Book 5, Chapter 24: Coming Home

We came at last to the castle, atop its long hill, against the sheer stone cliff face that rose above it as if a tombstone.  It looked as though it might topple at any moment, either crushing the castle or falling onto the plains below.  Maybe it was wise to give this duchy away.  Except, it welcomed me into its halls, and I felt good, returning here.

The gates to the outer courtyard were open and unmanned.  It didn’t take long to pass to the inner walls, guarded by young soldiers.  The first time I’d come here, I’d marveled at how thick the walls were, not knowing they were essentially apartment buildings, built out of stone.  Now knowing that, they were perhaps even greater a marvel.

The big man broke the silence, “They’ve taken the army out.”

“Oh?”

“Boys manning the gates, on the castle walls.  He took every last man with him.”

“That’s not good.”

“No, Princess, it is not.”

Only a small entourage awaited us inside the inner gates.  On the walls of the castle, the boys playing at being soldiers saluted, and younger stableboys ran up to take our horses as we dismounted.

“Your Highness, welcome home!  I’ll take good care of Cloud,” said one I didn’t know.

“Thank you.”  Dismounted, handed him the reigns, stared at the doors.  It was unusual for no one to greet us.  Surely, they had lookouts posted who’d informed the remaining nobles of the castle they had guests.

The double doors burst open, Brin hurrying through, a bunch of ladies in waiting and elderly manservants trailing behind her, stopping when she saw me, eyes wide for a moment.  “Cayce!”  She rushed over, throwing her arms around me.  “Forgive my tardiness, but your arrival, well, we didn’t know it was you!  Why didn’t you send messengers ahead?  And why did-”

“Brin!”  I squeezed her tight and suddenly emotion welled up inside, it was all I could do to maintain my composure.  But my bottom lip trembled without my leave, and I feared to speak.  Her body against mine, my arms around her, closed my eyes for the moment.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you!”

Our cheeks touching, breathing in her lemon-perfume scent, then backing up, I managed to get out, “It is good to see you, too.”

Hands gripping my arms, she pulled back to look at me, “are you crying?”

“No!”  I wiped my cheeks, “Of course not.  I don’t cry.  I missed you, it’s good to see you again!  To be here.  Feels like coming home.”

“Well, I was crying!  We just received messages from Maitlan and Brundle saying you were lost.”

“Lost?”

“Unaccounted for, possibly dead.  And that Morry went to find you.  And find you he did!  How are you Sir General Morrentz?”

“Oh, very well.  It will be good to have a long soak in the hot springs and some of the princess’s whiskey.”

Brin put her hand on her hip, “You two rode up here just for that nasty drink?”

“Not especially.  But seeing as how we’re here.”

The blond-haired girl turned back to me, but looking over my shoulder first, “Have you brought your army to reinforce father’s?  Perhaps waiting in the field?”

“No, Brin, we . . . we, ah, it’s just us.  And,” I gestured at Hafthon’s cavalry, “these guys.  Hafthon’s messengers.”

“Using cavalry as messengers?”

“Yeah.”

“It better be good news, Cayce.  Tread, welcome home.  See to it the soldiers are quartered properly.  And get them some food.  And Morry some whiskey.  And bring whatever messages they have up to the countess’s apartments.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“And you,” she searched my eyes.  “We’re getting you into the bath and cleaned up.”  Brin took me by the hand, leading me away from Morry and Tread.

“What . . . what about-”

“Tread’ll handle it.  You just come with me now.”

***

Rushing through the castle somehow allowed me to regain my composure.  And by the time we got to the hot springs, I was myself again.  “Brin, seriously, I’m not sure I have time for a bath.”

“Nonsense!  Bath, then supper.”

“I need to reach your father, the encampment, wherever he set up.  I don’t have time to play princess.”

“You’re filthy from the road.  And,” Brin opened the door for me, “he took the army out early this morning, just before dawn.  There’s no point in leaving tonight, you’ll just catch up with him and miss suppertime and have to eat cold rations.”

“But I want to catch up with him!  I need to be there, figure out what to do.”

“They won’t be in the pass for a few more days.”

“Pass?”

“Yes.  And you can certainly catch up to the army in time after you’ve had a good bath, a good meal and a good sleep.  In the care of your most wonderful and skilled mistress of the bedroom.”

“Wait, what?  Tell me about the pass.  Like where 300 soldiers can hold off 100 000 for a week or so?”

“What are you talking about?  A pass pass.  You know, mountains on either side, narrow passageway.”

