Chapter 61: Dark Clouds! Personal Feelings

With less than a week to go before the Japan Cup, my turn for intense final workouts came up after Bourbon-chan.

The content was basically my usual training, but cranked up several notches—hard enough that Bourbon-chan probably wouldn’t be able to keep up. On the other hand, for me, anything less than this wouldn’t even count as a proper final tune-up.

To be blunt, there’s a gap in our base strength.

That has nothing to do with talent or cheats or anything like that. It’s mainly because the length of time since I entered my true peak is almost twice as long as Bourbon-chan’s. Just like how you can’t really compare someone who’s lived twenty years to a child who’s lived ten, Bourbon-chan and I aren’t at a stage where a direct comparison even makes sense.

…When I think about it that way, winning the Takarazuka Kinen really was something incredible.

Back then, I’d just awakened my Domain and finally understood how to properly use my cheat ability, so I was drunk on a ridiculous sense of omnipotence. If this were a battle manga, it would’ve been the kind of setup where there’s no way the protagonist loses. Maybe fate—or momentum—was on my side, too.

Of course, that kind of buff isn’t sticking around now.

I need to be careful. Just because I managed to surpass her that day doesn’t mean I can definitely surpass that gray-coated star again this weekend.

Thinking that, I slowed to a stop.

"Fuu… alright, feeling good."

Today wasn’t a joint training session with Nature and the others, and Bourbon-chan was taking the day off, so I’d been running alone.

Yeah, my legs feel fine. My body, my mind—everything’s lined up and aimed straight at the race.

Well… to be precise, I’m kind of forcing my heart to face the race.

Lately—or rather, ever since the Takarazuka Kinen, when I got my hands on the switch that flips between “cold” and “warm”—I’ve gotten incredibly good at switching my mental state.

I mean, I’m an Uma Musume living in this world. Of course my mood dips sometimes, or swings the other way and gets too excited. Running while your focus is shaken like that is extremely dangerous.

That’s where the “cold” switch comes in handy.

Before a race—or recently, even before running alone—I can flip that switch. When I do, my thoughts become razor-sharp, and at the same time, everything quiets down.

If I had to put it into words… it’s like the surface of a lake in my heart, once whipped into violent waves, freezes solid. Once the surface is frozen, it doesn’t matter how rough the water is underneath. You can walk across it freely, or even drill a hole in one spot and fish—everything is under control.

Of course, once you switch it off, the ice melts and the waves start raging again. So when something’s bothering you, it’s probably best to run in “cold” mode. Or, alternatively, go all the way into a “hot” mode where you’re so absorbed in the race that every stray thought in that lake just evaporates.

Either way, being able to bring my heart into good condition—or rather, perfect condition—every time I run is a huge advantage. When your mood matches your running, it feels incredible, and you just want to keep going. Running becomes fun.

I think enjoying running is important. Enjoying training, enjoying races—that’s how we Uma Musume really feel alive.

"Alright, one more lap…"

Just as I steeled myself to keep going a bit longer, the smartphone in my pocket vibrated.

"Hm… huh? Trainer?"

A notification popped up saying I’d received a message from my trainer.

What’s this about? No matter what it is, training’s about to end anyway, and we usually have a meeting afterward. He could’ve just said it then.

Um, the contents are…

"Today’s meeting is canceled. After training, head straight home. I’ll contact you about future plans via LINE later. Don’t do any excessive solo training today—make sure to rest your body properly."

"…Huh?"

That’s unusual. This is the first time he’s ever canceled a post-training meeting at the last minute like this.

My trainer is a scheduling demon, so naturally, he plans his own schedule in extreme detail, too. If he knew ahead of time that something was coming up, it wouldn’t be this sudden. And having something come up when it’s almost six in the evening… it’s not impossible, but it still feels off.

…Or so I thought.

"Well, I guess something came up."

With that conclusion, I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

In my previous life, I only ever made it as far as being a college student—I never even entered the workforce. So maybe I just don’t know. For working adults, maybe it’s normal to have things dropped on you in the evening with no questions asked. Maybe overtime is just a given.

