Chapter 2: End of Proof

"So, that’s why I should be an elf."

Top Chat: Still, the only elf trait you’ve shown us is your ears
Top Chat: That elf test is way too sloppy lol
Top Chat: Well, Alfheim is technically correct though

"What do you mean Alfheim is correct?"

Top Chat: Alfheim is the land of the elves in Norse mythology. Also called Álfheimr or Álfheím. You’ve probably heard of one of those.
Top Chat: Ugh… Alfheim Giants… how many packs did I open for that…
Top Chat: Alfheim… gacha… if I’d saved that money I could’ve bought a bike…
Top Chat: You guys, lol

"Then I’m definitely an elf."

Top Chat: Nope nope, too sloppy lol
Top Chat: You need to test more carefully
Top Chat: The only thing proven so far is that we have an elf expert in chat
Top Chat: Got any other physical traits?

"My chest is pretty big."

This body had great proportions.
Unlike the flat, slender stereotype of elves, this one had curves in all the right places. Princess Bran probably never worried about her bust size.

Top Chat: That’s pretty indecent
Top Chat: Indecent, indecent!
Top Chat: I want that image seared into my eyes—please lean closer to the camera for confirmation
Top Chat: We asked you to prove you’re an elf, why are you giving counterarguments lol
Top Chat: Flat-chested elves only come from Japanese novels anyway. In Norse myth, elves are described as more beautiful than the sun, and in most traditions they’re regarded as stunning. There shouldn’t be any flaws in their looks.

"Elf Expert in chat really knows his stuff."

Top Chat: W-wait… elves aren’t flat-chested…?
Top Chat: No way… my entire image of elves… no, no, it can’t be!
Top Chat: Some people here are in shock lol
Top Chat: Anything else besides the chest?

"My eyesight’s good."

Top Chat: That’s a pretty vague trait
Top Chat: Sounds plain
Top Chat: How good are we talking here?

"See that big sign in front of me?"

Top Chat: Yeah, I see it
Top Chat: I see it too
Top Chat: The parking lot price board by the fence, right?
Top Chat: A girl shouldn’t be giving away room location clues like that!

"I’m a guy. Anyway, under that sign, there’s an ant nest, right?"

Top Chat: Hold up—guy? …huh?
Top Chat: What?
Top Chat: Eh?
Top Chat: An ant nest??

"Right now, there are ants carrying a cicada into it."

Top Chat: Cicada?
Top Chat: What?
Top Chat: Huh?
Top Chat: A cicada? A cicada??

"The front ant’s missing one right leg. You can see that, yeah?"

Top Chat: First off, I can’t even see the cicada
Top Chat: Where? Where’s the cicada?
Top Chat: Zoomed in max https://uploader.xxx/elfeye.jpg
Top Chat: …oh, there, at the base of the pillar on the right
Top Chat: Yeah, that’s a cicada
Top Chat: I can see up to the cicada
Top Chat: But only up to the cicada

"My eyes are good, right?"

Top Chat: Using something we can’t even confirm as proof doesn’t help
Top Chat: But we did confirm the cicada at least…
Top Chat: Ugh, hmm…

"Wanna go check it out?"

Top Chat: Wait wait wait
Top Chat: You’re really gonna go out dressed like that? lol
Top Chat: Please reconsider your outfit

"I already went shopping, though?"

Top Chat: You went outside with elf ears and an oversized T-shirt? lol
Top Chat: Oh right, you said you bought all the streaming gear earlier
Top Chat: By the way, hey Elf Expert—what’s up with elves’ eyesight in the legends?
Top Chat: I’ve never heard of any such description.
Top Chat: Once again, proven that nothing’s been proven lol

"Then what are actual elf-like traits?"

Top Chat: Hmm… when I think elf, I think bow and arrow…
Top Chat: Elf Expert, what’s the verdict?
Top Chat: In folklore, elves are indeed associated with archery. Particularly in England and Scotland, flint arrowheads have been discovered, and sudden pains or injuries were sometimes attributed to pranks caused by ‘elf-shot’ from invisible arrows.
Top Chat: Ooh, so flat chest is out, but bow is in!
Top Chat: Yeah, bows are cool
Top Chat: A real-life elf shooting a bow? That’s a perfect picture!
Top Chat: We wanna see it! Do it!

"Where, though?"

I was a college student living alone. My apartment wasn’t exactly spacious.

Top Chat: Ah.
Top Chat: Yeah, good point.
Top Chat: Before location—do you even have a bow?
Top Chat: Doesn’t your university have a kyūdō (archery) club?

"Would they even let me on campus like this?"

Top Chat: You could get in if it’s a more casual university…
Top Chat: But if you get caught, that’s a problem, and it’ll take time too
Top Chat: That’s tricky
Top Chat: What about a game instead?

"A game?"

Top Chat: Ever heard of FPS? It’s a game genre where you control a character armed with weapons and fight.
Top Chat: Oh that works!
Top Chat: Let’s do it
Top Chat: Experiment start!

"Alright, teach me how."