Chapter 11: My Heart Is Rain, Then Cloudy

I’ve spent my whole life running away. Thinking about my future life, my future status, my future self. Studying, building connections, saving money—always acting for the sake of what would come after everything was over. It’s not a bad thing. But the truth is that I’m alive in the “now,” not in the future. If I keep averting my eyes from the present and only look ahead, isn’t that just escapism? I think I’ve been turning away from this harsh and painful reality for a long time.

And of course, from the past as well.

"Why…?"

No, I understand perfectly well.

Because you were abandoned by me. Because I left you behind.

I knew that staying in Arius would only lead to misery. That’s why we escaped, fully aware of how dangerous it was. We even went against Minato-senpai’s objections. We abandoned Minato-senpai, Aina-senpai, and Mayu-senpai. Our squad leader risked her life to get me out. And so I ran away from Arius—abandoning everything, sacrificing it all.

But because I ran, maybe I could have saved everything. Maybe I could have repaid the people who helped me.

Trinity and Gehenna—the two colossal schools that once opposed Arius Branch School and now essentially rule all of Kivotos. They must know about Arius. If I had gone to them, put my life on the line, and explained everything… maybe—just maybe—I could have saved my squad, saved Saori and the others, saved everyone from Arius besides us. At the very least, it wouldn’t have turned out like this. It wouldn’t have become something publicized in such a terrible way.

"This… this can’t be happening…"

It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. They ended up like this because of my own negligence.

And then—

"It's not stopping anymore… Just like the energy that started flowing…"

—and the vending machine unleashing an unstoppable flood of drinks is also entirely my fault.

"I’ve never seen this happen. So this is what it looks like when you hit a vending machine and win."

All I could do was stare blankly at the torrent of drinks pouring out.

Hold on—wait! I’m not messing around. I’m not heartless. Of course I’m sad and full of regret and panic. I’m just overwhelmed by the trouble unfolding right in front of me. Yes, the present matters more than the past or future. This is proof that I’m facing reality head-on. I’m not the same girl who ran from Arius, from Gehenna, from Trinity, from everything. I’m thinking about how to solve the problem right in front of me instead of making excuses and putting things off. What? I’m just spacing out? I should act instead of think?

Aah! And I was just about to start moving too! Now I lost the motivation!

…Sorry, that was a lie. I’ll clean it up properly. You can’t waste food or drinks. And besides, you can never have too many drinks—especially for the Battling Helmet Gang, where we’re always broke but somehow have way too many members. Food and drinks are always in short supply.

Alright, now—how do I collect this mountain of bottles? No worries. Because I have this secret tool.

"Heh-heh, Eco Bag (Extra-Large Capacity), activate!"

One of the three sacred treasures beloved by us poor folks. What are the other two? I don’t know. I just made that up on the spot.

But seriously, having this makes a huge difference. You can dig through junk, grab anything useful, and stuff it in. You can gather piles of empty cans and haul them to the exchange center. In my case, after fights, I use it to strip down the equipment of fallen enemies and resell everything. Truly indispensable.

"Hmm-hmm-hmm♪"

With a little humming, I toss everything in one after another, and as expected, my Eco Bag performs beautifully. Everything fits. Truly my partner. Even more useful than my beloved weapon, Mr. Bludgeon.

But the real problem begins now.

"Hngh…!?"

Heavy.

It’s really, really heavy.

"Nope nope nope nope nope!?"

Too heavy. Way too heavy. Heavier than Hibana-chan. Probably lighter than the squad leader, but still. Worst part is that it feels just barely doable. Like if I try hard enough, I could drag it alone. That’s the dangerous temptation. But I know I’d mess up my back for sure. Even young people can throw out their backs, okay? I know this. But I can’t ask for help either. If I ask anyone around here, they’d take more than half as payment—or maybe steal everything outright. Call my teammates? I don’t want to bother them over something like this.

"Why… why is this… happening… ugh!?"

I fell face-first onto the ground with a wet splatt! I must have tripped over something lying there.

Who threw garbage in a place like this? Even if the Black Market is as rundown as Arius’s slums, littering is still wrong! It’s basic manners—

"Think—eep!?"

What lay where I turned my eyes… was a black-furred ball of something, and attached to it, an organic body wearing a white coat and sporting four limbs. In other words, a person… a human corpse.

"Eeeeeeeeeh!?"

