Chapter 4: Corruption and Sloth

Even if it wasn’t a position I personally sought, the fact remains: I’m a king, which means I have subordinates… vassals under me.

Being a Demon King makes me humanity’s natural enemy, the sworn nemesis of some so-called divine soldiers serving some god from some country I can’t even remember. On top of that, I’m constantly being targeted by other selfish Demon Kings and devils alike.

In short, I have a lot of enemies. And it’s not even because I did anything—thanks to that idiot Canon at the top, who’s busy trying to conquer the world, the heavens, and the demon realm, all the trouble trickles down to me. Without subordinates, I—a man who avoids fighting—would be dead by now.

About once every quarter, heroes with entire “Hero Classes” come charging at me. Once or twice a year, divine soldiers try to assassinate me. And about once or twice a month, I get dragged into wars in the Demon Realm. It’s a pain in the ass.

Since I never pick fights myself, I seem like an easy target among the Demon Kings. The world really is coming to an end.

A woman—apparently one of the Great Demon King’s messengers, named Riez—crosses her arms, visibly irritated, and delivers her report with an expression full of disdain.

"Lord Demon King, Lazy Slaughterdolls. In recognition of your unparalleled achievements during the conflict with Demon King Granza Estard in the Infernal Realm, under the authority of Great Demon King Canon, you are hereby promoted to Third Rank in the hierarchy and granted the magic sword, Celeste."

"I see."

What a pointless announcement.

I take the offered sword with obvious reluctance and immediately toss it onto the floor without so much as a glance.

I don’t need a sword. Not that I want a shield either. I don’t want medals, titles, or higher status. All I want is peace and time to myself.

"Aaahhh! How could you treat the magic sword bestowed upon you by Lord Canon like that?!"

Riez frantically snatches the sword off the ground, holding it as if it were some sacred treasure, and glares daggers at me.

I don’t even know the difference between a “magic sword” and a regular sword, and since I almost never leave my bed, I have zero opportunities to use one anyway. A kitchen knife would be more useful.

…Not that I’d use one either, though.

"I don’t understand! Why are you being promoted?! You haven’t even done anything!"

"Dunno."

Ask your master if you want answers. That’d save both of us time.

Too exhausted just from dealing with her, I flop backward onto my bed. It’s brand new—Riez destroyed my old one in one of her tantrums. At first, I missed my previous bed, but now I hardly care. All I need is uninterrupted sleep.

I don’t know why I was promoted. I don’t even know what rank I’m currently at. Hell, I don’t even know if Third Rank is supposed to be impressive.

None of it matters anyway.

But Riez doesn’t seem pleased with my attitude and starts stomping her feet like a child throwing a tantrum.

I don’t know how long it’s been since she first showed up, but whatever impression I had of her as a beautiful woman has long since evaporated. Turns out people really do get tired of beauty. These days, all I notice is how annoyingly loud she is… though, strangely enough, I’ve gotten used to that too.

"I know the truth! Degi the Usurper led your army! He commanded your forces and crushed Granza’s Legion!"

"I see."

…Degi the Usurper? Who the hell is that?

Eh, doesn’t matter. I couldn’t care less.

Riez sighs loudly when she sees my expression. Just like I’ve gotten used to her, she’s gotten used to me too. Adaptable woman.

"It was a brilliant strategy. The rumors about Lazy’s forces being elite were true after all. Granza’s Legion was treated like children! Now I understand why Lord Canon tolerates your attitude."

"I see."

"…Are you even listening?"

"I see."

I roll over again and hug my oversized memory-foam pillow, nearly as big as I am. I love sleeping, but lazing around after waking up might be even better.

Riez glares and snatches my pillow away, forcing me to grab the blanket instead for comfort.

"…Anyway, though I was sent here on behalf of the Great Demon King, I must offer some advice. As Demon King, you should reward Degi for his accomplishments."

"…Makes sense. …Wait, who’s Degi again?"

"Are you serious?! You don’t even remember the members of your own Legion?!"

That, my dear, is exactly what sloth is.

And frankly, I couldn’t care less about this “Degi” fellow.

With some effort, I point lazily at the sword she’s clutching.

"…Give him that sword."

"Huh? You’re not serious, are you? You’d give away a magic sword bestowed upon you by Lord Canon himself to some random devil, even if he did well in battle?!"

"I don’t need it. If it were bedding, though, I’d be interested."

A replacement bed, some better pillows, maybe even another armchair—the last one, which Riez broke, was fantastic. Canon’s got a surprisingly meticulous streak, so whatever he sends should be top-quality.

"You… you’d give a divine artifact—a god’s own treasure—to a mere devil like yourself, even as a Demon King?"

Riez’s gaze sharpens, as though she’s staring at some kind of monster. That’s a first for me.

She’s clearly got the wrong idea, but correcting her would take effort.

"…That’s right."

"I see… So you’re not just some useless lamp after all…"

…“Useless lamp,” huh? That’s a weird one.

Say whatever you want. I couldn’t care less about your words.

I roll over once again, pulling the blanket close. It’s warm, heavy, and comforting.

Having done all I care to do for the day, I let out a long yawn and close my eyes.

"Please wait, Boss Lazy!"

Persistent little pest. Always like this. Every time I try to rest, someone comes along to bother me.

Forget it. I’ll just fall asleep.

"Lord Demon King, it’s me, Degi."

…And who the hell is Degi supposed to be again?

My shoulder is shaken, forcing me to reluctantly crack open my heavy eyelids.

Standing there is a massive man.

A towering, heavily muscled giant. A smooth, featureless, mask-like face without a beard, topped with enormous, curling horns. But his most distinctive trait is obvious: six arms, three on each side.

