Chapter 20: Diary of a Life on the Run

"Kou-neesan!"

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

This is absolutely not me taking a deep breath to savor every last bit of Hiyori’s smell as she clings to me. This is me trying to calm down—calm down, breathe, stay composed. Proof: my face is pale, my eyes are staring off in a weird direction, and my body is trembling ever so slightly. This is most certainly not because I'm catching a whiff of Hiyori’s probably-not-so-frequently-bathed body odor.

"I—I was…! I thought Kou-san had died…! Waaaahhhh!!!"

Her emotional outburst—yes. It’s not just the joy of reuniting with family she hasn’t seen in years. It’s guilt, and the fear that comes with it.

"Welcome back… I’m really glad. That you’re alive."

Hiyori, currently in the middle of trying to squeeze the life out of me with her hug, has always been like this. But even Misaki—who used to be wary of me and kept some distance—is tearing up at the edges of her eyes and… smiling!? You could smile that cutely!? Wow, everyone grew up into such beauties. Yeah. Especially Hiyori—she’s, uh, well… something else. I won’t say where. Haha.

Ah—yeah.

"U-Um… s-sorry? I think it’s about time you let go…? We’re in a restaurant…? People are staring, you know? Hiyori-chan, and… Saori-chan too."

"Hmm… can’t we just stay like this?"

"I really… don’t think we can."

Of course we can’t. I peel Hiyori off me—the one who’d been trying to strangle me from the front—and slip out of Saori’s arms from behind as well. High schoolers doing this in a family restaurant? No way.

Alright, let’s stop fooling around now.

Long time no see, everyone.

After that legendary great prison break, I, Fuyuhi Kou, have been doing just fine. I did worry that after beating the hell out of that informant, I’d stop receiving requests and wouldn’t be able to pay off my debt! But thanks to Yatsude Shie, who escaped with me, I managed to pay it off, and Hibana-chan got a few jobs from the “friends” she introduced me to, so I’ve been scraping by.

Though it is a problem that the girls working at Shie-chan’s shop often earn more than we do in our actual line of work. At this rate, we won’t be the Helmet Gang anymore—we’ll be the Helmet Part-Timers.

…Anyway, that’s how I—we, the Helmet Gang—have been living a pretty decent life.

Well… had been living. Yes—up until today.

"…Really. I’m so glad you’re alive, Kou."

"Ah… yeah. I also… think… that."

Held in Saori’s arms once again, I glance out the window. Ah, what nice weather.

How did things end up like this? It’s not a long story, so to put it simply: after the escape, Saori cornered me, verified that I really was Fuyuhi Kou, checked my pulse, then burst into tears. After that she asked me to meet the rest of the members. I couldn’t refuse. My instincts screamed that refusing was absolutely not allowed. Though when they suggested tagging along with the Helmet Gang and stalking every aspect of my private life, I did draw the line.

And now, today, here I am—being interrogated by the entire former Arius group in a family restaurant. So, about my funeral schedule…

"Kou-san, have you been okay all this time…? W-We were forced into harsh training by adults—um, like this woman named Beatrice—until Sensei came for us… If we messed up we’d lose our meals… there were people beaten until they were covered in blood… Sometimes we were about to be punished too, but Saori-neesan protected us… Ah, she’s not here right now, but there was also a girl named Azusa-chan… And then… this happened, and then that happened… and we were ordered to assassinate someone important in Trinity named Seia… and attacked the Eden Treaty… and if we failed, the Princess would’ve been sacrificed… and then there was this bomb that could destroy a halo… and then all sorts of things happened… and I ended up shooting Sensei… but he saved us… and so much happened… and, uh, yadda yadda yadda… Ah! I’m not trying to brag about misfortune or anything!? We’re happy now… and we got to see Kou-neesan, who we thought was dead… ehehe. I-I just wanted to, um… explain how hard we worked…?"

"…Yeah. You did well, Hiyori. And all of you, too."

"Ehehe."

As I pat Hiyori’s head—melting like warm mochi under my hand—I stare off into the distance. Like… wow. They really worked hard.

Hearing her story, I feel anger toward this Beatrice woman. But I know I have no right to that anger. Hearing that Sensei came to rescue them, I also felt that I wished I could’ve been there. But in the end, it’s all in the past—events with a known outcome. It’s easy to long for a story guaranteed to end happily. But back then, if that Sensei or Saori had asked for my help directly, would I have answered them right away? No. I wouldn’t have. Out of fear. That’s the kind of person I am. And feeling this way while hearing their story… that makes me angry at myself—a cowardly, tiny, pathetic bastard.

