Chapter 23: I Want to Be You

Reason may forgive, but emotion cannot.

That is the nature of demons.

Thus, Hard looks down on others because of his arrogance—Superbia. Lord Lazy slacks off because of his sloth—Acedia. Riez rages because of her wrath—Ira. Deji seeks because of his greed—Avaritia. Zebul devours because of his gluttony—Gula.

And so, it is not strange if Rona, being lust—Luxuria, desires Lord Lazy.
Nor is it strange if I, being envy—Invidia, grow jealous of that.

I bite down too hard and split my lip—blood floods my mouth, a pungent sting burning deep into my nose.

A sight I don’t want to see, words I don’t want to hear.

Not the vivid blaze of wrath, but the murky flame of “envy” licks through my mind.

　『Peering Eye — Envy Vision』

A skill from the tree of envy. The power to spy upon the one I envy. Not just their image, but their voice as well.

As if unfolding right before me, my sight is sharp, my hearing clear enough to catch Rona’s soft voice.

It isn’t that I harbor lust for Lord Lazy—no, it’s simply envy.

Envious of Rona, who can harbor desire for her master.
Envious of Deji, who obeys greed and relentlessly pursues his cravings.
Envious of Hard, overflowing with the confidence to look down even on the King of Gluttony.

Until now, I had only ever used envy’s skill in my own chamber.

Outwardly, I was always “Lust — Luxuria.”
A woman of both beauty and talent, standing at the head of an army, presiding over desire.

The skill I had seized by envying the once-existing Lust Demon King, Lilith Luxuriaheart, outstripped most of the skills of ordinary lust demons.

And thus I was—Midea Luxuriaheart.

The mirror reflects my form, face warped by the ugly colors of envy, blood-red tears flowing from my eyes.

A vivid, vile emotion blackening my mind.

Yet in spite of that, I steadily advanced through envy’s skill tree.

"Haa… haa…"

Though I hadn’t taken a single step, my chest ached. My breath came hot and damp.

Deji’s words echo back to me.

No, it’s no use. Unless I fulfill my envy here and now, there is no future for me.

Even if Hard Loader intends to kill me—

No one… no one will obstruct my envy. If they try to dispose of me, I’ll strike them down.

The skill I stole by envying Deji’s greed—Avaritia.
The skill I seized by envying Lilith of lust—Luxuria.
The skills of envy—Invidia—that I myself advance.
The skill I took from the crushed corpse of Zebul—Gula.

I possess power of general-class might. The number of those who might envy me far surpasses even Liber of Inquiry, once Deji’s right hand.

But that’s all secondary.

The true root of my envy—the reason it was born—lies elsewhere.

Resentment.
Coveting.
I too… want to be you.

『Lord Lazy, it is time for your meal.』

Rona addresses him with a gentle smile.

The maid who has long served at Lord Lazy’s side. The one who spends the most time with him—and the very demon who once saved me.

Her appearance, her nature, her skill, her loyalty—everything about her is enviable.

――If only you weren’t there, I would be the one standing by his side.

And again, my mind seethes with black heat.

Why? Why is it that what I want always slips just beyond my reach?

Who is to blame? What is at fault?

If only I had succeeded in slaying Zebul—if only I had earned that merit—then the daily life I knew would have continued unchanged…

But the one thing I lack most is time. Hard will almost certainly try to kill me. He is that kind of demon.

Merely watching from afar won’t be enough. My life would lose its meaning. I would be left with nothing.

The emotions I had restrained as much as possible have long since grown beyond my ability to control.

My arms and legs tremble though the air is not cold.

『Lord Lazy, your hair is disheveled.』

『…I see.』

He’s always buried in bed—it would be strange for his hair not to be disheveled.

Rona brushes her hand through Lord Lazy’s jet-black hair, her words little more than a pretext. Lord Lazy closes his eyes and remains silent.

The moment she touched him, I saw a faint blush rise in Rona’s cheeks.

Nothing is said. Nothing is spoken. And yet—simply, unbearably, I envy her.

I had heard the rumors. Lord Lazy has remembered Rona’s name. She, who had always served quietly and appropriately from behind, now dares to step closer—that must be why.

――And yet, he still hasn’t remembered my name.

