Chapter 72: From the Depths of Dim Despair

"...That is my brother’s past. One curse that has bound him.

If he had been wiser, he might have learned from it—accepted that ‘this is how the world works.’ Or if he had been more adept, he could have justified it to himself—told himself that ‘it wasn’t my fault.’ But my brother lacked both. He faced the fact head-on that someone he knew might have died because of him.

As a result, he took on a responsibility far too great for himself. A ridiculous way of living—believing that he must always keep moving, that he must save everyone—became etched into his very being."

Masa-san’s words stopped there, once…

"And that is my brother—the man named Horino Ayumu."

With those words, Masa-san’s story, which had continued for nearly thirty minutes, came to an end.

…When I heard it all, I wonder what kind of expression I had on my face.

An utterly unexpected past, from when Ayumu-san was still in elementary school.

It was nothing less than a tragedy.

A catastrophe born from the narrow world and limited perspective unique to children. Two people who met by chance, whose worlds intersected, yet who were unable to save one another.

On one side, an innocent boy who believed without doubt in a happy future, reaching out his hand to an unfortunate girl. On the other, a blameless girl who, at the very bottom of despair, had that hand taken—and came to know warmth and happiness.

Neither of them did anything wrong.

Of course, that depends on how one defines “wrong,” but ignorance is not a sin. Ayumu-san’s initial actions were born of pure goodwill. Even his final act of giving up merely exceeded the limits of responsibility a child could bear; in that sense, it was an inevitable outcome.

The girl, too, was simply someone who, amid misfortune, had her hand taken and came to know its warmth.

I… understand that feeling well. After all, I, too, was a child saved by the warmth of Ayumu-san’s hand while trapped in unhappiness. If I were to taste the cold of misfortune again after that, it’s easy to imagine myself reaching out for help. If placed in the same situation, I would have chosen the same actions.

…Neither of them was at fault. There was no malice—only the stubborn earnestness unique to children. Bad timing, bad luck, things not lining up, a harsh environment…

And as a result, the nameless girl likely met the end of her short life… and a wound so deep it would never fully close was carved into Ayumu-san.

When I learned all this… I could only stand there, stunned.

If this had been earlier—if I were still the person I was in that cold world—I might not have been able to grasp the weight of it. Back then, I had no interest in others. …No, even if I did, my means and ends were reversed; other people were not something I consciously acknowledged of my own accord. So perhaps I wouldn’t have been able to fully imagine the despair that boy experienced.

…But now, I understand.

What Ayumu-san faced was an experience far too heavy for a child to bear—heavy enough to become a curse, just like the one I carried before I met him.

Even now, Ayumu-san continues to be haunted by the echoes of that day. "If I had done something then, maybe she could have been saved." "If I had done everything I possibly could at that moment, maybe things would have turned out differently." Such imagined “ifs” keep scorching his heart, urging him onward—don’t stop, move, run faster.

And so…

That’s why Ayumu-san is the way he is…

I had always felt something was off.

No—perhaps the sense of wrongness was so strong that I ended up accepting it as normal.

The reason Ayumu-san always overworked himself. The reason he tried so hard for us… that was it.

Since that night, when the large white moon looked down upon us and Ayumu-san formed a contract with me, he has worked himself to the bone for my sake.

Without caring for his own body, he worked desperately—truly staking his life on it. He had no real hobbies, pouring everything he had into his work as a trainer… sometimes to the point where I feared he might actually die if this continued.

And he’s incredibly good at hiding his exhaustion. His usually expressionless demeanor makes it difficult to notice directly, and things like complexion or slightly enlarged pores can be concealed with a bit of light makeup. To catch it, you’d have to notice subtle shifts in conversational rhythm, slight irregularities in how he walks, or the faintest delays in his facial expressions.

Even then, those differences are so minor that it took someone like me—armed with memories and experience from a past life—and a year and a half of being with Ayumu-san to finally notice them.

That’s how he managed to keep it hidden, working himself to death day after day, out of sight.

And yet…

Looking back, why didn’t I think more deeply about it?

