Chapter 10: Open the Heart (1)

Open the Heart (1)

I have the memories of two people inside me.

One is the memory of being born a boy, and living my life thinking only about baseball.

The other is the memory of being born a girl, not being allowed to play baseball by my parents, compromising and taking ballet lessons, quitting because I didn't get along with the other kids, and so on. But my memories as a girl are fake, implanted in me by a giant fly that calls itself God.

Unbelievably, there seems to be a god in this world who can transform a stupid baseball boy into a beautiful girl, and one day I woke up to find myself a girl.

The smell of chemicals in the room and the white-based interior told me I was in a hospital room, and I suspected that some dangerous people had kidnapped me while I was sleeping and performed sex reassignment surgery on me without my permission. I don't believe in gods, supernatural phenomena, or perception manipulation.

But it turned out that wasn't the case. My parents, my sister, and everyone else, always thought I was a girl, and no matter how much I insisted that "Until yesterday, I was a high school baseball player named Sora who could throw fastballs over 150 km/h," they didn't believe me. They just quietly shook their heads and worried about me.

The doctor said that I had suddenly appeared unconscious on a bench in the hospital waiting room, causing a huge commotion among the patients, who had apparently been scolded by the nurse that they should being quiet inside the hospital.

"She's got a bump on the back of her head, but there's nothing wrong with her body. In fact, she's almost too healthy. We'll have her hospitalized for a few days just to be safe, but I don't think anything will happen," predicted the orthopedic surgeon middle-aged female doctor. My mother, proudly said, "She may not be smart, but she has incredible physical ability."

The prophecy came true - I was released from the hospital and entered my second year of high school.

It seemed that God had a sense of aesthetics, as I began to attract sexual and envious gazes from many people. Sure, I had been the object of jealousy when I was a young baseball player, and I even felt complicated hostility from a senior who competed with me for the ace position, but I had never experienced such intense sexual gazes from boys aimed at my face, chest, butt, and crotch, and it was extremely disconcerting. I was a man myself, so I understood the feeling, but it didn't feel very good to be on the receiving end.

So, I was extremely careful not to let anyone know I was being watched, observing my teacher, Mikami Asami, who had an estimated F cup, and getting through classes I'd never need in my life. But one day, something happened to me. A male classmate said something I couldn't bear to hear.

No one had noticed that my gender had changed. According to God, it had tampered with everyone's perception of me. Despite this, the boy knew the truth. Surprised, I grabbed his hand without caring what others thought and led him to a secluded park.

That was the beginning of my friendship with Minamoto Mizuki.

Mizuki is a strange guy. It's not so much these days, but at first he never looked at me in a sexual way. He had a strange look in his eyes that's hard to describe, like he was looking at me but also at something else, but still, more seriously at me than anyone else.

Because he was that kind of guy, I didn't feel any repulsion, and there was no need to be unnecessarily wary of him. He was the perfect person to talk to casually.

I don't know when I started to like him.

We spent more time together, it became natural for him to listen to me, and I realized how comfortable I was, but then suddenly loneliness would well up inside me, I would start to worry about my appearance, I would get anxious, we would eat meals together, we would mess around, we would kiss, we would get angry, we would kiss, we would have sex, we would talk some more, and it would repeat itself, and before I knew it, I was in love.

•

•

We're watching the noon news on TV at Mizuki's apartment.

Recently, I've discovered great potential in the "otter sitting" position—where Mizuki sits with me in front of him, wrapped around in his arms from behind. It gives me a strong sense of security. So, even now, I'm nestled inside Mizuki.

["...The defendant, Kamiya Takato, claims he has no recollection of the incident..." the announcer announces information about a murder that occurred in the spring. "...His defense attorney states, 'The defendant was in a state of insanity at the time of the incident due to schizophrenia.'"]

Kamiya's face appears on the screen. His round eyes and cross-legged nose are striking.

"That's terrible," I said thoughtfully. If he wasn't faking it, then everyone here is truly unfortunate.

"I'd like to meet him," Mizuki said, sometimes saying strange things. "I wonder what kind of person Kamiya-san is?"

"I don't know," was all I could answer. "How could I possibly know?"

I was about to go get some snacks from the kitchen, thinking I'd rather have a snack, when the news flashed across the TV screen.

["Not a day goes by that I don't wonder why my son was killed. The perpetrator appears to have a mental disorder, but just like that..." A middle-aged man who looked vaguely familiar spoke with a pained expression, as if drowning. A caption on the left side of the screen read, "Tsukimizato Takeru, father of the victim, Tsukimizato Tamaki."]

Suddenly, a painful, uncomfortable feeling rises from the back of my throat. My head throbs with pain. The pain spreads explosively.　

"Sora?" Mizuki's voice came.

