Chapter 93: The Beautiful Girl, Confused

At the entrance hall, we met up with Togo as well. Ryoji and Togo walked down the hallway, chatting about some TV show from last night.

Watching the two of them from behind, I couldn’t even describe the feeling swirling in my chest.

It was definitely because of that ridiculous little incident earlier—the one where a love letter somehow ended up in Ryoji’s shoe locker. I know it’s rude to phrase it like that, but… honestly, no wonder I feel so unsettled.

What is this feeling? It’s like a vague sense of loss… Is it because if Ryoji gets a girlfriend he might stop hanging out with me? I can’t really imagine him doing that, though.

Then… why—?

" Ayumi-chan, you're making a pretty complicated face. You okay?"

"Hyah!?"

Sakurako-chan suddenly leaned right into my field of view, making me jump. It looked like she’d noticed the frown I didn’t even realize I was wearing.

"I-I’m fine!"

Not wanting her to worry, I shook my head quickly to brush it off.

Moeka-chan watched me with this big, amused smile. Am I really that entertaining?

Anyway! All this weirdness is because of that strange occurrence this morning—Ryoji getting a love letter. It’s totally normal for someone to receive a love letter, right? Because humans do that! Completely normal! I just need to stop overthinking it!

Forcing myself not to dwell on Ryoji, I walked to the classroom with Sakurako-chan and the others.

Once we arrived, I went straight to my desk, dropped off my bag, and sat down.

…Nope! Impossible! I don’t know why, but this feeling just won’t go away.

Even though it’s a crisp autumn morning, inside my chest it feels rainy and miserable.

Who even gave him the love letter? That’s important! What if it was from some super cute girl… what would I even do?

Not that I’d do anything…

Maybe I’m jealous? Some leftover consciousness from when I was a boy? But even that explanation feels off.

"Hey hey, Ryoji-kun! Who sent you the love letter?"

While I was spiraling inside my head, I heard Moeka-chan bring up the topic perfectly on cue.

She glanced at me and winked. Is Moeka-chan some kind of psychic?

"Hmm… Now that you mention it, I haven’t checked the contents yet."

"Wait, wait! Don’t tell me you’re not interested!?"

"Nah, inside I’m excited enough to cartwheel into a handstand, but opening it immediately would be kinda tacky."

He’s that happy… Not that I have any idea what level of joy “cartwheel into a handstand” is supposed to represent.

There I was, eavesdropping like a weirdo and then getting shocked by my own reactions.

"Besides, I don’t even know who it’s from, so opening it here would be a bit much, right?"

There’s a chance someone in our class sent it, and opening it in front of everyone—with Moeka-chan reading over his shoulder, no less—would be miserable for the sender.

And honestly, reading a love letter with someone else is embarrassing. Even Ryoji understands that much.

Moeka-chan puffed out her cheeks in disappointment, and Ryoji stood up.

"Anyway! I’m going to the bathroom to open it!"

He sprinted out of the classroom.

Moeka-chan stared after him, completely dumbfounded. Ryoji, you look way too excited…

The homeroom chime rang, and Ryoji burst back into the room full speed, grinning ear to ear.

Seeing him that happy made me feel… complicated.

Is it really possible to feel this messed up just because some girl I’ve never heard of might steal away one of my few friends? It’s not like Ryoji belongs to me, so letting my imagination run wild like this is just ridiculous.

I’m like a stalker! How did it come to this…

After overthinking everything way too much, lunchtime arrived before I even knew it.

I hadn’t listened to a single word during the morning classes. I’ll have to ask Moeka-chan and the others to share their notes later…

Everyone had gathered in the clubroom—Ryoji, Togo, Moeka-chan, Sakurako-chan, and me. Ryoji was casually eating his lunch, completely carefree and oblivious to how I felt. In my head, I unfairly painted him as the villain.

Moeka-chan quickly noticed me sneaking glances at him.

"Aaah, Ayumi-chan! You’re curious about Ryoji-kun, aren’t you?"

"Uh, um, well…"

Come on, how am I supposed to answer something that blunt?

"Kyaa. A flustered Ayumi-chan is so cute. You panicking and getting all shaky is just the best."

Sakurako-chan gently stroked my head as she said that.

"Anyway, Togawa. So who was the love letter from? A mountain gorilla? A baboon? Something in that mammal category?"

"Hold it right there, Yoshikawa. Even a lovable guy like me isn’t getting letters from non-humans. Also, since when are gorillas smart enough to write love letters?"