About why he would go to such lengths just because I was his assigned Umamusume.

…No—considering how he shares data with other trainers and helps his colleagues, it’s not just because someone is his charge.

Ayumu-san doesn’t choose whom he helps. Whether it’s me, his assigned Umamusume; his fellow trainers; or even trainers of rival Umamusume—he reaches out his hand without hesitation.

Of course, it’s not about profit. Helping a rival’s trainer brings no benefit—at best, it earns him a favor, and in a harsh world like this, that hardly counts for anything. If someone asks him for help, he answers them all. Whether there’s something to gain, or even if it only brings loss—it doesn’t matter to him.

Why does he go that far?

Why does he try so desperately to save others?

I had been turning my eyes away from that question all this time. At first, I convinced myself he was just a “perfect gentleman,” and as we spent more time together, I rationalized it as being because I was his Umamusume—or because it was me.

…If Masa-san’s words are correct, then perhaps there was some truth to the idea that he did it “for my sake.”

But that wasn’t all there was to it.

He was trying to save everyone—other Umamusume and humans alike.

Why does he want to save others so badly?

There was an unmistakable unknown there, and beyond it, a stagnant standstill where no progress was made.

I should have thought about it more—much more carefully.

It was about someone important… someone I love dearly.

Grinding my teeth in bitter self-reproach, I listened as—

"I wish for my brother to be saved—as his family, as his sister. And for that to happen… I’m sure your existence, your cooperation, is necessary."

Saying this, Masa-san bowed her head.

Deeply… far too deeply for someone to bow to an Umamusume more than a generation younger than herself.

"Please, Hoshino Wilm-san. Of course, I will give everything I have. I will use every means available and support you fully. Even so, I may not be able to reach my brother… but I will never give up. I will carry out my duties as a sub-trainer with full responsibility until the very end.

So please… keep your contract with my brother, and carve a victory at the Arima Kinen.

Please don’t let him think that because he wasn’t there, because he did nothing, you couldn’t win… that he failed to save someone again."

For Ayumu-san, his greatest fear is likely abandoning his work halfway and ending with someone left unsaved. That would be a direct reenactment of the catastrophe of his childhood.

If he were to witness that… the shock would probably be devastating. Just seeing a reality as distant as “a small Umamusume’s accident during a race” was enough to drive him to impulsive self-harm.

I don’t even want to imagine what would happen next.

And if, when Ayumu-san regains consciousness, I were to have lost the race… what would he think?

Self-punishing and self-deprecating as he is, he might think this: "It should have been a winnable race. Because I was in a coma, I ruined her talent—I killed it."

His clumsiness and blunt honesty are clear from Masa-san’s story alone. There’s no way he could shift the blame onto the person who ran him over that night, or escape with an excuse like “it was just an accident.”

He would face it—without a doubt. The fact that because of him, someone was not saved.

Fatal. A wound that could quite literally cost him his life.

And it could open once more.

Absolutely…

Absolutely, that cannot be allowed.

I was saved by him.

After being reborn from my past life, my relationship with my parents—and my family itself—collapsed because of me…

At the very end of that road was the cold, frigid curse my father placed upon me.

Something that was supposed to bind me forever—he was the one who freed me from it.

That running is fun.

That competing with others is exhilarating.

That so many people watch me, like me, love me.

And that closer than anyone else, he watches over me and guides me.

In a very roundabout way—but more certainly than anything else—he taught me all of that.

…No, that’s not quite right.

He let me grasp those truths with my own hands.

I can never thank him enough.

The reason Hoshino Wilm can live in this world in a healthy state, and still run today… is because of him.

So now, it’s my turn.

After being helped so much, it’s only right that I save him in return.

It’s frustrating… truly frustrating, but I don’t have the power to wake him up.

My reincarnation “cheat” is severely limited—specialized solely for running as an Umamusume.

I can’t reshape the world. I can’t flip the board. I can’t heal anyone. I can’t wake Ayumu-san… and I can’t even keep running without a trainer.

All I can do is run.

And win.