…Actually, from what I’ve heard, trainers at the Central League are pretty black. And my trainer’s always being a trainer… could it be that being a contracted trainer for Uma Musume is an insanely brutal job?

"…Trainer."

He’s always being a trainer…

Even though it’s my own thought, it sticks with me.

Come to think of it, have I ever really talked to Ayumu-san when he’s not being a trainer?

For a while, he had this strong obsession with being “the Horino family’s trainer.” As the trainer of the prestigious Horino household, he felt he had to embody their ideals… something like that.

Now, he prioritizes being “my trainer” over being “the Horino family’s trainer,” and honestly, that makes me really—no, incredibly happy.

But in the end, it’s just that “the Horino family’s trainer” became “Hoshino Wilm’s trainer.” He’s never really taken off the mask of being a trainer and looked at me as… well…

Ah—no, wait. Right after the Takarazuka Kinen… in that moment, he felt less like a trainer and more like… no, I don’t know. I can’t put it into words.

I feel like I know Ayumu-san, but in truth, I barely know him at all.

In relationships, nearly two years feels long, but it’s also short. And for most of that time, we’ve been together as a contracted trainer and his assigned Uma Musume. Sure, I know his likes and dislikes on a surface level, but anything deeper than that…

No, wait. What does my trainer even like or dislike?

I’ve never seen Ayumu-san be picky about food, and I don’t know his preferences for colors or weather. If I had to say, he hates unstable tactics, and the thing he likes is… me, maybe?

"Heh, hehe… that’s embarrassing…"

Without thinking, I wriggled around on the spot in flustered embarrassment.

A few seconds later, I snapped back to my senses. What am I doing? That’s way too embarrassing.

…Alright. Training time’s basically over anyway, so I’ll head back today.

I’m pretty worn out, too, so I’ll do exactly what my trainer said—skip extra solo training, go home, and sleep like a rock.

Once that was decided, I changed into the uniform I’d stuffed into my locker…

Wait—huh?

"The book…"

Come to think of it, where did I put that book?

The one my trainer handed me to read in my spare time—something like An Overview of New-Generation Racing Tactics. The title sounded stiff and academic, which surprised me, but once I opened it, it was actually easy to read and really interesting. I got so absorbed that I couldn’t put it down.

Personally, I loved the chapter analyzing why Grass Wonder-chan was so strong in Grand Prix races—but anyway.

After he gave it to me, I was engrossed in it in the trainer’s office, and then… I think something even more engrossing came up.

Right. Training time started, and I must’ve just left it behind.

…I remember now. I probably left that book in the trainer’s office.

I could just pick it up tomorrow, but… hmm. I already decided to skip extra training today, and I kind of want something to read tonight. It’s a bit of a hassle, but I’ll go grab it.

The trainer might’ve already locked up, but if so, it is what it is. No harm in at least checking.

---

In the trainers’ offices at Tracen Academy, they often discuss things like rotations and race strategies—things that absolutely can’t leak outside. Because of that, the soundproofing is thorough enough that you can’t hear what’s going on inside, even if you’re standing right in front of the door.

…Of course, that’s only when the door is properly closed.

"Big brother, you’re always saying things like that—have you ever once thought about how we, your family, feel?!"

"Calm down, Masa."

"I can’t calm down! I won’t calm down! Do you think it’s only your own life that matters?! If you die—do you have any idea how devastated everyone would be?!"

"N-no, I’m not going to die. I mean, I can’t die. My girls are still racing."

"That’s exactly it! Don’t mess with me! Assigned girl this, assigned girl that—are you living your life only for your Uma Musume?!"

"…? Well, yeah."

"—!!"

…This is bad.

Really… yeah. This is not a situation I can just walk into.

By the time I reached the trainer’s office, Masa-san’s voice was already echoing down the hallway.

It wasn’t loud—quiet enough that a normal person probably wouldn’t have noticed. But for us Uma Musume, it was more than loud enough to hear clearly.

From the tone alone, it was obvious that the trainer and Masa-san were arguing… or rather, that Masa-san was one-sidedly furious. And the target of that anger was the trainer.