It wasn’t twitching at all, lying face-down without a hint of movement. A full-on corpse. A corpse! You’re asking if I’ve seen a dead body before? Don’t joke—like anyone gets used to that no matter how many times they see it!

"M-Maybe she starved…? Even if it’s the Black Market… a dead body, this is a first…"

"Ugh…"

"HYEEE!?!!?"

My spine snapped straight, and I sprang back like a startled spring.

She’s alive! When I poked her head with a fallen tree branch nearby, a terrifying groan rumbled out of her—like it echoed from the depths of the earth.

"H-H-She’s alive…!? N-No, th-there’s no way—"

"…wa…"

"Eeek!? She is alive!?"

"…wa…ter…"

"W-Water!?"

Oh—maybe… I rummaged through my eco bag, grabbed one of the bottles I’d stuffed inside, opened the cap, and shoved it straight into the corpse-looking adult’s mouth.

"Dehydration…! Drink this! Sports drink! It’s okay! Stay conscious!"

"Gl—guh—wai—hold, I’m drowning—"

"Come on, chug chug! Huh? Why isn’t she reacting—wait, what—"

"S-SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!"

"No, really, you saved me. Thank you. I lost my wallet, and I nearly died of heatstroke."

"N-No, um, I’m the one who’s sorry… for almost drowning you…"

Sitting on a bench with a refreshing—but somehow suspicious—smile was the formerly-dead-body adult. Let’s call her Adult A. I still don’t know her real name.

Adult A wore a white coat, had messy black hair sticking out in all directions, glasses, and above all a shady-looking grin framed by deep dark circles under her eyes. I could tell at a glance. This woman is absolutely the “acts friendly early in the story but betrays you later” type.

"Um…"

"Oh, I’m Kou."

"Kou-chan? Thank you. I won’t forget this favor."

"Uh… thanks."

"And, well, this isn’t meant to be repayment or anything, but… Kou-chan, are you maybe troubled by something?"

"Eh?"

Just as she leaned in close without warning, she dropped that line. Combined with her suspicious expression, it really felt like she was seeing right through me. My heart wavered uneasily.

"U-Um, well…"

"If you’d like, you can talk to me. I’m pretty good at giving advice."

"H-Hmm…"

Suspicious. Extremely suspicious. Normally, you don’t tell personal troubles to someone you just met. And yet… why? Why do I feel like maybe… just maybe… I could talk to her? Even though she gives off every red flag known to mankind.

Well… whatever. Might as well try. Talking doesn’t cost anything. It’s nothing that can be used against me later. Embarrassing? Sure. But maybe that’s exactly why telling a stranger isn’t so bad.

"Well, then. I’ll take you up on that offer…"

And so, I talked.

I told her what I’m struggling with now. How I regret the past, how I worry about the future, how afraid I am. I couldn’t explain everything in detail, of course, but even with some things blurred out, I managed to pour out my feelings.

I’m sure this person must be some kind of counselor or something. With that ridiculously shady face, though. People really aren’t what they seem. Even my squad leader up in heaven would nod to that. Well, maybe she’s not dead… but still.

"I see… yeah. I have no right to judge your choices, and I can’t decide your future decisions either."

"…"

"But, if there’s one thing I can do—if I’m giving advice…"

──Make choices you won’t regret.

"!"

When she said that, Kou smiled softly and stood up, adding, "Let’s meet again someday."

…Choices I won’t regret. Right.

Those words pierced deeply into my heart. Regret. My life in this world has been nothing but regret. Because I lost so much in my previous life, I’ve been afraid to lose in this one too—or rather, I’ve been averting my eyes from the fear of losing what I have and blindly pursuing some uncertain, idealized future that might never exist. My mindset from my previous life has been influencing me all along. I’ve never truly looked at this life, at the present moment. Because of that, I kept sacrificing my present happiness for the sake of a future I wasn’t even sure I would reach, convincing myself it was necessary. I’ve been stacking up regrets while pretending I was working toward happiness.

But that won’t do.

I have to live in a way I won’t regret the present. Yes. I was reminded of that.

"…I want to see you again."

The words slipped out before I realized it.

Come to think of it, I never even asked her name.

And… now that I think about it, is she really an “adult”? The adults I’ve met in this world have mostly been robots or hairy beastfolk. Yet she seemed human in a way I had dreamed of in my previous life—like a proper adult, or in terms of this world, like a student. Still, without a Halo, she technically counts as an adult.

Hmm…

Could she be some kind of ape beastfolk or something like that?