Chapter 68: Breakdown

Most things that have already happened can’t be undone.

For example, the fact that I was reincarnated is one of them.

I can no longer meet my family from my previous life. The parents who cherished someone like me, the older brother I always looked up to—I can’t see them anymore, can’t hear their voices anymore.

What’s more, I can’t even know the exact cause of my death in my previous life. My last memory ends with the thought that I was probably struck in the back of the head with an ashtray by a subordinate I trusted. But whether it truly was her doing is something I’ve lost the means to confirm forever.

To be frank, there were mountains of things I left unfinished in my previous life. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think I could have done things better.

But the choices I could have made back then have already slipped through the gaps between my fingers.

Regret comes too late; spilled water never returns to the tray. Death is a rupture—an irreversible change that no one can stop time from continuing forward into the future. No matter what I wish for or how strongly, the past will never change.

The many things I failed at can’t be turned into successes. The things I left undone can never be completed. I can’t protect the subordinate who would likely be charged for hitting me, nor can I investigate the truth behind what happened.

Living, in a sense, might mean carrying those irreparable regrets with you for the rest of your life. …Well, I’ve already died once, so maybe it’s not quite “living,” but still.

In any case, time is like the flow of a river—it can only move forward.

And more often than not, truly irreversible events strike us suddenly, without any warning at all.

After all, that’s how I died in my previous life. I knew that better than anyone.

…Or at least, I thought I did.

Somewhere along the way, I may have even forgotten something that obvious.

---

Going out with Wilm, putting together Bourbon’s training menus, making rough plans for what comes next, researching the Uma Musume who’ll be running in next year’s races—while I was busy supporting them as a trainer, time flew by in the blink of an eye…

Before I knew it, it was already the day before Bourbon’s Asahi Hai.

On the day before a race, it’s customary to review the strategy one last time. With Bourbon’s perfectly precise memory, she might not forget anything—but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

That’s why Bourbon and I were sitting together in the trainer’s office, documents spread out between us.

"Alright, let’s go over the strategy. Is there anything you want to say first?"

"One question. Why is Masa-san absent? Has she gone to be with Wilm-senpai during her training?"

"Ah, that."

Indeed, Masa—who would normally always attend strategy meetings—wasn’t here today. There was a reason for that. Not a particularly deep one… but an unavoidable one.

"Masa’s resting right now. Her fatigue finally hit its limit, to the point where it looks like even watching tomorrow’s Asahi Hai would be difficult."

Apparently, Masa has been struggling more than expected with her trainer duties. She’s the kind of person who’s quick on the uptake, so I’d assumed she’d adapt immediately and end up handling things even more efficiently than I do. That part has been a bit surprising.

That said, the reason she was pushed to the point of collapse is because she’s in charge of two Uma Musume: Wilm, the undefeated Triple Crown holder, and Bourbon, the highly anticipated rising star. If it were a girl who mainly ran in open races, I’m sure she could handle it comfortably—she’s doing well enough to make me think that, at least.

Uma Musume are, in part, a popularity-driven profession. And when you’re dealing with two girls who boast top-tier popularity even within their generation, requests and confirmations naturally pile up. The burden on their contracted trainer swells to dozens of times that of an average Uma Musume.

As a result, for Masa as she is now… honestly, even for me, handling those two without help would amount to an impossibly demanding workload.

Competitive as she is, Masa challenged that workload, kept pushing herself, and eventually collapsed.

"Masa’s a hard worker, despite how she looks, and she never boasts about her efforts. In her own way, she did her best—and hit her limit. Let her sleep peacefully for now."

"Understood."

Bourbon nodded, as if she had a good grasp of Masa’s personality by now. Really, I’m grateful for how understanding my trainees are.

I think this every time, but the two Uma Musume I’m in charge of are both incredibly level-headed. Bourbon is always calm and rational, while Wilm combines fiery passion with a cool head.

