Chapter 85: Merry Bad End / End Roll

When did it start, I wonder? When did I first become aware of it? Honestly, even that’s hazy now.
If my memory’s right—though that’s a big if—my oldest memory goes back about eight years. Around a year after I met Saori and the others.

"Well then, big sis is heading home! See you tomorrow!"

"Sure. Let’s meet the day after tomorrow."

"Ugh… you keep learning weird phrases…"

If I remember correctly, everything was going smoothly back then. At first, she was cautious, but little by little, she began to open up. She talked to me.

"…Just kidding. Let’s meet again tomorrow."

"Y-yes! See you tomorrow!"

I (ore) thought the bond between me and everyone wasn’t bad at all. It shouldn’t have been.

"Phew…"

If there was a problem, it was on my side.

"…No, not yet… right."

Maybe it started around that time. When I was alone, I’d unconsciously start using polite speech. Then, in front of everyone, I’d almost slip into my natural tone instead. The pieces that made up who I was—some of them started to blur.

"…"

But it hadn’t begun then. It had always been that way. Those childish emotions, those words and actions—I’d always been aware of them. I tried to keep them pressed down, but no matter how much I tried, some always slipped through.

"I’m home… or whatever…"

Still, that wasn’t the real problem. Around everyone, I could stay as ‘watashi’. The real issue lay with ‘ore’—the other side of me.

"Ugh… disgusting…"

At first, it was just a bit of nausea. No appetite, a slightly sick stomach—nothing more than that.

"Guh—"

As the days went on, it got worse. The nausea—or maybe plain sickness—started showing through my body. But it was still manageable. Still something I could hide.

"I’m fine…"

I (ore) kept lying to myself with that excuse. And really, at the time, it worked. I (ore) was fine—more or less.

So it was fine. Cyan’s death, Anna’s death—‘ore’ could handle it. Because ‘ore’ was an adult. I (ore) had to be able to handle it. I couldn’t afford not to.

Then another year passed. Then two. My body started changing. Not in any dramatic way, but still. I grew a bit taller. My chest, small as it was, began to soften. My hair grew whiter—about a third of it had turned pale by then. My halo had long since shattered.

"…Gross."

Seeing myself in the mirror made my skin crawl. I (ore) was terrified of what was happening to my body. This figure—this person—I’d never seen her before, not in this life or the last.

"I… I’m me, right…?"

I (ore) was me. I (ore) had to be. And somehow, until then, that belief held me together.

"My name… what was my name…?"

By the time I (ore) realized it, it was already too late.

"What… was it again…?"

The memories I (ore) should have retained from my previous life—they started to fade. I hadn’t even noticed. Or maybe I just didn’t have the capacity to care anymore. I didn’t see any reason to.

"Huh…?"

Once I (ore) understood what was happening, I couldn’t stop it. I dug and dug, searching, chasing fragments—friends, family, voices, faces, names. People who should have been precious to me. All of them. Every last one. I couldn’t remember even a single one.

"Ugh… ah… aaahhh—!"

The memories that had built ‘me’ began to crumble away. I (ore) felt myself being scraped out, destroyed. The border between ‘ore’ and ‘watashi’ dissolved; my identity turned to sludge. I (watashi) was terrified—so terrified—and I didn’t even understand why.

"…"

Then what was I (watashi), really? What was me? Were the memories I thought I had even real? What was I supposed to hold on to now?

I (watashi) had killed people. Let others die. How could I (watashi) live after that? If I stopped being ‘ore’, then no matter what happened, it would become unbearable.

"Ah…"

That’s when my eyes fell on the bomb that could destroy a halo. If I (watashi) used it… I could finally rest.

"…"

I opened the drawer. Lifted the false bottom. Took out the bomb. Held it to my chest. My hand moved toward the trigger.

"…Ugh… ah…"

Just that act made a flood of thoughts swirl through my head. From the edge of my fading memories, faces surfaced—Saori, Misaki… everyone. And Beatrice.

