Chapter 45: Beautiful Girl, By the Night Sea (Part 1)

The second day of our seaside trip was drawing to a close as the sun dipped below the horizon.
Tomorrow, after checking out, we’d head home. Our vacation was nearly over.

"Hey, hey, Ayumi-chan! Why don’t you try using Onee’s makeup and doll yourself up?"

It was a little past seven in the evening—less than an hour before the time we’d agreed to meet.
Sakurako-chan was rummaging through Yoshino-san’s pouch with a soft rustling sound.

"Why?"

We were just meeting at eight, and I’d have to take a bath afterward anyway—so what was the point?
Spending over thirty minutes on makeup just to meet for five or ten minutes, only to wash it off before bathing… that just felt like a waste of time.
Not that I could ever say that out loud in front of my mom.

"It’s a date invitation, isn’t it? You’ve got to look your best!"

"D-Date!?"

"Well, he wouldn’t invite you out if he didn’t like you, right?"

"Uh, yeah…"

No way, right? There’s no way it’s a date after just a day or two of knowing each other.
I figured it was more like—he wanted to chat a bit more since we didn’t get to talk enough earlier.
But then again… oh yeah, I’m a girl now.
For a guy, asking a girl to talk one-on-one is kind of a big deal. Honestly, I could never be the one to make that move. Aoi-kun’s got some serious courage to pull that off so casually.

…Wait, so does that mean it is a date?

The word "date" kept circling in my head.

Ehhhhh!? Why me!?
I didn’t even have a boyfriend before high school, and now a boy’s asking me out on a date!?
What kind of cosmic prank is this!?

My face kept getting hotter and hotter—I was probably red as a boiled octopus by now. Oh no, what do I do!?

Because I’d started thinking too much about it, my nerves were getting the best of me. My palms were slick with sweat. There was no way I could worry about appearances right now.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

Relax. It’s not even confirmed to be a date.
A date is when you properly meet up and go somewhere together, right?
We’re just meeting inside the inn—that doesn’t sound like a date at all.

Besides, I’ve only known Aoi-kun for two days.
Getting worked up over it would just be weird. And if my thoughts didn’t match his intentions, that’d be even worse.

"I mean, we just met. It can’t be a date, right?"

I thought I was just stating the obvious, but Sakurako-chan sighed dramatically and gestured in exasperation.

"I told you already—he wouldn’t go out of his way to call you if he didn’t like you. And, you know, love at first sight does happen."

Love at first sight!? That kind of romantic thing actually happens in real life!?

Ugh… what am I even supposed to do? Why me, of all people?

The first time he saw me, I couldn’t reach a shelf—total child mode.
The second time, I couldn’t even carry a bag of bottled drinks from the convenience store—embarrassing.
The third time, he saw me just sitting around after a bath, doing nothing.
The fourth time, I interrupted his break to eat shaved ice together.
Where’s the appeal in any of that!?

"Haaah… why me, though…"

I muttered under my breath.

Sakurako-chan blinked in surprise.

"Why? Because you’re cute, of course. He probably first liked you for your looks, and once he talked to you, he realized your personality’s even cuter. Like, ‘She’s so cute, so cute, so cute!’—that kind of thing. Well, that last part’s my opinion, but still!"

Hearing that my "personality" was cute felt… nice, but also kind of frustrating.
It wasn’t something I could just laugh off with a simple "Hehe, thanks!" Not when I still couldn’t fully see myself as a girl.

From the back of the room, Yoshino-san returned from the washroom. She’d been removing her makeup before the bath.

"A-anyway, forget the makeup! I didn’t wear any during the day, and if I only wear it for tonight, it’ll just look like I’m trying too hard!"

"Oh? So you’re saying you’re not ready to reveal your final form, huh?"

Sakurako-chan grinned mischievously.
She looked a little disappointed as she began putting the makeup items she’d taken from Yoshino-san’s pouch back in place.

Final form? What’s that even supposed to mean?
What would happen if I actually put on makeup, anyway?

"Remember when you came over to our place once and Onee did your makeup? You were crazy cute that time! If you used that look now, any boy would fall for you, guaranteed!"

"That’s true," Yoshino-san agreed softly. "Ayumi-san looked truly adorable that day."

Yoshino-san crouched beside her luggage, neatly returning the makeup Sakurako-chan had spread out.

If Aoi-kun really does like me… am I really good enough for him?
Compared to girls like Sakurako-chan or Yoshino-san, I’m so small and plain. And when you compare me to Moe-ka-chan or Aika-chan, I’m not even sure I qualify as properly girly. Would someone like me really be okay?

"Ayumi-san."

At some point, Yoshino-san had moved to stand right in front of me.
Her eyes were steady and kind, gazing straight into mine.

"Ayumi-san, you were just thinking, ‘Am I really good enough?’ weren’t you?"

"Wh-what!? How did you know!?"

I froze, completely flustered that she’d nailed my thoughts so precisely. Yoshino-san smiled gently at my reaction.

"You were making that kind of face," she said softly. "One that looked uncertain—lacking confidence, a little anxious."

She paused for a moment before continuing.

"But don’t get the wrong idea. Whether you’re good enough or not isn’t something for you to decide, Ayumi-san. That’s for the other person to decide. He invited you because he thought you were good enough."