We’ve been saved countless times by their composure. If they had personalities more typical for their age, Masa and I would’ve been forced into extremely heavy mental management, and our workload would be even more brutal than it already is. …If that were the case, Masa might not be the only one who’d collapsed—I probably would have too.

"Alright then… let’s review tomorrow’s race."

The least I can do to repay them is to support their races as perfectly as possible. Now then—time to get back to work as a trainer.

Mihono Bourbon’s next race is the Asahi Hai Futurity Stakes.

The most distinctive feature of this race… is probably that both the straights and the corners are few in number, but long.

"Long straights, long corners, and a long final stretch. Near the finish line is the sharply changing incline of the Renkō slope. That’s the overview of the Hanshin Racecourse, turf outer track, 1600 meters. Because of the short distance and the outer course, it’s a relatively low-variation track. That should make it easier for you to maintain your pace. …Assuming you don’t get overexcited, that is."

"No problem."

As she said that, she placed a hand over her chest.

"Under your guidance, Master, and with the cooperation of Wilm-san and Souri-san, I have accumulated sufficient training. Based on current data, I estimate a high probability of maintaining stable, optimal running."

"Good. Then all that’s left is to keep your mind calm until tomorrow’s race."

"Yes."

It was the same in the app in my previous life, but Bourbon may look calm on the surface when, in truth, she’s quite impulsive. The reason she can come off as machine-like and devoid of humanity is really just a misunderstanding born of her temperament.

Watching her in this world, I’ve realized that once she sets her sights on a goal, she won’t hesitate over the means to reach it. More precisely… it’s like she doesn’t place any particular value on the means at all.

There’s only one goal: the Classic Triple Crown. That single point is something she will never yield on.

But conversely, she compromises on everything else. If it will make her faster, she accepts any kind of training. If it will make her stronger, she accepts any kind of experience. That’s why she can appear, at first glance, like a machine without a sense of self or emotion.

…But that one goal—the Triple Crown—is non-negotiable.

It’s the first dream she ever held, and a dream she shares with her father. And now, it’s a dream she carries together with me. On that one point alone, she will not bend.

She may seem flexible, almost as if she lacks an ego, but in reality she has firmly defined her ultimate objective within herself. In that sense, she’s not mechanical at all. She has her own will and acts on it—a perfectly ordinary Uma Musume.

…If I had to point out one thing.

It’s a little sad that what she demands is something she forces upon herself, rather than something she desires for her own sake.

Yes.

If I had to put it into words, Bourbon resembles the Wilm from back then.

She isn’t as extreme or curse-like as Wilm, but she, too, is “running because she has to.”

She isn’t running because she wants to run, nor because she genuinely enjoys racing itself. She has simply chosen racing as a means to achieve some self-imposed goal.

It isn’t as backward or self-denying as Wilm’s former mindset—where she once believed that “if I lose, I won’t be loved, and I’ll become worthless”… but still.

Making the Classic Triple Crown her sole objective gives her an unwavering axis, yes—but it also carries risks once that goal is either failed or achieved.

If I’m being honest… purely out of personal ego, I want Bourbon to enjoy running too.

That said, I don’t feel like demanding that of her at a level that would overstep my role as her trainer. At least, not right now.

That—more than anything—is the difference between Wilm and Bourbon in my mind…

……?

No, wait. I think I’ve been asking that of Wilm for a long time now… ever since right after we signed our contract.

I wanted her to enjoy running. I wanted her to be happy.

That was my basic guiding principle as Hoshino’s trainer… but even so, wasn’t I pushing that desire a little too hard?

"I…"

Back then, I armored myself in logic, convinced it was the right thing to do, believing that this was how it should be… but.

Had I already been letting my personal feelings seep into her training from that point onward?

I thought I had discarded my emotions and become a trainer.

And it’s true that I prioritized my duties over my own heart. Otherwise, I never would’ve considered entrusting Wilm’s training to someone else.

But… was that, perhaps, just personal emotion viewed from another angle?

Why?

Why do I keep letting my personal feelings interfere when it comes to Wilm…?

