Chapter 34: Riven and Fear

"Damn it!"

I hurled my gear to the ground in frustration.

I’m not the kind of man who takes it out on things. But this time, I just couldn’t stop myself.

It was just provocation. From some easygoing, carefree bastard, no less. So why did it get under my skin this badly?

Ah, I already know. Of course I know. He struck a nerve.

No one knows that better than me.

"Neil!"

"...Yeah, yeah. I’ll take a quick round outside."

I drove Neil out of the room. I didn’t want anyone else to see me like this.

"...Damn it."

I dropped into a chair with a thud. The wood let out a loud creak, but I didn’t care. Things like that don’t matter.

I can more or less guess who the sorcerer is. That’s why I can’t sit still.

What should I do? I have to pin down his location and crush him before he makes his move.

With the cards I’ve got right now, there’s no way I can fight him head-on. From the start, he was someone I planned to face only at the very end. That’s going to take thorough preparation.

"Rosalind. Are you really serious about this?"

I tried to calmly doubt her sanity.

Pointless. She’ll do it. Without question.

She doesn’t care about losses or cost. If she decides something, she’ll make it happen—and her underlings will see to it no matter what.

If I’ve got time to run from reality, I’d better spend it trying to read her intentions.

...Can I win? If I misjudge her, I’ll have to fight her directly. Can I really defeat her?

No—if I don’t, it’s over. Even if I’ve never once taken a victory against her, I have to seize my first one now.

Why else have I come this far? Accomplish what must be done.

"Accomplish what must be done."

It was nothing more than another escape. Just shifting the subject because I still can’t see a concrete plan for victory.

I let out a long breath. Every time her face flickers through my mind, it feels like someone’s tightening a rope around my throat.

"You can grind yourself down like that, but nothing good will come out of it."

"Even so, I—"

There shouldn’t have been anyone else here, but I heard a voice.

I turned toward it at once. Was I so far gone that I hadn’t even sensed anyone enter?

There she was: Charlotte. That woman I’d left behind on the roadside earlier.

"Hey, hey. Ahaha, guess I came anyway."

She gave me a slightly awkward smile.

Why is she here? Neil—no, right, he went out.

What about the others? Did she really just walk right through?

Ignoring my confusion, she came closer. Then, gently, she took my hand.

"Grinding yourself down like this... Didn’t I tell you to calm down?"

"Ugh..."

"Now I get it. Chasing that man off at the venue... that was just you blowing off steam, wasn’t it? Saying it was thanks for helping you calm down—that was a lie."

Her voice was calm, almost coaxing. I couldn’t say a word.

I could silence her easily by shouting. But the truth is, she’s right.

All I’ve been doing is thrashing around, unable to sort out my own emotions. Running from reality, exploding with feelings that have nowhere to go—over and over again. Just to look away from a truth I don’t want to face.

"You haven’t been calm at all, have you? Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone."

Words that saw straight through me.

"I don’t need that. Go home."

"Come on, being stubborn won’t do you any good. You’re always stubborn in the weirdest ways."

"Stubborn? I—"

『You’re stubborn in the weirdest ways. You’re a prince, so why not lean on others more?』

I heard a voice. A phantom echo. Familiar, yet impossible to hear now.

My eyes widened, and she looked surprised at my reaction. Surprised that I was surprised—how rude.

You’re the one who said you’d listen.

Then... ah, I see. In the end, I—

I tore my eyes away from Charlotte and looked down. The same floor as always.

There were my limp arms, my legs, my body. And hers, just a little of it, too.

"...I see nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah."

After a long silence, to my shock, my mouth moved on its own.

I hadn’t meant to say it. Saying it wouldn’t change a thing.

"Facing an opponent you can’t possibly beat. Fail, and you lose everything. Those kinds of visions."

"...Honestly, that almost sounds like something you’d laugh about."

"Maybe. In fact, I used to laugh at it. Because a friend told me to."

Once I said it, the words poured out, unstoppable.

"That friend—you mean the one tied to your sword...?"

"Yeah. His name was Tenyuu. In a way, he’s the reason I’m here at all."

I left it at that, and let my thoughts wander. If he saw me like this, what would he say?

He’d probably kick me in the ass and tell me there’s no point being afraid. But then again...

He always told me to run when I had to. Hard to picture what he’d say now.

"...Are you really that scared of your sister?"

Her voice wavered, like she wasn’t sure if it was okay to ask.

Makes sense. After all, I’d just lost it over this very subject. But the fact she asked anyway shows she’s got guts.

"Scared? Yeah... I guess I am. I’ve never beaten her, not once. And if I lose this time, everything’s ruined."

"...That’s what scares you?"

I let out a short laugh through my nose. Scared that everything will be ruined, huh? Sure, I’m scared. But if that’s all it is, I’d laugh it off and kick it aside.

