[Past Arc] Squad Leader’s Record: Part One

※(A/N ) This is a side story. It will be compiled in one place after the main story concludes.
If reading it here feels inconvenient, please let me know.

---

I can’t even remember how old we were back then—if we were even old enough to count.

All I know is, from as far back as I can remember, it was always the two of us. Two halves of a whole.

"Hey... you got it, right? Hand it over, punk."

"Eek...!"

Right next to me was her.
And right next to her—was me.

"‘Eek’? Don’t give me that. You’ve got a house, don’t you? A family? A warm bed to sleep in every night, yeah?"

"So if you’ve got plenty, then giving us a little shouldn’t be a problem, should it?"

"I-I..."

No matter what we did—no matter how wrong it might’ve been—we always did it together.
Even if it was something no one would ever praise. Even if it was just a desperate move to survive.
As long as it was the two of us, there was nothing we couldn’t do.

"Huh!?"

"I-I think so! I think so! Please don’t kill me!!"

"Then you should’ve handed it over from the start... Hey, Sau."

"Yeah... tch, this all you got? What a rip-off."

As long as we could stay alive together, I didn’t care about anything else.

"Lately, even this area’s getting thin. Word’s probably spread."

"...Tch. Guess we’ll need a new hunting ground. Hey!! What’re you starin’ at, huh!? This ain’t a freak show!!!"

"S-sorryyy!!!"

"Jeez... Let’s go home."

"Yeah... let’s."

---

"This tastes like garbage."

"Don’t complain. It’s clean water for once. And some food, even if it’s not much."

"Yeah, but still..."

Money, food, clothes—anyone unlucky enough to catch our eye lost it all.
If we didn’t take, we couldn’t live…
No—that’s not quite right. Even when we did, we still weren’t really living.

"Ugh... this stuff makes me sick every time."

"If you’re gonna whine, I can drink it for you."

"Hah! Like I’d give you any!"

"Heh..."

Looking back now, maybe she never liked that kind of life.

She’d always grumble while choking down that foul water. The food we got was never much either.
Still, at least we could scrounge up enough to survive.
Rich brats who wandered off the main roads, drunk old men, back-alley criminals—we always found someone.

"...Guess we’ll look for another spot."

"...Yeah."

"..."

She always looked... well, pained.
Not because of the water. Not because we had to share scraps.
She just—didn’t like hurting people.
Because she was kind. Unlike me.

"Hey, hey!! You wanna die, huh!?"

"P-Please! I’ll be ruined if I lose that money...!"

...I wasn’t like her.

"Hah!? You talkin’ back to me!?"

"Gwah! M-my arm—!"

I wasn’t like her.

"Listen up. Next it’s your leg. Then your ribs. After that—your neck."

"Pl-please...! Take it all! Take everything! Just don’t hurt me... please!!"

"Yeah, that’s what I thought. Good boy."

I was different.

As long as I was fine—me, and the one I cared about—nothing else mattered.

"Whew... oh, it’s you. How’d it go?"

"...Bad. Not many people around. Just this much."

"...I see."

We were two halves of a whole.
But maybe... for her, I was the half she didn’t need.

If that’s the case—then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.

---

At some point, they stopped letting us go outside freely.
Chains on our ankles. Step too close to the fence, and they’d beat you, kick you—sometimes even shoot you.

Didn’t matter. We never really knew what to do with money anyway.
Violence? We were used to that.
If we robbed the right idiots, we’d get more food than what they rationed.

At least we didn’t have to dig through trash anymore.

"Starting today, you are under the jurisdiction of the Arius Branch School. Training begins tomorrow."

A year later—or so I think—that’s what the instructor who locked us up said.

"Hmm..."

Honestly, it didn’t sound bad to me.
They’d give us guns, ammo, even teach us how to fight.
Wouldn’t that make shaking down others even easier?

Life would get better. Happier, even.
And if someone else had to suffer for that? Not my problem.

So I agreed right away.
Not like saying no was even an option.
Didn’t matter—it suited me fine.

...Maybe that’s when I started realizing how different we really were.

"It hurts...! It hurts so much...!"

"Stop whining. Stand up."

