Chapter 22: Side Story: "A Struggle-Filled Day at Ahnenerbe"

Side Story: "A Struggle-Filled Day at Ahnenerbe"

9:03 AM

Written under the inspiration of the official April Fool's joke.

The timeline is set after the main story.

Since it's Ahnenerbe, you lose if you worry about the small details.

"Welcome!"

"Oh, if it isn't Shirou-kun?"

The person who greeted Tohno Shiki from the counter of the coffee shop "Ahnenerbe"—which had become his usual meeting spot with Arcueid—was Emiya Shirou.

He had become acquainted with Shirou here through various circumstances, but at that time, they were just fellow customers. Shiki couldn't forget the time their date plans overlapped, and they ended up watching a lover's quarrel together...

"But I didn't know you were working here, Shirou-kun."

"Ah, yes. Well, I have a lot of big eaters at my house."

At his wry response, Tohno Shiki involuntarily brought to mind the face of the blonde, blue-eyed King of Knights. There could be no other character as wonderfully gluttonous as her.

"By the way, you came all the way out here this early. Is this a date?"

"Ah, well, yeah. Today, I thought I'd spend the whole day relaxing with Arcueid here. For now, could I get the Morning Set and some tea for the drink, Shirou-kun?"

"Leave it to me. Tohsaka trained me thoroughly."

"Oh, you said it. I'm looking forward to it."

Emiya Shirou answered with full confidence and ran off into the kitchen.

"But, Shirou-kun. That apron really suits him, as always..."

He was only wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a solid-colored apron, but just like Kohaku-san's kappōgi (a type of apron), he gave off an aura of naturalness. Is it just me, or does this seem like a much better vocation for him than being an Ally of Justice?

Tohno Shiki pondered this as he patiently waited for his Morning Set.

In the kitchen, the bread for the Morning Set had been baked, the salad vegetables were heavily dressed, and other preparations, such as the curry and demi-glace hamburger steak that required pre-cooking, were all completed according to the shop's recipe.

A tantalizing aroma filled the air, and the condition of the food was beyond reproach. However, he, Emiya Shirou, was faced with a massive, indeed, a sinister problem.

"Oh, listen to the little dog barking, for a murderer like you. Or perhaps you've decided to self-immolate with harakiri instead of letting me hand you over to the police?"

From behind him, the silver-haired sister and acquaintance, Caren Hortensia—who looked like she should have a pipe organ BGM playing—was flatly attempting to dispose of Emiya Shirou as a criminal.

"Why the hell would I do that!!! And why do I have to commit seppuku if I turn myself in!? Also, I told you! I was just caught up in it after I entered the kitchen! I'm innocent!"

However, Caren's golden eyes were cold, like looking at a pig in a slaughterhouse, and the corners of her mouth curled up, mocking Emiya Shirou as he desperately tried to explain himself while sweating profusely.

Seeing that his hands were still tidying up the cooking utensils while he lamented internally, Why is this always happening to me?, perhaps this boy's ultimate destiny is not as an Ally of Justice but as a Brownie.

"Emiya Shirou, how unfortunate. All I witnessed was a self-proclaimed Ally of Justice personally murdering a poor, innocent civilian with his own hands. Oh, my poor shop owner, what shall we do? As a staff member, how should you make amends for this... lapse?"

"Wait, wait, wait!?!? I was attacked by a girl who modified her kappōgi, so I defended myself! I didn't do anything, Caren, a stray bullet that I deflected just happened to hit her!"

Caren's action of pulling out a cell phone from her pocket only deepened his agitation. His body language, as he tried to offer various excuses, was full of openings. And this very moment was the long-awaited opportunity for the black-hearted sister.

"Now, Magical Amber."

"Heeey, you called, and here I am!"

"Gah!! The Kappōgi Devil!!"

Accompanied by the sound of a gong, Jaaan, Jaaan, Emiya Shirou could not hide his surprise at the sudden appearance of the instigator.

"Yay, the age is now Magical Girls! Lyrical☆Magical, miracles and magic (physical) exist! As expected of Urobuchi-cchi, it's a sure-kill move, written as 'must kill' by a villain! Mother's Day Stinger!!"

Magical Amber, with an energy no one could keep up with, took out a Stinger from somewhere (where was she even storing it?) aimed it at her miserable target, and fired without the slightest hesitation.

"W-Why me————!!!!"

Following the obligatory cry, a roar and smoke filled the kitchen. Under normal circumstances, the impact would have been enough for people outside to notice. However, this is Ahnenerbe, where anything can happen, so it's not strange for the kitchen to have soundproofing so thorough that those outside don't notice.

Furthermore, the convenience of the prepared dishes remaining untainted and scattered despite the shock was also permitted.

"Ouch, ouch. Hey, hey. Even if it was just to wake me up, wasn't that a bit much? More importantly, why can I even appear from this Justice Freak now, of all times?"

The person who emerged from the clearing smoke was not Emiya Shirou, but a boy covered in tattoos. To be more precise, it was the demon wearing his shell, Avenger. And the demon, in a rough tone, deliberately asked Caren the reason for being summoned.

"A dog is a dog, after all. You don't seem to understand that this is a place where all sorts of conveniences run rampant, and miracles are on sale. Summoning you here is as certain as burping after drinking a cola. Besides, we can't spare this much effort for our entertainment."

"That's right! I can't let up on teasing Akiha-sama, either."

"You woke me up just for entertainment!! You're as absurd as ever!!"

Avenger retorted to the sister and Magical Amber, who had replied instantly with smiles full of pleasure. The demon secretly sulked, wishing he had been called for a more plausible reason.

"In that case, you will be an employee at Ahnenerbe."

"I ask of you too, Avenger-san."

"Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. The story progression makes no sense. Why don't you just leave it to this househusband?"