However, I couldn't respond properly, just saying "Uh, ah...ah." The world was spinning irregularly. Feeling pain and anxiety, I gripped Mizuki's hand tightly.

He grabbed my hand back, but the moment a stupid thought crossed my mind, that It wouldn't be so bad if I could die in Mizuki, I lost consciousness.

•　

•　

•　

This must be a dream.

I suddenly found myself pitching. I was looking down at the batter from the mound. When our eyes met, I saw resignation and a hint of fear in his eyes - he seemed to shrink back at me.

But I didn't go easy on him. I nodded at the catcher's signal, took a big swing, and unleashed a straight fastball.

A satisfying sound came from the thick catcher's mitt. I was in good form today. I struck out swinging.

The scene changes, and the catcher who had caught my ball earlier smiles and says, "You're doing great today too."　

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied. Then, a man who seemed to be the director opened his mouth wide and showed his unusually white teeth, saying, "Oi, Tamaki! Come here for a moment." It seemed he was calling me. Wondering what was going on, I headed over.

Dreams don't have a proper story, so it's no surprise that the director, a typical old man, suddenly transforms into a beautiful silver-haired girl.

I was on the riverbank with playing baseball with everyone. What was going on?

Just as I was thinking that, I found myself in a residential area. I was walking a little distance away - Huh?

There are two of me. It feels strange and unsettling, but then I realize that since I'm Tamaki, there's nothing strange about it, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

At the end of the road, a man appeared from the T-junction. It was someone I'd seen on the news called Kamiya something. He turned his gaze towards me.

•

•　

•　

I feel drowsy. I turn over in bed, trying to go back to sleep.　

"..."

Suddenly, I noticed something strange. The smell of my pillow was different.　

"Good morning," I heard a familiar voice. I turned to face her and saw Mizuki sitting in a chair with no backrest.　

"Oh, good morning," I replied, then looked at the drab white private room and asked, "Is this a hospital?"

"Yes. Sora fainted so I called an ambulance." Then Mizuki mentioned the name of the general hospital in our town.

I looked for a clock, wondering what time it was. Just as I was about to give up, Mizuki told me, "It's just after 7 pm."　

You're really perceptive.

Maybe Mizuki can read my mind?　

That's what I think sometimes. If ghosts and the fly god exist, it's not surprising that there are people who can read minds.　

"..." Hey, Mizuki, do you understand what I'm thinking right now? I stare at him silently.

Mizuki stood up. "I'll go get your mother and the doctor."　

"Wait." Before that, I want you to just touch me a little. I'm worried.　

<Tsukimizato Tamaki>

<Murder Case>

<Silver-Haired Girl>

<I Was Attacked>

Fragments of memories are stirring in my mind.

Who am I? Why had I always got my boy's name wrong? Wasn't Sora a boy who was changed to a girl? Then who is Tamaki? Why am I...

Suddenly, I felt heat on my cheek. Mizuki's palm always reassured me. "No matter what, I'll always be on Sora's side."

"...Yeah, I'm sorry, thanks." I love you. I didn't say it out loud. I'm sure he knew.

A complicated shadow fell across Mizuki's face for just a moment. Was it my imagination?

"I'll go get the doctor."

He let go of my hand.

•　

•　

•　

▼▼▼

•

•

•

There was nothing abnormal with Sora's body, and she was discharged the next day.

However, problems were arising in her mind. She suddenly remembered memories that she had forgotten. Her own existence became uncertain, and she began to feel anxious, wondering, "Who am I?"

Because of this, she is more reluctant to leave me than usual. Right now it's still summer vacation so I can hang out with her at my apartment, but once school starts that won't be possible, so it's a bit of a difficult situation.

Sora came over to get a drink and sat down next to me on the cheap single bed. There was no space between us.

It's just after 8 pm and a variety show hosted by a male idol is on TV.

It's just after 8pm and a variety show hosted by a male idol is on TV. 

Sora is staying here tonight. Apparently her father was throwing a tantrum, but her mother and Haruka supported her, saying, "Well, it's okay," and "That's right, a boyfriend who's good with money is a good boyfriend."

After watching the TV in silence for a while, Sora finally could no longer bear the anxiety and spoke up. "I said before that I was turned into a woman by a giant fly, right?"　

"You said so."

"But maybe I was dead," she said, then exhaled softly at the absurdity of her statement. "But I'm fine now."　

"Yeah, you're fine and just want to be spoiled."　

"Shut up, it's fine, let me do whatever I want," she said, tapping my knee. My eyes fell on her beautiful white fingers and natural-colored nails, which had nothing on them.