What I fear lies beyond that.

"That much, I could handle."

"Then what is it?"

"What comes after it all falls apart. Being forced to face the truth that everything I’ve worked for was meaningless. That’s the nightmare."

I stopped staring down and tilted my head back, gazing at the plain ceiling.

"Ridiculous, isn’t it? I was the one who decided I had to do this—and now I’m trembling at the thought that someone else might have been able to do it in my place."

"…………"

"I spent four whole weeks locked in a battle of wits with her, and not once did I feel like I had the upper hand. It was like being crushed by the sheer weight of talent."

That’s why I lost my nerve despite starting out so boldly. She was always a step ahead of my predictions.

The truth is, the sorcerer is still hiding somewhere in this town, and I haven’t pinned down where.

Even the surveillance network I had tracking her movements has been completely fooled.

And the way she used Haiden’s main force as bait proves her aim is dead set.

I’ll admit, I didn’t see it coming. What I thought would be a preliminary skirmish has already turned into the real battle.

...That woman intends to strike directly at this town.

Ignoring logic, ignoring gain or loss. She doesn’t care if she burns through every pawn she has. She’ll do anything, throw away everything, just to satisfy her own desire. Something I could never bring myself to do.

It feels like she’s telling me: That’s why you’ll never beat me.

"So? Sounds pathetic when you hear it out loud, doesn’t it?"

"...Yes, it does."

When I threw the question at her, she hesitated for a moment. Then, with a curious expression,

"I honestly don’t understand why you’re even worried about it."

She declared it flatly.

"I get that you’re afraid of your sister. Hard to imagine, but I believe she’s stronger than you are."

She shook her head slowly, her words soft but firm, like scolding a child.

Then, all of a sudden, her eyes locked onto mine.

And I knew that look. I’d seen it before.

"But from where I’m standing, it just sounds like you’re making excuses for when you lose."

『You’re always thinking about what happens if you lose.』

"If you have to win, then you shouldn’t be worrying about losing until the very moment it happens."

『All that imagining won’t get you anywhere.』

"Or what—were you planning to lose from the very start?"

『You can’t win if you go in ready to lose.』

Her words overlapped with ones I’d once heard long ago.

"Have you lost already? No, right? Then don’t you think it’s too soon to give up?"

『See? The fight’s not over yet. Or have your knees already buckled?’

"If you’re banging your head against the thought that you can’t win, then all that proves is your way of thinking is wrong."

‘Your thinking’s too rigid! If you can’t win on the same terms, then change the battlefield itself!』

"So? Don’t you feel like talking now, even a little?"

『Go on, talk. It’ll probably just be something stupid anyway.』

A smug smile spread across the woman’s face in front of me.

Tenyuu wasn’t there.

And yet, why is it that in her, I still catch a glimpse of him?

"...Why did you even bother to come here and say all this?"

"Huh? What do you mean, why?"

"Exactly that. You and I are bound by a contract, nothing more. Even if I disappear, you’d just go back to your old life."

"Well, that’s true," she said, scratching her cheek with a slightly troubled look.

"But... I guess I kind of like this arrangement we’ve got."

"...Strange woman."

"I think so too. —Besides, there’s one thing I can actually sympathize with."

She let go of my hand and slowly stood.

Then she walked over to the far wall and leaned her back against it, facing me directly.

"I’m what you’d call all alone in the world. A long time ago, my village was attacked... and my whole family died."

"What?"

"Of course you didn’t know. I’ve never told anyone."

I knew she’d wandered for a while, but I’d never heard anything like this.

That kind of past... for her? For this airheaded, carefree woman?

When I looked at her face, she was smiling wryly. Maybe she knows exactly how she comes across.

Or maybe she was smiling because she’d startled me, because she thought she’d gone too far.

I couldn’t tell. Right now, I couldn’t read what was in her heart.

"That’s why, for me, living only ever means gaining things."

She had lost everything. So from here on, there was only more to gain. That was her logic.

It sounded endlessly positive, yet at the same time, deeply negative.

"Not wanting to lose what I’ve gained—isn’t that reason enough?"

So she was saying she’d lend me her strength.

I hadn’t planned on using it. This was my fight. I thought it was something I couldn’t drag her into.

Honestly, I’d wanted us to act separately, even at the auction.

She was the one invited, I was just her tagalong—so I could tolerate being in the same hall.

But dragging her into the fight itself felt wrong.

Her role was to support me when I went into the dungeon. I never made a contract for her to get involved in my personal battles.

And yet, here she was, insisting on stepping into it.

Even though there’s nothing in it for her.

"So? Don’t you feel like talking now?"

From a few steps away, she held out her hand to me with a bright, beaming smile.