That’s probably because…

Because she was…

At that moment—

"Master?"

Bourbon’s voice snapped me back to reality.

Right. Now isn’t the time to be thinking about things like this.

Today is the day before the Asahi Hai. This is time to share strategy with Bourbon.

Introspection and self-analysis can wait. Right now, I need to do what I must as her trainer.

I close my eyes once, steady my mind, and exhale.

"…Sorry. My thoughts wandered. Let’s get back to the Asahi Hai.

Your primary rivals will likely be the same as before: Fruits Parfait and Machikane Tannhauser. These are the only two Uma Musume with a realistic chance of overtaking you.

There’s also Arcade Champ as a front-runner, but… I wouldn’t say she has specs that surpass yours. If you run as usual, she won’t be able to keep up with your pace and will fall back. You don’t need to worry about her."

Mihono Bourbon’s body responds very honestly to the loads placed upon it.

The more she runs, the more she grows—almost in a straight line.

And at a pace far faster than other Uma Musume.

She doesn’t have any special conditions like Wilm does, and her visible growth rates under “App Reincarnation” are nothing unusual—20% stamina, 10% power.

…Well, growth rates being positive at all is already a fairly rare talent, but putting that aside.

In short, for her, it isn’t an abnormal state or anything special—just a simple physical trait.

Like being tall or short, flexible or stiff, it’s something that probably doesn’t even appear in “App Reincarnation.”

As long as I manage her thoroughly to avoid accidents, her body will shape itself at an exceptional speed in response to the training load.

As a result, in just half a year under my care, her stats have risen to a level that’s almost unrecognizable from before.

So much so that, even among Uma Musume running in Junior-class G1 races, she stands a head above the rest.

"In the end, Mihono Bourbon’s fight is probably a fight against herself.

Whether you can fully control your fighting instinct—your tendency to overheat. That’s what this race will hinge on."

Hoshino Wilm had clear rivals in Tokai Teio and Nice Nature.

They were opponents she could never afford to underestimate. One had awakened her domain early, and the other was simply a bad matchup for Wilm.

So what about Mihono Bourbon?

At least at this stage, she doesn’t have a clearly defined rival.

…Though, to be fair, even Wilm didn’t really have one at the time of the Junior G1 Hopeful Stakes.

If I had to name anyone, it would be the same two I mentioned earlier.

Machikane Tannhauser—a named contender with frightening potential. And since she wasn’t implemented back when I played the app, I don’t know the details of her racing style.

But unlike Tokai Teio at the Derby, she hasn’t awakened her domain yet.

That much is clear from the fact that she doesn’t possess a unique skill in the “App Reincarnation” skill list.

Looking at her other skills and stats as well, it’s hard to say that Machikane Tannhauser currently has the raw power to surpass Mihono Bourbon.

In that sense, Fruits Parfait might actually be the more dangerous one.

She doesn’t have a domain either, but her overall stats are on par with Tannhauser’s—and unlike her, she’s been in excellent form lately.

Tomorrow, she’ll likely close in on Bourbon with even greater strength than Tannhauser.

…

But it doesn’t matter.

No matter how the race unfolds, as long as Bourbon runs steadily at a constant pace…

No one will be able to keep up with her.

"Tomorrow’s forecast is cloudy, but the track will probably be good. There won’t be a green belt either. When cornering, consciously keep diving toward the inside. Run the economical line, eliminate waste, and finish the race perfectly."

"Mission acknowledged. Mihono Bourbon will give it her all."

In the end, there isn’t really a strategy to speak of.

Just run like Mihono Bourbon.

Don’t be swayed by anyone. Run in the optimal way that’s true to yourself.

…Sorry if that sounds like a matter of spirit or guts, but this is the plan with the highest win probability right now.

---

After that, we tightened up the remaining details, went over a few backup plans, and wrapped up the strategy meeting.

I told her, "Go to bed at ten tonight and wake up at seven," and we parted ways.

One of Bourbon’s quietly impressive strengths is how machine-like her sense of time—and her sleep and waking cycles—are.