"…That’s right."

They were all still here. I (watashi) couldn’t be the only one to take the easy way out. That kind of selfishness wasn’t allowed. I (watashi) think that’s why I put the bomb away. Or maybe someone stopped me just in time.

"I have to save everyone… I have to kill Beatrice…"

I remember taking out the notebook and reading it again. After staring at the photos, I traced each word one by one, following the memories of Blue Archive. Not all of it was gone. I (watashi) could still tell that much from that act alone.

"I… still remember…"

Driven by impulse, I (watashi) grabbed another notebook. Took a pen. With trembling fingers, scrawled shaky letters. The more I wrote, the more the words blurred.

"I have to write… I can’t forget…"

I (watashi) wrote down everything I could still recall—memories of Blue Archive, memories of this world, the knowledge I’d need to study, to survive. I started with all of that. I weighed my past life against my memories—and I chose this world. So easily, so naturally.

"‘Watashi’ will… I (watashi) will definitely… save everyone…"

I (watashi) wasn’t even sad anymore. Because everything that should have mattered—had already long been forgotten.

I (watashi) gathered the broken shards of memory and stitched them together. Patched the holes with scraps. Told myself, It’s fine. Lied to myself with that cheerful ‘watashi’.

Even though I (watashi) didn’t remember a single real thing, I kept preaching to everyone like I did—spewing empty words, over and over again, like some busted old speaker.

And so, I (ore) am standing here now.

"……"

A sense of duty. That’s what Beatrice called it. And she was right—so right that I couldn’t even make an excuse. She’d dragged out a truth I’d tried so hard to forget. My body should have been burning, seared by explosions and heat. But I was cold. So cold I could barely stand it.

"……?"

I (ore) couldn’t move. No—maybe I just didn’t want to. I wanted to go back. Back to my old world. I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I was tired. I wanted to sleep. To rest. To disappear.
In this world… in this miserable world, I (ore) felt completely alone.

"Beatri…ce…"

"Would you mind not uttering my name so casually? Not with that filthy mouth of yours."

Ah, she never fails to piss me (ore) off. I want to kill her. I hate her. And yet… when she’s here, I don’t feel completely alone.

"……"

In the end, have I (ore) really changed at all? Since back then? All I’ve done is follow tiny impulses, selfish whims—hurt people, made them suffer—and still tried to save everyone anyway. But Mika said even that was wrong. So then, what was the point of everything I’ve done?

Maybe in the end, I (ore) never cared about anyone else. Maybe all of this was just to drown myself in self-satisfaction—to indulge in my own delusions.

"…No."

That’s not it. That’s not it. That’s the one thing I (ore) can swear isn’t a lie. I don’t know why, but even with my broken head, I can tell that much. It’s strange—like I’m watching someone else—but it’s true.

"What are you suddenly rambling about?"

"It’s not like that."

Maybe, yeah—at first, it was out of obligation. Because I (ore) hated it. Because I didn’t need some grand cause or reason. I (ore) did what I did because I didn’t want to do anything else. I (ore) did it for self-satisfaction. Because it felt like I had to. And that’s why I failed.

─── “I’ll become everyone’s big sister. Actually… I just did.”

And then… I (watashi) met everyone. Told them that ridiculous line about wanting to be their big sister. It sounded so stupid—like a bad joke. But there was a reason behind it. Still, looking back, it must’ve seemed so weird. How nostalgic.

And what else… right. I (watashi) met everyone.
Sau was scared of me.
Fili tried to trick me.
Tou had this strange obsession with her.
Rei came to learn from me.
Yako asked for my help.
Yose kept putting on a brave face.
Shio rejected me outright.
Saori was trying to protect everyone.
Misaki worried about Saori.
Atsuko wasn’t as wary as I expected.
Hiyori—she worried about Atsuko, but out of all of them, she probably trusted me the least.
Azusa was in shambles… but Saori and the others shielded her.

