Chapter 89: Fifth Ancient Precept - Her Own Answer

With permission, I took a sip of the milk-infused tea. It was warm and sweet. The fragrance was incomparable to the bottled tea I used to drink in prison.

“...Delicious.”

“If it suits your taste, I’m glad. It was prepared especially for you.”

“...Huh?”

It had been a long time since I’d tasted something so rich. My tongue tingled a little from the unfamiliar sensation—but it was really good.

“Well then, as promised, let’s talk.”

“Ah, hold on. Before that… what happened to Beatrice?”

I was sure I’d killed Beatrice with my own hands. I’d taken my own life along with hers. And yet, here I was—still breathing. If I was alive, then maybe she was too...

“...That’s the first thing you ask? You’re not concerned about your own condition?”

“Not at all. After everything that happened, there’s no way I’d come out unscathed.”

It all began with the fight against Mika—poison, firearms, fire, an airship, even a bomb meant to destroy the Halo. I knew those wounds were fatal. That final explosion—the Halo-destroying bomb—was the finishing blow. I really did end up with one hell of a grotesque body.

“Even if I somehow survived, I’d probably die soon anyway.”

“...”

When I said that bluntly, Seia lowered her eyes with a troubled look. I hadn’t meant to make her look like that.

“...What’s happening now isn’t far from what you might expect. Beatrice… she’s alive.”

“...I figured.”

Damn it. She was the one person I wanted to kill with my own hands... Well, I still have one last contingency left. All I can do is pray it’ll be enough—because I’m already dead.

“...And your sisters—they’re fighting to save you.”

“...What?”

Wait. What did she just say?

“Your self-awareness is absurdly shallow and careless, Kirihana Suou. Those girls aren’t the kind to abandon you, not knowing if you’re alive or dead.”

“Why…?”

Of course I knew they were kind. I’d like to think, without being arrogant, that in their lives—in the paths they’ve walked—I left at least a faint footprint.

But still… what’s the point of retrieving a corpse? Are they really fighting just for that?

“Why, you ask? Do you really not understand? You’ve become too deeply tied to them to simply be sacrificed.”

“...”

“Beatrice used you as a sacrifice to begin a ritual. What she summoned… was something twisted beyond measure. ‘Incomprehensible’ would be the most fitting word. I was captured because of it, and now look at me.”

As Seia spoke, static flickered across the screen—bzzzt—and the image distorted. I saw her, restrained before Beatrice, breathing raggedly as she lay on the stone floor.

“...!”

“Don’t worry about me. This is the result of my own choices... no one else’s fault. Seems I got in too deep, quite out of character.”

Casually silencing the static, Seia narrowed her eyes and reached for her tea again. From the looks of it, she wasn’t in good shape either.

“I don’t know what that thing is. You can’t even look at it, let alone touch it. There’s only one thing I’m certain of—it drives us mad, sends us into chaos, and destroys our very sense of self.”

Whatever Seia saw—whatever Beatrice summoned through that ritual—I didn’t know. I died before I could. The only thing I do know is that Seia’s in grave danger now.

“Seia…”

“I don’t need your sympathy. I don’t intend to do anything more anyway. I simply underestimated how troublesome Beatrice—and Gematria—could be. To think you tried to take that on alone… how foolish can you be?”

There was no malice in her voice—only genuine exasperation. A simple you idiot. For a moment, I understood why Mika always got irritated with her.

“Are they… safe?”

“For now. But who knows what comes next. After all, they’re up against Beatrice. Once the ritual completes, they don’t stand a chance. Still, the fact remains—she’s exhausted after her fight with you.”

“...”

“It’s up to chance now... Honestly, for just over a decade—one mere human—to push the war this far is commendable.”

“...I don’t deserve praise.”

I couldn’t avenge anyone. I couldn’t protect them. I only put everyone in danger and left them scarred.

“I… I just kept making mistakes.”

“I don’t see it that way. You did everything you could. That’s enough.”

…To think I’d hear sympathy from Seia of all people. I never expected that.

“I’m not trying to gloat about this situation. You’re alive. That alone makes the outcome uncertain again.”

“...I see.”