No. No, no, no. Absolutely not.

I force my ragged breath to calm and wipe my eyes with a handkerchief. Once white, it stains to a nearly black crimson after just a single touch.

Ah, you… I can’t help but envy you.

I know it’s meaningless.

But if I were the Demon King, I could have mimicked Rona’s form perfectly!

That worthless thought spirals endlessly through my mind.

No matter how many times I wipe, the tears of blood will not stop. The handkerchief, heavy with envy, is hateful to hold.

There is no time. Whether I can defeat Hard, I truly don’t know. Considering Deji’s warning, the chance is slim. He’s an unknowable, dangerous man.

Then, before that, I must fulfill my craving.

I give up on wiping my tears.

Unlocking the door, I step out of my room.

Legs trembling, I steady myself against the wall as I make my way toward Lord Lazy’s chamber. On the way, I pass a subordinate.

He opened his mouth to greet me, but when he saw my face, his eyes went wide with horror.

No matter. My craving is not aimed at you.

I try to smile, to somehow change my expression, but he turns pale and flees.

Ah… if only I could smile like Rona, would he not have run?

But that too is meaningless.

All the time I once had, wasted—only when time runs out do I let my envy burn stronger. Surely, I must be the most pitiful kind of demon.

There are demons who’ve abandoned their cravings by the thousands. But once I had tasted loss, there was no way I could give it up.

I grit my teeth.

"…No. Never…"

"Kusukusukusu… And what exactly is ‘never,’ hmm?"

It should have been nothing but a mutter to myself.

From around the corner of the corridor, a figure appeared.

Blonde hair, blue eyes. A demon wearing a maid’s uniform shorter in length than Rona’s.

Hiiro. Rona’s younger sister. Number Two of the family that serves Lord Lazy.

That grating, tittering laugh. A girl whose features resemble Rona’s, yet cloaked in an entirely different air.

At the same time, like Hard, she embodies arrogance—Superbia. Yet unlike him, she is a peculiar demon who does not fight.

Why is it that arrogance always has to speak in such an irritating voice? Her expression, her tone—everything about her needles me.

"My sister chased me out, but instead, I found something amusing~"

"…I have no business with you."

"Kusukusukusu… Midea-san, your mask is slipping."

Only then did I realize it.

The air of “Lust — Luxuria” that I always mimicked through envy’s skill had unraveled.

I take a deep breath and cloak myself again in lust.

Hiiro watches me with eyes glittering with interest.

"I see… I always thought so. For lust, you seemed awfully ‘thin.’ Kusukusukusu…"

None of your concern.

There’s no reason to keep hiding anymore. I was never interested in Hiiro to begin with.

The only one I ever wanted to hide myself from was—Lord Lazy.

Hiiro dabs away the tears flowing down my face with a handkerchief. Seeing the cloth turn pitch black, she grins. Without a care for the stain, she tucks the handkerchief into her pocket.

"So, what exactly do you plan to do? Looking like that?"

"…None of your concern."

"Kusukusukusu… so cold. I wonder… if I stopped you here, would my sister praise me?"

This one… does she mean to fight? Against me, a general-class demon?

It’s true—envy’s skills are not overwhelming in direct attack power. But I wield every skill I have stolen through envy.

I could win. I am not so weak as to lose against a second-rate demon.

And yet, even facing my killing intent, Hiiro only laughed with a childlike expression.

"…It’s a joke. A joke! No need to make such a scary face, isn’t it just a joke? Kusukusu… Fine, I’ll let you pass. My sister is still in the room, but she’ll be gone soon. Really, how tiresome…"

"…What’s your aim?"

I can’t read this girl.

She hasn’t lived long, nor has she advanced far into arrogance’s skill tree. And yet, I can see it—the same arrogance as Hard, if of a different flavor.

Not mockery, but a natural, unthinking condescension.

And behind that expression, an intelligence that ill matches her playful face.

"Oh, nothing in particular? No aim at all. It’s just… you’re going to be killed anyway, aren’t you? I thought maybe, before that, you’d want to fulfill your desire at least once."

Hey, Midea-san—you thought the same, didn’t you?

Hiiro laughed aloud.

