Chapter 20: A Scene from a Certain Diary

Edith left home.
The custom Zarif-made prosthetic arm I had made for her, along with the equipment, clothing, and money I had given, were all neatly left behind in her room.

■

I should write down what happened yesterday.

It started when I brought dinner to Edith, who had been shut in her room even at mealtime. Looking back, I guess it was wrong of me to enter my daughter’s room without knocking.

She tried to hide something the moment she noticed me, and I, in my frustration, lashed out at her. I couldn’t find any clue to defeat Hitogami, Eris was constantly getting in the way, and my nerves were frayed.

What she had hidden turned out to be a letter addressed to Eris and Ghislaine.

Even now, reading it again, it was nothing special—just a report on my daily life and her own situation. Nothing more than that.

But I couldn’t forgive it. I couldn’t stand the fact that Edith, who once cried and came to rely on me after being abandoned by Eris during the time I was a wreck from Sylphy’s death, had been secretly corresponding with Eris behind my back.

It didn’t help that she was a reincarnator. Lately, even I could see how paranoid and delusional I had become. Every little thing caught my eye, and I twisted it all into hostility directed at me.

Without listening to a word from Edith, I hurled abuse at her.
"This world has no trace of your homeland. Even if you could return, your era was hundreds of years ago."
Vile words, designed to wound, cornering her deliberately, until there was nothing left.

Edith wept.

■

I drowned myself in alcohol, only to be struck by Aisha and thrown outside.

I might never have seen Aisha so angry before. She told me sharply to swallow my pride and ask someone—Eris, Perugius, whoever I could think of—to help bring Edith back. Only then did I finally move.

Really, what the hell am I doing at this age…?

■

I asked Perugius, Zanoba, and every major figure in the Three Magic Nations for help, gathering what scraps of information I could about Edith. But her trail vanished somewhere past the Red Dragon Mountains.

I had no other options left.

From her letters, I worked out Eris’s whereabouts. Tomorrow, I’ll go see her.

■

I’m an idiot. Beyond saving.

■

After explaining everything to Eris and Ghislaine, Ghislaine punched me across the room. Eris collapsed to her knees, buried her head in her arms, and didn’t speak a single word that day.

According to Ghislaine, Eris had always thought of me. Even now, every time I did something reckless, she was there, keeping me alive. She still loved me, still treasured me. But the rift between us was too deep. So she lied, saying she had abandoned Edith, and sent her to me just so at least Edith could live by my side.

And this was the result. I dragged her into danger for revenge, forced her into battles that cost her an arm, and in the end, drove her out in tears.

Right there, I bowed my head to the two of them and begged for their help in finding Edith.

■

A year passed since reconciling with Eris. Borrowing Perugius’s teleportation circles, we searched everywhere, but Edith remained missing.

Between the three of us, only businesslike exchanges remained. I quit drinking, stopped lashing out like a thug, but I still couldn’t find the courage to talk to them about anything beyond necessity.

With no leads left, we used a teleportation circle to the Demon Continent and sought out Kishirika’s demon eye.

I wasn’t worried Edith had died. She may have left her prosthetic behind, but she was a Water King and a seasoned traveler. If she had perished, surely there would have been rumors.

■

Another half-year passed before we finally found Kishirika. We immediately asked her about Edith’s whereabouts.

Apparently, Edith had been on a sea voyage far off from the edges of the Begaritt Continent. No wonder we hadn’t found her.

Even in this closed, square-shaped world, searching the vast sea would be impossible without help. Kishirika granted me the Clairvoyance eye.

■

With Edith’s location discovered, we returned to Perugius’s castle and borrowed a teleportation circle to the spot nearest the sea where she was. Then, we set sail.

Endless days of searching at sea. I spent nearly all my savings from research papers and purchased about ten slaves to run the ship. They manned the sails, killed the monsters that attacked, and we ate their flesh. At times, I climbed the mast myself, using Clairvoyance to scan for ships.

Months passed. Our bodies and minds were worn down to the limit.

■

We found a ship.

A fresh wreck.

Inside was a single skeleton.

Strands of green hair clung to the bones, caught between the remains of its clothes.

■

I placed Edith into an urn.

That’s enough. Let’s just…go home.

■

I’m now trying to decipher Edith’s voyage diary, found inside the drifting ship.

I want to at least know what she was thinking, what brought her here, and why she met her end like this.

It’s in Japanese, but the writing is archaic and too elegant, making it hard to decipher. This will take a long time.

…A long time? Don’t be ridiculous.

■

Edith’s diary was filled with apologies—to me and to Eris.

Apologizing for failing to mend the rift between us despite living together for twenty years, for causing trouble by ending things like this… none of it was anything she should have apologized for.

Aside from that, most of the diary was about her journey across seas, searching for a way back to Japan. She searched everywhere, found nothing but despair, and in the final pages, wrote "I can’t go back" again and again.

What the hell have I been doing? Didn’t I learn from Nanahoshi how unbearable it is to be unable to return home? So why… why, why, why did I do something so stupid…?

■

On the very last page, she apologized to us once again, and wrote a final wish: that we would never find this ship, forget everything, and live out our lives together.