As for the cause… it was probably something like him doing something reckless enough to shave years off his lifespan.

The trainer doesn’t sleep properly, after all. I warn him about it all the time, but sadly, there’s no sign of improvement.

I can’t say I don’t understand why Masa-san is angry. In fact, I understand it very well.

Eavesdropping on someone else’s argument feels uncomfortable, but Ayumu-san has a real talent for cutting the fuse on someone’s patience at times like this. Before things escalate into anything physical, it’d probably be best for someone to step in and mediate.

Not that I think Masa-san would actually resort to violence… given how long she’s known Ayumu-san, it’s hard to imagine her losing control like that. Still, better safe than sorry.

While I was hesitating over when to intercept, the conversation inside—or rather, Masa-san’s tone—grew even more heated.

"Didn’t you say you were going to stop that!? You quit being the Horino family’s trainer and became that girl’s trainer instead, didn’t you!?"

"Yeah, that’s right. I’m no longer the Horino family’s trainer. But as her trainer, I want to support her with my life."

"Then nothing’s changed at all!! You just changed the method—you’re still forcing your own ideal image onto her!!"

"Calm down, Masa. Why are you so angry? Let’s take a breath and talk this through."

Ah… yeah. That’s a bad move, Trainer.

Asking an angry woman, "Why are you angry?" is a forbidden phrase.

It’s like saying to someone seriously playing soccer, "Why are you taking kicking a ball so seriously? lol Got nothing better to do?"—that level of forbidden.

When someone’s angry—man or woman—they can’t have a proper conversation until they’ve either fully vented their emotions or the anger fades naturally over time. So instead of trying to reason things out, you either listen without provoking them, or you give them time to cool off.

That kind of emotional nuance might be a bit too much for the trainer. Ayumu-san is kind of famous for having a shallow understanding of human emotions.

Still, listening to their exchange more closely…

I can’t help but think that Masa-san actually cares about Ayumu-san a lot.

Her words boil down to this: stop putting others first and think about your own body. In other words, her anger comes from concern for his health and well-being—for someone else’s sake.

Would you say something like that to someone you truly hated? I found myself doubtful.

Of course, human emotions aren’t that simple. People can feel strange, contradictory things like “I hate you, but I love you,” so it’s not easy to judge.

Maybe it’s more like she dislikes him as a person, but still feels familial affection as his sister.

I don’t really get how someone could dislike Ayumu-san, but tastes differ from person to person, I guess.

Still, if that’s the case… wow. That’s a pretty complicated sibling relationship.

The Horino family’s home life sounds kind of hellish. Well, not that I’m in a position to say that, considering I basically destroyed a family myself.

Thinking all that, I stood in front of the trainer’s office door, repeatedly gripping and releasing the handle, thinking, "Now? No, not yet. Now? Or… now?"

Then, the next voice I heard made my hand freeze.

"That’s why I told you to quit being a trainer! You’re not cut out for it! All you’re doing is making things worse!"

…Quit being a trainer?

What does that… mean?

My hand twitched involuntarily.

Stronger than I expected—and it nudged the door.

Rattle. The door, which hadn’t been completely closed, made a sound and opened slightly.

The two inside turned to look at me at the same time.

"Hoshino Wilm? Why are you… I told you today’s meeting was canceled—"

"Hoshino Wilm-san…!"

The trainer looked completely bewildered.

Masa-san looked… a little flustered.

"Um, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

I’m sure I’m interrupting, so I’ll just head home."

Now that I’d been found out, retreating was the only option.

I was curious about what Masa-san really meant by that comment, but I could always ask later.

With that thought, I turned around—but—

"Wait!"

Masa-san grabbed my arm.

"Please let me explain. I’m not your enemy… and I don’t want to become one."

"Huh? O-Okay…"

Her voice was filled with emotion and urgency—very unlike the usually cool-headed Masa-san.

Caught up in her intensity, I found myself nodding before I could think twice.

---

And so, a few weeks after the last time, the long-awaited “Chat with Masa-san at a Stylish Café” was held once again.

The participants were, of course, just the two of us.

