Chapter 25: Idir

Chapter 25: Idir

 

 

The water along the shore parted, rock and dead coral pushed up to form a low shoal just barely covered by water. The mists swelled, condensed, and left like a storm in miniature.

 

I opened my mouth, closed it, opened, and closed it again.

 

I’d had something of a thought about the Benefactor. It clearly cared for me and my mom, otherwise why save us those times it had? It had some otherworldly powers, but given it hadn’t, you know, whisked us away to safety with all the food and luxuries we could want, its power wasn’t infinite, either. I honestly wasn’t sure what its power was, or what it could and could not do at this point. It hadn’t directly saved us. Adding onto this was the fact it had left golden pawprints I could see, plus memories of a world with an impossibly diverse number of pantheons and depictions of gods across cultures and fiction, and I’d started developing ideas.

 

Feline, obviously, and a fairly big one, too. When Mom gave me the diary to write in, along with my thoughts, I’d tried doodling just what I thought it was along with all my mixed-up thoughts and words. I’d imagined a huuuuuuge lion, majestic and golden, with a gloriously big mane that waved in the wind. Each step would cause the world to tremble. Or perhaps it was sneaky, like a jaguar, and dark as night. Slinking through the dark, but strong enough to bat away the bad things in the water. Sometimes I idly threw in extra horns or an extra tail because why not. Sometimes it was more humanoid, but never fully human, always, always majestic.

 

…

 

 

It was a cat.

 

It was silent, merely staring at me with gold eyes, but I half expected it to go, “Meow.”

 

…

 

To be fair, it was a weird cat. It sat on a slightly submerged coral shelf in the water. It didn’t look so happy about that fact, either. In fact, it looked miserable with damp to wet and dripping fur, particularly on its underside and paws. There were about two meters separating my place on the beach from it now, and the water in between looked impossibly deep and dark, like the light just refused to touch beneath the surface at all.

 

The cat was like no cat I could remember from my first life. It was monochrome, with one side white, one side dark, almost black. Two tails, white and black, trailed off behind it, also wet and barely held above the water. I think they had tufts of hair at the end, but it was hard to tell with how soaked it was. Its eyes were deep gold and were locked onto me. It had stripes—

 

I blinked and looked closer. Those weren’t stripes. They were gold in color, but on closer inspection they looked more like gouges or cuts in its skin? And it had a lot of them all over its body, shown clearly through its thick black and white fur and…

 

I blinked. That was a hole clean through its chest. Like, I think I could shove my whole hand in there, it was so big. Yet, at the edges of the hole there was something starting to grow. At first, I thought it was some weird fur or something, but the closer I looked the more like paper it seemed, organically growing out of its chest. Oddly, it was the same color as my diary had been and some shapes even looked familiar. Wait, was that my diary? With my drawings? I think I even recognized a few words and my own handwriting on the edges, even if it had been a bit warped and…

 

…

 

Okay.

 

It definitely wasn’t a normal cat. I’d started to think it might have fit in one of those anime things my first life liked, but while it had the looks, the gouges, injuries, and blatant hole in its chest with my diary pages growing at the edges were a bit too extreme for most of those shows. Although the gold flesh would get a pass? Weird how that worked.

 

 

It tilted its head at me. Its tails flicked. Its fur was wet. It still looked miserable. And hurt.

 

Oh. I had just been staring all this time and being rather rude, wasn’t I?

 

“Um… hi?” I spoke. I waved.

 

What hit me weren’t words. For one, I felt it in my head. For two, it was more like a collection of feelings, impressions, and concepts that stabilized into something like…a greeting?

 

“Meow.”

 

It also meowed at me.

 

That took me a minute to process.

 

I blinked. That was weird. But I kinda got it as a way of communicating? I felt like it’d be more difficult to explain to someone else than it was experiencing it as it was more concepts than coherent words thrown at me.

 

“Um. What are you?”

 

Somehow, despite being a monochrome cat, she gave a deadpan expression. The impression sent just confirmed this.

 

Cat.

 

“Right…” I spoke. That one was obvious. Well, I wanted to be respectful, so…

 

“Um. Question. Are you a boy or a girl?”

 

Amusement, confirmation, smugness.

 

“Mrrow.”

 

Somehow, that meow sounded feminine to me and I have no idea how.

 

Purrrrr.

 

Okay, she was a smug kitty. Noted. A sudden worry about arrogant spirits and a reminder of the lapping dark water at the edge of a surreal memoryscape served to make me wonder if I maybe shouldn’t get a name for her sooner rather than later.

 

“Um. I’ve been calling you Benefactor. Or spirit, I guess. Do you have a name?” I didn’t know for certain, but my old life had stories and folk tales about spirits, so it might be good to get her official name so I didn’t, idk, make her angry or something?

 

The cat tilted her head at me.