And then, facing these girls—who confronted adults they feared for the sake of their friend—the complete opposite of me… I felt fear.

"…Kou, after you came here… how was it? Nobody did anything terrible to you, right? …No adults or students hurt you?"

Misaki peers at me with worry. Sure, there were some bad adults. But there were far more good people. Hibana-chan and the others look scary, and what they do might be considered bad… but they’re good people.

Ah, right. That’s why. I…

"…No, it's fine. I haven't…"

Yes.

"I haven't. I haven't suffered, I haven't endured anything painful, and I’ve just been living comfortably until today."

"…Kou?"

Running away only leads to more suffering.

I have to face this sin. Not to ask for forgiveness, but simply because it’s the truth. They deserve to know my sin—how I did nothing, how I didn’t even watch. I averted my eyes from reality, kept turning away from the tragedy, pretending none of it existed.

"I… escaped from Arius, and Hibana-chan and the others took me in. The life I found there was more fulfilling than anything at Arius, and it was free. I could watch movies, go to karaoke, read books… And above all, if I ever wanted to, I could have gone back to Arius."

"I might have been able to take you all out of Arius."

"I might have been able to get you out of that tragic place much earlier."

"But I didn’t, because I clung to the new life I found and was afraid of losing it. I drowned in the happiness I had, and pretended not to see the people I should have saved. Every day I made excuses. I’m busy. It’s not the right time. My life is barely holding together. All lies."

"I could have gone back whenever I wanted. And yet, I didn’t. I… I abandoned you for my own comfort."

"All the misfortune you’ve suffered until now is entirely because of my negligence."

I closed my eyes after saying that. I couldn’t bear to look at their faces—at their eyes.

I was trembling. Terrified. Terrified of what they must think of me. It was the same fear as facing death—no, in some ways, even worse.

"…I—I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just… thought I had to tell you this."

"Kou."

"…!"

A moment of silence. Maybe it was only an instant in reality, but to me it felt unbearably long. And just as I started to babble excuses I didn’t mean, Saori’s voice reached my ears.

Right now, I felt like a criminal awaiting a death sentence.

"You don’t have to force yourself to lie."

"…Huh?"

Her voice was gentler than I expected, and I lifted my head without thinking.

"Hibana told me. She said that from the very day she met you, you came to the catacombs’ entrance every single morning."

"W–why…"

"I also know what happened the day you escaped Arius, Kou. I looked into it."

"…Why would you go that far?"

"You were scared, weren’t you? Scared of going back to Arius—a place where your friends died."

"…"

"Even so, you came every day. To the very place you feared. Trying to come rescue us. Isn’t that right?"

Her expression was so gentle. There wasn’t even a hint of blame in her eyes.

"...Yes. That’s true. But even so—! The fact remains that I didn’t go to save you! I was afraid of the past, and I abandoned you!"

"You're wrong. You never abandoned us. The proof is that you came every single day, without fail."

"...B-but…"

"That’s enough. Kou, you didn’t forget us. You didn’t abandon us. And more than anything, you’re alive here with us now. That alone is more than enough."

With those words, she wrapped me in a soft, comforting embrace.

Until now, I had believed only results mattered. In the end, I hadn’t saved them. All I did was stare into the darkness of those catacombs. That was an undeniable fact, and I had assumed they would resent someone like me.

But all that fear crumbled beneath her gentle voice and her warm body heat.

"U… uwaaaaaaaaah!!"

Once the tears burst, they wouldn’t stop. It was pathetic—crying my heart out in the arms of Saori, someone younger than me. "Good job. And thank you." Those words she whispered to my back washed away the weight I’d been carrying, letting it flow out together with my tears.

"…I-I’ve shown you such a disgraceful sight. I sincerely apologize."

Even though I scolded them earlier, I ended up causing the most trouble for the family restaurant myself. How embarrassing. I swear, I can’t live like this anymore.

"Also… um, I’ve been curious for a while now."

"What is it?"

"Who is this cute young lady over here…?"

"Ah, right. Kou didn’t know yet."

"Princess… Hikari Atsuko."

"Long time no see. Looking forward to working with you again, Kou-chan."

"………P-Princess???"

When I reunited with my “family,” my former superior—the student council president—was there waiting. It was a moment where my emotions went wild enough to rival the crying fit from earlier.