Ryoji still wouldn’t say who the letter was from, which was frustrating. No need to tease us like this!

I didn’t even receive the letter, yet somehow I was getting all fidgety about it. Why am I nervous… what is wrong with me…

"So, who was it from?"

"Some girl named Kimura Yui from Class C."

"Hold up! Why would someone like her send you a love letter!?"

Togo shouted in disbelief. As for me, I had absolutely no idea who this Kimura-san person was.

I rarely ever meet people outside my class. Our club only has four members, too.

"Kimura-san… isn’t she in the brass band? She’s super cute!"

Cute, huh… I’ve never seen her, so I can’t picture her, but somehow the fog of unease inside me got even thicker.

If a cute girl confessed to him, of course he’d be happy. Ryoji would be, too…

"It’s okay, Ayumi-chan. I think you’re way cuter!"

Sakurako-chan, this is definitely not about competing over cuteness!

"If a cute, artsy girl like that is giving Togawa a love letter… is it bullying?"

Togo suddenly said something awful with the most natural expression.

"Well, maybe it was a bullying punishment game or something."

"Ahh, that makes sense."

Sakurako-chan and Moeka-chan nodded, looking genuinely convinced.

"Hey! Just what kind of existence am I in you guys’ heads…?"

Ryoji slumped over, depressed by the implication that being confessed to by him equals a punishment game.

The truth is, Ryoji actually received a love letter back in middle school, too. He looks pretty cool when he keeps his mouth shut, so he was surprisingly popular back then. Well, he turned that one down, though.

Because things like that happened before, I really don’t get it. Why is he struggling so much over something as simple as a love letter—something he’s experienced already? The only difference between then and now is whether I was a boy or a girl at the time. …Though “only” might not be the right word for a difference no one else on Earth has ever gone through.

"But still, that’s great! I mean, a cute girl giving you a love letter!"

"She asked you to meet her, right? When?"

"After school today."

After school… It’s Ryoji’s situation, so why am I the one getting nervous? Am I really going to feel unsettled like this all afternoon?

"Hey hey, so are you going to say yes to her confession?"

At Moeka-chan’s question, everyone’s eyes focused on Ryoji.

"Ah—well… I mean… hmm. What should I do?"

Ryoji was unusually shaken, giving only a vague, unsteady answer.

He kept glancing my way, like he wanted me to throw him a lifeline. Unfortunately, I definitely didn’t have the mental capacity for that right now.

Geez! Ryoji’s a boy—can’t he just be clear about it already!?

"I think you can’t really give an answer until you meet her, right?"

With Sakurako-chan’s simple comment, Moeka-chan went, "Oh, that’s true," and backed off.

Ryoji didn’t seem to know much about Kimura-san either, so he couldn’t decide anything here. Not that he had any obligation to share his decision with us even if he did make one.

The conversation ended there, and we all returned to lunch. I’d worked hard to make my bento today, but it might as well have had no flavor at all.

I couldn’t focus at all during the afternoon classes, and during sixth period volleyball in PE, I took a ball straight to the face and ended up with a nosebleed—a humiliating disaster that sent me straight to the nurse’s office. I was already bad at sports, and with my mind elsewhere, this was bound to happen.

Even if it was my own fault, having to go to the nurse’s office during the very last class of the day felt unlucky. The homeroom chime had already rung, so it was officially after school. And still, my nose wouldn’t stop bleeding.

We were supposed to have practice for the cultural festival play today. Even though I’d been improving little by little, I was still slower than everyone else, so I wanted to attend every practice I could. But my head was filled entirely with Ryoji—who was probably being confessed to right about now—and with Kimura-san.

What kind of answer was he giving her?

At some point, my nosebleed finally stopped.

I thanked the school nurse and left the infirmary. The hallway after dismissal was empty and strangely lonely.

I walked out of the special-classrooms building—where the infirmary and home ec rooms were—and headed toward the walkway that connected to the main classroom building.

At Mikawa High, where I attend, there’s the main classroom building and the special-classrooms building, connected east-to-west by a pair of outdoor walkways. Inside those walkways is a lawn courtyard. During lunch, the courtyard is always bright and lively with students eating their bentos.

But now, after school, it was nearly empty.

With a murky, unsettled feeling swirling inside me, I stared vaguely at the tilted sun sinking beyond the courtyard.

"Hey, Ayumi. What are you doing out here?"

