for the others to flee—

“…Looks like there’s only one way left.”

Shirou stepped forward and muttered.

“Sh—Shirou…?”

“I’ll use my Reality Marble to pull the Servants in and isolate them.”