"I can’t anymore...! P-please... have mercy...!"

"Doesn’t matter. Stand!"

"Kyaa!! I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!"

Training was... if I had to put it in one word—hell.

The workload was absurd for kids our age.
They didn’t care what it did to our bodies.
They just kept forcing nonsense into our heads, punishing us when we didn’t obey.
Food was scarce, too. Before, we could steal—but now, we didn’t even have that chance.

Cough, cough...!

The cruel part was—you couldn’t die.
Compared to beastkin or androids, our bodies were still strong and unnaturally tough, even as kids.
Wounds healed faster than they should’ve.
We’d starve, but never enough to die from it.

So no matter how bad the injury, we’d always heal after a few days.
And knowing that, they just kept beating us.

"Tch..."

I hated following orders—but I didn’t mind the training itself.
So they rarely laid a hand on me.
Didn’t matter who got hurt, who cried, who collapsed—it had nothing to do with me.
I didn’t care. I didn’t need to.

...But she was different.

"Why’d you do that!?"

"..."

"You realize you’ve made us a target too, right!? You get that!?"

One day, she came back from training, her face swollen—she’d taken the hit for someone else.

I lost it.
Because seeing her hurt made me furious.
Because I was scared of losing her.
And then, she said it.

"...It’s none of your business."

"...What?"

I knew. Of course I knew.
She was kind. Too kind.
She said it to keep me out of trouble—to protect me.
I knew that.

"We’re done playing friends. Don’t ever talk to me again."

"You’ve gotta be kidding me...!"

Still, I snapped.
I ignored what she meant, trampled over her feelings, and gave in to my anger in that moment.

"Fine by me!! I don’t want anything to do with you!! Get out and die in the gutter!!!"

"...I meant to from the start."

...That day, I was alone for the first time.

---

"..."

Living alone—honestly, it was easy.
Food, water, supplies—I could get as much as I wanted.
Compared to when that idiot was around, I didn’t have any trouble living on my own.

Cough. "Heh, is that all you’ve got?"

"You little…! Enough of your nonsense!!!"

Every time I saw her at the training grounds, she looked thinner—more beaten down.
Ever since that day, that idiot had started rebelling against Sensei. Recklessly.
Sometimes to protect someone else. Sometimes even when she herself was the one being punished.
Either way, she just kept breaking down more and more.
She didn’t even try to take the training seriously anymore.
Naturally, I got stronger while she got weaker.

Served her right.

"Ah…"

"What?"

…That’s what I told myself.

But even so, I couldn’t stay calm.
I was constantly irritated. Constantly missing... something.

Even when she was a wreck, there were still people who looked out for her.
I wasn’t like that. I was alone. Always alone.

"…Maybe it’s time."

Maybe it was about time to forgive her.
A voice inside me whispered that. A voice I knew all too well.

Yeah, she messed up too—but maybe she had her reasons.
I’d been too stubborn anyway.
If it’s the two of us again, we can make it work. We always did.

Let’s make up. It’ll be fine—she probably wants that too.

With that in mind, I went to find her. I’d heard she was living together with a bunch of strays.

"…Hey. What’s going on here?"

"I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!"

She wasn’t there.

"‘Sorry’ isn’t an answer. I asked what’s the situation. Use that tiny brain of yours and explain it properly."

"T-The person, she—!"

"…Huh?"

Apparently, she’d been sent for punishment. Knocked out by Sensei and dragged off to some unknown place.

"I see."

I didn’t feel sorry for her.
She must’ve known what she was getting into.
She’d be fine. She wasn’t the kind to break easily.
I knew that better than anyone.

"I’ll wait here, then."

She’d be back soon—I was sure of it.
But when she finally came back, it was two days later.

"…"

"Eh…?"

She was covered in blood.

It dripped from every part of her body.
One leg was twisted the wrong way, her fingertips dyed bright red.

"H-hey… you…"

"…"

The look she gave me when I called out to her—was fear.

"T… I’m sorry…"

"What…?"

"I-I’m sorry!! I won’t disobey again!! I won’t do anything! Please… please forgive me!! I’m sorry!!!"

I ran. I ran away from her.