"Ha… haha…"

Even without closing my eyes, I (watashi) can remember it like it was yesterday. It warms my chest in a soft, gentle way. What is this feeling? It’s not unpleasant. It’s something I (watashi) once felt long ago. But it’s a little cold, too. I want to talk to everyone again.

"Yeah…"

I (watashi) see. That’s what I—

"I…"

I (watashi) love them. Everyone. They’re precious to me. I don’t want them to die. I want them to be happy. Cyan once said something like that, too.

"Ah… finally… finally…!"

It’s too late. Way too late. But I (watashi) finally found it.

"This is my—no, our—true feeling!"

It’s not obligation. It’s not duty. I (watashi) finally understand. I (ore)—no, I (watashi)—I love you all.

"I love you, everyone!"

It was me (watashi). I was the one being saved by them.

"I was always the one being saved."

Because of them, I (watashi) am still alive. Because of them, I (watashi) can still think about living tomorrow.

"That’s why this time… I want to be the one to save everyone!"

That’s why I (watashi) will save them.

"That’s why I’m alive now—to kill you!"

That’s why I (ore) will kill Beatrice. That’s why, that’s why…!

"That’s why I—I’ll do my best!!"

"…I’ve been listening quietly for a while now, and it seems you’ve finally gone mad."

"Ha ha ha!! I wasn’t talking to you, idiot!!"

There’s no way she’d ever understand. I (ore) know that. And honestly, it doesn’t matter.
Maybe nobody will understand—not even Saori and the others.
That thought… yeah, that one hurts a little.

But whatever. Thinking about it won’t change anything.
First, I (ore) need to kill her. She’s Cyan and Anna’s killer—the reason none of us can ever be happy as long as she lives.

"At least make yourself useful as a platform! I’m counting on you in your final moments!"

I (ore) leap through the air on the blast of an explosion. I summon the Justina Council of Saints, kick off their backs for speed, and trigger my systems.

"They’re falling apart! I can’t even control them anymore! But summoning’s easy! Bring all your damn resources—come on!!"

"What—!?"

I (ore) hurl several of the Justina Council of Saints forward with full force. I accelerate with explosions, fire the shotgun, then the hand cannon for good measure.

Beatrice’s summoned council attacks, but I (ore) ignore them all. My focus is only on Beatrice. The rest will fall soon enough anyway.

"Tch…! And here I thought you were finally quiet—"

"Too slow!!"

I (ore) blow away her flames with an explosion’s shockwave, charge in, and punch her across the face. The hot wind tears at my skin—but who cares. I’m going to die anyway.

"That hurts, you damn monster!!"

At this rate, I (ore) will collapse before I can hit Beatrice with the halo-destroying bomb.
But that’s fine.
As long as I (ore) can hold her attention.

"You little—!"

"Grh… ha ha ha!? That one got me good, huh!? Here’s your payback!!"

She knocks me (ore) back, but I stop myself with my hair rope, twist my body, and snap her fingers with all my strength.

"Ah—!"

Mystic power—or maybe fear. Doesn’t matter. Beatrice’s body is tougher than any human’s, but she’s not used to pain. Just breaking her fingers was enough to make her lose focus.

"How dare you…!"

Her fury turns entirely toward me (ore). Just as planned. A little longer… just a little more…

"……!"

Here it comes!!

"That reckless fighting style—wait… no! It can’t be—!"

"Realized it, did you!? Too late!!"

A heavy object tears through the air—a roaring, falling mass.

"A… an airship!?"

"That’s right!! No way out now! What’ll you do!?"

That airship is loaded with the explosives meant to blow up Makoto, plus the bombs smuggled in by the Justina Council of Saints. I (ore) already recovered the “Notebook.”
There’s no need to hold back.

"Run—"

"I don’t think so!!"

You’re not getting away. I (ore) won’t let you.
Right here. Right now.

"Let me go!! You’ll die too if this continues—!"