Avenger threw the question to the two, arguing that Emiya Shirou should have been left to the task.

"Didn't I say it was for entertainment? It wouldn't be interesting if it was just Emiya Shirou working. Starting with you, the Type-Moon characters are scheduled to start a day of chaos, confusion, convenience, and a cheap sale of oddballs today. And by having something on them, my control over Fuyuki will advance one step, and my hobby will also... Hehehe, I'm looking forward to it."

"I also want to enjoy having dirt on Akiha-sama and messing with everyone! Also, in real-time, today is April 1st. It's the day where anything goes, so I'm gonna go wild!"

"......... Ugh."

Something's wrong.

She wasn't this talkative in Hollow, and the image of a saint was supposed to be more prominent.

Avenger was lost in sentimentality over the gap between the Karen Hortensia of yesteryear—a memory that was now far, far away—and the one before him.

"I should tell you, you don't have the right to refuse."

Caren issued the command with a smile that one might want to protect. However, the content of the command was the lowest form of words, reaching the level of a threat.

"...I'll ask anyway, just in case, but what if I refuse?"

"In that case, I will let the perverts who increased after Fate/Zero write thin, expensive, homo-themed books with you as the main subject..."

"I will obey you, Ma'am!"

Confronted by Caren, who fluently recited highly unsettling words with a pen and paper in hand, Avenger abandoned resistance, prioritizing the defense of his male dignity. Indeed, while anyone can be an oddball, even he had to admit defeat when the choice meant abandoning his dignity.

"I expect great things from you, Avenger."

"Understood. Go to hell."

Caren wore a triumphant, all-according-to-plan smile. In contrast, the demon held an emotion akin to despair for the tragedy and comedy that was about to unfold.

"He's taking too long, Shirou-kun."

Has it been about fifteen minutes? No matter how long he waited, Emiya Shirou did not appear from the kitchen. Tohno Shiki averted his gaze from the kitchen door and sighed.

Then, he suddenly realized something.

—This pattern... feels familiar?

"......... Should I check?"

He stood up and walked towards the kitchen. The knife in his pocket was already ready for use at any moment.

Depending on the situation, he might need to use his 'eyes' as well. Shiki thought this and slid his glasses down a bit, ready to remove them at any time.

Slowly, carefully. And with the resolution to handle any eventuality, he headed for the kitchen.

"Master, regular coffee today. And a slice of cheesecake... Wait, he's not here. And who are you—"

The bell on the door chimed, and a woman in a kimono entered the shop. Shiki turned around, thinking a normal person who knew nothing had entered, and was met with astonishment.

Her black hair was cut straight to her shoulders. Her handsome face was androgenous, with facial features like her eyes and nose that were perfectly sculpted. She was completely dressed in a rare modern kimono, and she would have been perfect had she been wearing a red leather jacket over it.

For some reason, she wasn't wearing it today. Shiki remembered that during the sweltering summer of the second Tatari, she, Ryougi Shiki, had been wearing that jacket.

Those who possessed the same 'eyes' had fought with the intent to kill each other out of self-hatred and hatred for their own kind. However, thanks to Yumizuka Satsuki and the man who followed her, who introduced himself as Kokutou Mikiya, desperately cooling their tempers, the situation was resolved. Shiki had not met Ryougi Shiki since then, and for him, it was a memory of the past. But at the very least, in that past memory, Ryougi Shiki's abdomen was not swollen.

"Wha-wha-what!!? A-A child!? W-Why!?"

Shiki was simply astonished that the woman he had once tried to kill was now pregnant.

"Hmm? Oh, this is... well. That's just how it is..."

Ryougi Shiki answered his surprise with a hint of embarrassment. Although she didn't say who, Shiki could guess it was probably Kokutou Mikiya.

"Um, well. Congratulations."

"O-Oh. Thanks."

Shiki was internally confused by the reunion with a person he had once fought to the death. But the next words out of his mouth were normal words of congratulations. Honestly, there was too much going on, and he didn't know what else to say.

Ryougi Shiki also didn't know how to react to meeting the person she considered her own kind and despised. Since she didn't have the same murderous intent as before, Ryougi Shiki accepted Shiki's congratulations awkwardly.

"Um..."

"...What?"

"A-Ah, it's nothing."

"I see."

"..............."

"..............."

A subtle atmosphere hung between them as they failed to find a thread of conversation. In the first place, they had once seriously tried to kill each other, so it would be strange if they could converse easily. Both of them felt the awkwardness and were at a loss for what to do when an intruder arrived to break the silence.

"Hey, hey, can you keep it down a bit? Even though it's early, it's unbearable for someone who's trying to run a business, however small."

"Ah, sorry, Shirou-kun... wait?"

Shiki turned his face towards the voice, intending to apologize to Emiya Shirou, but he hesitated for a moment. This was because the person speaking had an unusual appearance: dark skin, or rather, tattoos in a pattern covering his entire face. His tone was also different, yet his height and clothes were exactly those of Emiya Shirou, whom he had just been speaking with.

But at the same time, Shiki was surprised by the fact that his body felt the same kind of excitement as when he had met Roa or Nrvnqsr. Moreover, he noticed his hand was gripping the knife in his pocket.

"...An Akuma (demon) this time? What, did Ahnenerbe become a demonic lair, with that ditzy vampire and now this?"

Ryougi Shiki muttered words tinged with exasperation and disgust. Shiki, who quickly let go of the knife, agreed with her words. The being in front of him was the embodiment of the Maga (Demon) that the blood flowing through him rejected.

"Oh, oh. This isn't a place where that kind of common sense applies."

The demon reacted gleefully to Ryougi Shiki's displeased words. And the demon, who had manifested by borrowing Emiya Shirou's body, grinned—a smile the original would never have worn.