(The most realistic thing to do would be to think that the memories of the boy Tamaki, the memories of God, and the memories of the boy Sora are all just my delusions...) But then, Sora asks herself, how could she be a pitcher so smoothly? (Haruka and Mom say I have no experience in baseball, so it doesn't make sense. There's no way I could have easily picked up curveballs and tactics just by watching. Even I couldn't do it without a bit of practice.) Usually, her brain is only thinking about things like how to stay close to me for a long time, or the baseball education needed to mass-produce pitchers who can hit, but now it's being whipped to work harder.

Sora begins to talk about the memories she has. Tamaki is like this, and male Sora is like this. Female Sora can pitch even though she has no baseball experience. Memories of a murder. The nostalgic feeling when seeing the murdered Tsukimizato Tamaki and his father. The silver girl.

After finishing her sentence, "If it's Mizuki," she said, placing her beautiful hand on mine. "Can you figure out the true nature of this memory deep in my heart?"

"I wonder." Sora's mind was in a complicated state right now, so it wouldn't be easy. But I promised, "I'll try my best."

"Thanks. I'll give you a great service today, customer," she said with a laugh then rubbing her other hand to my certain place.

"Sora really likes sex, doesn't she?"

"...It's not my fault," she said, sounding like a twisted child. "Mizuki made me like this." Then she muttered, "Take responsibility," a line that troublesome girls love.

•　

•　

•

The next day, I dropped Sora off at her house, where her mother found me. She asked me with concern, "Isn't she being selfish? Is everything okay?" I half-heartedly denied it, saying, "She won't ask me to do anything unreasonable, so I'm fine," and parted ways with them. I then headed to the home of Tachibana family, the exorcist in charge of this area.

Their house is in the city center, near City Hall. It has a very Japanese atmosphere.

I rang the doorbell. After a moment, the front door opened, completely ignoring the intercom.

"..." The black-haired girl, Touko-chan, studied my face intently with her hand on the half-open front door. After a few seconds, she asked unsurely, "Mizuki?" 

I replied, "Correct," and expressed my formal joy at our reunion by asking, "It's been a while. How have you been?"

"I'm fine," Touko replied, looking around restlessly. "Where's my brother?" 

"He's not here. I'm alone. I've come to see the Tachibana family and Momotari-san." 

She nodded silently and opened the door, saying, "Come in."

"Pardon the intrusion."　　

•　

•

Tachibana-kun saw me, let out an "ah," and asked, "You're the youkai that was doing something with Hoshino-sensei, right?" I replied yes, and told him I had come because I had something I wanted to ask him and Momotari-san. 

Then I was shown into the reception room.

Momotari-san and Tachibana-sa  sat next to each other, and Touko and I sat on the sofa opposite. Touko didn't need to be there, but she seemed to think it was natural for her to join in, and she displayed a very dignified, expressionless face.

On a small table in the middle of us sat a clear cup of cold tea. The ice made a refreshing clinking sound.　

"So, what is it that you would like to ask us?" Momotari-san, a female demon who specializes in looking young, asked in a gentle voice befitting a demon.

Most demons are kind. However, when they get really angry, horns appear on their foreheads and they start speaking like gangsters. The contrast is so striking and funny that I quite like them.

But I don't intend to be particularly friendly here, so I just say, "Do you know anything about this giant fly that changes people's gender?" I add that it's apparently a god.

"...What is that?" She looks puzzled and turns to her side, "Does Kei-kun know?"

Tachibana-san, who was called Kei-kun, immediately replied, "I've never heard of it," and asked me, "Has anyone ever seen such a god?"　

"Well, I guess there is."

"So you're saying they're not trustworthy?" Momotari-san anticipated my words.

"There are special circumstances. So, as for the silver-haired girl, or the youkai with memory-related abilities..." There was no need to finish the sentence by saying "don't you know?" The expressions on Momotari-san and Tachibana-san's faces, now more serious, told me they "know," and they were saying it in their hearts too.

"Could you please tell me in detail what happened?" Momotari-san said politely, but with a certain sharpness in his voice.　

"Understood"

•

•　

After hearing about Sora, the two exorcists deduced that a memory-stealing youkai called "Ginpatsu-chan" was likely involved, and told me more about her.　

Over the past few years, sporadic incidents have been occurring in which members of the public have lost part of their memories. The Biodiversity Research Institute, a national organization tasked with combating supernatural and psychic phenomena, has become aware of this and has asked the Momotari family to "do something" about it.

The exorcists began investigating, thinking that the incidents were the work of a youkai or spirit with supernatural powers related to memories. However, it wasn't easy. There were no reports of anyone seeing the incidents. Even the victims all said that their memories had become distorted without them realizing it, and that they hadn't seen anyone suspicious. They speculate that the memories of witnesses were probably erased, or that the incidents were prevented from remaining in their memories in the first place.