“How narrow are we talking?  This might really help us.  But Morry needs to be out there, directing the troops.”

“Bath time, Cayce, not pass time.”

“But, plans!  We need to make them.  And-”

She grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me around to face the entrance to the bath, “Come on, in you go!  We have plenty of time to discuss events and only so much time soaking in the hot springs.”

***

“Really, I can undress myself.  We’ve been apart for months now and, like, I’ve been perfectly fine all by myself the entire time.  It’s almost as if I’m not six anymore.”

“Shush you.  Weeks maybe.  Months!  Arms up, let’s remove your riding clothes.”  She undid the various straps and buckles that kept it tight to my body and looking post-apocalyptic, then pulled each sleeve down before hefting the dress itself over my head.  “A little rustic, but I like it.”

“Rustic?  I was thinking more gothic.”

“Whatever that means.  You ran into Hafthon, didn’t you?”

“How’d you know?”

“Lady Hafthon wore this dress once.  I remember it.  A horse jumping competition when I was a child.  She was younger then.  Not a chance she could fit into it now.”

“You’re still a child.”

“Oh!”  She gave me a look that finished in a smile, “You have missed a few key events, haven’t you?”

“Oh my god, Brin.  Don’t say it!”

“Ha!” she winked at me.  “Maybe later.  Looks like riding around the landscape didn’t help you any.”

I choose to ignore whatever she was hinting at, not wanting to know those sorts of things.  “You are right.”

“Oh?  Do tell!”

“No, no, not like that.  The bath.”  I pulled out of the slip myself.  The humidity of the bathhouse seeped into me, warm and welcoming, and the feeling of being home and safe and free of other people’s needs for just a while, started working its relaxing magic.  “Oh my gods, the air feels good.  I really, really needed this.” 

“Of course you did!  I can’t imagine how long you’ve been on the road now.  You almost – almost! – smell like a man.  Maybe a little worse than a man.”  Brin slid out of her own dress and slip, making me wonder again why I needed help with something she so easily could manage alone.

“Huh.  Worse?”

“Like horses and sweat.  If you didn’t have these . . . seriously, Cayce.”  She made a show of holding her nose while opening the door from the change rooms to the bath, “And something else.  Did you run into a skunk?”

“Uh, no.”

Her smile froze in place as if fearing to leave, “No?  There’s a but you’re leaving out.”

“Uhm, ok, not skunks.”  We both sat down, filled the buckets, dumped warm, inviting water overtop our heads.

“We covered that.”

“Foxes.”

“What do you mean, foxes?  They don’t smell this bad.  Here,” she handed me a bar of soap, “use lots.”

“They’re like, they sorta, well, they’re kind of cuddly.”

Lathering soap up her arms, Brin said, “Foxes aren’t pets!  Gods, Cayce, no wonder!”

“Morry made me stop cuddling them a while ago.”

“Please tell me you weren’t letting foxes pee on your dress.  Well, maybe they smelled Lady Hafthon on you and decided to take action.”

“Brin!  I haven’t even held one for days now.”

“Days?”

“Morry found me a few days ago.  Three, I think.  That’s, uh, when he forbade more cuddling.  But, you know they really are cute and his attention wanes and sometimes, you just have to cuddle them.”

“I can’t even.  If you need to cuddle something, we’ll get you a cute kitten.  Anyways, what do you mean?  You were separated?”

“Oh, it’s a long and awful story.”

***

“Brundle’s messages explained these events, but I still can’t believe all the mages betrayed you.  Us.  The kingdom!”

“It was unimaginable.”

“What do they want from you?  I mean, aside from the obvious.”

“Mostly, they want me dead so I’m not a threat to everyone living.”

Brin shook her head, “Cayce . . . no.  If they wanted you dead, they’d have managed it.”

“You didn’t see it.  How easily I overcame their defenses.  It’s like they’re normal people to me.  Helpless against my magic.”

“I was with you, remember.  The battle at the river crossing.  They dropped fire and lightning on the enemy troops, killing hundreds at a time.”

“You didn’t see what I did.  It . . . it was so much worse.”

“I understand that.  But what I’m saying is that they could have done more to attack you.  From what you’re telling me.  I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong.”

“It’s true, at one point, they demanded I go with them, so you could be right.  But I can’t figure out what they want from me.”

“That’s not a thing we could possibly know.  But one thing is certain, Cayce.”

“What’s that?”

“They want it badly enough to risk losing the kingdom over.”

“Ok, yeah.  Enough of me, the kingdom, these wars.  What about you?  What’d you get up to all summer?”