I (ore) release the limiter on my left arm and right leg, crushing Beatrice’s hand in my grip to stop her. Naturally, my own limbs shatter in the process—but that’s fine. As long as she doesn’t escape.

"This isn’t the kind of thing that’s gonna bother me now!!"

Beatrice’s expression twists with panic. Even as we exchange words, the airship bears down mercilessly upon us.

"Guh… aaagh…!"
"Ha—hah hah hah!!"

Then it hits the ground and erupts in a blinding explosion. The blast tears through both Beatrice and me—damage neither of us can ignore. But by blowing away the entire Justina Council of Saints, there’s nothing left to stand in our way.

Pain. Blood loss. My body’s falling apart.
But not yet. I can still fight.

"Come on!! This is it — the final battle, Beatrice!!"

"…Very well…! I shall grant you a proper burial…!"

My only chance at victory — use the halo-destroying bomb and blow Beatrice apart, no matter what.
But this isn’t just any bomb. It’s a prototype — an older model. The effective radius is barely one or two meters, and there’s a slight delay before death takes effect.

"Hah hah! Your moves are so damn simple!!"

"……"

Beatrice looks wary. She must’ve realized that one of the old-model bombs disappeared. Maybe she already knows I (ore) have it hidden.
So what?

"Hah!"

A fiery bullet bursts from her fingertips, shaped like a gun. The compressed flame blasts forward with enough force to blow me away.

"Grh—gah! Hah hah…! Not bad!! But you’ll need more than that to kill me!!"

A weak strike. Both of us are near our limits.
If I’m going to gamble it all, it has to be now.
Right here.

"This ends now!!"

I (ore) grab the bomb, ignite it, and launch myself forward — accelerating, accelerating, accelerating! Rapidly shifting vectors to stay out of her sightline. The key is to never let her focus drift away from me. Not for a second.

"……"

Dozens of her floating eyes track my movements — I can’t act while she’s still watching. My right hand and left leg are the only parts still working, and even they’re fading fast. I have to move now.

"There!!"

The instant her eyes stop following me — that fleeting moment — I seize the chance and hurl the bomb. My trump card, my final piece, flies straight toward Beatrice.
And just as it’s about to strike—

"Haaah!!"
"Wh—what!?"

A red shockwave erupts from Beatrice’s body, blasting the bomb away. It crashes into a wall and explodes, taking only a chunk of stone with it. The same shockwave sends me flying.

"Grh—gahhh!!"
"Got you."

She catches me mid-air, her palm clamping down on me.

"Let’s simmer you a bit, shall we?"

"Guh… ggh…!"

Her hand radiates blistering heat, searing through my flesh. The pain digs deeper and deeper — like my very skin is melting away.

"You make such delightful sounds…"

"Gh… f-fu…!"

My world becomes nothing but pain — every thought drowned out. I can’t think. Can’t speak.
But I (ore) understand one thing for sure.
Beatrice destroyed the bomb. That much is certain.

"…How… how did you…?"

How did she do it? I have a rough idea.

"I’ve long known about the halo-destroying bomb you were hiding. Did you truly believe I wouldn’t notice?"

"…!"

She prattles on — gleeful, self-satisfied, her voice soaked in pride.

"Even a baby could kill with a weapon in hand. You think I wouldn’t have accounted for that possibility?"

"……"

Not yet. Don’t react. She might slip and say something important.
Just wait.

"What I developed is a system that nullifies the halo-destroying bomb’s effects. Simply put, a barrier."

A barrier… so that’s what blocked the first bomb, and why she was shocked when a normal one slipped past her the second time.

"Your persistence was truly troublesome. The system doesn’t last long and requires intervals between activations. I’ll admit it — your assault nearly killed me."

"Hah… doesn’t… mean… a damn thing…"

Even if you acknowledge me, it doesn’t make me happy. That’s what I (ore) wanted to say — but the words won’t come out. Looks like I’ve hit my limit.