Sighing that this was a tough opponent, they continued their investigation without giving up, and finally found a witness. According to the witness, they saw a beautiful girl with long silver hair, about high school age, talking to the victim. There aren't many people with the unusual silver hair color. Despite this, the victim had no memory of it, so it was highly likely that she was using a paranormal power, and they therefore assumed that she - whom they would call "Ginpatsu-chan" - was the culprit. With a clue finally in hand, the exorcists' investigation became more intense.

However, even so, she is still difficult to catch. It seems that Ginpatsu-chan's power as a youkai is extremely high, and she was able to repel the exorcist even when her memory interference ability was sealed.

Meanwhile, a shikigami spotted her in our prefecture. Since an exorcist discovered her and engaged in combat in a neighboring prefecture, the Momotari family decided to focus their investigation on the Tohoku region, and dispatched their strongest force, Momotari Asahi.

"And that strongest force is crazy about a middle-school boy even though she's an adult and doesn't even do the job properly?"

"N-no!" Momotari-san shook the black hair that had popped out from the bun at the back of her head. "We do the job properly!"

"You were making out with each other until I showed up, right?"

Until I brought up the subject of the silver-haired girl, they were just getting started, so I was really at a bad time, she thought to herself, constantly complaining.　

"You're still a student, so you probably don't understand, but taking breaks is part of the job."

"It seems like Tachibana-sab isn't getting much rest though." Not physically, but mentally. He seems to want some time alone.

"Huh?" Tachibana-san looked at me, confused as to why I was dragging him into this.

"Kei-kun has the Senrigan, so it's no problem," she asserted confidently. "Plus, he's a very horny boy, so this is just right for him."

"That's so true," Touko-chan agreed. "If I wasn't a youkai, I wouldn't have the stamina to keep up, even when we do it with three of us," she said, expressionless and dozing off.　

When I turned to face the energetic lolicon, our eyes met. A simple question came to mind. "When Touko-chan grows up, will you throw her away?"

"!?" Touko-chan was unusually shaken.

However, Tachibana-san remained calm and replied, "I won't throw her away."

"Even though you're a lolicon?"　

"No, I'm not a loli--" he started to say, but then corrected himself and said, "Well, I am a lolicon, yes." 

For a moment I thought it was cool, but when I thought about it, it's not cool at all. But Touko-chan and Momotari-san are happy. I think I'd better go home quickly.

•

•

While the information I got from Tachibana and the others was certainly useful, it was still a little insufficient to uncover the truth.

So, next I decided to ask my dad.

I sat on a bench in the park where I'd come with Sora before and called. It took three rings before I got through.

"What's wrong?" My dad is a novelist in the countryside. There's basically never a time when I can't make a phone call, so it's convenient.　

"There is a youkai that the exorcist calls Ginpatsu-chan, who has the ability to use memory-related supernatural powers. Do you know about it, Dad?"　

"I don't know anything about memory abilities, but I do know one silver-haired youkai."　

"Which youkai is this?"

"Our Relatives"　

I was surprised, as expected. "Really?" I asked skeptically, but he replied, "Really. Her name was...um, what was it again?" Dad is not good at remembering names. Apparently he often forgets the names of the characters in his own novels too.

"Um, I think it was Koto Shizuku, also known as Shizuku-chan. She's about the same age as Mizuki. Actually, didn't you play together a long time ago? You see, it was at Shusui-san's funeral," he said, trying to jog my memory.

"Wait a minute"　

I go over old memories like flipping through a photo album.

I search my memories for Ginpatsu-chan, a silver-haired girl, but I can't find her.

But then I remember one girl and think, 'Come to think of it, I think her name was something like that.'

Growing tired of the creepy, self-indulgent ritual, I went outside the large, one-story house where a private funeral was being held, and spotted a girl about my age in the garden. She was crouching under a tree, staring intently at the ground. Thinking it might be a good way to kill time, I approached her, but she quickly hid behind the tree.

Curious, I asked, "Why are you hiding?" and a few seconds later, with tears in her eyes, she replied, "I'm afraid of other people." I agreed, but didn't want to be considerate, so I continued to play along, saying, "Please join me in killing time."

She was nervous from start to finish, but she told me about herself: "I'm an only child," "I watch a lot of TV," "I hate the color of my hair, so my mother dyes it using witchcraft," and "I'm being taught witchcraft, but it's not very good."

After the funeral, I broke up with her and haven't seen her since.　

"I remembered," I told my father, who was waiting quietly. Then I asked the most important question: "Where is she now?"　

"I don't know about that. Shizuku-chan's parents passed away a few years ago, and I haven't heard anything about her either."　

"I see."

We continued talking for a little while, then ended the call.

A white ball came flying towards me from some boys playing catch in front of a sign that read, "Prohibited Activities... 9. Baseball, soccer, and other ball games..." and stopped at my feet. I picked it up and threw it back to them.

I ignored their "thank you" and came to a conclusion.

I'd tell Sora that I was a monster.

And then...