“I thought you didn’t want to hear it.”

“How’s running the castle?  Why’d you let your father demote Tread?  Did your dad get the army up to speed with the new technology?”

“Oh Cayce, it’s a bath.  Let’s leave mundane military concerns to your generals.  And anyways, running the castle now is basically like running it when you were here.  Except, I tell my father less so that he doesn’t fret.”

“Ok, alright, sure.  I am, I have to say, just a little worried about the huge army the Laemacians have sent this way but, yeah, let’s just relax for a bit.  I’ll bring up the mundane stuff at dinner.”

“There’s a good princess!  So, you and Morry alone for three days, huh?”

***

“But I like that dress!”

Brin picked up my favorite goth dress, brought it to her nose, “Ugh!  Nope.  Maybe after it’s washed, but we might have to burn it.”

Cocking my head at her, I gave her a look, “What, am I supposed to walk back to my apartments naked?”

“Hold on.  Back up.  You like this dress?  When did you start liking dresses?!”

“Uhm,” I said, clutching at the towel, “we’re half-naked here.  Can I at least put a slip on?”

She headed over to a bunch of folded clothes, resting on a shelf that I somehow missed earlier.  “How often have I spent fighting to get you all proper and princessly?  And she just gets you to like dresses?  You don’t even like her husband!”

I walked over and took hold of the thick cotton slip, but she didn’t let go.  “Ok, it was you.  Yup, upon much reflection and wearing of armor, I realized how silly I was being.  I mean, how right you were.  Come on, give me the slip.”

“Hmmm.”

I put my arms up dutifully and the towel fell to the floor.  “Right, yes.  Brin, please?”

“That’s all you had to say.”  She pulled it over my head, then found her own and slipped it on.  What aptly named clothing.

“I guess it’s true.  After all I’ve been through, I’m starting to see the value in dresses.  They’re, ah, much more comfortable than armor.”

Brin rolled her eyes so hard, she helped the planet rotate, “Oh my gods, Cayce!  I just . . . I just . . . Everyone knows that!”

“Not everyone!  You’ll never catch Morry in a dress.  He definitely thinks armor is more comfortable.  Anyways, admit it, you’re happy.”

“But why her!  Hafthon’s wife got you to like wearing dresses?”

“She just calmly explained that girl princesses wear dresses and I thought, hey, that makes sense.”

“I hate you.”

“A little wine over dinner will change your mind.”

“How long have I been telling you the same thing!”

“Brin,” I laughed, “it wasn’t her.  I’m sure it was me missing you, so I got rid of the armor.”  I reached for the rest of the clothing.  “Come on, things to do, people to see.  Let’s not stand around in the change room any longer.”

“Yeah, but,” she sighed, then smiled, “it won’t be so much fun if you’re willing to put them on.”

“Oh, you sadist.”

“It’s true.”  She pulled a simple cotton dress over my head, “I enjoy tormenting you.  You better not like make-up now or you’ll ruin my fun.”

I threw my arms around her, buried my face in her neck, “I missed you.”

***

“Mother’s going to be beside us at dinner tonight.  She will want to ask you questions.”

“Maybe I, maybe I should just retire to my rooms.”

“You said you wanted to see people.  Anyways, let’s get you ready for the night.  The ladies in waiting should be there now.”

“Why are we going this way?”

“Father, uh, moved himself into the large apartments.  I’m sorry, Cayce.”

“I see.”

“But I moved myself into your old rooms!  We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess.”  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but it makes sense.  I left him the castle.  The smaller rooms wouldn’t be large enough for his puffed-up ego.

“Mother’s going to ask you about the battle, you know.  She’ll be after details upon details.  Will you be ok with that?”

“Could you sit her somewhere else?”

“Not now that you’ve gone and given them this castle.  It would be inappropriate for you to sit elsewhere.”

“It really sucks being-”

“-the princess.  Yes, yes, I know.  We’ll get you some lemons for all that sucking.”

“I prefer limes.”

“Look,” she took my hand in hers as we walked, “I just wanted to warn you.”

“So I don’t break down at the supper table?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You did.  Brin,” I squeezed her hand as we came to the door to my former apartments, stopping in front of them.  Reaching out for the door, my hand dropped down.  “Sapphire was killed because of me.  And I killed, I wish this weren’t true.  I sometimes can’t believe it.  Damn.  Twenty, twenty thousand men.  Maybe more.”

“Oh Cayce!”  She gave me a quick hug, then opened the door equally quickly, “Come on, get in, we don’t want anyone to see you crying.”