“Let’s end the recap here. Now that we’ve covered the basics, we can finally talk about what I really wanted to discuss.”

Clink. The soft sound of a teacup being set down echoed through the room. That sound marked a turning point—it was time for the real conversation to begin.

“I kept watching the future, convinced that change was meaningless—and gave up on everything. You saw the future only once, refused to believe it was meaningless, and kept struggling against it.”

She laid it out plainly, highlighting the difference between us.

“You never doubted your own creed. And I was the same... until recently.”

Recently. Meaning, not anymore. Something must have happened—something strong enough to change her mind.

“What changed me were two events. One is what’s happening now. This is already a little beyond the future I once knew. I thought you were dead... but reality proved otherwise.”

“Hah… so that’s why you said goodbye back then?”

“Yes. Never thought we’d meet again like this.”

She sighed—genuinely surprised, and maybe a little disappointed.

“And yet, here you are, alive. Just as you said, no one knows what lies beyond the end credits. But it’s also true that everyone’s been forced into choices they never wanted to make.”

“...”

“Your so-called sisters are risking their lives to save you. And you threw yours away to protect them.”

…“Threw away,” huh? That doesn’t sit right. Not entirely.

“Because you cared for each other so deeply, you could never truly understand one another. You clashed, hurt each other—that’s how it was supposed to go.”

“...?”

“But then came the second thing—Shirasu Azusa. Urawa Hanako. Shimoe Koharu. Ajitani Hifumi. They were different. Even through conflict and pain, they never gave up. They held on—and they earned their happy ending. What they once lost, they reclaimed through dialogue—with others, and with themselves.”

…So, Azusa’s okay now. Thanks to Hifumi, Hanako, Koharu… everyone. That’s good. I’m glad.

“Because we speak with others, we end up hurting each other. Because we speak with others, we end up being saved. It’s a terrible contradiction. Madness, really.”

“…You think so?”

“I do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be struggling like this right now.”

I didn’t think it was anything unusual. But that wasn’t what Seia was trying to say. She always had a way of seeing things in complex, abstract terms.

“Because we believe, we get hurt. Because we believe, we are saved. Can the existence of paradise ever be proven? Once I tried to believe, I realized that its existence or nonexistence were equally possible. I interpreted it as neither being possible at all. No, perhaps believing itself was meaningless—to continue such a meaningless act endlessly.”

As always, her words were roundabout and difficult to grasp. But I understood what she meant. Seia was facing a contradiction. Acting could be meaningless—or it could not be. Yet, that was something you could only know after taking action.

But Seia was different. She should have been someone who could see that beforehand.

And now, that understanding had been denied by reality. Was it right to trust others? Was it right to act even if it might be meaningless? Questions she never would have asked before were now troubling her.

“…I asked Sensei once. Even if it’s meaningless, why do we keep acting? What’s the point in doing so?”

“And what did he say?”

“…He said, ‘If you think it’s underwear and not a swimsuit, then it’s underwear.’ I didn’t understand at all. It was just blatant sexual harassment.”

“Haha…”

That was so like Sensei. Yeah, I think I remember him saying something like that too. Though, my memories of it are starting to fade.

“I don’t understand. I just… don’t understand. …Kirihana Suou. Please, tell me your answer.”

She wanted to talk. I think everything Seia had said up until now was leading to this moment.

“You knew your actions were meaningless, yet you kept fighting against it. And as a result, possibilities were born. But was that really the right thing to do? …Tell me. Why keep doing something meaningless? What meaning could there possibly be in that?”

“…”

Why, huh. If it were the old me, I probably would’ve said something like, “Because maybe it does have meaning,” or “That’s not a reason to give up.” Just echoing the words of those who inspired me.

But that’s not the kind of answer Seia wants.

It might not be meaningless. Seia already knows that much. That’s exactly why she’s talking to me about it. But then… what if it really is meaningless? What meaning could there be then? Seia could see it. As long as she never stopped watching—as long as she never closed her eyes.

“…Let me tell you a story.”

So. I’ll answer her in my own way.