My head throbs. The flames of envy I had suppressed flare back to life.

"Well, do as you like. Lord Lazy… kusukusu… won’t even notice, I think?"

"…………"

No. There’s no time.

How long would it take to destroy her? One minute? Ten? More?

I can’t afford to waste it on Hiiro.

I cast her only a single glance as she steps aside to clear the path, and then I look straight ahead again.

Drops of blood patter down, staining the carpet.

"Hehe… Oh, when you kill my sister, will you let me know? It’ll be my turn next."

"…………"

I can’t waste time on her.

Even after Hiiro disappeared, that soft, mocking laughter lingers in my ears.

What’s so funny? What could possibly amuse her?

…It doesn’t matter anymore.

The only lingering attachment left here is singular.

Lord Lazy’s room comes into view. Rona has already stepped outside.

I never intended to kill Rona anyway. I can’t predict what might happen if she obstructs me, but she’s far busier than an ordinary soldier, and in front of Lord Lazy, she’s always so demure. Yet at night… astonishingly passionate.

I knock once on the thick door, then open it without hesitation.

Lord Lazy’s room, as seen with my own eyes, has changed since Riez set it aflame a few times, but the atmosphere remains the same as I remember it.

A strong, slothful—Acedia—air, unlike envy, greed, wrath, or gluttony.

"Excuse me… Lord Lazy…"

At my voice, Lord Lazy does not respond. This is a fact I already know.

I close the door behind me with my hands and approach the bed where he lies.

His face, eyes closed as if dead, shows no expression; it’s uncertain whether he’s awake.

Even standing before him, I feel almost nothing. The King of Sloth, immune to envy. Not a sculpture, but a corpse—utterly motionless, a fallen king.

The things I cannot obtain should be the ones worthy of envy, yet I feel no jealousy toward Lord Lazy himself.

Of course. What I envy is not Lord Lazy himself, but everything around him.

I touch his cheek with the palm of my hand. He is alive.

Ugly blood-red tears drip down my hand and soil his face.

"Lord Lazy… what… what is it that I envy…? Why… am I not fulfilled…?"

"…………"

Lord Lazy glances at me, his eyes clear, devoid even of condescension.

But he says nothing. That alone makes me unbearably sad.

There is only one clue.

Among everything I have known, the one I have envied most in memory is Rona.

――Therefore, if I do what Rona cannot, perhaps I can fill even a fraction of this envy.

"Lord Lazy… do you remember my name?"

"…Ah."

"Eh? Really!? Could you… say it out loud for me?"

"…………"

His eyes seemed to ask, Who is this?

…Why is Lord Lazy so reflexively alive?

Even seeing me shed tears of blood, even seeing my stained cheeks, he remains unmoved. I cannot stir his heart.

I already knew this.

I lift the hem of my robe and bow deeply.

Then, at least at the end, I will make my final statement beautiful.

"Lord Lazy… my name is Midea Luxuriaheart. My sin is ‘Lust—Luxuria.’ Please, remember me henceforth."

"…I see."

Lord Lazy responds with a flat, oppressive voice.

My soul core throbs loudly.

Yet something is wrong. Even before him, my envy is not fulfilled. What am I overlooking?

Either way, time is short.

"Lord Lazy—"

I untie the ribbon at my robe’s neck and place it carefully on the side table.

One by one, I unfasten the wooden buttons with trembling hands.

I slip out of my arms, letting the robe fall to the floor. My exposed upper arms shiver as they touch the cold air.

What protects me now is a thin dress and the underwear beneath it. Not even combat gear. Nothing shields me.

Unlike being stripped by Zebul, doing it myself is far more humiliating than I imagined. The demons of lust are incredible.

My lips tremble. With a shaking voice, I declare to Lord Lazy:

"…From now, I… will violate you, Lord Lazy."

"…I see."

"…Meaning, I will ignore your will and forcibly have sex with you."

"…I see."

Even after declaring this, Lord Lazy’s face remains unchanged. Not a single brow moves.

No joy, anger, sorrow, or pleasure. No shame, no fear. His gaze drifts lazily, and I cannot tell if he is even looking at me.

I am aware that my tears flow stronger, but my trembling hands undo the topmost button of my dress with a small pop.