 

Consideration. Possibility. Name. Reach. *#&$#*&$#*^*^&*—.

 

I blinked at the almost literal static that erupted in my brain before it cut off. I don’t think it was static, but like, the impressions fizzled out and I just got noise that sounded like everything and nothing when she tried to reach me.

 

Dejection. Sadness. Loss.

 

These impressions came to me as the cat slumped slightly, and shook its head, oddly humanlike. Or cat folk like now?

 

It closed its eyes. Opened them once more with what I think was a strange determination?

 

Name, lost, sands, substitute:

 

“Idir.”

 

It was short, so short I almost didn’t hear it, but the name echoed in my thoughts. She slumped slightly, as if it had taken something out of her.

 

 I guess I had a name now for her. Although, that wasn’t right. Impressions came with that, so it was something else? Not a name, she couldn’t give that, but more what she… was? Just a shame I had no idea what the heck those impressions of spaces and things meant.

 

“Um. Nice to meet you Idir?”

 

Tired, pain, amusement, innocence, greetings.

 

It took a bit to pick together those impressions this time, but I felt like if she was closer, I might get a… head bonk? I think? I didn’t know.

 

This method of communication was frustrating. “Um. Can you use words? That’s confusing. You did before, back around Mama and Sandy. And, with your name, too,” I trailed off, hoping I didn’t make her mad. I made my tail sit still despite a strong urge to twitch as I stood there.

 

The cat licked a paw slowly before responding.

 

Desperation/waning strength, reserve, emergency

 

The cat flicked its ear as it finished.

 

“I see,” I said. So, she used a burst of reserve strength to ask me not to tell Mom and Sandy about her?

 

Purr.

 

It seemed pleased I understood.

 

That purr honestly made me feel bad because I had a follow up question that’d ruin it.  “Um, earlier, about understanding. I lied; I don’t really get why you could talk before but not now.”

 

Amusement. Mild—consternation. Revelation. Show.

 

Concepts flooded my brain, and suddenly, just like that, it was too much. I tried to claw back understanding. I tried to use past memories to contextualize what I was seeing and failed. Pain blossomed in my head before it suddenly cut off.

 

The cat shrunk down, suddenly miserable looking.

 

Apologies, affectionate grooming, recompense. Too much.

 

I rubbed my head. “I didn’t get a lot of that. Can you make it simpler?”

 

The cat tilted its head consideringly. Then it nodded.

 

Gold thread—Connection. Wavering. Rickety bridge, waving in wind, collapse?

 

“Meooow.”

 

I blinked. What did a rickety bridge collapsing in the wind have to do with anything? I almost opened my mouth to question the cat more, but I stopped to think about it. This was an abstract thing; it had to be. They didn’t mean this literally, and the bridge was frail and prone to collapse, so the connection, the gold thread I’d followed here was…

 

“Unstable? Is that what you mean?”

 

The cat tilted its head and slowly shook with a “Mrrmph”.

 

Yes. No. Stability. Instability. You. I. Connection/firm. Others, collapse.

 

Understanding bloomed.  “I think I get it?” For some reason, if others besides me knew, the connection we had would break.

 

Which was weird. Like, okay, that’s how it worked, but why? She couldn’t speak without great difficulty, and had to speak in concepts, but like, why was she this way?

 

This thought made me look at her more closely once more.

 

She looked injured, even if she didn’t seem to bleed red like normal people or, well, cats did. I can’t imagine this was the norm for her. In fact, the cuts looked bad enough I’d be surprised if she could swim, let alone jump over the gap between her shoal and the shore.

 

“Are you stuck?” I asked, looking at her miserable posture sitting on the partially submerged shoal.

 

Impression, falling/light, chained %$3&$!##, loss, untethered, paths, trapped, cracks, rules, thread, cling?

 

I winced as some of the everything noise vibrated in my ears, making them fold. Idir looked down at that and I wanted to pat her, but…

 

The static faded and I digested her words. I think she was stuck, there. Made sense, I couldn’t imagine a cat willingly sitting on a flooded shoal.  But it was more than that. This was an abstract thing. Like, she couldn’t leave even if she wanted to, but maybe I could help? Judging the distance, I figured I could make the jump to her spot over the deeper water, pick her up, and hop right back over.

 

I took a step toward her, my toes centimeters from the lapping waves.

 

She hissed.

 

“Don’t!”

 

The world went silent. The waves froze. I blinked, shocked. I looked down and…

 

Something was in the water.

 

I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. But something I could not describe was there, waiting for me. Massive, endless. Or was it many, many infinitely small things, all waiting? Was it a current I couldn’t, see? Yet, I felt like I should have seen it, that I should have noticed something, yet I didn’t, even though I knew it was there, and I felt like if I strained I could just hear something, some strangely appealing melody I felt I somehow knew, and—

 

She hissed. Again.

