Defense Mechanism - 4

With Miyu's help, I entered a nearby public restroom. I took off my soaked bottoms, rinsed them with tap water as best as I could, wrung them out, and sealed them in a disposable bag. Fortunately, I was still holding my uniform, and it wasn't dirty, so I wasn't in trouble for not having anything to wear. "B-But Nanna-chan... you don't have any underwear..." "Please... don't say any more..." "Yeah... sorry..." ...It should be fine since I'm wearing a skirt. Every time the cold wind brushed against my legs, I had to shiver. * My mental state was completely shattered. I couldn't bring myself to do anything outside anymore, so I asked for Miyu's understanding and went straight home. I removed the magazine from the gun I had taken out, put it back in its original place, properly washed the dirty clothes and hung them by the window, took off the clothes I was wearing and hung them neatly, and then lay down on the cot. I had bought lunch, which I hadn't eaten, and dinner for later at a nearby convenience store on the way home, but I didn't feel like touching it. "Haaah..." I closed my eyes and quietly recalled the events of the day. I was reincarnated. Into the world of Blue Archive, in the body of a girl. I stupidly left my phone behind and got lost. And I met Miyu. The store exploded right in front of my eyes... let's not think about this anymore. "Arghhhh! Ahhhhh!" I kicked the blanket I was covering myself with. It was truly a hard and terrible day. It was unfair. Not even a day after being reincarnated, the PTSD I thought I had overcome relapsed, and I showed my pathetic side to someone I knew. To be honest, my PTSD wasn't completely cured. I had reached a stable stage through psychotherapy and medication, but that didn't mean it was completely cured. Rather, even in the stabilization phase, if the trauma was prematurely triggered, it could revert to the initial state, which was dangerous. 1 "I want to die... Just let me die... It's too hard... Why are you doing this to me..." I lamented my fate, even though no one would hear me. "Why... why did I have to be born into this world... This is too much... You're just telling me to die..." I'm still scared of guns and bullets. I'm even more scared of something exploding. If it exploded right in front of my eyes and someone precious to me was caught in it, I wouldn't be able to bear it. But, cruelly, the world of Blue Archive was a world where such things happened too commonly and routinely. "I want to go back... Send me back home... I want to go back... sniff... huu..." I was already home, but ironically, this place still wasn't my home. I cried for a long time until I was exhausted and fell asleep. * 'Live, you bastard.' 'It's a life that barely survived... so live to the end, for my sake too...' * "...A dream." When I woke up again, the sun had already set, and it was getting dark. -Click. I turned on the light in the room, returned to my spot, and turned on my smartphone. I checked the notifications and saw that I had a message from Miyu. The content was asking about my condition, telling me to take care of myself, and that she would see me again on the day of the entrance ceremony. To prevent a situation like earlier today, I simply sent a positive reply to Miyu and turned off my smartphone again. "I should eat dinner..." Since I had skipped lunch while sleeping, I got up from my seat, thinking that I should at least have a proper dinner. -Clang! Then, something fell under the bed, making a small metallic sound. I picked up the small metal object that had fallen under the bed and checked its shape. The object was a thin, rusty metal plate pierced with a chain. I knew what that object was. "Dog tag...? Why is he here..." It looked too old to be mine. The rust was so severe that I couldn't make it out clearly, but I tried to read the letters as best as I could. "1... 30... P... AB RH+..." My hands started to tremble at the combination of letters that were so familiar in my memory. "No way... no way, it can't be, no way..." With trembling hands, I turned the dog tags over and checked the inscription on the back. [Comrade] These dog tags were one of the things that were precious to me, and also the cause of my trauma, something I should never forget, my comrade's. I thought I had lost it forever when I came to this world, but for some reason, it had returned to me across dimensions. I had no idea how this thing had crossed over to this place. I didn't know, but there was one thing I could feel. "...Yeah. I know what you mean. You want me to live, right? Even in this world..." My comrade was still by my side. I hung the old, worn-out dog tags on my wrist. "I'll live... Like you said... Like we promised... I'll definitely live for you too... so...―" ―Watch over me. * After a simple dinner with the convenience store bento, I cleaned up. I was about to tidy up the room again to prepare for the entrance ceremony when an object caught my eye. 'I-I... didn't get a chance to give this to you, but this is a present... H-Happy birthday, Nanna-chan...' "Come to think of it, I haven't even unwrapped it yet..." I unwrapped the gift Miyu had given me and checked the contents. The gift was a small bouquet of hydrangeas. "Youka... so it's hydrangeas? ...Well, it's not bad." I couldn't just let them wither and die, so I looked around for something to use as a vase. I saw an empty drink bottle by the window, so I washed it thoroughly, filled it with tap water, put the hydrangeas in it, and decorated the window again. The tap water was slightly acidic, so the flowers gradually turned blue from the center, creating a gradation similar to my halo. I took a picture of the hydrangeas against the backdrop of the night city and set it as the background for my profile. * The next day, March 1st, arrived. There was one day left until school started, but I was still spacing out in my room, not knowing what to do. I was browsing the store to download and play a game on my smartphone when someone knocked on the front door. I quickly changed into my uniform, which I was already used to wearing, and opened the door. Unlike yesterday, it wasn't a corgi but a beaver. "Hello, this is Beavers Moving Company! Are you Youka Nanna-san?" Moving company, they must be here to move my packed luggage to the dormitory in advance. "Yes, that's me. Come in." "Then, excuse us!" The beavers moved busily, carrying my belongings outside. There wasn't much to begin with, so it was over quickly. Then, the employee called me again. "Excuse me, should we move these too?" The employee pointed to the vase with the hydrangeas. "No, I'll take that myself." "I understand! Thank you for your business!" "Yes, thank you. Goodbye." With those words, the beaver employees quickly left. Now, all that remained in my room was myself, two guns, and the hydrangeas that Miyu had given me, filling the otherwise empty and desolate scenery. Seeing such a desolate landscape reminded me of a Bible verse. "Vanitas, vanitatum..." It was one of the themes that penetrated the core of the third main story of Blue Archive, the Eden Treaty. "Azusa and the Squad members are probably still in the Arius District." I briefly thought about going to see them, but I quickly put that thought aside. Even if I went, I wouldn't be able to do anything but get beaten up, and the Arius District was described as not being easily accessible to just anyone. As I was pondering the story of the Eden Treaty, I opened the memo app on my smartphone. "Even if there's nothing I can do right now, I should prepare in advance." So, I started writing down the important stories and events of Blue Archive in the memo, as far as I could remember. Starting with the prologue and the Abydos Foreclosure Task Force arc, I wrote down the Game Development Department arc, the Eden Treaty arc, and the Wishlist storyline. I also wrote down the sub-event stories as far as I could remember, and it became quite a lot. "I want to write about the Rabbit of Caerbannoge arc too, but ugh... I should have at least looked it up on YouTube..." As I mentioned yesterday, all I knew about the Rabbit of Caerbannoge arc was that the school was closed due to the disappearance of the student council president. "Well... it's the furthest one out of these, so I don't think I need to worry about it right now." After finishing organizing the memo, I felt hungry again. "If I knew this would happen, I should have just bought food for today yesterday. I don't want to go out." I had no choice but to go out again to get lunch. And I got lost again and returned home long after lunchtime.