And today’s order was…

"Um, a Dark Mocha Chip Frappuccino? With… extra chocolate chips, please. Oh, and the size… um, Tall."

I couldn’t keep relying on Masa-san’s kindness forever, so I tried ordering for myself.

Compared to last time, it ended up being pretty simple, but hey—this is probably what a beginner should go for. Getting greedy could just lead to embarrassment. Best to chase one rabbit at a time and make it a sure thing.

I’d settled down like that, but—

"O-Oh dear… I really showed you something embarrassing…"

Masa-san’s face was flushed red as she looked down.

Apparently, she was embarrassed about being seen with her emotions completely on display.

It’s rare to see Masa-san this flustered, so… I’ll admit it’s a bit tasteless to say, but it felt fresh and oddly fun.

"I don’t mind. I understand that even adults get angry sometimes. And the trainer’s attitude was… well, a bit much."

"Thank you for understanding. …I’m really glad you’re such a mature Uma Musume."

Saying that, Masa-san gave a rare smile—then immediately wiped it away and bowed her head.

"Allow me to apologize properly. For making remarks that could easily have given you the wrong impression.

No matter how agitated I was, it was a slip of the tongue."

"Um, by remarks, you mean…?"

"The part where I said, ‘He should quit being a trainer.’ From your perspective, it must have sounded like I was trying to take your trainer away from you."

"Ah… yeah. That part."

Well, yeah—I was definitely a little surprised. If I were just an ordinary Uma Musume without memories of a past life, it wouldn’t have been strange to think that way.

But I’m a reincarnator. I understand all too well that miscommunication often starts from exactly this kind of place.

It was the same with that whole incident where the trainer asked whether I’d consider being coached by another trainer. In situations like this, the best thing to do is stay calm and directly ask about the real intent.

"I didn’t hear the whole story… and judging from how you usually act, Masa-san, I never got the impression that you wanted to separate me from my trainer. Given that, I think it’s more reasonable to assume your words had a different meaning than the one I initially took them as. Could I ask you, once again, what you meant by that remark?"

"Of course. …Though to be honest, this is a family embarrassment, not something I’d like to make public."

Even so, she said that since she bore responsibility for causing the misunderstanding, she would explain.

Masa-san opened her mouth.

"To begin with, the reason I told that idiot brother of mine to ‘quit being a trainer’ goes back to before he ever became one. Personally, I never thought my brother was suited to being a trainer. …No, to be precise, at least in terms of work capacity, he’s probably well suited. He’s good at throwing himself into work without hesitation. But mentally? That’s another story."

Masa-san paused there, as if giving herself time to think, and lowered her gaze to the table in front of her. The ice floating in her pitch-black drip coffee clinked softly in her hand.

"He’s not suited. Fatally so—almost laughably lacking in aptitude. That’s how I judged him."

To an outsider, those words would have sounded insane.

After all, Horino Ayumu’s reputation as a trainer had become rock-solid in the public eye.

An elite trainer from a distinguished family who led his very first trainee to an undefeated Triple Crown, and then to a historic victory in the Takarazuka Kinen at the Classic level—the first in history.

He never boasted about his own skill, attributing everything to the talent and effort of his Uma Musume instead, without a trace of arrogance.

He adapted quickly to a job that should have been difficult at first, and now handled his work so efficiently that he could stand shoulder to shoulder with veteran trainers.

By now, the dominant opinion was to praise him as a genius.

And yet, Masa-san declared flatly that he was "not suited to being a trainer."

Anyone who didn’t know Ayumu-san well would surely think that judgment was wrong.

But I…

As his trainee—the one who had stayed closest to him for the past two years…

I understood what she meant.

"He’s the kind of person who finds joy in helping and saving others. At the same time, he empathizes with other people’s pain far more deeply than most. Right now, he seems to be forcing himself to move on and not think about it… but still, every time a race produces winners and losers, every time there are clear losers, he feels despair. That’s the kind of person he is."

"That’s…"

"Please don’t misunderstand, Hoshino Wilm-san. This isn’t your responsibility. It’s the path my brother chose for himself. No matter which Uma Musume he trained, he would have been hurt in the same way. So you shouldn’t feel responsible for this."

