Chapter 58: Isn’t that enough already?

We had been fighting nonstop until the operation to clear the Sanctum of Delusions was finally completed. I had no idea how many days or hours had passed. There hadn’t even been time to check the clock—we’d just been running through the entire district without rest.

By the time none of us could hide the exhaustion on our faces anymore, the sky finally regained its original shade of blue.

"…It’s over, then?"

No—actually, it wasn’t. According to what I remembered from my previous life, a high-density energy reaction would appear again after this, attempting to manifest the Sanctum of Delusions once more. To prevent that, we would need to destroy the Ark of Atrahasis floating far up in the sky.

"…Oh? A message from Lady Nagisa?"

As I was reflecting on what I knew from my past life, an intramural email arrived from Nagisa. I hurried to the Tea Party building with the other two girls riding in the truck, heading for our usual meeting place.

"…We’ve received information from Sensei, forwarded to Trinity. I believed all of you, who played major roles in defending the district, had the right to hear it—so I called you here."

Nagisa then began explaining what she had learned from Sensei.

First: the clearing of the Sanctum of Delusions had been completed, and the sky returning to normal was a result of that.
However, signs of another manifestation of the Sanctum had appeared, meaning this would turn into an endless cycle of destruction and rebirth.
To prevent its reappearance, the energy source floating above Kivotos needed to be destroyed—and an airborne battleship capable of reaching it had been secured in Abydos. They would be launching in eight hours. Additional personnel for combat and operations were also needed.

"Then, that means we should…"

"No, that won’t be necessary."

Just as we were about to head to Abydos, Nagisa stopped us.

"Hanako is already there, and it seems personnel from other districts have been secured as well. There’s no need for Trinity to send anyone else."

I really wanted to help Sensei… Should we sneak over there anyway? I was just beginning to consider it when Nagisa continued.

"Sensei said they would be going all the way into space. There will undoubtedly be extreme danger involved. I simply cannot bring myself to send the officer cadets who will uphold Trinity after we graduate into that level of peril… not when I consider what might happen if something went wrong."

Nagisa then added, "Not that I think it’s fine just because Hanako is the one going."

…So we’re the people who will carry Trinity’s future, huh.

"Hmm… well, if Lady Nagisa insists that strongly, then I guess we have no choice~"

"Indeed. I’m sure Sensei and the others can manage perfectly well without us."

Hearing the two of them, I decided I should stay put this time as well.

"Yes… you’re right. Understood."

Once the three of us nodded to Nagisa’s words as the Tea Party’s host, her expression softened slightly.

"You’ve all been fighting continuously for Trinity’s defense. You must be exhausted. Please take some time to rest."

"…Very well. Then I shall gratefully accept your kindness."

And so we disbanded for now, each returning to our respective dorm rooms.

After returning to my room, I took a shower, changed into my sleepwear, and dried my hair.

"Aaaah… now that I’ve stopped moving, all the fatigue and sleepiness is hitting me at once…"

During combat, I hadn’t noticed—or perhaps I simply hadn’t had the luxury of noticing—but I had been fighting for days without any sleep. I accompanied the Emergency Countermeasure Committee’s meetings, fought Kaiser on the way back to help Sensei. Once we returned to Trinity, we were immediately sent to the D.U. District again to reclaim SCHALE and take down Kaiser. After that, we came back to defend the district from the Colorful Legion. And now, finally, I could breathe again.

"Mmm… good night…"

I closed my eyes and slowly let my consciousness fade.

When I came to and opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my dorm room anymore. Instead, I stood in a pitch-dark space stretching endlessly in all directions. Only the area around me was lit, as if by a spotlight, and the floor beneath my feet was a perfectly pure white.

"What is this…? A dream, perhaps?"

The thought came naturally. Maybe this was what they called a lucid dream. As I stood there, I heard footsteps approaching from directly ahead.

I tensed, wondering who—or what—might emerge from the darkness. What stepped out was…

"Oh? Is that… me, when I was small…?"

A girl with short bob-cut hair, a reddish-orange shade, with a few freckles across her nose and wearing a blue one-piece dress. No—“girl” might even be too old. She looked more like a child. She was me—Aika Gion, around age seven—back when I had just regained my memories of my previous life.

"…Isn’t it enough already?"

She looked up at my face, met my eyes, and that was the first thing she said. Enough? Enough of what?

"W-What are you suddenly talking about…?"

Unable to grasp her meaning, I could only stand there, confused. The younger me continued.

"You wanted to redo your youth, right? But you’ve already enjoyed plenty, haven’t you?"

"…"

"You made precious friends—friends you could eat with, go out shopping with, study with. You even went to the beach together during summer break, didn’t you?"

Precious friends… The first ones who came to mind were Maiha and Masa. They weren’t students I recognized from my previous-life knowledge, but I met them after Nagisa’s suspicions brought me into the Tea Party. We trained together, grew closer over time, and spent so much time side by side.

"During the Eden Treaty, you helped each other and played a key role in resolving all the chaos, too."

It wasn’t just Maiha and Masa. After enrolling at Trinity General Academy, I met countless people. The Tea Party, the Justice Task Force, the Make-Up Work Club, the Remedial Knights, the Sisterhood… even people outside the school. Most of them I met through SCHALE-related incidents, including everything surrounding the Eden Treaty.

"Yes—Sensei from SCHALE. You helped them from the shadows. And as you stayed by their side, you found yourself drawn to them… You fell in love."