For reasons I don’t understand, she doesn’t even need a clock. She can measure time with precision not just down to the minute, but down to the second.

And once she decides, “I’ll sleep at this time and wake up at this time,” she follows that schedule with almost no deviation.

…As someone who sometimes fails even when trying to take a nap, I find that ability more than a little enviable.

She almost never fails when it comes to sleep.

On rare occasions, when her fighting instinct is stirred or anxiety grips her, she might struggle like someone her age—but in general, it’s safe to say she’s exceptionally reliable in that regard.

As I told her today, she should be getting proper sleep.

I want her to rest well and head into the race refreshed and full of spirit.

Some time after that, I received a message from Masa, who had been taking a nap.

“Sorry. I’m fine now. I’ll return to work starting tonight.”

…No. Generally speaking, work is something you do during the day. Unless you’re on night duty, you don’t exactly “return to work at night.”

She’s probably been buried in work for so long that her sense of normalcy has started to break down.

I think it’s admirable that she works so hard as a trainer, but it hurts to see my precious younger sister’s heart get worn down in the process.

It’s not like she’s under any obligation to work right now, and after how desperately she’s pushed herself these past weeks, there isn’t anything particularly urgent left.

I want Masa to take at least one full night and rest properly.

"Take today off and make sure you can watch tomorrow’s race in perfect condition."

"I’m fine. Don’t worry about me."

"I’m not worrying—I’m managing resources.

I still have some breathing room, and most of the work is already handled. In that case, it’s more efficient for you to rest properly and come back at full capacity."

After a few more exchanges, her replies stopped for a while…

"I’m going to sleep. Thank you."

When that message came in, I finally relaxed.

Masa’s really been busy lately—pushed right up against her limit. Even the insults she throws at me didn’t have their usual bite. I want her to rest properly and get back to full health. Not that I want her to curse me out, but still.

After all, if Bourbon wins tomorrow’s Asahi Hai Futurity Stakes, requests and confirmations will surge again, and things will get hectic all over…

After that, I got a message from Wilm as well.

"Training’s done! I’ll head straight back to the dorms today."

"Roger. Tomorrow’s the Asahi Hai, so I’ll come pick you up at the dorm in the morning."

"I’ll keep self-training light today."

"The fact that you didn’t say you’d stop entirely is very you. Don’t overdo it."

"Yes!"

Even on the day before her junior’s race, Wilm doesn’t seem shaken in the slightest.

Tonight, just like always, she’ll probably slip out through her dorm window and dash off into the night streets.

…To be honest, Wilm’s dorm breakouts have already been discovered by the dorm supervisor, Fujikiseki, and the issue has reached me.

That said, Fujikiseki’s stance is, “I’ll overlook it unless I catch her in the act.” And since I don’t intend to stop Wilm’s self-training either, I plan to ignore it unless something actually happens.

As an educator, I probably should stop her…

But as her acting guardian, when I think about everything she’s been through in her life, I want her to enjoy running as much as she wants.

Despite how she looks, she has a solid sense of judgment. And when I really need her to stop, she does. So when that’s not the case, I want her to do whatever she pleases.

That will surely lead to her happiness.

…Still, what is it with how much personal feeling I keep letting seep in when it comes to her?

Why am I like this with Hoshino Wilm…?

“…Well, whatever.”

I mutter to myself and stand up.

They only need to rest now.

But I still have a few things left that I need to take care of.

“First… shopping, I guess.”

With that quiet remark, I lock the trainer’s office and head outside.

---

December 7th.

With winter finally settling in, I put on my usual coat and head toward the nearby shopping street.

Disposable heat packs, towels my trainees will use—there are several things I need to buy. I’m running a bit late, but starting tomorrow I won’t have the time, so I need to get everything today.

“…Cold.”

I mutter and instinctively hunch my shoulders.

Evening has already passed, and night has fallen, dulling visibility.

The sun’s warmth has vanished without a trace, leaving biting cold in its wake.

