Life is Ephemeral - 0

"You seem to be doing much better. How have you been feeling lately?" "Yes, I'm doing okay." The counselor clicked his pen. "Have you been having fewer nightmares lately?" "That's gotten much better too. I'm sleeping well." "That's good. You seem to have stabilized a lot. We can start reducing your medication dependency." The counselor turned around and typed on the keyboard for a moment, then turned back to me. "Let's start reducing your medication from today. I'll write you a prescription for a week's worth, as usual, so come back next week for a check-up." That concluded today's treatment. * The memories of war had utterly wrecked me. When I was alone, when there were too many people, when I was trapped in a small space, when I was alone in a wide-open space, all those situations triggered old memories, making my body tense as if I were on the battlefield. The unrelenting tension soon began to choke me. Even when my body and mind were so worn out that I felt like I could fall asleep the moment I lay down, I couldn't fall asleep normally and had to take sleeping pills. Even if I did manage to fall asleep like that, what awaited me beyond was a nightmare that vividly recreated that terrible day. PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, was the name of my condition. Naturally, what could I do in this state? I devoted most of my time to treatment. Fortunately, I had plenty of time, and I was able to return to my daily life quickly. However, that didn't mean I was completely healed. Even now, when I hear a loud noise, my body reverts to that time. Actually, the various symptoms weren't that distressing. I had been receiving consistent care, and now I was at a level where I could completely shake them off. What still bothered me was the way people looked at me. As I walked out of the pharmacy with my medicine, I could feel the gazes of people around me glancing at me. The stares of those who had never experienced war sometimes came at me like daggers. I quickened my pace as much as possible to avoid the gathering stares. The summer sky was so bright that it was hard to lift my head. "Mister! Soldier mister!" A voice that reached me as I walked down the street stopped me in my tracks. I turned my head in the direction of the voice, and there stood a little girl, about the height of my belly button, holding a small drink bottle. "My mom told me to give this to you!" I took the bottle the child handed me and stared blankly at her. I thought I should say something to thank her, but the words wouldn't come out. Before I knew it, the little girl had run far away, out of earshot. I turned the bottle over and saw a small note attached to it. [Thank you for fighting for our country.] "..." I quietly opened the bottle and took a drink. The small kindness tasted sweet and cool. * 'I hope that in my next life, I'm born into a world where people don't die from guns.' 'If there are no guns, they'll kill with swords and knives.' 'No, I mean, like, there are guns, but people don't die when they get shot.' 'Then they'll just use something other than guns. Like a nuclear bomb.' 'Ugh, are you serious?! Why are you so pessimistic about everything! Just get the gist of it!' 'Listen to yourself. There will always be fights wherever you go. Do you think there won't be wars just because people don't die from gunshots?' 'Well, that's true. But wouldn't it be enough if people didn't die so easily?' 'That's... that's also true.' * Huh... This is a memory from back then. What was I doing right now? ...Right, I was going home after getting my medicine. And... then... a little kid... gave me a drink... Then... as I was about to go... gunshot... Yes, I heard a gunshot... so I ran towards the sound... That little girl... was being held by a man... and that man had a gun... Ah, yes, I remember now. I rushed at the man to save the girl and tried to take the gun. What happened next? "Ah... damn it." "Patient! Patient! Can you hear me?! You're bleeding severely and we don't have much time!" Right, I remember now. I was shot in the stomach, and that guy ran away. Was that just my life flashing before my eyes? "...ke up! If you... ...ust... ...ive!" What are they saying? I can't hear clearly. Ah, I'm sleepy. Maybe I'll just sleep. In my fading vision, I closed my eyes again.