"…!"

I… fell in love…

"‘Yeah, nice to meet you. I’m the SCHALE teacher. And you must be—’"

"‘I’m really grateful for what you did back then.’"

"‘Everyone, sorry to keep you waiting. From here on, leave it to me.’"

"‘Aika, you got first place in the javelin throw, right? Congratulations.’"

"‘Even so, winning is something to be proud of.’"

"‘Thank you, Aika.’"

So that’s… how it is. Deep down, I’d always known. I kept worrying about my previous life, trying to convince myself it wasn’t like that, but—

(I really did love Sensei.)

But even if I acknowledged that… then what? In Kivotos, romance between students and teachers technically isn’t a crime *1, but Sensei has common sense *2, so they would refuse even if I confessed. And the fact remains that in my previous life, I was male. With that in mind, someone like me—someone like that—could never bring myself to confess.

"Friends, studying, weekends, sports, romance… You’ve spent so much time enjoying the youth you wanted. Isn’t that enough already?"

"I… I…"

Now that she mentions it, maybe I did achieve my goal of reliving my youth—enough to be satisfied.

"You’re satisfied, right? So let’s just disappear already."

"…Huh?"

Disappear…? I wasn’t some lingering ghost bound to this world. I tried to object, but the little girl cut me off before I could speak.

"You were never supposed to exist in this world in the first place. Isn’t that right?"

"That… is…"

According to my past-life knowledge, this world came from a game, and in that story, I—Aika Gion—never existed. Yet here I was, living in a completely different world from the one I was born in, carrying memories from another life. Of course I was an anomaly—a foreign element that didn’t belong.

"Kivotos’s peace is something fragile, balanced on thin ice. You know that, don’t you? Your very existence could shatter it far too easily."

"Yes, but… that’s exactly why I’ve been so careful all this time, so that wouldn’t happen…"

I knew. I had been thinking about this since around summer, going in circles with myself. But I never reached an answer. I kept putting off the moment I’d have to decide, and somehow I made it all the way here without resolving anything.

"…You already understand, don’t you? That the memories of your previous life—the only guiding thread keeping Kivotos from collapsing—are close to becoming useless."

"……"

Right now, we were around Chapter 3 of the final arc. In about half a day, Sensei would probably resolve the Atrahasis Arc, and peace would return to Kivotos again.
But after that? All that was left was the Caerbannog Arc Chapter 2 and the Hyakka Ryōran Arc. I only knew about Hyakkiyako from what I’d seen on the news, and there was no way for me to get involved. In other words, there was almost no time left before my past-life knowledge stopped being useful.

"When your past-life knowledge stops mattering… can you really keep yourself from failing to stop the triggers that lead to Kivotos’s collapse?"

"I… can’t say I’m confident."

Because of my actions—because of even the slightest change—I might accidentally bring about the ruin of Kivotos. And if that happened…

"If Kivotos breaks… your precious friends and Sensei—might die, you know?"

"…!"

Maiha’s and Masa’s faces surfaced in my mind. If they were harmed because I survived… that was something I could never forgive myself for.

…And then there was Sensei. If something happened to Kivotos and Sensei wasn’t there… besides, to me, Sensei was…

"You don’t want that, right? For people precious to you to get hurt because of you. That’s why, before that happens, you should just disappear. You were never supposed to exist in the first place—everything will get by without you."

Everything I’d done to help Sensei… all of it was something the original story handled perfectly fine without Gion Aika. I worked so hard to avoid causing negative changes, and naturally, I never left any positive ones either.

—All my actions were meaningless.

"…Very well. I understand."

As soon as I said that, the small Aika turned her back to me and disappeared into the darkness. Left alone again, I stood there in silence until familiar voices echoed faintly from far away.

(Ai…ka…chan…!)

(Ai…ka…!)

I took a step toward the voices—then stopped. I turned to head in the opposite direction, but—

"—! Haa… haa…"

I jolted awake with a gasp. This was my familiar dorm room. And beside my bed—

"You finally woke uuup!"

"Your complexion is terrible. Are you alright?"

—stood two officer cadets. Through the window, the sky had turned the same ominous red it had when the Sanctum of Delusion manifested.

"Why… are you here…?"

Even if they had somehow figured out which building I lived in, I was certain I never told them my dorm room number.

"Aika-chan, you always come on time, but this morning when Nagisa-sama called for you, you never showed up. When we heard that, we got worried. We tried messaging and calling you, but you never answered."

"If that were all, we would’ve assumed you were just exhausted and resting… but when it was already past noon and you still hadn’t woken up, we thought something must have happened and came to check on your room."

Past noon…? That meant I must have fallen asleep right after returning from dismissal. I guessed that meant I’d slept for around seventeen hours.

"And when we came in, you were tossing and turning, trembling like you were terrified, and you kept apologizing in your sleep."

"I… did such a thing while sleeping…?"

"Yes. We were worried, so we stayed by your side until you woke up. Also… right before you woke, the sky shifted back to that unsettling red—not like a sunset."

So while I was lost in that dream, the Sanctum of Delusion had started manifesting again.

"Did Sensei and the others… fail?"

"…No. I’m sure they’ll be fine. In the end, they’ll manage somehow."

I knew that—because of my past-life knowledge. So at least regarding that, I could speak with confidence.

"…Yes. If it’s Sensei, then."

…But that knowledge would stop being useful soon. Even after waking from the dream, the heaviness in my chest refused to lift.