I looked into Yoshino-san’s eyes.
They were calm yet serious. I could tell she genuinely meant every word.

The important thing wasn’t why he chose me—it was what I wanted to do now that I’d been chosen.

I didn’t know Aoi-kun’s true feelings. Even if it turned out I’d misunderstood, this kind of situation might happen again someday. I needed to at least be ready for that possibility.

What would I do if someone confessed to me in the future?
What if it was a boy? Or… what if it was a girl?

If—just if—Aoi-kun really did like me, how would I respond? Could I even respond at all?

Back when I’d just entered school, there was a time someone called me out, and I turned them down without much thought.
But with Aoi-kun, I don’t think I could do that. Even if we haven’t known each other long, it wouldn’t feel the same.
Not that we’re even at that stage yet, but still.

Is going out with a boy even okay for me?
That thought alone made me hesitate.

I’d been avoiding the question for a while now—but did I want to live as a boy, or as a girl? What did I actually want?

I’ve been living as a girl for a while now, and maybe I’ve started to act like one without realizing it.
But… is that really what I want deep down?

If I consciously tried to live as a boy again, maybe I could shake off this girlishness. My body probably wouldn’t change back, but… maybe that could still be a way for me to live.

Still, it’s not something I can just throw away so easily—"You can’t go back to being a boy, so just let it go."
That’s too simple.
Sure, life as a boy wasn’t particularly fun. If Ryoji hadn’t become my friend, I probably would’ve been completely alone.
But even so, I can’t just discard that part of myself.

I couldn’t reach a conclusion.
Seriously, how indecisive can I be…?

Before I can even think about liking someone, I need to sort myself out first.
Right now, I’m too much of a mess to love anyone properly.

Aoi-kun seems like a genuinely good person. I like him as a person, that’s true.

But…

"Ayumi-san."

Yoshino-san’s voice called me back. I looked up at her.

"You don’t need to look so sad and serious about it," she said kindly. "It’s not something you have to solve right now."

"R-really…?"

She reached out and gently patted my head.

I must’ve looked really uneasy.

Her smile was warm as she met my eyes.

"You just met someone you’re a little curious about, and you want to get to know him better—that’s all. Sakurako got a little carried away and made you overthink things, but there’s no need to rush toward an answer."

Her words made me feel a bit lighter inside.

I still couldn’t find an answer—but maybe I didn’t need to yet.
Someday, I’d have to. Whether it would be with Aoi-kun or someone else, I didn’t know.

"But," she added gently,

"Since you were invited, go meet him with a smile—and make sure you enjoy yourself. Think about it: if you invited someone out and they showed up looking sad, how would that make you feel?"

"R-right. Something like this?"

My smile came out a bit stiff, but I tried my best.

"That’s it," Yoshino-san said with a bright smile. "Just like that."

Yoshino-san smiled back at me.
If only my smile could look as effortlessly beautiful as hers.

"Ayumi-san, if by any chance he ends up confessing and you don’t know how to respond, just say, ‘Let’s start as friends,’ and make your escape."

She gave me a playful wink.

What a convenient phrase.
Yeah… since I don’t really have an answer right now, maybe it’s best to just get to know each other first.

"Aaah, Onee totally stole the best lines again!"

Beside me, Sakurako-chan puffed out her cheeks in mock frustration. Her sulky face looked so funny that I couldn’t help but laugh.
Thanks to that, some of my tension melted away.

"But she’s right," Sakurako-chan admitted. "I got carried away thinking it might turn into a love story. Sorry, Ayumi-chan—I probably made you worry over nothing."

She stuck out her tongue playfully in apology.

The things I was worrying about now… they were problems I’d have to face sooner or later.
But they weren’t something I could solve just because I suddenly decided to.
For now, maybe I’d end up running away from it—but one day, I’d have to find my own answer.

"We’re back!"

The door slid open suddenly, and the Moeka sisters returned from buying souvenirs. The burst of sound made me jump a little.

"Ayumi-chan, it’s almost time, right? Good luck!"

Moeka-chan clenched her tiny fists in front of me, full of energy and cheer.

"If he tries anything, just call my big sister—she’ll throw him straight into the ocean for you!"

That would be… quite a scene.
Not that I thought Aoi-kun would ever do something like that.

"Alright! Then let’s get pumped with some snacks before that!"

Moeka-chan rummaged through her shopping bag and pulled out a box of sweet buns.

"Wait, if you eat them now, they’re not souvenirs anymore!"

"Hehehe, don’t worry! I bought two boxes—one to bring home, and one for us to eat right now!"

"Moeka, you’re going to get fat again."

"‘Again’!? I’m not fat! I haven’t even gained a kilo since April!"

"I see, so you were already chubby back in April, huh?"

"That’s not true! Stop making me the fat character!"

Moeka-chan wasn’t actually overweight, but everyone liked teasing her anyway.

And before I knew it, the time had crept up to ten minutes before eight.

I could feel my heartbeat quickening again.
I’m such a coward. All I want is for tonight to go smoothly—just talk a little, and that’s it.

With that wish in mind, I took a quiet breath and stepped out of the room.