Chapter 22:

“I really think I’m not in a great place mentally,” I said, bargaining with Mirabelle. “I almost died. Maybe we should skip the shopping trip?”

Gale, who had been trailing behind us, laughed. “We’d believe you if you hadn’t dragged us to three different food stalls.”

I hid my meat skewer behind my back. It wasn’t my fault! New city, new food — especially this city.  It was bizarre in a way that others weren’t, with culinary oddities to match. The streets were lit by a combination of lanterns and the glowing stone beneath our feet. Being so far into the crater, the sunlight wasn’t nearly as strong, and the temperature reflected that. It was cool, and the only thing fighting off a chill was the spicy food in my hand and Gale’s lumbering mass, which I stepped behind occasionally as a windbreak. 

The food was a mix of crustacean and what I assumed could only be this world’s version of giant insects. I’d had to fight Gale tooth and nail to convince him to let me try some of the stranger concoctions. I walked down the road, Gale trailing behind, biting into three different skewers I held in my fingers. He tapped my shoulder and I looked around. 

“You’re hopeless,” He said, wiping the food from my mouth, “Always so messy.” 

“That’s what you’re here for.”

“Lucky me.”

I turned around and followed Mira, who had walked a bit of a ways ahead, before stopping and turning back towards us. She was munching on an impressive collection of street food. Had she always been so gluttonous? I nodded my head in respect at her. She raised an eyebrow. 

How was it that no matter how much she ate, not a crumb ended up on her? The only time I’d seen her eat messily was right after I’d healed her mom. She was usually pristine. Was eating food cleanly some kind of martial art, a secret technique of the Leyland family? How envious.

Mira led the way down the street, and as my food ran out, a great anxiety ran through me. It felt like people were staring at me. I pulled my clothes down, trying to cover more of my body. We crossed paths by many wearing clothes similar in style to the woman who stabbed me. The attire, thick-clothed and somewhat modern in looks, were lit with vague neon colors from the purple emanating from the stone beneath, which acted as a kind of blacklight. 

“We have the Hero ritual later too, shouldn’t we get ready for that?”

Mirabelle looked over her shoulder. “It is good you should mention that. We will need formal wear to attend the ceremony. Thank you for refreshing my memory, Aria.” 

I nearly dropped a skewer in shock. Me and my big mouth! I gritted my teeth, shrugging off a comforting pat from Gale. Like I needed his comfort — he was the lucky one! He’d get to pull some holy sword out of a rock, and I’d have to stand there looking pretty in a dress! What a drag. Why couldn’t this be a world with two holy swords? Maybe then I wouldn’t have to use my feet and a glorified walking stick.  It really was that damn system’s fault. How could a macho man like me get turned into a girl? I turned my face to Gale, pouting. He smiled, putting a hand to my head. He’s lucky his head-pats were good, or I’d have torn him apart by now. 

We soon arrived to the store Mira had been talking about. It had an ostentatious design, with sea-side style decor. The store-front was covered in neon green and purple coral, with small clam shells taking up most free space. This was popular? It felt like an assault on the eyes, a travesty of graphic design. How this place had customers, I wasn’t sure. I simmered, frowning as I looked at Mira. Could it be…? Was her taste in clothing so bizarre? Then again, a noblewoman her age wouldn’t choose her own clothes would she? I imagined her maids sweating, refusing some haute couture nightmare. 

During my fantasies, she somehow dragged me into the store. Gale tiptoed behind, like an embarrassed boyfriend in an underwear shop. My resolve hardened. If I was going to go through this, so was he! I pulled his arm to my chest, not letting him escape. It felt like pulling a fish from a line. I clawed into him, and he finally settled down. 

Mira wandered about, picking up various items I could hardly recognize. My face paled when I realized she was walking towards me with them. 

“Gale,” I said, whispering, “We’re pals, right? Buds? Friends?”

He shook his head. “I can’t help with this one.”

I gave him a teary-eyed look as Mirabelle neared. “You’re dead to me.” 