As Hoshino Wilm. As his assigned Umamusume—no, as Ayumu-san’s Umamusume.

I have to win the Arima Kinen.

Absolutely. Absolutely… I will win.

I have to win.

---

Even after several days had passed, Ayumu-san still hadn’t woken up.

That said, there were a few developments—things we learned.

First, regarding Ayumu-san’s accident.

Based on surveillance footage from the time and the car’s dashcam, the incident was deemed criminal in nature.

That doesn’t mean the driver intentionally ran him over.

There was someone who pushed Ayumu-san into the roadway.

I don’t know the details, but apparently it was a man in his forties.

A random attacker… I suppose that’s the term. It wasn’t that he was targeting trainers specifically—it was said to be an impulsive, unplanned, indiscriminate act.

As for how the case was handled, Ayumu-san’s father apparently came all the way to the central offices and took care of it.

I don’t know how it was resolved.

What happened to the man, who he was… I wasn’t interested.

Knowing any of that wouldn’t wake Ayumu-san up.

And I don’t have the mental space right now to waste on things that don’t matter.

Next, what I heard again through Masa-san—the doctor’s explanation.

The exact reason Ayumu-san hasn’t woken up isn’t clear. They say he could regain consciousness at any time.

But at the same time… that also means it wouldn’t be just as strange if he never woke up at all.

The brain is still largely unexplored even with modern medicine, and injuries or dysfunctions of it aren’t fully understood.

The state the trainer is in is precisely “one of those cases,” and with current medical technology, there’s no guaranteed way to save him… none.

Normally, a coma caused by a mild concussion lasts two to three hours.

If it continues beyond six hours, even if the person wakes up, there may be lasting aftereffects…

If three months pass… it’s considered a vegetative state.

And if six months pass like that…

In most cases… the patient dies.

No.

I don’t want that.

No, no, no—absolutely not. Never.

…But even so.

There’s nothing I can do.

I don’t have any means to bring Ayumu-san out of his coma.

At the very least, there’s only one thing I should be doing right now.

So that when he wakes up, he won’t think, “Hoshino Wilm lost because of me.”

Starting with the upcoming Arima Kinen, I need to win every race.

If anything, it’s a small blessing that the trainer planned ahead for the worst-case scenario and left us a full training schedule.

Right now, I can’t afford to think about anything else. I just need to follow it.

That’s the only way.

The only way I can help Ayumu-san.

…And yet.

Even during the daily training sessions led by Masa-san and Tazuna-san, who’s been helping us…

I can’t fully focus.

"Hah… hah… hah…"

I can’t get into it.

No matter how much I run, the refreshing sensation of the wind clearing my mind never comes.

Even when I use “anime reincarnation,” my thinking ability is noticeably dulled.

To put it simply—

Hoshino Wilm is in the worst condition she’s ever been in.

I run past Masa-san, who’s waiting near the finish line.

She stops the stopwatch she’s holding… and calls out to me.

"Hoshino Wilm-san, let’s take a break for now."

"…According to the schedule, we still have time left."

"That’s true. But your fatigue is clearly showing. We still have time before the Arima Kinen—let’s calm things down a bit and—"

"No. We have to proceed according to the schedule the trainer set."

The trainer will make me win.

He always has. And he always will.

So I have to follow his plan.

I can’t lose this race.

I must not lose.

For Ayumu-san’s sake—absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, I have to win.

If I don’t… then I…

"Hoshino Wilm-san…"

"…I’m going."

I understand that Masa-san is worried about me.

I understand that, as the one who told me about Ayumu-san’s past, she feels responsible.

Her trying to stop me isn’t born of malice—it’s pure concern.

But… I can’t stop.

If it’s for Ayumu-san’s sake.

If it means I can save him.

Hoshino Wilm will do anything.

That is the bare minimum repayment owed by someone who was saved by him.

So…

"…Hah!"

I start running.

To become faster. To become stronger.

More. More. More—I have to run more.

Those words alone race endlessly through my head…

And then—

…Yes. This moment is exactly what people mean when they say, “not watching your footing.”

"Eh?"