She’d had her nails ripped off.
Her leg was broken and left that way on purpose.
The skin on her hands and feet had been flayed.
Her ribs shattered. Her teeth pulled out.

That image of her kept spinning in my mind—until I finally passed out.

---

After that, she changed completely.

She threw herself into training like she was someone else entirely. When others were hurt, she didn’t protect them anymore. She barely crossed my path at all.

Then one day, by chance—

"…Hey."

"…Is something the matter?"

"…!"

Her tone shocked me.

She spoke like she was groveling. Her eyes, her expression—all submissive.

It was the face of someone who’d given up everything.

"…Forget it."

"I see. Then I’ll return to my training."

Her wounds had already healed by then, but she still moved as if she were protecting something—no, fearing something.

No one resisted anymore.

"Hah… hah…"

"Hey. Someone get that useless one back on their feet."

No one defied orders anymore.

"I-I can’t… please, forgive me… cough!"

Some even started turning on others, hurting the people around them. Of course they did—self-preservation comes first.

"…Enough. Take her away."

"…! P-please! Please, I’ll keep going!! Don’t! Not there! Please, anywhere but there!!"

"Shut her up."

"No… nooo!! Help me!! Someone!! Anyone… help—mghhh!"

I was no different. I’d done the same. There was nothing wrong with that.

That’s how the world works, right? The weak get weeded out. Those who can’t adapt disappear.

I wasn’t wrong. I’d never been wrong.

"…S-stop."

"…What did you just say?"

…She did.

"St… stop… p-please… she doesn’t… she doesn’t want this…"

"…Oh?"

That idiot… that big idiot… she was different.

"So. You’re saying this is disobedience, then?"

"…! Y-yes…"

She was shaking. Crying. Small. Scared. Strong. Kind.

Even then, to the very end, she still tried to protect some nobody she didn’t even know.

"...So?"

"Eh..."

"So what are you going to do about it? She doesn’t like it? And? So what?"

"I-I’ll... take her place..."

What an idiot. I genuinely thought that from the bottom of my heart.

I’m not like her. I’m not that kind of pretty fool. As long as I—and the things I care about—are fine, that’s all that matters.

"Hey."

"Huh? The hell’s your—?!"

…At least, that’s how it was supposed to be.

So why was it, back then, that all I wanted was to punch that scumbag’s face in? And then actually did it?

---

"Cough... those morons... beating the crap outta me like it’s nothing..."

By the time I got back from punishment, everyone was already gone. Of course they were. Unlike her, I’m always alone.

"Sigh... what the hell am I even doing...?"

For no reason, I just... felt like dying. I lay there all night, staring up at the sky.

"...Would be nice if I just died already."

"Now, that’s not true."

That voice came out of nowhere.

"...Who the hell are you?"

"Who am I, you ask? Fufufu... I suppose I must introduce myself!"

An idiot even dumber than that idiot.

"I’m your big sister!!!"

That’s how I met her—the lunatic who called herself my sister... and our squad leader.

"I’ll kill you."

"You seem a lot livelier than I expected! ...But there’s no fooling my eyes! First—treatment!"

"Ugh—hey, you—!"

The squad leader quickly and efficiently treated my wounds, then carried me inside. Somehow, she’d gotten her hands on a warm drink to go with it.

"...So! I came to formally greet you, First Squad Leader—Akae Sau!"

"Hah... right, guess they did stick me with that title."

It must’ve been just a week or two ago that I got assigned to some position I still don’t understand.

"Still... it must’ve been so hard for you. You did great. It’s okay now, you’re safe."

"Cut it out. And how old are you, anyway?"

"Thirteen!"

"You’re younger than me... how the hell are you a sister?"

"That doesn’t matter!"

"You’re nuts, you know that?"

She kept patting my head over and over.

"And what, ‘hard for me’? What would you even know about—"

"I do know. Just a little bit."

At the end of that hand... there were no nails.

"Well, you see, I heard there was someone thrown into solitary confinement, so I thought, maybe I could sneak in... pretended to mess up some materials a bit... and, ta-da, this happened, hahaha..."

