Chapter 16: Winter Sun

To me, Fuyuhi Kou was the very embodiment of warm sunlight—light that pierced through the biting cold of winter, cutting through the clouds that blanketed the sky and shedding warmth upon us.

She illuminated a future I couldn’t see even an inch ahead. She carried burdens I had no right placing on her shoulders. She became the place where my heart could settle—where I could feel safe. She gave us tomorrow.

After that day you disappeared, the three of us lived on—Hiyori, Misaki, and me. I worked so they wouldn’t starve. So the three wouldn’t become two, and then eventually one. So that such a tragedy would never happen, so that I would never lose anyone ever again—I kept going. Even after three became four, and eventually five, I kept going. I pushed myself desperately, no matter how many times Madam Beatrice preached that “all things are futile,” no matter how many days the so-called adults beat us. I kept going, believing you would come back.

But…

"Leader."

"...What is it?"

"...Did you prepare it again today?"

Misaki pointed toward the dining table. One chair sat there, untouched, forever empty and gathering dust. In front of it was a plate of food—far from enough to fill a stomach.

"...Kou isn’t coming back."

Her eyes were completely clouded. The faint smile she used to have, the small spark of light she once carried in her gaze—it had all vanished.

And the same was true for me.

"The former student council member you were looking for, Fuyuhi Kou—apparently the squad she belonged to tried to escape from Arius, and during their attempt, they were wiped out by some unknown force. A sort of bandit-hunter situation, I suppose. The squad’s captain has been confirmed dead. It is highly unlikely she survived."

It was during the mission Beatrice had ordered—hunting down the remnants of the old student council. When I heard the information we gained as compensation, my legs gave out beneath me.

All things are futile.

Her teachings were unmistakably eating away at us.

"Do not speak to my precious students."

In the end, it was Sensei—him—who saved us. Beatrice was defeated by Sensei, and Arius—once cut off from the outside world—was freed. The four of us, including Princess, were able to leave Arius. Leave the place Kou had wished to escape but never could.

The sky we’d only ever glimpsed from afar was dazzling—so impossibly blue it stunned me with its beauty.

We were saved. Everything ended in a happy ending. Arius was freed, and though we were now wanted criminals, we still gained the right to live freely. Princess was saved, and Azusa found a place she could belong—the Make-Up Work Club.

It should have been a happy ending. This should have been enough.

Yet in my heart remained the curse of “what if.”
The curse called Fuyuhi Kou.

What if Kou had been there?
What if, instead of me, Kou had led everyone?
What if she had come back before Sensei and reached out her hand to us?
What if, what if, what if…

If only that had been the case—Hiyori, Misaki, Azusa, Atsuko, even Mika… wouldn’t they all have suffered less, cried less, found a better ending?

If only she—if only she had been there.

I knew it was an impossible “if.” No matter what you wish of the dead, nothing will come of it. And yet, I couldn’t discard the possibility that she might still be alive. Even after Beatrice declared it so plainly, even after we left Arius—I kept believing she was out there somewhere. Whenever I caught a glimpse of hair in a similar color, I turned my head. Whenever I heard a similar voice, I looked back.

Without realizing it, I had been searching for her all along.

Even though I knew she was gone.
Even though I understood she would never appear before us again.
Even though I had been forced to accept that Fuyuhi Kou had broken her promise to us.

"Hmm… Sorry. I don’t think I know her. I’ll look into it a little."

"Fuyuhi Kou? Sorry, never heard of her."

"Doesn’t ring a bell… Is he a boy?"

"Hmm… My apologies, considering you hired me, but I’ve never heard that name. I’ll search on my end—though it will take some time."

The more I searched, the less I found. Asking Sensei was useless. No matter how many clients I questioned or shopkeepers I frequented, no one knew her. Only the fact remained—she was no longer here. An impossible “what if” was all it had ever been.

Eventually, I gave up searching for her.

At least… that’s what should have happened.
That’s what should have happened, and yet—

"I'm glad you're here. No matter how comfortable this place is, being alone would still be lonely."

