Chapter 82: Charlotte and Riven

"I found you."

"Is something wrong? You seem like you were in quite a rush."

Before I knew it, everyone who had been here had disappeared somewhere.

Inside the Stray Cat Inn, it was just me and Riven.

Ah, I see. So this is a test, is it?

Then what I have to do is obvious.

I need to settle things between us.

"Could it be you were worried about me? You’ve got such a serious look on your face~"

Now that I think about it, I’ve let Riven take up far too much of my heart.

Even though the two of us are only bound by a contract.

In that sense, he’s the perfect person for this role.

"…Yeah. I was worried."

The heaviness in his voice made me flinch for an instant.

The earnestness there didn’t feel like a lie, but I quickly corrected myself.

You’ve heard it before, haven’t you? Deep down, everyone resents me.

This so-called concern is only on the surface. If I give in here, they’ll only drag me down further.

So don’t believe it.

"Charlotte, this is a dream."

"A dream? Haha. If that’s the case, that would be nice."

"You really don’t believe me?"

"Of course not. I mean, come on—have you ever had a dream this vivid, this clear, where you can feel everything?"

I spread my hands and turned on the spot, looking around the room.

The dreams I know aren’t this close to reality.

"Look over there, at the burn mark on the ceiling. That was from when two customers got into a fight. The Master actually raised his voice that time—rare for him."

Right. Details like that are too perfectly recreated.

More than anything, even though it hurts this much, I still haven’t woken up. No dream works like that.

Ah, I get it.

Calling it a dream is just the escape route it’s offering me.

A way out, for when I can’t accept it. How considerate.

"So even you can make jokes like that now, Riven-san."

"No—"

"It’s all right. My mind’s already made up."

Yes, my mind is made up.

I was wrong.

"Charlotte."

"Yes?"

Come to think of it, has Riven always said my name this much?

At first, he never did. But lately, every now and then, he has.

Maybe that’s another sign we’ve grown too close.

"What happened?"

My thoughts went blank for an instant.

The seriousness in his expression was nothing like his earlier concern.

Certainty? No. Suspicion. He seemed to have noticed something, but didn’t yet know what.

"‘What happened,’ you make it sound so dramatic. Nothing like that—"

"Don’t dodge the question. That’s not like you."

He stepped forward without hesitation.

His expression was frightening.

It brought back the memory of what happened at the Alliance.

People surrounding me. Vacant eyes staring. Accusing looks—

"Stay back!"

I couldn’t help but shout, driven by fear.

Damn it. That was a mistake.

Riven’s face flickered with surprise for a moment, then shifted to certainty.

He stopped his feet, but things had clearly moved in a bad direction for me.

"I’ll ask you again. What happened?"

"N-nothing happened."

"That’s a lie."

"It’s not a lie—"

"Then why won’t you look me in the eye when you say it?"

This is bad.

What should I do? How can I end this conversation?

The Riven I know, at times like this—

"…Sorry."

—does this.

He must have thought if he moved slowly I’d get away, but instead he closed the distance faster than I could react, and before I knew it his hand had seized my right wrist.

We were close. For an instant our eyes met. It felt awkward, and I quickly looked away.

"H-hey, you’re way too close. Seriously, you don’t have to rush, I’m not going anywhere."

I forced a smile, gently trying to push him off.

I really wasn’t planning to run. There’s no way I could get away from him anyway.

Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face.

If that expression had turned accusatory… I didn’t think I could bear it.

"So please, let go of my hand. Okay?"

"You think I wouldn’t notice? I know you’re always watching people’s faces, reading the room."

The sudden words made my eyes go wide. But even then, I couldn’t lift my head to meet his gaze.

"Look at me, Charlotte."

"Y-you’re being awfully pushy. Pushy guys don’t win points with girls, you know."

"Charlotte."

I’m scared. When I look up, what kind of face will be waiting for me?

"…Please."

A voice like clinging. A voice on the verge of tears.

If this is supposed to be a test, then it’s a cruel one.

My chest hurts. But I’m scared.

If rejection is what’s waiting for me beyond this, will I be able to endure it? No, I won’t.

Ah, so that’s how important Riven has become to me.

It’s been since Reynard. No—deeper than Reynard.

The span of time with Reynard had been longer, but the time I spent with Riven was impossibly dense.

"Please. If you’ve got grudges to air, I’ll hear them later, as much as you want. But just for now—please listen to me."

…Ah. I’m such a weak person.

I can’t stand making him sound like this. Even if I can already picture what comes after, even if the worst-case scenario sticks in my head and won’t let go, I can’t just look the other way.

I really am weak.

I lift my face.

And there he is—Riven, looking like he’s at a funeral, his expression dead serious.

Such a frail sight, so unlike the Riven I usually know.

Air leaks out of my mouth without thinking.

What is this feeling? It’s strange.

Like looking at something fake. No—that’s not quite it either.

I understand now. I simply don’t want to believe, deep down, what I’m seeing.