The sky is clear of clouds—tomorrow will probably be even colder. Maybe I should prepare extra cold-weather gear and heat packs for all three of us.

Thinking that, I add a few notes to the mental memo in my head.

Just then—

“—Huh?”

My phone vibrates sharply in my pocket.

I pull it out to see an incoming call from Wilm.

Worried something might have happened, I immediately answer.

“Hello? Wilm, what’s wrong?”

“Trainer. Um, it’s not like I have a specific reason—I just felt like hearing your voice. …Is now a good time?”

The tension drains from my shoulders all at once.

…Thank goodness. I thought there might’ve been an accident.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s talk for a bit.”

“Thank you!”

“I’m heading to the shopping street right now, though… is about ten minutes okay? Just until I get to the stores.”

“Yes!”

From her slightly rough breathing, she’s probably jogging lightly while talking.

Honestly, she’s full of energy. I should take notes.

“So, where are you running today?”

“Along the riverside straight. It’s nice not having traffic lights here.”

“Don’t get carried away and push too hard.”

“Of course! …I wish Rice-chan could run with me too, though.”

“Rice Shower still has some issues with her legs. If she were to run with you… well, maybe next year.”

“Not being able to run even though you want to—that’s so sad. I’d be crying.”

“That’s probably just you.”

Chatting idly, I turn into a narrow side alley that serves as a shortcut.

There aren’t many streetlights for how close it is to the training center, but it’s the fastest way to the shopping street.

“Next spring’s going to be busy.”

“Really? I thought things might finally calm down a bit, since it’s been so hectic up to now.”

“What are you talking about? You promised we’d greet your parents.”

“…You remembered?”

“Of course I did. They’re your parents, after all.

And if you think you’ll be able to relax, you’re being naive.

Since this is competitive racing, we’ll want to visit the shrine for New Year’s. I also want to go watch the URA Finals. And you’re almost guaranteed to win the URA Award—probably even Uma Musume of the Year. Once that happens, the interviews will flood in. On top of that, you’ll still have regular training.”

“…Wait. Does that mean I’ll be even busier than now?”

“Absolutely. For top-tier Uma Musume, the New Year is a season of trials. Do your best.”

“Eek.”

Hearing her playful voice, I feel the corners of my mouth lift slightly.

Without any proof at all, I find myself convinced that happy days will continue—tomorrow, and into the future.

…

And yet, I should have known.

Fate doesn’t always take our side.

At that moment, the causes of “it” happening were numerous.

The alley was so narrow that two cars couldn’t pass each other.

After repeated days of work, I was in a state of mild fatigue.

I was on the phone with Wilm, my concentration scattered, one hand occupied.

The headlights of the oncoming car were blinding, and I reflexively raised a hand to shield my eyes.

…And above all else, someone came up behind me and shoved me.

As a result, I lost my footing and collapsed onto the roadway.

“Trainer?”

Wilm’s voice came through the phone, sounding strangely drawn out.

…This is bad.

I have to get up. I have to move. The headlights are close.

At this rate, I’ll be run over.

But I can’t stand up in time.

It’s like I’ve forgotten how to use my legs—they’re stiff, unresponsive.

I won’t make it.

Ah… I see.

So this is it. I’m dying again.

That’s how it was in my previous life, too.

Death comes suddenly.

No foreshadowing, no warning—by the time you realize it, it’s already too late.

…And yet.

Even in this life, I still have so many regrets.

Whether it was an accident or intentional, whoever pushed me will end up carrying that guilt.

My family, too… they’ll probably be devastated. My father, my mother, my brother—they’re all kind people. And Masa, certainly.

As for Bourbon, I couldn’t stay with her long enough to see her achieve the Triple Crown.

And then… most of all—

“Wilm…”

Leaving her… no.

Not being able to stay by her side until the very end.

That hurts more than anything.

“I’m sorry.”

The glare of the headlights rushes toward me.

…Damn it.

No. I don’t want this. I still haven’t—

I don’t want to die—