Chapter 92: TS reincarnated student

"A-ah…!!"

Why… why did it come to this? Why did I do something like this?

Help me? Don’t mess with me. What do you mean, “help me”? It’s you. You’re the one who killed them. What right do you have to ask for help?

"Kh… haha…!"

That unpleasant laugh—it’s hers.

"Help you? How pitiful, Kirihana Suou. Once you cornered me, and now you beg someone so insignificant for aid?"

Insignificant… That’s not true. Sensei isn’t like that. But “fallen,” yeah… I couldn’t deny that part.

"Now you cling to life? Do you think you can hold hands with your students again?"

Yeah. I wanted to live. I didn’t want to die. I was scared—terrified of dying. I hated it: the pain, the suffering.

After all this time, after all that resolve… I broke. So easily, so pathetically.

When I found out Saori, Misaki, Hiyori, Atsuko, and Azusa had all come to save me, I felt… happy. I really did.
Even knowing they’d get hurt, knowing they’d suffer, I was still happy.

That’s why I tried to push them away, tried to reject them—but they broke through that. And now… it’s too late.

"You cast aside those who wished to save you and came here alone. You’re nothing but a half-measure, a hypocrite."

Yeah. You’re right. I’m a worthless, half-baked piece of trash.

Die already. Just die. You don’t deserve to live. What are you even thinking?

Driven by this tiny urge to “save” someone, waving around borrowed words about “nothing being meaningless,” pretending to be some savior—
And in the end, what do I do? Pathetically beg for salvation like a coward. Disgusting. Truly disgusting.

"Even if you beg now, you’re a sinner—the one who destroyed the Eden Treaty. I’ve received reports that you orchestrated it that way."

After everything I’ve done, now I want to live? After crossing every line, I’ve finally crushed what little pride I had left—throwing my helplessness at someone else.

"Kirihana Suou!! As long as you depend on others, you will only hurt those around you—and suffer for eternity!!"

You can’t do anything. Can’t achieve, can’t change. You just drag others down, hurt them, and for what?
Self-satisfaction, self-pity, self-obsession—over and over again. Screw that. Just disappear, someone like you.

Handle this yourself. You’re an “adult,” aren’t you? Why act like a victim? This is your fault, isn’t it?

"I'm… sorry…"

Die. Hurry up and die. Suffer for every bit of suffering you caused, hurt for every wound you inflicted, die for every life you took.

"I’m sorry… I’m sorry…!"

"In that agony, you and your kind will continue to be exploited by me!!"

"Shut up."

…Sensei.
He must despise me. Who wouldn’t?
I’m supposed to be an “adult,” supposed to act like one—but I just keep whining inside my head, making excuses.
Saori, Misaki, Hiyori, Atsuko, and Azusa—they’re all better people than I’ll ever be.

I don’t want to die… but I want to disappear. I’m disgusted with myself, sick of even existing.
If I could, I’d stab myself right here and now.

"Don’t talk to my precious student."

…Student…?
A student, huh. Who came? Saori? Misaki? Or maybe Hiyori, surprisingly.

Whoever it is, I don’t want them to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to see how ugly I really am—because the real me is weak, pathetic, and disgusting.

I should’ve just died back then. When Cyan and Anna died… no, even before that. The moment I was born into this world, I should’ve died without ever wishing to live or fearing death.

"Fufu… ‘Precious student,’ is it? Are you sure she still fits that definition, Sensei?"

"Of course."

She…?

"The foolish girl beside you is an aberration who even outwitted me. Her ego is clearly unlike that of an ordinary student. Her origin and identity are both mysteries… rather like you, Sensei."

"So what?"

"…Oh?"

…Are they talking about me…?

"That’s no reason not to save her. No matter who—or what—this student Suou may be."

No. That’s wrong. I’m not a student anymore. It doesn’t matter what I am—or what I was. Everyone already gave me that answer.

But I’m no good. I can’t be. Because I’m… this kind of person.
Even I hate people like me—who keep repeating the same mistakes and hurting others for selfish reasons.

"Suou."

"…!"

I could feel Sensei’s attention turn toward me. It terrified me.
The very person I’d just begged for help—I was now afraid of him.

What would he say? Would he deny me? Or accept me? Either way… I didn’t want it.
I didn’t want to be scolded. And I didn’t want to be forgiven.

I don’t want someone to forgive the person who couldn’t save others… who failed… who killed.

"Open your eyes."

"…?"

Oh. When did I close them? Probably right after I’d begged Sensei for help. I didn’t want to see anything anymore.
Every new reminder of what I’ve done just weighs heavier on my heart.

"It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize for anything."

"…"

Those words slipped out—five small syllables of denial—and he heard them.

"Please, don’t be so afraid. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t hurt yourself."

His hand took mine gently, prying away the fingers I’d been digging into my torn wrist.
I could’ve resisted easily—but I didn’t have the strength left to.

"Suou, you haven’t done anything wrong right now."

How? How could he say that? I am doing wrong.
I’m hurting everyone by begging for help, by clinging to life out of fear of death.

"Asking others for help… involving others… that isn’t a sin or a crime."

It was like he’d read my mind.
And yet… I still felt like he was wrong.

"It’s normal to ask for help when you’re in trouble."

"No… I can’t… I’m not allowed…"

"No one is different in that way. Whether you’re an adult or a child, there’s nothing wrong with seeking help."

It didn’t sound exactly like comfort—more like being gently scolded. Or guided.

"I’m the same, you know. I’ve been helped by many students to make it here. There’s nothing I accomplished alone. I’ve always relied on others—especially in my work with SCHALE."

"No… Sensei, you’re not like me…!!"

No, he isn’t. Sensei is someone who can guide his students—a real adult who can save others.

"We’re all the same. No one can live alone."

