Chapter 15: Loli!!!!!!!!!!!

On that day, Fuyuhi Kou remembered it—the fear of something called work. The difficulty of human relationships.

"U-Um… I’m Yatsude Shie! Starting today, I’ll be staying in this cell with all of you! N-Nice to meet you!"

I should’ve figured it out the moment I saw four beds in this jail cell. It meant someone besides us might get put in here. But still—how was I supposed to predict that it would be the very target who should’ve been arrested long before we were? Prisoner transfers don’t happen unless there’s a serious reason.

But it seems that “serious reason” decided to show up right now, of all times.

"Um, I’m Horii Nonaka. Nice to meet you."

"…Umisaki Sayuri. I look forward to being with you."

As I mentioned before, this little girl is a professional pâtissière. And not just any pâtissière—she’s so talented she was close to monopolizing the entire industry’s customer base by herself. That’s why our employer this time—Kaiser Sweets, a major Western confectionery company—moved to bring her downfall.

Apparently, a fight broke out in the cell she originally belonged to over the sweets she made. That incident was what dragged us into a whole commotion the other day. After we saved her, she apparently asked the guard she had bribed with cake to move her into our cell. Great, just great. She really had to pull us into something troublesome. Also, the Valkyrie’s corruption is starting to show loud and clear.

"Yes! Let’s all get along!"

Blinded by her beaming, angelic smile, I push my regrets out of my head. It’s too late for that anyway.

After all, she’s my target. And at the same time, she’s Sayuri’s protection target. Sooner or later, meeting her was inevitable. Not that it changes the absurd and catastrophic reality of an assassin (?), a bodyguard, and their target all crammed into the same cell together!

Ugh, how did things end up like this? Why is my luck always terrible?

"Nonaka-san, Nonaka-san!"

"What is it, what is it?"

"I made a cake! Please eat it!"

"And where exactly did you get the ingredients…?"

"The policeman gave them to me!"

"That is pure corruption—"

Even though my target is right here within arm’s reach, I can’t do anything suspicious with Sayuri—her appointed bodyguard—watching. And I still have to retrieve that tablet from the guard so I can show Shie that video. Even with her connections, she wasn’t allowed to bring a tablet into the cell, so it’s stored in the confiscated items locker.

Sure, if I snapped a few fingers—literally—I could end her pâtissière career and complete the mission. But I was hired with instructions specifying the method, so I have to follow them.

"Nonaka-san, Nonaka-san!"

"Yeees, what is it?"

"Could you read me a picture book?"

"You can’t read?"

"I just like it better when someone reads to me!"

"So it’s a preference thing—"

Retrieve the tablet. Show the target the video. Those two goals define my mission. The obstacle is Sayuri, who sticks to me almost constantly. She still seems to suspect that I’m actually Fuyuhi Kou, and she watches me nearly all the time. And on top of that, she’s Yatsude Shie’s bodyguard. If I move suspiciously to get the tablet… or try to harm Shie directly… she’ll definitely interfere. Also, she might figure out who I am, which is terrifying.

Huh? Shouldn’t I just come clean already? She might even help me?

Well… yes… that’s… true. But, um… you see… I need some mental preparation…

"Nonaka-san, Nonaka-san!"

"Yes yes, what is it?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"You have your own futon, right?"

"But it’s cold!"

"It’s cold, huh…"

…Okay but isn’t this child getting way too close to me?

For some reason, the little girl—Yatsude Shie—seems strangely attached to me and keeps closing the distance. Did I do something? Sayuri is the one who saved her, so if she were going to cling to someone, it should be her.

"Shie-chan, Shie-chan—"

"Yes!"

"If you're cold, why don’t you go sleep with Sayuri-san instead?"

"Eh…? Um… did you not… want me here…?"

"No no no no!! That’s not what I meant at all!?"

A teary-eyed, upward gaze from a little girl is dangerous—for my conscience. It’s not like I’m a lolicon, so there’s no impure intent—my heart just hurts. Huh? And I’m planning to break her bones? My personal feelings and my job are two separate things.

"It just looked like you were avoiding Sayuri-san."

"Ah… um, it’s hard to say but… she’s kind of scary…"

"Well, that can’t be helped."

Yeah, that really can’t be helped. Sayuri-chan is scary. She used to be just a sharp-eyed little girl, but now her eyes are those of a full-fledged assassin. She looks like she’s trying to kill people with her gaze alone. I’m pretty sure she’ll shoot lasers out one day.

"By the way… where is Sayuri-san right now?"

"Hm…"

When I shift my gaze away from Shie and look to the other side, Sayuri-chan is in the middle of lifting the corner of our shared futon and trying to crawl inside. Sorry, but this futon is originally for one person. The only reason there’s barely enough room is because the one inside is a tiny child.

"Sa-Sayuri-san? Could you pause for a second…? What exactly are you trying to do?"

"What, you ask… obviously I’m trying to sleep with you."

"You say that like it’s the most natural thing in the world, but it really isn’t."

"Of course it is. We’ve always slept together, the four of us, since long ago."

"…How many years ago are we talking about? That was when you were kids, right? And you mean Kou-san, not me, don’t you??"

"It doesn’t matter how old we are. We’re family. If you’re family, you sleep together. Isn’t that right, Kou?"

"That depends on the family. And besides, I’m not family. Plus, these past few days we’ve been in the same jail cell and sleeping separately, right? Also, I’m Nonaka."

I told you—it’s impossible. We’re already at full Nobita-bed capacity here. This futon can’t take any more. Stop, stop, stooop!!!

"Um… I might be wrong but…"

"What is it?"

"What?"

"Is Sayuri-san… jealous that I’m the one sleeping with Nonaka-san…?"

"───!?"

"………"

Yatsude Shie’s words send a jolt through me.

No way. Right? There’s no way someone as cool and grown-up as Sayuri-chan would have such a childish, adorable emotion like that… right?

Thinking that, I turn my face from Shie back toward Sayuri.

And what I see there is—

"……………I… am not."

—Sayuri, bright red.

"Loli!?"

"Wh—!?"

A loli! The real loli was right here! I knew something felt off. Yatsude Shie-chan, who appeared as our designated loli slot—yes, she looks like a loli, but her speech is polite, and she acts oddly mature. As a complete loli, she was missing something essential. I kept thinking something had to make up for that… or that the real loli was somewhere else.

Ah, I see. Loli… you were beside me all along…

"Y-you’re wrong! This is a misunderstanding! I’m just trying to act like we used to!"

"But now is now, right? And besides, Nonaka-san isn’t the ‘Kou-san’ you’re talking about."

"N-no, that’s wrong! Kou is Kou to me! That’s why sleeping together is obvious!"

"Even if I were that Kou-san, I still think it’s weird to be cuddling together at this age…"

"A-are you betraying me, Kou!?"

"I keep telling you, I’m Nonaka."

"Damn it… if it comes to this…!"

Ah! Wait! Hey! St—stop──────!

"Zzz… zzz… strawberry parfait…"

"Nn… ugh… Kou… Misaki… Hiyori… Atsuko…"

Wrapped up snugly in the one-person blanket are Yatsude Shie and Sayuri-chan. And for some reason, I was kicked out—left lying on the cold concrete floor as I gazed up at the night sky through the tiny window.

Ah… the stars are beautiful.

"A… achoo."

I caught a cold a few days later.