The trainer is kind. You could even say he’s too kind.

Especially toward Uma Musume like Bourbon-chan and me, he’s incredibly forgiving. Even when we make mistakes, he lets them slide, and he’ll go to any lengths—researching, investigating—just to help us win.

And in the same way… like what happened with McQueen-senpai the other day, he even wears his heart down over Uma Musume who aren’t his responsibility.

He rejoices in their victories and grieves over their defeats. In a cruel race where only one out of eighteen can win and the other seventeen must lose, his heart aches.

The word that best describes that is, after all—

"He’s a kind person."

I murmured it again.

Over these past two years, I thought I’d come to understand his nature.

Someone who gives to others, and who empathizes with their pain.

If that isn’t kindness, then what is?

…And yet.

"No. He isn’t kind."

Sharp and decisive.

Masa-san said it outright.

It was cold—so cold—and filled with absolute certainty.

"He’s not kind at all. He’s just—"

"Just?"

"…No, sorry. I’ve gone off-topic."

Masa-san shook her head lightly, cutting herself off.

A clear refusal—don’t ask any further. From here on, I couldn’t step any deeper into this.

…From Masa-san’s perspective, what kind of person is Ayumu-san?

Someone who finds joy in helping others, who grieves over their despair—and yet isn’t kind.

Maybe the reason she dislikes him lies somewhere in that truth.

I wanted to ask more about it…

But it was also true that we’d drifted from the main point.

Curfew at the dorms wasn’t far off. I should bring this back on track.

"Anyway, I opposed my brother becoming a trainer. …But earlier, in my anger, I said what I did. Now, though, I’ve changed my mind. I think that being a trainer might actually become a good experience for him."

"Um… why is that? You said he isn’t suited to being a trainer, right? I mean, Ayumu-san… isn’t suited to it?"

At my question, Masa-san closed her eyes and took a sip of her coffee.

"Because you’re there, Hoshino Wilm-san."

"Eh?"

With her eyes still lowered, Masa-san spoke quietly.

"You are a special existence to my brother. …When he came home the other day, I was shocked. Even if he felt inadequate, he still wanted to continue being your trainer… for him to voice such selfishness. My brother, who since birth had never asked for anything for himself, who had always lived according to what others demanded of him… as far as I can remember, that was the first time he ever expressed a desire of his own."

Hearing that, I swallowed hard.

"Since birth, he never asked for anything himself, living only as others demanded."

That was how Masa-san described the trainer.

If those words meant exactly what I thought they did… then that was a deeply distorted way of living.

I don’t know everything about Ayumu-san.

What he shows me is only the side of "Horino Ayumu, Trainer."

And then… since the Takarazuka Kinen, he’s also shown me something else—his desire, which Masa-san said was extremely rare.

"I want to be your trainer."

So maybe I just didn’t notice. Maybe I didn’t understand.

Ayumu-san might be carrying something far heavier than I ever realized.

How blind of me. After all this time together, I couldn’t even properly recognize that absence in him.

"…Phew."

I took a sip of my Frappuccino. The bitterness felt stronger than I remembered as I organized my thoughts.

I like him. I like Horino Ayumu.

The debt I owe him is enormous—and the affection I feel for him is many times greater than that.

Being beside him calms me. I can enjoy trivial things. I feel a quiet, fulfilling happiness.

That’s why…

I want to know him better, and I want to help him.

He’s helped me for so, so long.

That day, the reason I was able to run without causing an accident was because he opened up my world.

The reason I’m here now, the reason I can run, the reason I can smile—it’s all because of him.

So…

This time, surely, it’s my turn to do something for my trainer.

"Hoshino Wilm-san. You are surely a special existence to my brother. I understand how presumptuous this request is. Even so, I want to ask you. Please, take care of my brother. You’ll race many times from here on out… but no matter how many times, please always come back to that idiot."

With that, Masa-san bowed deeply.

She didn’t need to say it.

I’m his Uma Musume, and he’s my trainer.

This weekend’s Japan Cup, too… I’ll win it for sure—and come back to him.