"I… I was abandoned by my parents when I was born. I almost died. I didn’t want to die. Then I was found—saved. I knew what was going to happen from then on. I hated it. So I tried to change it."

At first, it was just a vague feeling. I hated it, so I felt like I had to do something about it.

"But I failed. I couldn’t change anything. I killed people. Let them die."

In the end, I couldn’t change anything. Cyan, Anna, everyone in the Moderate Faction… not a single thing.

"Their actions weren’t meaningless. But mine back then… probably were."

I couldn’t change a thing. I couldn’t accomplish anything. I just kept living, clinging to the ashes of memory, revenge, and pity.

"And then, I met everyone. Made them my sisters."

My life was supposed to end right after it began. From the start, it was supposed to be meaningless. The world would’ve gone on just fine without me. I was someone who should’ve been dead already.

"It was meaningless. My life was meaningless—or so it should’ve been. But when it finally came to an end… surprisingly, all I felt was regret. My whole life was full of it."

"…"

A meaningless life—yet filled with regret. There were things I could have done. That’s what I came to believe. And the fact that I could believe that at all means…

"It’s because I had everyone. The people I loved. Because of them, my life stopped being meaningless."

The time I spent with them—Cyan, Anna, Saori, Azusa, Misaki, Hiyori, Atsuko, everyone. Those moments filled my once-empty life. Made it shine—brightly, beautifully.

They were something precious. So fragile they could slip through my fingers at any moment, yet so beautiful that even someone like me could feel… human.

"It should’ve been meaningless, but I resisted anyway. I failed—and because I failed, I met everyone. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but…"

So, this is my answer.

"There’s probably no such thing as something meaningless in this world. Nothing and no one is meaningless. Everything’s connected. Everyone’s connected—and because of that, I live."

From a short-term view, the world is full of meaningless things. But all those meaningless things connect, intertwine, and give this world its meaning. They save someone, help someone, let us live—and create.

"Vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas… Maybe that’s true. But if you give up—nothing connects. Nothing begins."

Heh. In the end, I guess my answer isn’t all that different. But that’s just how it is.

"There’s no such thing as something meaningless in this world. I believe that. So even if something seems meaningless, I’ll still do it. I’ll keep trying—to make it lead somewhere. That’s my answer, Seia. That’s the answer of who I am."

Seia didn’t change her expression. She only said, “I see.”

"Pretty words. The kind that make you want to laugh at how naïve they are."

"That’s fine, isn’t it? Because they’re pretty."

"…Yeah. You’re right."

And then, as if something inside her had finally burst free, she looked up at the sky.

"I see… So that’s it… Then maybe, I only ever needed to—just not give up…"

"…"

She muttered those words in a strained, barely audible voice.

"Thank you, Kirihana Suou. Your answer… I’ll believe in it too. Let’s fight back with everything we’ve got. Although, as it stands, there’s nothing we can do right now…"

"There is. If you keep traveling through this world, you should find someone called Kuzunoha. Find her. She’ll definitely be able to help Seia."

In my memory, that was how Seia was able to come back. Though at the same time, she lost her ability to foresee the future. But Seia doesn’t need that anymore.

"Hmm… I see. I’ll try to find her. What about you?"

"Mm… Is there an exit or something around here?"

"There isn’t. This world was originally built as an emergency refuge. Your consciousness—your soul—is here now. You can only leave by waking up. But…"

Seia suddenly looked toward the nearby lake. The real world was reflected clearly upon its surface.

"If things stay as they are, you’ll die. Without question."

"Ah, that’s fine. I have a way out."

For some reason, I pulled at my neatly arranged clothes and exposed my left shoulder.

"…No way."

"I can still fight."

"…!! You…!! Don’t tell me, even now…!!"

"I’m going to kill Beatrice. I won’t let anyone get hurt, and I won’t let anyone die."

I never thought I’d get another chance like this. I owe Seia more than I can ever repay. Thanks to her, I can still fight.

"Are you insane!? You know what this means!! You know how your sisters feel about you!! You know you’ll die if you keep fighting!! You were the one who just said you wouldn’t give up!!"

"I’m not giving up—on their lives."