It wasn’t just her nails.
Her hands had no skin.
A few of her teeth were missing.
Her fingertips were twisted and mangled.
I couldn’t see them, but I was sure her feet were the same.

"You... that..."

"Ah, it’s fine, it’s fine! Just watch, okay? Hah!"

The moment she said that, her hands were wrapped in bandages. Blood still seeped through, but she moved them like it was nothing.

"Fufufu... behold! Your big sister’s power!"

"You..."

I shuddered. Impossible. No one could go through that and not feel pain.

I knew that for a fact—because I’d been through the same thing.

And yet, she...

"...? Something wrong?"

She’s insane.

No—more than that. For a second, I really thought she couldn’t feel pain at all.

It wasn’t impossible.

But the trembling pain radiating from her hand told me otherwise.

"Ah, are you worried about me?"

"Who the hell would—"

"It’s okay. I’m your big sister, remember?"

My head felt like it was going to split open.

"…You’re kind, Sau."

"Huh?"

For a moment, I thought I misheard. Kind? Me?

Yeah, she’s definitely crazy.

"Heh... you’re real good at sarcasm, huh?"

"It’s not sarcasm. You were worried about me."

"...Anyone could do that."

Yeah. Anyone can think it.

But unlike her, I don’t even have the will to save someone.

"That’s not true. Because—"

"It is true."

There’s no way I’m a kind person.

Would a kind person steal from others just to survive? Hurt them? Abandon them?

"...Because you tried to protect someone."

"—Shut up!!!"

Deep down, I knew she was right. I wanted to believe she was right.

Realizing that truth made me furious. It pissed me off.

So I tried to punch her.

"Whoa, close one—hey! No hitting people out of nowhere!"

"...Ha... ha..."

Her fingertip lightly stopped my fist. And just like that, everything started to feel stupid.

"...Hey, Squad Leader."

"What is it?"

She really was just like her. The Squad Leader.

Kind—so endlessly kind that she couldn’t abandon even a stranger. Just like that idiot.

No matter what happened to herself, I knew she’d still try to help someone. Anyone.

Dangerous—and because of that, beautiful. I wanted to be like that, too.

But I couldn’t.

"I’ve got a favor to ask."

"Sure thing!!"

"Too fast! I didn’t even finish saying it yet, dammit..."

...Well, I guess they’re not completely the same.

"…Once in a while’s fine. Just… look after her."

---

"F-Fir—First Squad Leader..."

"...Huh?"

Was I asleep? That was one old dream.

"What is it, you lot... gathering around me like that?"

"W-We just thought... you seemed tired, so at least let us handle the watch—"

"Don’t need it."

...In the end, she and I were always different. That hasn’t changed even now.

She stayed beautiful, through and through. And that’s fine. That’s how it should be.

"A-Also... the Squad Leader is here to see you."

"...Pour gasoline on her."

"Hey!! Don’t even joke like that! That stuff’s valuable, you know!?"

...Noisy from the moment I wake up, as always.

"Hey... weren’t you all supposed to be standing guard or something?"

"S-Sorry... but it’s impossible! We can’t stop this monster...!"

"Wow, what terrible things to say about your superior!"

Jeez... this idiot hasn’t changed a bit since back then.

...Maybe that dream really was some kind of omen.
Like, ‘Hey, wake up—your insane Squad Leader’s coming!’

Either way, thanks to her, I remembered that stupid promise.

"...Hey, Squad Leader."

"Yes! It’s your big sister!"

"Wrong. I meant... that girl—Fifth Squad Leader Takahigashi Yako. How’s she doing?"

"...She’s okay. Somehow managing. Bit by bit, she’s starting to brighten up again."

...I see. That’s good to hear.

"Sau... you really don’t plan on seeing Yako again?"

"Yeah. It’s fine the way it is."

She and I are different. That’s how it should be.

She can live her life—and one day, be happy.

I’m not the kind of person who deserves happiness anyway.

"Ugh, you’re so stubborn sometimes, Sau!"

...If there’s one problem, though...

"Don’t hug me. It’s gross."

The idiot in front of me clearly didn’t think so—
and maybe because of that, I almost found myself getting pulled along with her warmth.