"Eh!? R-Ryoji!? Why are you here?"

Still standing in the walkway, I turned when Ryoji called out from behind me.

He was supposed to be meeting the love-letter girl—Kimura-san—somewhere after school. Why was he… Wait. Could this have been their meeting spot!?

"Well… you know. I had a few things to take care of."

Ryoji looked away awkwardly.

If he had things to take care of, then he must have already finished them.

"What about you, Ayumi? Why are you here?"

So I explained everything—that I got hit in the face with a ball during volleyball and had been in the nurse’s office until now because of the nosebleed.

"You okay?"

"Eh? Oh—yeah. It stopped already."

"I see."

Silence. Neither of us could keep the conversation going.

My head was spinning so badly I didn’t know what to say. Ryoji, on his side, seemed strangely restless as well.

Without speaking, we stood side by side for a while, quietly watching the sunset.

Ugh… This is getting us nowhere. I don’t know why, but the truth is that unless I ask him what happened, this swirling mess in my chest is never going to go away.

Come on, me. You can do this!

"…So… d-did you two… s-start going out?"

My nerves were so wound up that my tongue barely worked.

Why—why was I getting this nervous just talking to Ryoji? And it wasn’t even about something that directly involved me—it was about another girl entirely. Even so, my heart pounded so hard it felt like it might leap out of my chest, and my stomach twisted in tight, painful knots.

I could feel my ears burning from the tension and embarrassment. I was only asking something this simple, and yet my face was probably bright red. But with the sunset this crimson, maybe it would hide it for me.

Seeing how overwhelmed I was, Ryoji gave me a sly grin.

"What’s this, Ayumi? You that curious?"

"Fweh!? I—I mean… yeah. I guess I’m… curious? Maybe?"

"Ending it with a question mark is disappointing. If you said something like ‘I don’t wanna hand Ryoji over to some random girl,’ I could eat about three bowls of rice."

"Wha—!? What are you talking about!? You’re my best friend! Of course I’d be curious if you started dating someone! That’s all!"

Ryoji blinked, looking genuinely surprised.

He stared silently at my face. I panicked and looked away.

Don’t look at me so seriously—it just makes me more embarrassed!

"Huh. Well, it’s not like I’m gonna date Kimura-san anyway."

"Eh?"

What… what did Ryoji just say? Not date her? Seriously?

"You’re not going to date her?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"I mean, why… You can’t just suddenly start dating a girl you just met for the first time…"

…Oh.

Something inside me loosened quietly, releasing all at once.

Ryoji wasn’t going to date Kimura-san. Just that fact alone made me strangely relieved. I know it’s not fair to him or Kimura-san, but… I couldn’t help feeling happy about it.

"Besides, the only one who can handle a man burning with this much passion is you, Ayumi."

Ryoji flashed a sparkling grin—complete with a glinting tooth.

"No. Cut it out with that kind of joke."

I shut him down immediately.

"A-ah… yes ma’am."

Ryoji turned away with a sulky look.

So… Ryoji didn’t end up getting a girlfriend.

"Hehe♪"

I couldn’t help laughing.

Having this stupid, familiar back-and-forth with him felt oddly comforting.

"What’s with you all of a sudden? Laughing in my face is rude, you know!"

"Sorry, sorry. I wasn’t laughing at your face, Ryoji!"

I said that, smiling softly at him.

"Anyway, I’ve got practice for the play, so I’m heading back to the classroom."

"Got it. I’m heading back too—let’s go together."

"Together?"

For some reason, I was getting way too hyper, way too self-conscious, and I couldn’t figure out how to handle it.

But in the end, I chose to walk back with him. It’s not like I could’ve said “no” in that situation.

Today was the first time it felt like we’d had a real conversation.

In the bath, soaking in the warm water, I absentmindedly replayed everything that had happened today.

In the end, that single rare incident—the love letter addressed to Ryoji—had completely tossed my day around.

Just thinking that a friend might get taken away was enough to drag my mood down this much… Honestly, I surprised myself. Ryoji’s a boy, after all. It’s not like he’s going to stay single forever.

Nothing came of it this time—but what if something happens next time…? Were the feelings I had today really just the feelings of a friend?

What was I even so worried about?

My distance from Ryoji? Our relationship?

Whatever I felt today… it was something I’d never experienced back when I was still a boy.

What was it, really?

…After thinking about it too much, I ended up overheating completely.