I don’t want to see him so weak.

"Charlotte. This world is a dream. It was made by magic, and you’re being held inside it."

"That again? There’s no way…I can believe that."

A lie. In truth, I want to believe him.

If everything that’s happened so far were just a dream, how wonderful that would be.

But if it’s true?

The worst is being dropped after you’ve been lulled into easing up. That’s what just happened.

So I won’t ease up anymore. I don’t want to.

"Fine. You don’t have to believe me."

"Huh…?"

"In exchange, come with me. You don’t have to believe, just let me help you."

What is he saying?

I don’t understand. What good would that even do?

"Charlotte."

Stop. Don’t look at me with those eyes. Don’t look at me with eyes that pure…!

Before I knew it, I’d shaken off the arm he was holding.

Riven looked slightly surprised, but not the least bit flustered.

That only made me angrier, and I found myself shouting.

"You’re the same…! Deep down you look down on me too, don’t you! You’re going to betray me later anyway!"

Stop. Don’t say any more.

Even thinking that, once the sludge starts pouring out of your mouth, it doesn’t stop.

Ugly feelings well up from the bottom of my heart without end.

"I know. I know it perfectly well! I know what a terrible person I am, how ugly I am! How much people despise me!"

I slam my words at him, driven by emotion.

"Leeching off people’s goodwill! Scraping pieces off someone else’s heart! Squatting where I don’t belong!"

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore.

"But-but! I can’t live any other way. I keep justifying myself, looking away from my own sins!"

Still the words keep coming, as if I mean to spit everything out at once.

"Good-looking? Ha. You mean it’s all just my façade, don’t you? How many people have I deceived with it, how many have I drained dry as nourishment!"

Ah—tears stream endlessly from my eyes. I don’t even know what they’re for anymore.

"Even when I help someone, it’s just so I can escape my guilt for a little while. Just so I don’t have to look at how my being alive keeps making everyone else miserable!"

Riven says nothing. Only my own cries echo through the room.

"I have to live. Because that’s what my mother wanted. But, but—"

Leaning on that thought, I keep going, ready to let everything spill out.

"If staying alive makes the people around me this unhappy, then I’d have been better off dead…!"

And finally, words I’d never even thought before slip out.

Yet when I say them aloud, they fit me disturbingly well.

Silence. After emptying myself of words, I circle back to calm.

I’ve done it now. I have to cover it up.

Just laugh it off—say it’s out of character, otherwise, otherwise—

"H-ha ha, just kidding…"

"Charlotte."

A quiet voice. Steady.

I slowly lift my face from where I’d been staring down.

And there, Riven’s expression was surprisingly unchanged—calm, composed, the usual dignified look.

"I was saved by you."

He gently scoops up my outstretched right hand from below.

Then Riven drops to one knee.

"Not because of that. I understand that you can’t truly believe me. I haven’t seen your life firsthand, haven’t lived it myself. So I won’t say anything about that."

"Then what are you saying?"

"You don’t have to believe me in your heart. Just remember the contract we made."

He lowered his forehead to the back of my right hand.

This…

"I will now fulfill the contract we made. No matter what happens inside this dream, even if the very founder of our nation turns against us—I’ll be on your side, Charlotte."

A small sound escaped my mouth.

This was the final day of the auction. That exchange on the stage—this was the same.

"I can’t break this contract. Whatever happens, here and now, I’ll remain on your side."

No words would come.

I didn’t know what to say.

Only tears kept spilling out.

"…Really?"

"Yeah."

"Really, truly… you’ll be on my side?"

"Yeah. It’s a contract."

Riven’s eyes were utterly serious. There wasn’t a trace of a lie or a joke.

"I’m someone who’s deceived, used, and done horrible things to people."

"But I was saved by you."

"Everyone thinks I’m a nuisance."

"Maybe. But I’m your party, right? That’s the contract, isn’t it?"

He didn’t deny what I said. And still, Riven said he would stay by my side.

That stirred something at the bottom of my heart.

It shouldn’t. I already decided.

I don’t want to believe. I don’t want to be hurt.

"Riven."

"What is it?"

His gentle tone.

That was the last trigger.

"I don’t want to be alone after all—"

Something inside me made a sound as it broke.

"I was scared of being rejected, of being hurt, so I decided to push everyone away from the start."

What kind of face do I have right now?

Riven’s expression was a gentle smile, but from that I couldn’t read anything.

"Everyone blames me. Says it’s my fault. Says I shouldn’t exist."

"…I see."

"But even so—even if deep down they despise me—even if it’s only on the surface—I still want to be with everyone. Is that so wrong?"

"It’s not wrong at all. Everyone has the right to want that."

With even my last defense affirmed, I didn’t know what to do anymore.

The only thing I knew for sure was that the tears wouldn’t stop, blurring my vision.

I couldn’t see ahead anymore.

Like that, I was held. And in Riven’s chest, I sobbed aloud.