"Wha—!?"

My foot slips on the muddy ground, and I go down hard.

---

Thankfully, there was no serious injury to my legs.

At worst, I scraped my knee—and with an Umamusume’s body, even that was nothing major.

After disinfecting it in the infirmary and having a large bandage applied, today’s training was brought to an end.

…Masa-san told me, "I’m sorry. This was my failure in management. I’m glad it didn’t turn into a serious injury. You should rest for today, and tomorrow we’ll talk properly."

"…What am I supposed to do?"

Wiping my cheeks with a towel, I walk along the road toward the hospital.

I have to win races.

For the day Ayumu-san wakes up, Hoshino Wilm has to keep winning.

But to win, I need to run—a lot—and get faster.

And yet, the more I run, the more my legs seem to dull.

Running itself reminds me of racing… and of what lies beyond it—Ayumu-san.

And when I think about him… fear grips me.

The fear that he might never wake up shatters my thoughts into pieces.

If I want to keep running, I have to sever that conscious connection.

I need to be able to run without thinking about Ayumu-san—or else, on race day…

"…………What should I do?"

There’s no answer.

If there were, I would have acted on it long ago.

Right now, I have to win.

For Ayumu-san’s sake, I have to win.

I can’t lose. I’m not allowed to lose…!

"…Hoo."

No.

I need to calm down.

I can’t afford to panic. I don’t have the luxury of being shaken.

I have to face the Arima Kinen properly.

I just have to do it.

Win. Run. Become his strength.

Because I am… that man’s Umamusume.

---

Lost in those thoughts…

Before I realized it, I had arrived at my destination.

The general hospital near Tracen.

Quiet, clean, solemn… its almost pathological whiteness evoking images of death and cold.

Within its grounds, in a human ward separate from the one where I was once hospitalized—

Ayumu-san lies asleep.

Every day, once training ends, I spend the rest of visiting hours in his room.

I don’t know when he’ll wake up. Maybe it’ll be today.

And if—if that happens…

I want to be the first to say, "Welcome back."

…So far, I haven’t been able to fulfill that wish.

After knocking a few times, I open the door and step inside.

"Trainer, I’m here."

Saying that, I glance toward the bed.

…As expected.

Ayumu-san still hasn’t opened his eyes.

I should be prepared for this by now, and yet every single time, it feels like my knees are about to give out.

I tell myself, "Of course it’s the same today," but the faint hope I’d been holding onto somewhere inside is still crushed all the same. No matter how many times I go through it, I never get used to that feeling.

I sink down onto the chair beside the bed as if collapsing, and peer at Ayumu-san’s face.

His complexion is good. His injuries are healing, too.

His physical condition isn’t bad at all.

Honestly, it wouldn’t be strange if he woke up at any moment.

…And yet.

Ayumu-san won’t wake up.

"…………Ayumu-san."

The words slip out before I realize it, along with a small, shaky sigh.

"What am I supposed to do?"

I decided I’d become his strength.

I decided I’d stay calm, keep my composure, and follow the trainer’s plan exactly.

And yet I can’t focus at all—and today, I ruined my training time with a pointless mistake…

What am I even doing?

How did things end up like this?

"I have to win… for Ayumu-san’s sake."

My vision starts to blur, and I force strength back into my eyes.

…No.

Don’t break. Don’t lose. This isn’t a big deal at all.

There’s still time. The trainer will come back. I can win my races.

Everything will work out. In the end, everything will work out.

So… not yet.

Then—

"Excuse meee…"

A voice reaches my ears—slightly tense, but overwhelmingly bright… and somehow familiar.

I turn around without thinking, and there she is—

"Ah, Hoshino Wilm-chan? S-sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt…!"

There stood a single Umamusume, frantically waving her hands.

Rounded, semi-short dark bay hair with a white blaze running down the center, beautiful pale lavender eyes, and a purple ribbon tied to her right ear.

…Why?

Why is she here?

"Spe…cial… Week… san…?"

The protagonist of the anime I loved in my previous life—the first season.

Special Week was standing right there.