Chapter 12

“Gyah!”

I woke up rolling over and over.

The spinning stopped quickly, but my head kept whirling, and for a moment, I had no idea what had just happened.

The den was bright—morning had already come.

Lifting my still half-asleep head, I looked around. Just beside me, Mr. Wolf was standing, panting hard—huff, huff—as he stared straight at me.

Oh… so because he suddenly stood up, I must’ve rolled away from him. Still dazed, I blinked up at him, wondering.

Did he wake up in a daze? Maybe he had a weird dream?

But when I looked closer, Mr. Wolf was glaring at me.

Huh? What? Don’t tell me he’s still half-asleep.

No way—he’s not thinking “breakfast right in front of me,” is he!?

My tail instantly tucked between my legs.

I focused every nerve on watching him—and that’s when I noticed. His fur, from his belly to his chest, was soaked.

“…Whimper…”

Apparently, I had been… oh no… licking and sucking at Mr. Wolf’s belly in my sleep, searching for milk like some kind of baby.

Yep. Turns out I was the one who was half-asleep.

Mr. Wolf, I’m… so sorry.

Flattening my ears against my head, I couldn’t even meet his eyes. Why did I have to do something so babyish…?

Thinking of my mother and father made my nose sting.

I’d left without saying anything. They must be worried sick…

Back then, I’d completely lost it—panicked, confused—and ended up running away from the village. But since coming to this snowy land, that restless itch in my chest has disappeared. I don’t get emotional or erratic anymore.

I can actually think clearly enough now to wonder why I was so frantic back then.

Maybe it’s because this midwinter land dulls the influence of mating season.

Now that I’ve calmed down, guilt presses down on my chest. I feel terrible for what I did to Mother and Father.

But after all that, I can’t go back and trouble them again.

At the very least, I should write a letter—just to tell them I’m alive and safe somewhere far away.

Maybe… maybe I could even sneak a glance at their faces from afar.

The more timid my thoughts grew, the lower my head sank.

And then—him.

Even thinking his name hurts.

After what I did, he must be scarred…

A girl barges into his room, straddles him on his bed while he’s relaxing, and then—

My face drooped all the way down until my forehead touched the ground.

While pressing my brow against the floor, I thought further.

That kind of thing… in my previous life, they called it a “reverse assault.”

Whether you’re a girl or a boy, that would be a huge shock. I just hope it doesn’t mess him up for life…

Realizing that I had basically acted like a criminal—someone who preyed on a younger boy—made me sigh deeply.

But at least here, I won’t be consumed by those impulses.

Even if they do flare up, there’s no one around. I won’t hurt anyone.

At that thought, I looked up at Mr. Wolf again.

Our eyes met—he seemed calmer now.

I could never attack Mr. Wolf, and he would never do anything like that to me.

Here, gender doesn’t matter. I can live peacefully.

For some reason, Mr. Wolf accepts me as I am.

So I’ll stay here, praying for Mother, Father, and him to live happily.

As I watched Mr. Wolf with that quiet resolve, his ears suddenly flattened.

Startled, I froze as he lowered his head and began pacing restlessly, growling under his breath.

Oh no… here we go again—acting weird!

I was already starting to regret my decision to live with Mr. Wolf when, right before my eyes, he let out a deep growl—grrrr—and suddenly collapsed on the spot.

“Wauhn! Waun!”

Panicking, I rushed to his side. Mr. Wolf had squeezed his eyes shut tight and was lying on his side, belly exposed toward me.

“…”

Wait. Isn’t that the posture a mother takes when feeding her pups?

Could it be… he thinks I’m sad because I couldn’t drink milk earlier, and now he’s trying to comfort me?

I stared at him, frozen, as he lay there with his eyes shut.

No way. When I was half-asleep, maybe I could’ve gone along with it, but wide awake? Impossible.

And besides, in this freezing land, my mind is in full calm-and-logical mode. So even as I appreciated his thoughtfulness, part of me couldn’t help thinking: Why on earth would I have to do a “milk attack” on a guy…?

As I stood there staring down at him, not moving an inch, his eyes suddenly opened—locking perfectly with mine.

Outside, the blizzard still raged on, the wind howling and roaring around us.

Mr. Wolf sprang up like a coiled spring, bared his teeth with watery eyes, and glared at me fiercely. But only for a moment—then he let out a strange sound I’d never heard before and bolted outside.

…Maybe I should just give him some space for now.

After quite some time, Mr. Wolf returned, carrying fish and berries in his mouth. But after setting the food down on the ground, he turned his whole body away, refusing to meet my eyes.

And to make matters worse—oh no!

That magnificent, proud tail of his was now drooping, limp and dejected.

Ohhh… I hurt his gentle heart.

Am I doomed to repeat my mistakes even here!?

Unable to bear it, I hurried over to where he sat with his back against the wall.

I crouched beside him and peered at his face. His normally sharp, dignified ears were still folded down.

Not knowing what else to do, I leaned in and gently licked his nose.

His gaze slowly drifted back to me.

“What can I do for you to forgive me?” I tilted my head, looking up at him.

He let out a quiet sigh—fuuuh—then turned to face me again, sitting properly this time.

Overjoyed, I wagged my tail—pat, pat, pat—and playfully rubbed against him.

Maybe… maybe I should just go for the milk again?

As that thought crossed my mind and I leaned toward his belly, a low, deep growl rumbled above my head—grruuuh…

…Yeah, okay. Sorry for reopening that old wound.