"That’s why I deliberately left an opening. You took the bait perfectly, Suou Kirihana. The risk of follow-up attacks was eliminated by compressing and releasing the barrier in a single burst."

"……"

"There’s something I must ask you… No, better yet — why not have you serve as a replacement instead?"

Ah.
So that’s it. Beatrice made me use the halo-destroying bomb, fully confident she could block it. She faked weakness just to lure me in.

"Ha…"

Just as I expected. Of course Beatrice would block the “halo-destroying bomb” — or at least anything that looked or felt like one. Everything was just as predicted. That’s why, back then, I didn’t use the real “halo-destroying bomb.”

The old model — that thing’s definitely a trump card, strong enough to turn a hopeless battle around. It was the same with Cyan, back then. That’s why I swapped the contents — the real bomb’s core with that of an ordinary explosive. It was possible, since the old type’s structure was relatively simple. The normal bomb’s output was tuned down to near zero, and the halo-destroying bomb was disguised to look like an ordinary one.

Normally, she’d have seen through something that simple.
So I made sure to break her composure — with poison, with firearms, with the airship, with bombs, with the Justina Council of Saints, with taunts, and finally… with the halo-destroying bomb itself.

Everything until now has been for this single moment.
For this one strike.
For the bomb I’m holding tightly in my hand.

Now, there’s nothing left to protect her.

"…Die."

"Fu…"

That smug expression — to her, I probably look like I’m bluffing. That’s fine. If she hasn’t realized it yet, then that’s perfect.

"…!?"

Ah, but— looks like she finally noticed. She lets go of my hand.
But it’s already too late. Because—

"My… victory… (ore)."

It’s already exploded.

"…"

A pain like my very existence is being desecrated. I can’t see. Can’t hear. Can’t feel. It’s like I’ve been left alone in this entire world.

Did Cyan and Anna feel this too? It hurts so much… But now, we’re the same.

I’m still conscious — probably just because there’s a delay before death comes.

…Ahh, so that’s it, huh. Guess this is the end. Well, I think I did pretty well, honestly. Thirty-four years. I can’t remember half of them, but as far as human lives go, that’s a long run. Not that it matters — I already died once anyway.

I did everything I could. Beatrice dies, I die. Everyone else will live on — happily, eventually.

I want to tell them all “I’m sorry,” and “thank you,” and “I love you.” Azusa will be fine. Hifumi’s kind, and in this world, there’s Mika too. If she teams up with Sensei, they’ll manage somehow.

I couldn’t keep my promise to Cyan… but that’s okay. I’ll leave that to everyone else.

…Hah. Guess I’ve got more regrets than I thought. Kind of surprising, really. Makes me feel like maybe… there was still more I could’ve done. But I can’t anymore, can I?

Still, I lived as hard as I could. I have regrets, but I’m satisfied — selfishly so. There’s no problem. No problem at all, right?

"…"

…Damn it. Why do I only realize things like this now? Guess I really am selfish, huh?

Honestly, I just wanted—
to stay with everyone a little longer.
More, and more, and longer.
I don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to be separated.

…I don’t want to disappear.
I don’t want to die… I(ore)

"…Splendid work, Kirihana Suou."

On the battlefield where no one else could move, a faint, drifting consciousness floated toward the white-haired girl.

"You lived for this, didn’t you? Your entire life — all of it — led to this single moment."

The voice carried a quiet sorrow, as though weighed with both reproach and grief. A hand reached out toward the limp body, yet stopped short before touching.

"You have my deepest respect… and my praise. This battle was, without question, your victory."

The figure let their hand fall, turning slowly.
Suou, her eyes closed, now faced the direction of Beatrice.

"…But in the end, it’s the same. Just as the future I know."

And only moments later—

"Haa… haa…!!"

"As I thought… the victory is mine, Kirihana Suou."

When Seia turned, Beatrice was already pushing herself upright.

She wished it had ended in defeat.
Swallowing those words, she quietly closed her eyes.

"…Eh?"

But no one was left to hear that puzzled voice.