Mira and I stood in the changing room in a standoff. She was holding a set of underwear and a dress, while I had my hand outstretched, ready to summon my fireball scroll. We narrowed our eyes at each other. I summoned my scroll, ready to unleash my arcane might, but she stretched a hand out and snatched it, replacing it with the clothing. Damn, she was quick! 

She sighed. “Is it really so bad, Aria? You’ve been wearing such things your entire life.”

I averted my eyes. Sorry, Mira. Yours truly is actually a near-thirty year old man! Even holding these clothes felt like dynamite in my hand. Yes, I had worn the waitress outfit out of necessity and the Heroine outfit for the buffs, but I hadn’t yet worn something so girly with my own free will. It wasn’t that I rejected the outfits — far from it, a part of me thought they looked great. Mira had surprisingly good taste. It was my lack of resistance that I was rejecting. Shouldn’t this be an issue for me? I wasn’t supposed to wear stuff like this, right?

Wearing this was admitting that I was a girl now. That meant that I could be a heroine, a saintess. That meant my relationship with Gale was more real than I had at first felt. My heart fluttered at the thought. How long would Gale stay with me before realizing I wasn’t what he wanted? I felt like an imposter. Like someone pretending to be where I didn’t belong, and eventually someone would come by, see me for the fake I was, and everyone would realize I was awful for pretending. I bit my lip.

I looked at the dress and imagined myself wearing it. I felt a sense of yearning in my chest. I thought back to past memories before my reincarnation, to me feeling the same thing in clothing stores when shopping with my mother. I had been suppressing those feelings since I’d reincarnated with all my strength. Those idle fantasies I’d dreamt of had come true. 

I looked at the dress again. Was it ok for me to wear this? Was it ok for me to…be a girl? Mira noticed my hesitance and put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you well?”

“Is it okay for me to wear this?”

She blinked a few times, confused. “Why would it not be?”

I didn’t answer for a moment, only held the dress in front of me, looking in the mirror. A gorgeous woman looked back. She had fair, perfect skin, shoulder length brown hair, a perfect face. That was me? “Am I pretty?” 

Mirabelle snorted. “Were you not, neither would any other woman be.”

I stared at myself, breathless at the sight. I thought back to the reflections I’d seen in my phone, glass, and water. Had I always looked like this?

“Would you like me to help you change?” She asked. 

I clutched the dress closer to my chest. I began to refuse, but something in me felt comfort in her presence. I nodded. I removed my clothing piece by piece, storing it in my item box. Mira helped me slip into the underwear and dress, surprised at my lack of familiarity. She tied the back and shifted everything into place. Mira braided my hair into loose bun, lifting my hair from my shoulders. She stood behind me, looking over my shoulder into the mirror. 

“Beautiful," She said, and it was true. The dress clung to me in a fetching manner, showing off the outline of my body. It was no different from the outfits of hundreds of women I’d seen, yet on me it seemed indecent. Beautiful, but indecent. I thought of the stares I’d received outside and shivered. I can’t let anyone see me in this but Gale.

“Can we choose something a bit more…modest? For the ceremony, I mean.”

“Do you not want this one?”

“No, I do. I just…all those eyes.”

She rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. “I will be back. Just wait here.”

She slipped out of the room, and I sat down on the small bench next to me. I looked down, shocked at the sight. Yup, definitely a woman now. I grinned, but suppressed it. You’re not supposed to feel this way, idiot. 

A few heartbeats later, the door cracked open, and I looked up at the noise. “Hey Mira said you needed somethi—”

Gale walked in, pausing as he looked at me. His jaw dropped, face flushed, and he shut the door quickly behind him. He walked over, never taking his eyes off me. I stood up to meet him, blushing in shame. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll just take it off…” I raised a hand to the dress strap on my shoulder. His hand caught mine tenderly.

Gale smiled. “Idiot. Why are you taking it off?”

“I’m not—” I said, “It’s gross. I’m gross.” 

He shook his head. “It’s gorgeous. You’re gorgeous.”

“You don’t think I’m…weird?” My voice shook. 

He leaned his face near mine in response, firmly hugging me. I lifted to my tiptoes, gently meeting his lips.