"…"

"And that’s not weakness."

That’s why… that’s why it matters. It’s not about weakness. Even so, I can’t go back anymore.

"Thank you, Suou. For trying so, so hard all this time. But still… please don’t try to carry every burden alone."

I did rely on someone. And that’s what led to that disaster. People died because of me. Saori, the others… Sensei—they’d all end up the same way.

"Even if you can’t find any other way, don’t take it all on yourself. Don’t forget—there are people who would be hurt to see you suffer."

I knew that, and yet I still reached out for help—something I should never have done.

"There are people who’d be more pained by losing you than by being hurt themselves. Just as there are people you don’t want to lose, there are people who want you to live. There are people who care about you… just as deeply as you care about them."

I already know that. They’re all kind people—every one of them. So then, what’s left between us is just pride, stubbornness.

"I don’t know what happened to you, Suou. …No, I don’t even know what really happened at the Arius Branch."

People died. They died because of me—because of my decisions. Because I depended on someone when I shouldn’t have.

I swore never to repeat the same mistake again. And yet… their words—Saori’s, Misaki’s, Hiyori’s, Atsuko’s, Azusa’s, everyone’s—shook that resolve. They made me want to live again. Made me unable to stop reaching for help.

"I’ve heard everyone’s stories, so I can guess a little. It’s only speculation, but… maybe, after relying on someone, you went through something terrible. During the civil war, ten years ago."

"…It was… my fault… Cyan… Anna… everyone…"

"It’s my fault. Again. Everyone…"

"Suou, it’s not your fault."

"…What?"

"No matter what happened back then, it wasn’t your fault."

That’s wrong—it can’t be. If I hadn’t relied on anyone, they’d all still be—

"If you trace it back far enough, it was because of the war. Because of those who started it. Because of the environment that allowed it to happen. Because of the past that shaped that world. Because of the world itself that created that past."

"…"

Such an excuse—such a way to shift blame—can’t be right. What is Sensei even trying to say?

"Those kinds of massive problems… wouldn’t have been solved, whether you relied on someone or not."

"…!"

"It’s okay. Suou, you’re not to blame."

Could something like that… really be forgiven? It shouldn’t be. That kind of weakness shouldn’t be allowed.

"No one was hurt because of you. It’s just that someday, it was bound to happen."

Then what about everything I’ve done? What about Cyan’s will, Anna’s will? Are you saying they were meaningless?

"Even so—you wanted to make things right. You reached out, you fought. That was neither meaningless, nor something to be condemned."

"…"

"Maybe afterward, you learned how to handle things on your own. …But really, was it something that had to be done alone? Was it something you truly resolved without anyone’s help?"

No… that’s not true. What I managed to do alone was only a tiny part. I could fight because they were there. Because everyone was with me. So…

"Ah…"

"I think somewhere along the way, someone helped you. Maybe not always, but at least sometimes. Even so…"

A gentle touch brushed beneath my eyes. My tears were softly wiped away, as though he were touching fragile glass.

"There’s only so much any of us can do alone. That’s why we lean on each other."

"…Even so…"

Even so, I’m still afraid. Afraid of losing someone again.

"…If you’re still afraid to rely on others—if it’s still too hard—then start with me. No matter who you are, I won’t reject you. Because I am…"

A soft pat came down on my head. His hand was gentle. Comforting.

"…your teacher. Yours, and everyone’s."

"Ugh…"

Warmth spread through me. The dimness in my vision began to clear. I could finally see Sensei’s face again—a calm, reassuring smile.

"Thank you, Suou. For asking me for help."

"Aaahhhh…!"

My vision warped again. Even though my tears had been wiped away, I could feel new warmth trailing down my cheeks.

"…So?"

A voice cut through the silence—harsh, almost mocking.

"If humans just sit quietly and watch, do you think help will come? That relying on others will save you? Don’t be ridiculous."

That voice alone was enough to make my fear return—memories of those words clawing at me.

"As long as people interact, they hurt each other, and then—"

"Stop talking."

"—!!"

Another voice—Sensei’s—overlapped hers, firm and commanding, as if silencing the world itself.

"Beatrice. You’ve tormented the children. You’ve disrupted their learning, insulted them, and driven them to this point."

Beatrice’s voice fell silent. And with it, the suffocating fear inside me began to ease—just a little.

"I will never forgive you."

"Wh-what…!?"

"Never. Not for a single moment."

"Y-you…! How dare you speak to me that way…!!"

…Ah, I see now.
I finally understand.

"Hah… haha…! Come forth, Justina Council of Saints!!"

"…"

"It was the right choice to recover part of the Council after those three ridiculous tricolor fools defeated them!"

In the end, I only ever acted strong—put up a front.
All while secretly, desperately… wishing someone would save me.

"If you deny me, then tell me—what will you do about this chaos!? That lunatic over there no longer has the strength to fight both me and the Council at once!"

I kept running from the truth—from facing what I really felt.

"Or will you fight, Teacher? With that frail body that couldn’t even withstand a single bullet!?"

"…You’re right. There’s very little I can do."

So that’s why…
That’s why I ended up asking for his help.

"Kirihana Suou!! As a sacrifice, you will complete the interrupted ritual!!"

"Even so… I will not allow the children to end their lives in suffering. I will not let adults like you bring them pain."

A black card appeared in his hand—glowing faintly, swallowing all light around it. It shone against his white coat, a card that consumed his life and time.

"Sensei—stop! That will take your life!"

"…So that no student in this world is left hurt. So they can stand again, and face forward once more."

I reached out to stop him.
He turned back to me with a soft smile—wordless, but it said It’s okay.
And in that moment, I knew.

"None of you will lay a single finger on my precious students!!"

"—!"

…That’s the kind of teacher—the kind of adult—I’ve always admired.