Chapter 132: Elf Route
"Let's blaze a new route."
Top Chat: Why did it come to this?
Top Chat: First time I've ever seen someone trying a blindfolded route on their first playthrough.
Top Chat: Drunken loli, are you sure about this?
"I wouldn't like it if someone one-shot cleared the route I pioneered, but if the elf is the one opening the path, that's fine. If it's any good, I'll promise to use it myself."
"Leave it to me."
Top Chat: A little girl casually tainted by an elf, thinking "It's just this once, right?"
Top Chat: Fell for the sweet line, "Come on, everyone in 2.5D plays with the elf too."
Top Chat: Some viewers are already suffering from severe elf-dependence!
Top Chat: Q-Quick! Let us throw money at them! Enable superchats now!
Top Chat: Is this… some kind of illegal substance?
"No, it should be fine. …It should be fine, right?"
Top Chat: It’s fine, it’s fine.
Top Chat: You got this, you got this.
Top Chat: No problems here.
Top Chat: Trust us! We're the ones chasing Elf-san around even during weekday afternoons!
Top Chat: Hah! Managed to dodge the boss! So, uh… what’s going on right now?
"I’ve changed my mind! I think this is a terrible idea!"
"This stage, right?"
"Ah, wait! Hold on!"
"Going in."
"You don’t listen to people at all, do you!?"
Top Chat: Well, it’s Elf-san, so…
Top Chat: Reporting in from House Watanabe! A loli being dragged around like this is a refreshing sight!
Top Chat: Oh, now the entire Watanabe clan is here.
Top Chat: Sorry about our elf causing trouble…
Top Chat: No no, it’s fine. Sorry our loli refused to let go of the controller.
"Am I a child!?"
"Aren’t you?"
"That’s the only part you picked up on!? I’ll have you know I’m over twenty!"
Top Chat: Twenty years old… still a loli…
Top Chat: Drinks alcohol, so she’s twenty… but still a loli… gyaaaahhh
Top Chat: Watanabe clan members are collapsing under this paradox!
Top Chat: Let’s just assume ogres are technically still toddlers at twenty.
"What’s that?"
When the stage the drunken loli selected started, something metallic stood right in front of them — a cylindrical object gleaming with a metallic shine.
Top Chat: That’s a turret.
Top Chat: It shoots cannonballs straight across.
"…Oh, it does."
A loud blast echoed, followed by a black cannonball shooting out. But since the projectile moved no faster than the player’s walking speed, dodging it was trivial.
"This stage is one of the hardest, even on a normal playthrough."
"Really?"
Top Chat: If there were just one or two turrets, you could react easily by listening to the sound cues.
Top Chat: But from here till halfway through, turrets of different heights are lined up non-stop.
Top Chat: Plus, there are ground enemies. It’s nasty.
"Then I’ll just fly over it."
"Go ahead and try. There’s plenty of runway at the start for takeoff."
"Doing it."
Top Chat: I know how this ends, though.
Top Chat: Farewell, Elf Airlines…
Top Chat: Why’d you have to kill them?!
Top Chat: Too fast, too fast!
"Taking off!"
They sprinted to the edge, hit maximum speed, and took off. At peak altitude, they fired the jets, maintaining top speed while gliding smoothly forward… until—
"Upside-down turrets."
Top Chat: Yeah, those are a thing.
Top Chat: No one knows where they’re even attached, but there’s one right above you.
Top Chat: It’s the mid-stage trap meant to massacre cheaters who try to skip.
Top Chat: There’s only one upside-down turret in the whole stage, but this single one is brutal.
"What do I do now?"
Top Chat: At that point? You can’t do anything.
Top Chat: Best you can do is slowly descend and die with dignity.
Top Chat: …Well, there is a tiny platform nearby, so if you could see, you might still recover.
Using the last bit of jet fuel, they gently descended — and sure enough, there was a tiny one-block platform about three blocks back from the turret’s lower edge.
"If I land there, won’t it work?"
Top Chat: …With the blindfold still on?
Top Chat: If you were right next to the turret, sure. But from this distance? Not happening.
After landing safely on the tiny platform, they noticed a small island about five blocks ahead, just past the upside-down turret.
"That little island’s the midpoint. If you could take off from there, it’d be easy… but it’s too narrow. There’s not enough runway to build speed."
"So I can’t fly from it?"
"The second half’s even more uneven than the first. No open stretch long enough to accelerate to top speed."
"Alright, I’ll blindfold myself."
Top Chat: …Eh?
Top Chat: Wait, did you just come up with a plan?
Top Chat: Elf-san??
Top Chat: Reminder: you can’t see.
Top Chat: …Oh, right.
Top Chat: Feels like you’re about to try something ridiculous again.
"I'm not doing anything complicated."
Top Chat: Elf-san??
Top Chat: Are you sure you’re not blind right now?
Top Chat: Getting déjà vu from the whole Reverse-Kami-sama incident…
"First, start the stage with the jets already equipped."
Top Chat: Hm.
Top Chat: So far, sounds normal.
"Then get a running start and jump."
Top Chat: Hm.
Top Chat: Still normal.
"Use the jets to maintain altitude."
Top Chat: Nothing weird so far.
Top Chat: Even I could do this.
"And then… cut the jets while moving forward and let yourself fall."
Top Chat: …Huh?
Top Chat: Wait, when exactly?
Top Chat: Ah.
Top Chat: Eh??
Top Chat: No way!!
Top Chat: He dodged it!
Top Chat: He slipped past the upside-down turret and dived diagonally into the island!
"Since my speed’s still maxed out, I’ll take off from the island right here."
Top Chat: …Define “right here” 😂
Top Chat: Wait, he actually took off!!
Top Chat: Drunken loli’s waving her arms in front of Elf-san like, “Look at meee!” LOL
Top Chat: Saw this exact scene earlier, just with the roles reversed.
"Goal."
"…HOW!?"
Top Chat: No no no, hold up.
Top Chat: Elf-san might pull it off, sure…
Top Chat: But there’s no way a human can do that.
"You can move to the BGM’s rhythm, right?"
Top Chat: Well… yeah, drunken loli does that, but—
Top Chat: Wait… hold up. Is this actually reproducible??
Top Chat: Run to the stage edge…
Top Chat: Get a running start and jump…
Top Chat: Cut the jets at precise timing…
Top Chat: Take off from the island at precise timing…
Top Chat: …Wait. That actually sounds doable.
Top Chat: So you’re telling me you just have to memorize every single action in the stage…?
"Wait, WAIT! Hold it right there! How did you even know where to start gliding on a first playthrough!? And the takeoff timing, too!"
"Altitude’s fixed, fall speed’s fixed, BGM’s fixed. Right?"
Top Chat: …So you’re telling us you calculated all the timings while playing?!
Top Chat: Ohhh, makes sense now.
Top Chat: …Does it really make sense though??
Top Chat: I, a humble Elf-first-timer, am deeply confused.
Top Chat: Don’t worry, it’s fine.
Top Chat: You got this, you got this.
Top Chat: Absolutely nothing to worry about.
Top Chat: Trust us! We’re the ones stalking Elf-san during weekday afternoons, after all!
Top Chat: Phew… finally dragged my boss into this too! So, uh, what’s happening right now?
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