 

I blinked. The water was still there, but I couldn’t see anything. Yet, I had this horrible, horrible feeling if I dipped even the littlest pinkie claw in there I would be dragged under.

 

I swallowed, backing up. The tide resumed.

 

Idir collapsed.

 

“Um, Idir, are you okay!?” I yelled.

 

The cat slowly opened one eye.

 

Affirmative, exhaustion.

 

Then…

 

You, exit, path, out, must, soon, conditional, time, waning.

 

I swallowed around the lump of dread in my throat. That, that was fairly clear.

 

“But, if that is the case, why am I here? Why are you trapped? What the heck even was that?”

 

Sickness, low, suppressed defense, between, contact, remnants, old #$&@^&#@, danger.

 

I slowly processed that and had to really think. I was here because of my sickness? That… that was troubling. “Wait, are these the Dark Paths?”

 

Tired, negative, between, close.

 

I blinked a bit at that, and then my tail dipped low. I…

 

I was near death? I was sick, and she was, what? Was she like on the other side but mirrored from me?

 

Offer?

 

The image showed me, but it was from her point of view. When she noticed my gaze, more impressions came. Acknowledgement, offerings, small things, rice, meat — hearts especially, and… magic?

 

I didn’t know what the last thing was, but it kinda reminded me of way some magic stuff smelt but more diffuse? More impressions hit, but it was me just standing and running under the sun? Healthy, and stronger? Or not really stronger? I don’t know what the last thing was either, but it was, like, more?

 

Equivalent exchange. Offerings and service. Debt owed, debt paid.

 

Then, an impression of a length of twine. More like yarn, I thought, but the more I examined the impression and thought, the clearer it became, like it was tiny, weak, easily severed, but could wrap around itself in patterns, strengthening, over time?

 

…

 

Oh.

 

This was a contract, wasn’t it?

 

My first life took an offer and I ended up a catgirl on Smellyweed Island shipwrecked.

 

I, uh, wasn’t sure. So much could go wrong. But…

 

She had helped. She could’ve done nothing. She could’ve let Mom die. Multiple times. She could’ve let me be dragged into the dark water along the shore.

 

Moreover, I had no clue where I was. I felt like I could wander a thousand years here in this mix of memories and…whatever, all this was. I also imagined that it would not be good for my body in the real world. Or so I assumed.

 

I really wish I had a primer for all this.

 

Hesitantly, ever so hesitantly, I nodded.

 

The cat’s eyes glowed. Its white tail disintegrated into motes of gold dust that flew at me. It yowled even as I flailed. Suddenly, force threw me back, with so, so much speed and—

 

~~~~

Pain.

 

That was the feeling I had. I would say I had tried to fight a truck, but honestly this was closer to the flames that ended my first life. Not quite there, but full body, ache, down to my bones. Yet, there was a feeling as if it was fading.

 

I blearily opened my eyes to a… room? I think it was a room. Not the shack, but it was definitely wood and even looked like some effort had gone into it. I tried to sit up and quickly gave up.

 

My entire skin felt a little gross. Like I hadn’t gotten out of bed in days and was covered in old dirt and sweat. I looked around as I could, feeling very weak, but my eyes alighted on a red headed figure by the bed. She was hunched over, sleeping.

 

Sandy lay nearby on the bed, with me. Her light was low, nothing more than a faint impression of distant candlelight compared to what she usually was.

 

“Mama?” I croaked.

 

Mom sat up. “Gwen?” she said, softly, as if disbelieving it. Sleep cleared from her eyes as she blinked, and I saw just how blood shot they were. Her pupils dilated as she saw my eyes were open.

 

In seconds I was held closely in her arms. I felt tears falling in my hair as she repeated my name.

 

I felt some of my own tears as I heard the pain, the way her voice broke up, how she just stopped making words at some point, how she almost sounded more animal, more cat like, in her concern, but it was all so understandable.

 

I really had to stop worrying Mom like this.

 

I had questions. Lots of questions. Like where were we, what was up with Sandy, where were Jonas, Zenn, and the refugees, had we reached our destination, what were things like, and also I would really like some water, but for the moment I let myself sink into her arms and just savored our moment together.

 

 

 

  

Chapter 25 Author’s Note

 Personal Update: Holidays freaking wrecked me and my New Years present for my long time teaching at my university was unemployment. Joy.

And there we have it. This chapter has been a long time coming. I’ve long planned to have Gwen meet her mysterious Benefactor, but I’m not gonna lie, I honestly thought it’d happen differently, but that’s how writing takes you some times.

 

Also, YoruAlice drew more art! I have them! Idir, in all her cat glory:

 

She came out lovely. The two kitites on either side of her are named, and technical minor spoilers, but I can’t resist sharing their names: Hiss and Priss, respectively.

 

 https://bsky.app/profile/hiddenmaster.bsky.social/post/3mc6qldmxl22u

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