Six gleaming eyes stare at me, along with a twisted mouth lined with sharp fangs, grinning unpleasantly.

"Who the hell are you?"

"…Same as always, huh, Boss Lazy. I’m Degi Blaindark. Commander of the Third Army in your Legion, at your service."

"I see…"

The devil who called himself Degi spoke in a casual, almost carefree tone that didn’t match his hulking appearance.

So this is the Degi Riez kept going on about earlier… I see…

…Not that I care.

"Do I know you?"

"Of course you do, Boss Lazy! You’re the one who appointed me as commander of the Third Army, after all."

"…I see."

Third Army, huh? Makes me wonder how many armies there actually are. Guess that makes him kind of important.

My instincts tell me this Degi has considerable power for a devil.

"You went against Miss Midia’s protests and still put me in charge of the Third Army, Boss! Same old you, huh?"

…Midia? Who the hell is that?

I glance over at Riez, but she doesn’t seem particularly concerned. Must be someone well-known among my forces.

Eh, doesn’t matter. Her name, her existence, her power—none of it matters. She can do whatever she wants.

Rubbing my eyelids, I finally address Degi.

"Yoha."

"Ha! It’s an honor to live up to your expectations, Boss!"

Degi bows deeply in respect, while Riez tilts her head in confusion.

"…What’s this ‘yoha’ thing supposed to mean?"

It comes from a little rule I made for myself:

“Yo” as in “Do as you please.”

“Ha” as in “I’m satisfied.”

Put together, “yoha” is my all-purpose response — it means both “Do as you like” and “That’s good enough.”

I came up with it because giving proper orders or offering praise every single time was just too much of a hassle. If I say “yoha,” they interpret it however they want and act accordingly. Saves me a lot of effort.

Answering her out loud would’ve been annoying, though, so I ignored her.

"So, what do you want?"

"Well, if I may be so bold, Boss… I assumed you were currently deciding on my reward for my contributions in battle, yes?"

I couldn’t care less.

The only thing that matters to me is figuring out how to get the best possible sleep after this conversation ends.

I stare coldly down at Degi, though I don’t bother voicing my irritation.

"Take the sword."

At those words, Degi looks toward the blade in Riez’s arms, and his six crimson eyes gleam like a predator spotting fresh prey.

But then he licks his lips and glances back at me.

"It’s an honor beyond words, Boss… but if I may, there’s one more thing I’d like to request. Not that I’m refusing the sword, of course! I mean, I’ve got six arms, after all…"

"Degi…! You insolent devil! Are you implying that the magic sword Celeste, bestowed upon Lord Lazy directly from Lord Canon himself, isn’t enough for you?!"

Riez explodes in anger, but I raise a hand to stop her. My pillow creaks ominously under her grip, threatening to tear apart. She needs to stop that.

She’s noisy. Tiresome. She should just shut up for once.

All I want is to sleep.

A greedy devil… but greed is natural for their kind.

And since Degi’s desires and mine—the greedy versus the slothful—don’t overlap, there’s no real conflict here.

I snatch my pillow back from Riez and place it under my head, letting my gaze wander along the wavy patterns on the ceiling before replying.

"Do as you like."

"Then… may I humbly request one of your ‘dolls,’ Boss? A new one, if possible."

That catches me off guard.

If he’d wanted one of the existing dolls, I wouldn’t have cared. But making a new one… that’s a pain.

"…That’s troublesome."

"Please, Boss, I beg you! I’ll settle for the most basic type, the lowest-class model!"

Persistent, this greedy bastard. His hunger burns so brightly that it won’t fade until I either agree… or kill him.

Which would be less work—getting rid of him, or making a new doll?

Tough call. But… judging from what Riez said, his achievements are real enough.

If it’s going to be equally troublesome either way… giving him the doll is fine.

I glanced around the room and grabbed the candlestick sitting on the nearest side table.

It was designed to look like a little skeleton doll. Perfect — less effort for me.

Without a second thought, I tossed it over to Degi.

Degi caught it with all six arms, beaming from ear to ear as he reverently traced the ribcage of the skeletal figure.

"Boss, this one doesn’t have a soul."

Of course it doesn’t.

"Want me to put one in?"

"…Surely, you jest. A doll without a soul is nothing more than an object. What I humbly desire… is one of your Slaughter Dolls."

"…I see."

So, in the end, I had to put in some actual work.

How annoying. Might as well get it over with.

I yawned, lazily raised my hand, and pointed a finger toward the lifeless skeletal doll.

I activated my skill.

Immediately, the doll stirred with a faint presence.

A Demon Lord’s class skill — the power to breathe life into dolls. It was my specialty. That’s why they call me Lazy Slaughterdolls — the Lord of Massacre Dolls.

"That good enough for you?"

"Ah, my deepest gratitude, Boss. If it’s not too much… might I trouble you to grant it a name as well?"

Naming.

For demons, that was an important ritual — a name defines one’s existence, even one’s strength.

Why the hell should I have to do something like that?

"…Earn another accomplishment first."

"Kik-kik-kik… As you wish. I’ll make sure to work hard enough to avoid getting disposed of."

Cackling with that high-pitched, grating laugh of his, Degi withdrew without protest. For a demon who embodied greed, that restraint was unexpected… but honestly, I didn’t care.

He then snatched the sword from Riez’s stiff, mannequin-like grip — her expression still as sharp as a drawn blade — and bowed deeply.

"Then, until next time, Boss. Once I achieve greater feats, I shall seek your audience again."

With that, he left the room.

Hopefully for good.

If he wants something, he can have it — anything, in any amount. No need to ask, no need to beg.

Just don’t get in my way.

Degeneracy and sloth — that’s the whole meaning of my existence. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.