“I’m not crying!  That’s not me.”

“Thank the heavens we haven’t put make-up on you yet.  Here,” she pulled me inside, the doors shut, and I found her hugging me again.

After a while, Brin pushed me back, dabbled a cloth on my face.  “You aren’t responsible for Sapphire’s actions or deaths in warfare.”

“They hanged her young brothers and sisters and . . . Brin, she didn’t have to die.  I could’ve talked to her, gotten her to see reason.”

“The first time her family betrayed you, maybe you could blame it on the father.  But the second time?  I’m sorry, I know it’s awful, and I liked her, too, but this isn’t on you.  It’s on her.  You don’t betray a princess after you’ve surrendered your castle and expect to survive.  Her younger brothers’ and sisters’ deaths are on her.”

“They were just children!  Had nothing to do with Sapphire’s plans.  I didn’t, I didn’t want any of this to happen.”

“I know, I know.  But it happened and it’s in the past now.  Keep that in mind when talking to mother.”

***

The brush tugged to a standstill on my hair, “This is a real struggle.  You really didn’t brush your hair the entire spring?”

“Uhm.”  I decided not to tell her about Duchess Hafthon’s elderly lady in waiting who had just brushed my hair.

“You didn’t.  You’re the princess!  This is why I should have come with you.  And ladies in waiting.  I can’t believe I listened to you.”

One of Brin’s cousins spoke up, a girl of eight years old.  “I’d have come!”

“It really wasn’t a good place for a little girl.”  I forced a smile at her while she dabbed my fingernails with that odd red powder that blossomed into a little star once applied, but her presence made me think of Sapphire’s young sister and brother.  Hanged.  Because of me.  I never saw their bodies and so they were left in my imagination, swinging in the wind, little hands bound behind their backs.  I shook my head to clear these thoughts.

“Hey!  It’s difficult enough without you moving around.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s like trying to unentangle a bird’s nest.  I believe I just pulled two robin’s eggs out of there.”

“Better than spider eggs.”

“Did you run into any?  I’m kind of jealous about that.  Oh, I wish we could have some for supper!  But all we’ve got is beef, pork, and chicken, I’m afraid.”

“Oh!” said the other girl-lady in waiting.  “Can we send the soldiers out to get some?”  They all had blond hair, like Brin, and blue eyes.  The evil me, in that moment, hoped Brin’s uncle cuckolded Carlisele.  After all, her demeaner didn’t match her father’s ever-bitterness.  She was happy and capable.

“The soldiers are busy I’m afraid.  But I’m sure there’s plenty of animal flesh to go around.”

“Spider’s the best and it’s been a while.  I think the last time was with you on the way here.”

“I ran into a nest.  Not the trapdoor ones, but these had webs up in the trees.”  I shuddered, “Enormous spiders.”

“Really, stop moving about.  Those ones make the best dresses.  Well, they don’t.  Their webs do.  They’re so thick and strong.  Anyways, what’d you do?”

“What do you think I did?  I burned them out.  Oh!  And then the strangest thing happened.”

The oldest of Brin’s sisters asked, “How did you burn them out, my lady?”

“Uh, in the usual way.”

“I’m almost done with your hair.  What a struggle!  What was the strangest thing that happened?”

“The next day I woke up to find webbing that read, ‘Stop killing my spiders.’  How creepy is that?”

“Come on, that didn’t happen.”

Brin’s youngest cousin looked up from my nails.  “The spiders can write?  Maybe we shouldn’t eat them.”

I touched the little girl’s soft face, giving her a genuine smile, “I think maybe someone directed them.  But I agree on the not eating them stance.”

“They taste good!  Seriously, though, spiders somehow wove a letter, just for you?  What do you take us for, Cayce?”

“I’m not lying!  It really happened.  You’re willing to believe in magic, but not that spiders communicate?”

“Willing to believe in magic?  What?  That’s like saying people are willing to believe in waterwheels.”

I sighed.  “Yeah, ok, I don’t know.”

The youngest paused, about to switch to my right hand, “I don’t like the idea of my food writing letters.”

“Wennie, Cayce is just telling us a cute, little story.”

“About burning a bunch of talking spiders?”

Brin walked around the girls to face me, hands on hips, and gave me a very pointed glare.

I smiled at her.  Then lifted the chin of the youngest to look her in the eyes, “Wait till I tell you about all the happy foxes who love, just love, cuddling little girls.”

Brin’s glare somehow deepened.