"That’s not what I meant! You don’t understand anything!! Throwing away a life that might still be saved is pure madness!! Stop this foolishness!"

"It’s too late to stop. It’s on a timer."

Good thing I’d prepared for this, just in case. Even if my left shoulder kept hurting during every battle, it was worth it.

"…!! You’re so selfish…!! Completely selfish!! Why go that far!?"

"Because…"

Why? That much is obvious. It’s no longer a lie. I really believe this is how it should be.

"Because I’m everyone’s… big sister!!"

Even if I die, this time I’ll be the one who protects everyone to the very end.

"…You’re a fool. Come with me."

"…?"

Following Seia’s lead, I approached the lake. The scenery reflected on the water shifted rapidly until it showed the Arius Autonomous Zone.

"Your sisters are here. Right now, they’re fighting Ambrosius. Barbara’s almost complete, so it’s safe to say time is running out."

"…"

Barbara… She’s finishing far earlier than I remember. And not just that—the diversity of the Justina Council of Saints as well. Beatrice’s growing caution must’ve pushed things this far.

"Beatrice is here. There are teachers nearby too. She’s taken significant damage and can’t move freely while the ritual continues. Your so-called escape method should give you a perfect opening."

Beatrice stood before me in my memories, her faint glow marking the ritual’s progress as I hung crucified.

"Right now, you’re weak. If you want to protect your sisters, if you want even a bit more time to live… go here. You’ll find some of your equipment and a medical kit."

"…Thank you."

I couldn’t thank her enough. Without Seia, I probably wouldn’t have escaped at all. No number of thank-yous could cover the debt I owe her.

"Your shotgun and the rope braided from your hair—they’re with Joumae Saori. If you really intend to kill Beatrice, you’ll need them."

"…"

"Go to her. Just once is enough. Promise me that. Otherwise, I could keep you from ever leaving this world."

"…Understood."

Saori’s probably angry. Not just her—everyone. But that’s fine. It can’t be helped.

"Then I’d better get going."

"Do as you please, you death-seeker."

"That’s rude, you know."

It’s not like I want to die. I really don’t. Only now, at the very end, do I truly realize that. I’m an idiot. I know that. But it’s far too late to turn back.

"Well then… goodbye, Yurizono Seia."

Gradually, my vision blurred. The dreamlike haze lifted, and it felt like I was surfacing from beneath the water.

"…Kirihana Suou."

Feeling returned to my body—pain too.

"I won’t give up, not on you. You made me this way. Don’t ever forget that."

"Ha… haha…"

And then—

"Gah—ah, haah…!?"

A searing pain flared across my back. I expected this much.

"…!"

When I forced my eyes open, Beatrice’s face was frozen in shock. As always, such a stupid expression.

"A-ah, ahh…!"

The restraints on my limbs hadn’t come off. But the explosion just now had opened up some space—the blast had carved away at my body. Good. That’d work as a wake-up call.

"Fuuuh… ngh—!!"

That meant I could twist my body and put strength into it. Hurry. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

"Gaaahhhhh!!"

My skin tore and peeled away. With a wet, snapping sensation—snap, snap—my wrist slowly began to slip free.

"Ha—aaahhhhhh!!"

Enduring the stabbing agony of a thousand needles, I yanked all four limbs free in one breath.

"Haa… haa…!"

Thick fluid dripped down my wrists—a mix of cell matter, flesh, and blood. My breathing grew ragged from the pain. Agony surged through every nerve; my limbs screamed in protest.

Then—

"Capture her!!"

Beatrice, having grasped the situation, gave the order. But I moved before they could react, diving behind a rock outcrop and widening the distance. I ran—biting back the pain, running with everything I had.

The sharp ache shooting through my body told me one thing for certain: I had escaped those restraints.

"M-my… body… it’s… starting to recover… a little…"

Even so, I couldn’t destroy those bindings completely. My wounds were healing painfully slowly. Every single step sent a jolt through my brain like a surge of electricity.

"Move… faster…!!"

Even so. This time—I’ll protect them.

"I… I’ll protect… everyone…!!"

No matter what, this time I’ll kill Beatrice. I’ll protect them all.

Even if it costs me my life.