Moonlight streamed into the unlit, pitch-dark room and illuminated her figure.

Her hair was still the same messy, unevenly chopped grayish-brown. Her eyes still had that sharpness that wasn’t exactly pleasant. And her shy smile—it stirred a sense of nostalgia so strong it almost hurt.

"—!"

You appeared without warning.

You stood there, grinning like nothing had happened, like you knew nothing of the years I spent suffering because of you. I—no, we—because you abandoned us, because you vanished, because of everything we endured…

Anger surged through me. But even stronger than that anger was joy. Joy so overwhelming it swallowed the anger whole.

"Kou… Kou! Is it you!?"

"Wh—wait, um, Sayori…"

"You’re alive! I wanted to see you—always! When you left home, when the student council fell, I begged Beatrice for help but still couldn’t find you. Where were you? All this time—"

"W-wait! Hold on! You’re… you’re scaring me…?"

I wanted to embrace you right then and there—to feel that you were real. Even as I held myself back, the flood of emotion wouldn’t stop. I had never been this honest with my feelings toward you before. I never would’ve been able to say something as embarrassing as “I missed you.” But once a dam breaks, you can’t close it again.

"…S-sorry, Kou. But I…"

"Um… I get that this Kou person is important to you, but…"

"Ah—right. Of course. You’re our precious family, and while you were gone I tried so hard to take your place but I couldn’t, not at all, because without you we…"

There were so many things I wanted to ask. So many things I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to do together. While you were gone, nothing—no matter what I tried—could fill the hole you left behind. Now that you were here, all that emotion burst out at once.

Until you said something outrageous.

"I’m not that Kou person."

"…What?"

She said it with an uncomfortable, troubled expression.

I couldn’t understand. There was no mistaking the girl before me—she was Fuyuhi Kou. I could never mistake you. No matter how much you had grown, no matter how much your appearance might have changed, I would always recognize you. There was no world in which I would confuse you with someone else.

Yet you denied it. Even gave a fake name—Nonaka Hori. And you had definitely called me Sayori. You are Fuyuhi Kou.

—No way.

Were you planning to disappear again?
Planning to run away from me again?

No. No, that couldn’t be it. I forced myself to reject the thought. You weren’t that kind of person. You once said to me, “Can’t you trust me?” I never forgot the sorrow on your face then. That’s why I have to trust you. Because you—Fuyuhi Kou—would never do something like that. You would never abandon us. You would never betray us.

Then why?

"...I see."

And then it hit me.

There had to be a reason. A reason you believed you weren’t Fuyuhi Kou. Something like… amnesia. You must have lost your memories as Kou—your memories of us—when you escaped Arius. That had to be it. Because otherwise… right? You would never lie to me. You would never leave us behind in Arius.

So I knew what I had to do: bring her memories back.

"Whoa!? Sayuri-chan!?"

I slapped the side of her head at a 45-degree angle. It was a technique I’d heard from Atsuko once. I tried it over and over, but she skillfully dodged every attempt, so none of them landed. If that wouldn’t work, then I had to talk to her—to remind her of her old memories.

But no matter how much I talked, there was no sign of recognition in her eyes. Nothing but my own pain.

I didn’t know how to bring her memories back.

But that was fine. I had found her. I wouldn’t lose her again. There was time. We could search together—slowly.

"Noooooooo!?"

But at that moment, a young girl’s shrill, grating scream reminded me why I was in this prison to begin with. Ah… I shouldn’t be working right now. I shouldn’t be doing any of this.

The job I accepted from the broker calling herself Izuki Mei—a black-haired, beast-eared mediator who paid me handsomely and offered information on Kou. I wanted to drop everything right now and run away with her, but once I accept a job, I cannot break it.

So I left Kou’s side to rescue our protection target, Yatsude Shie.

And yet, despite that—

"Nonaka-san, Nonaka-san."

Every time the girl I was supposed to protect spoke to Kou, hugged her, or met her eyes, something pricked sharply in my chest.

"Sayuri-san, are you… jealous that I sleep with Nonaka-san…?"

Are you trying to steal Kou from me again?